Chapter 19 – I'll Be There
The two ex-planeteers hadn't made it back to the office after the accident that day. By the time they were done at the hospital they had both been feeling wiped out, but Linka called Tom to let him know what had happened. Of course that meant that the following day they were inundated with questions, well wishes and admiration.
By lunchtime Wheeler's arm was feeling stiff and sore and he couldn't sit comfortably. After trying not to interfere for perhaps quarter of an hour, his partner asked to see him alone in the conference room.
"What's up?" he asked, unconsciously shifting his shoulder and arm to relieve some of the pain.
"I am going to re-dress your wound," she told him, holding up the small medical kit she had brought from home. "Have you taken a pain killer?"
The American grimaced, he hadn't realised how obvious he was being. "This morning, and you don't have to do it, I can manage."
Linka rolled her eyes, "Do not talk nonsense Jason, of course I am going to help you. Take your shirt off."
"You know I've imagined you saying that in here," He grinned and lifted an eyebrow suggestively "But the circumstances were a bit different."
His friend blushed but she was laughing, "Yankee!"
"Ok fine." He watched her as he slowly undid the buttons on his shirt and shrugged it off, in what she assumed was supposed to be an alluring manner, but it was somewhat spoiled by the evident pain he felt in the movement.
Linka's expression was somewhere between sympathy and amusement., but he couldn't help but note that she was regarding his bare chest appreciatively as well, and he casually turned away before his body's reaction became too obvious. "So er, where do you want me?"
The Russian's sudden laugh let him know that her mind was going in the same direction as his, but as he turned back to her she was pulling out a couple of chairs from around the conference table. "Sit here."
He did as she instructed and she sat beside him, gently unwrapping his bandaged arm, her face pinched with sympathetic pain as she surveyed the damage. "It is very red, but I do not think it is infected… this is going to hurt though."
"I can take it." He joked as he watched her disinfect her hands with some gel from the pack and retrieve the cream the hospital had given them. Her touch was gentle and caring, and though it still hurt, Wheeler found himself studying her face as she worked. Linka's lovely features were filled with sorrow and it made his heart ache. "Hey, don't look so tragic, I'm okay you know, I've had worse."
"Da I know," She replied without looking up, "But I still do not like seeing you in pain."
He was silent for a moment and then tugged on her arm, "Come here."
"Where?" Linka looked up, confused.
Wheeler rolled his eyes and gently pulled her up and then down again into his lap, "Here. I want to give you a hug and I can't do it with that arm." So saying, he wrapped his good arm around her waist and pulled her against him.
The Russian made a half-hearted protest about needing to recover his injury and then turned to cuddle into him, resting her head on his shoulder.
"I'm okay." He repeated, kissing her forehead. "And it wasn't your fault."
She hesitated very briefly but he noticed. "I did not say that it was."
"I know how your mind works Babe," Wheeler grinned down at her. "I saved you, most people would just say thank you, but you beat yourself up with guilt over needing to be saved in the first place."
"Thank you." She said wryly. "But I would prefer that you had just stayed safe."
The American smiled back and gave her a half shrug. They both knew it wasn't in him to stay out of trouble, especially when someone needed help. Linka would have returned to her seat then, but he held her in place, telling her to finish wrapping him up where she was, and seeing that he intended to be difficult about it, (and not really wanting him to let go anyway,) she complied.
"I miss this." Wheeler said out of the blue.
"Being injured?" She asked, "Or do you mean my nursing skills?"
He chuckled, "I definitely miss having you fuss over me… but I meant the contact. Just being able to hold you when I want." He shook his head, his mood turning sombre. "It ended too soon. I mean I know it wouldn't have worked out in the end, but we were happy weren't we?" Unable to reply because of the lump in her throat, Linka nodded. "I keep wishing I'd never found out."
Again Linka nodded but then she forced herself to speak, "I would have told you. I have never liked deceiving you in any way and the guilt was already getting to me, but it all got out of hand. I was so frightened of losing you I could not tell you, and then I lost you anyway because of all the things I had not told you."
Wheeler's heart was beating hard inside his chest. The longer he spent with her, the harder it was to not believe that her feelings for him had only ever been the lukewarm emotions of a friend and he was on the verge of asking her when the door to the conference room opened and Karen entered.
Linka jumped and finished tying off the bandage she had continued to wrap around his arm, saying brightly, "There, all done. Do you need help with your shirt?"
"No I'm fine." He swallowed, and let her greet their colleague while he got dressed again.
Perhaps it's for the best. He thought, though even in his head, he didn't sound convinced.
"Ok, out with it." Karen had waited just long enough for the waitress to be out of earshot after she brought their drinks over, before turning on Linka.
The Russian blinked, "I am sorry?"
"She wants to know what is going on with you and Jason." Olga told her. "And so do I."
"I do not know what you mean." Linka sipped her drink and tried to keep her face neutral. When they had suggested the three of them go out for lunch she had assumed it was just to get away from the office for a while, she had never dreamt that they had an agenda, but she was already wishing that she'd insisted on inviting the guys.
The older English woman sighed. "I think you do Hon, I walked in on you sitting in his lap, remember."
Linka couldn't help blushing but she shook her head, "I was changing his bandage."
"On his lap." Olga said, her voice flat though her expression told her friend very clearly what she thought of that idea.
Unable to think of a response, the ex-Planeteer shrugged and sipped her drink.
Karen's eyes were full of genuine concern as she spoke, "Linka, Jason is a wonderful boss and a great friend, but he is not a good boyfriend. I've seen it all before and I can understand why you would fall for him – and if I didn't before I would have anyway after seeing him without his shirt this morning – but relationships with guys like him are doomed to failure."
Linka rolled her eyes but said nothing so Olga stepped in. "You told us you were in love da? Heartbroken over some guy you met years ago?" For a moment the beautiful blond thought they'd guessed her secret but her colleague's next words dispelled that fear and she was able to relax a little once more. "Well Jason is not the guy to help you get over him Linka, he only understands short term flings."
"He is not like that really." She began, but then realised how that must sound, and tried to change tack, "Look, Jason is a better person than you know, but that does not really matter because there is nothing going on between us. Ok, I admit we were flirting a little while I saw to his arm but neither of us have any intention of taking it anywhere." She looked into their faces and sighed, "Honestly."
"It's not that we don't think you deserve a little fun." Karen told her, "And from all accounts, if anyone could take your mind off your ex, it's him." Linka's fingers involuntarily bunched into fists under the table, she didn't need any accounts of him to know what he was capable of and she definitely didn't want to hear them. "But you don't strike me as the sort that would be happy with something casual."
Linka nodded, "That is true, but you are completely misreading the situation."
Olga looked at her shrewdly, "Are you sure? Because he could barely stand to be in the same room with you last year and now you cannot stop smiling at each other, it is disturbing."
Going from bright red to very pale, Linka concentrated on keeping her voice steady, "But that is the point, we are trying to build a friendship and quite frankly it is a relief to not be lumberheads all the time."
"Loggerheads." Karen put in, and took up the thread, "We're only saying this because we're worried about you. I saw the way you were looking at him, I think the strength of your feelings for him might just take you by surprise one day."
Linka laughed, "Oh I promise you that will not be a problem, I have no illusions where Jason is concerned." If only he could look at me and see in me what you did! She thought ironically. "I am not denying that he is an attractive man, but having once loved and been loved in return, I could not settle for anything less." And it would be less, she told herself, as long as he wasn't able to believe in her feelings he would never truly be able to commit his own again.
Her sincerity seemed to satisfy her two friends and they began to talk of other things. She joined in with their chatter, her face a perfect mask for her true emotions, but her lunch seemed to have very little flavour and she was glad when they were ready to return to the office.
"About time you three got back." Wheeler teased them as they entered, and indicated the young man he'd been conversing with. "Our new team member just arrived, Jack this is Olga, Karen and my partner Linka."
Linka felt a blush begin to rise up her neck at the way Wheeler had managed to make partner sound so personal and after the grilling she'd received at lunch she felt compelled to clarify the situation. "He means Co-Project Manager. Pleased to meet you, Jack."
She sounded normal enough but Wheeler detected the hint of frost in her tone and was confused as to what put it there, they had been getting along fine before she went out, or so he'd thought.
"A pleasure to meet you too," Jack responded admiringly, then belatedly thinking to include the other two ladies added, "All of you. I'm sure I'm going to like it here."
Fortunately Wheeler was too pre-occupied with wondering what was bothering Linka to notice.
"You are up early!" Linka exclaimed with evident surprise as the American joined her in their kitchen. "You are not going into work are you? It is Saturday."
"Oh, are you talking to me again?" He asked sullenly, "No I'm not going into the office, football practice starts again today."
His friend was caught between confusion and alarm, "You cannot go and play football with your shoulder injury! And what do you mean, I am talking to you, when have I not been talking to you?"
He sighed and poured himself a bowl of cereal, "It's soccer Linka, not football football, I'll be fine."
"You can still hurt yourself, in fact you are more likely to hurt yourself without all the padding!" she argued hotly, "And you did not answer my question, what do you mean I have not been talking to you?"
Wheeler all but threw his bowl on the table, spilling some of its contents in the process. "Seriously? You're gonna play dumb? Or are you just being pedantic? You haven't been refusing to speak to me but you're not talking to me either, it's been like living with an iceberg these last few days."
Linka bit her bottom lip nervously, embarrassed that Wheeler had noticed her mood. "I did not mean to take it out on you Yankee, I am sorry."
"Are you pissed with me for getting you to sit on my lap, is that it?" he asked, already calming down as he saw her reaction. "I know you were embarrassed when Karen came in…"
"Nyet… it is not that, at least…" she shook her head. "I am not annoyed with you, you did not do anything wrong. Karen and Olga... expressed some concern about my getting involved with you, given your reputation." She looked up into his eyes, her own expression sorrowful, "I could not defend you without telling them of our past and I could not do that. I was not intentionally shutting you out, I was just trying not to be so obvious about how close our friendship is."
Wheeler closed his eyes for a moment, "Why didn't you tell me?"
The lovely Russian shrugged but said, "I find our relationship hard to define, I am happier not trying, with them or with you. And I also did not want you to second guess yourself, I thought I could deal with it myself, though I suppose that has back-fired."
"We've come further than that Babe," He smiled at her, letting her know he wasn't angry any more, now that he knew what was going on in her head. "Have a little faith."
She smiled back, relaxing in the warmth of his regard, "Have we come far enough that I can convince you to stay home instead of injuring your shoulder further?"
Wheeler grinned at her cheek, "I'll call the guys at the gym and let them know I won't make it this week." He stood up and headed for the telephone but called back over his shoulder, "I hope you've got something planned to keep me entertained instead though, or you're going to find yourself with a difficult patient on your hands."
"You think I will notice the difference?" Linka returned, but she was already mentally reviewing the films they had in the flat and anticipating a day spent curled up at his side. She justified it to herself with the thought that he needed to rest his arm and being in contact with her seemed to be the only thing that made him stop fidgeting and relax.