A/N: Thank you for the reviews, I hope this lives up to your expectations!

Chapter 20 – Make Or Break Me

Wheeler sat staring at the television screen without knowing what was playing, mostly because it was better than staring at the clock.

Linka and Jack had gone to inspect a new site first thing that morning and although it was some distance outside London, he'd expected them back around 7pm. It was now 10pm and it hadn't helped at all that the Russian had called to say that they were running late and would stop for dinner on the road, in fact from Wheeler's perspective, it made it worse.

Their new colleague had made no secret of the fact that he admired Linka and although the American couldn't tell whether she returned that interest, she didn't seem to be making any effort to discourage it.

Of course, knowing that he had no say in the matter just turned his misery into a black rage, so when Linka did finally get home - at quarter to eleven - he wasn't in a mood to be reasonable.

"Good date?" He sounded like he had when she'd first arrived in England and it made her stomach turn over. "It can't have been that good if you made it home before dawn."

Annoyed, Linka finished taking off her coat and came to stand in front of him with her hands on her hips. "You know very well it was not a date, what is this about?"

"It doesn't take hours to grab a bite to eat." He was clearly forcing himself not to shout and Linka found herself getting angrier by the second. "Besides, the guy has been flirting with you since he walked in the door. Trust me, it was a date."

Linka was tired. It had been a very long day, and all she had eaten was a couple of small sandwiches lunchtime and a hastily consumed burger and fries on the way back. The rest of the time had been spent discussing their assignment while inching down the motorway in a four mile tailback while wondering if it would actually be quicker to walk. When his current accusations were added to all she had put up with in the name of guilt it was suddenly too much and something snapped.

"So what if it was a date? What does it have to do with you?" Her voice had risen as she spoke until she was yelling at him. "I am not the one who has spent the last four years having sex with anyone who will accommodate them. I am not the one who decided that love is nothing but a lie. I am not the one who walked out on our relationship in the first place, whatever mistakes I made, and I am not the one keeping us apart now! You have decided that I do not meet your standards, so what right do you have to take issue with anything I do?"

"None." The American admitted, his voice like cold steel. "But this is my apartment and if you're going to date you can get your own place, you're not bringing him back here."

Linka met his eyes defiantly but dropped her voice to a more normal level. "Maybe I should do that anyway."

"Fine." Wheeler got up and headed towards the front door, picking his keys up on the way, and slamming it behind him.

For several moments Linka didn't move, but finally, with a forced calm, she went to retrieve her laptop and sat with it in the place so lately vacated by Wheeler. She was shaking badly as she searched for an estate agents website and no matter how many times she tried to read the adverts her mind could not focus on the words to take them in. After a few frustrating minutes the lovely Russian gave up and went to her room to pack.

I can go to a hotel for tonight, it is better if I am not here when he returns…

Linka carried her bags to the telephone table. She wasn't sure she'd found everything but she didn't really care, she just needed to be gone. Sometime during her packing the broken hearted woman had realised that there was no point in looking for a flat, she had only stayed to be with Wheeler, she just wished that Russia was farther away because she had a strong desire not to be around people for a while, especially ones who knew her.

But where else would I go? Perhaps I should ask Gaia if I could return to Hope Island, at least I would not have to pretend anymore, there would be no one to pretend for, at least I do not think the others can still be there now… It does not matter, how can I ask Gaia for a favour after all the trouble I have caused?

She reached out towards the telephone receiver intending to call a taxi to take her to the airport, but hesitated as she remembered a promise she had made to herself. Squatting down beside her luggage, Linka retrieved the soft tiger Wheeler had given her so long ago and stood to enter his bedroom. She gave little Jason a gentle kiss on his nose and placed him on the double bed, her eyes filling with tears and her heart aching as if it was more than a toy being left behind.

Turning her back to him, Linka moved towards the door to make the call that she knew would take her away from both Jason's, forever.

Given the time at which he stormed out of his flat, it was perhaps fortunate for Wheeler he was living in London and not New York, though the English Capital definitely had its rougher areas too. The cold night air eventually soothed him and he found himself going over and over their fight, until he realised he was desperately trying to find evidence that she had feelings for him.

By the time the handsome American had come to the conclusion that he'd been incredibly unreasonable, he was some distance from his home and as he turned to go back the way he came, a dreadful thought occurred. What if she took me at my word? She knows what I'm like when I'm jealous but… oh god, what have I done? He broke into a run, not stopping until he reached his front door and then knew a moment's paralysis as he contemplated what he might find.

Finally gathering his courage to face the mess he'd made, Wheeler put his key in the lock and entered. The first thing he saw was her bags, neatly packed, sitting by the telephone. Assuming she was in her bedroom, he rushed forward, but then saw the door to his own was open and as he paused and looked in, their eyes met.

"You're not really going are you?" The red-head blurted out, his eyes straying past her into the room and widening when he saw what she'd left there.

She watched him stare at the small tiger with stunned horror as he took in the significance of the gesture, but said softly. "I should never have stayed."

That immediately brought his attention back to her and he moved into the room, blocking her path and laying gentle hands on her upper arms to keep her there. "Yes you should. Babe we've both made mistakes, let's not make any more. Tonight was totally my fault and I'm sorry, really sorry. I don't want you to go and I should never have let you think I do… even if you're ready to move on with someone else."

For a moment Linka looked as if she might hit him, but then sighed in defeat, sure that he would never listen to her anyway. Instead she said, "I am going back to Russia, perhaps that will convince you that I do not have any feelings for Jack, but even if it does not, it is for the best. For both of us."

"I don't believe that!" He insisted, gripping her a little tighter. "Linka let's talk about this, I was jealous and I over-reacted, but you can't let one stupid argument destroy what we've built here together."

She looked up into his eyes, "I am tired Yankee, I cannot do this anymore. You might not believe that I have feelings but I do and I do not have the energy to keep hiding them. I cannot fight with you every time you think someone likes me and I cannot constantly worry about what I say just in case you turn on me for lying."

"I haven't done that!" he interrupted and she shook her head.

"You labelled me a liar for the things I did not tell you, you would not let me explain why I did what I did in case it sounded like a lie and you told me that you could never believe me again, no matter what I said." She shrugged hopelessly, "Some things hurt worse than others Jason. There have been so many times since I came here that I have held my tongue for fear of hearing you call it a lie, sure that if I unwittingly crossed the line you set it would break things irrevocably between us, either because it made you hate me or because I could not stand it."

He looked ashamed and hung his head for a moment before recapturing her eyes with his own. "I'm sorry. I know that's not enough but I don't know what else to say to make it up to you."

"You do not need to make it up to me," She said, her voice no more than a whisper and her eyes blurred with tears, "You just need to let me go before one of us says something we cannot take back."

Wheeler swallowed, "I've already made that mistake Linka, walking away won't fix anything. I'm the one that was lying, when I said I didn't believe in us, in you. I was too angry to listen, and too scared of what the answer would be, I always knew I wasn't good enough for you…"

"That is nonsense!" she exclaimed.

"But it's how I felt, how a part of me will probably always feel. I wanted to be with you so badly, and then when I heard that guy on the other end of the phone it just suddenly seemed like I had to be the stupidest guy in the world to believe it was real. I couldn't deal with it." He reached up one hand to gently brush away the tears that were escaping down her face. "No one cares what we do outside work anymore, except us... so I'm asking, I want to know the truth? I swear I'll believe anything you tell me, whatever you tell me. You still mean everything to me Linka, and you always will, but if you go..."

Wheeler's throat closed up, he couldn't say any more. He didn't know what he'd do if she chose to leave, or even if she said it was too late for them. He'd gone through so many emotions since that fateful day four years ago but he'd never been able to entirely give up on the tiny spark of hope she'd left him, and the prospect of going on without it was bleak.

I guess I could ask Gaia if I can go home… at least I wouldn't have to pretend anymore.

The silence that followed seemed endless to Wheeler, who knew that the next words out of Linka's mouth would decide their future. He willed her to say something, anything, just to end the suspense…