Twirlygigs and Gizzards: The Unlikey Continuation of an Unlikely Romance
Chapter 6: The Logical Answer?
A/N: Sorry for the delay, and thanks for the reviews!
"Hinata, I'm really sorry about this whole mess with Sakura and that sand kid," Naruto apologized. "I know it's been screwing with our dates and all,"
"No, I don't mind," Hinata whispered timidly. "I want to see Sakura and Lee-kun together, too... and she's you and Sasuke's teammate, you're worried about her..."
"Hey," Naruto whispered back, cupping her chin in his hand and turning her to face him. "I'd like to know what's up with Sakura, it's true, but I'd much rather be here with my Hinata-chan." He wrapped his free arm around her shoulders and kissed her.
They were in The Tango Moca, which was empty except for Shino, who was in the kitchen giving the couple some privacy and washing up dishes. The café had become the stalker group's base camp, but currently most of them were at Sasuke's, watching the Sand Sib residence for unusual activity. So far the mysterious trio had moved in, bought some furniture, and... that was about it.
Her mild jealousy of Sakura, revived from the days when she sat behind Naruto and watched him doodle "Naruto and Sakura" hearts on his desk in school (ironically, while she was doodling "Naruto and Hinata" hearts on her notebook), died back down with this little reassurance. She returned the kiss, drawing him closer as the door slammed open.
"Naruto! Shino, Hinata," Sasuke called out as he and Lee walked in, "hurry up, they're on the move!"
"What's that now?" Naruto asked cluelessly, not taking his arms off Hinata, as if hoping that his friends would leave soon and they could go back to what they were doing.
"Gaara's left the house," Lee explained excitedly. "Shikamaru is following him right now, but we have to hurry, or we'll lose him. Where's Shino?"
"I'm right here," Shino said, coming from the kitchen, wiping soapy hands off on his gray jacket. "Shall we go? We have no time to waste."
As luck would have it, before Naruto and Hinata even managed to process what was going on, let alone disentangle themselves, the door swung open once more, and Kiba rushed in, looking around outside as if he was being followed before pulling it shut. He spotted Hinata and Naruto together on the couch and pushed their heads down so they were no longer visible from the window.
"What is wrong with you two? Do you want to be seen?" he hissed, trying not to move his lips and peering out the window at random intervals.
"Kiba-kun, what's," Hinata started, but Akamaru cut her off with a short bark from her teammate's coat.
"You and Naruto have to hide," Kiba said in an undertone. "because..."
"Hey, I don't mean to be rude," Sasuke said, knowing full well that he was being completely rude and didn't care. "But we're going to lose Shikamaru."
"Kiba can come, too," Lee suggested. "As long as we're moving."
Kiba jumped, noticing the green-clad boy for the first time. "You told Rock Lee?" he hissed at Hinata. "What on earth is wrong with you? Don't you know who's team he's on? And you, Shino! Letting her! Why don't you just send out postcards that say "Hinata now dating Uzumaki Naruto, please act accordingly"?"
"Kiba, relax, he's on our side," Shino said with a shrug. "And he doesn't even care, he's busy thinking about-,"
"Doesn't care! On OUR side? Shino, you dope, I just got back from-,"
The back door slammed, and Shikamaru came running in from the kitchen, breathless. "They're... coming... this way," he panted.
"They?" Sasuke said, going ashen. "As in, Gaara and,"
Shikamaru nodded.
"Hide, quick!" Shino suggested. "We can't be seen!"
The kids scrambled frantically about, looking for hiding places in The Tango Moca. Hinata, Naruto, and Kiba crammed themselves into a tall, empty cupboard that sat behind counter and was only there for appearances. Shino and Shikamaru slipped behind the kitchen door. Lee and Sasuke stood in the middle of the room, feeling clueless, until Sasuke noticed a large potted plant in a huge tribal vase and ducked behind it, pulling Lee with him.
Not a second after Lee yanked his yellow legwarmer out of sight, the door opened once more, and Sakura and Gaara strolled in with their arms around one another's' waist.
"That can't be," Kiba whispered. Naruto wiggled his elbow to communicate the concept of "Shut up, Kiba" in the cramped space.
Sakura leaned over the counter, staring into the kitchen, which of course appeared empty, as Shino and Shikamaru were carefully concealed behind the door.
"Hello?" she called, receiving no response sans a faint rustling, like somebody stuck in an uncomfortable hiding place. She didn't pick up on this.
"Maybe they're on lunch break," Gaara suggested.
"And they're eating out?" Sakura asked. "Odd thing for a restaurant owner to do... maybe the food isn't all that great. I always wonder about health food tofu burger type places, anyway."
Shino tried to start forward, but Shikamaru held him back, whispering, "it's ok, take it easy, the food's good."
Gaara shrugged. "We just came here for a place to sit down... and since there's no one else here, what's to stop us?"
Sakura grinned. "We don't really need coffee to talk, now, do we?" she asked playfully.
The closet, kitchen door, and potted plant all gave off the distinct impression of listening closely. Just talk, they seemed to be thinking. Talk about why you've been hanging around together. Just a hint, that's all we ask... just talk a little...
Sakura rested her head on Gaara's shoulder.
"What's she doing?" gasped Naruto quietly. Kiba kicked at him to communicate the concept, "shut up, Naruto."
It soon became clear what she was doing as the audience watched her hands travel in opposite directions; one up along Gaara's chest, the other under the gourd and around his waist.
Even Shikamaru, who had anticipated something like this, was watching with bated breath.
Gaara turned so they (i.e. him and Sakura, not him and Shikamaru) were face to face, their bodies pressing against each other, and kissed her.
The closet door swung partly open, then quickly swung back shut. Sakura and Gaara didn't notice, being busy making out.
"Promise me something," Sakura whispered after a minute.
"Anything, Sakura."
"That you'll never get sick again," she said, leaning closer until their lips brushed. "I miss kissing you too much."
"I promise, then. As long as you're there to kiss me, I'll never get sick."
Outside, a group of rather loud kids stopped in front of the door, discussed going in, but decided to find somewhere cheaper. Sakura and Gaara, paused listening to the exchange, looked at each other.
"Let's find somewhere a little more private," she suggested, and, still pecking each other on the cheek occasionally as they walked, the couple exited.
The cupboard door gave way and spilled out Naruto, Hinata, and Kiba in a pile. Shino and Shikamaru emerged from behind the door, both shaking a little, and Sasuke inched out from behind the plant.
"Lee?" Naruto called out. "Are you ok, man?"
Very slowly, Lee scuttled into view, looking like his grandmother had just been murdered by circus clowns. "I... I need coffee," he said finally, collapsing.
Shino managed to steady his hands enough to prepare a shot of espresso while the others worked on regaining Lee's consciousness. "Here, drink," he commanded gently, tipping the little recycled paper cup to his friend's lips. "You've had a bad shock, caffeine will help."
"I can't believe it," Kiba said. "I just can't... Sakura's such a babe! Why is she...? I mean, Gaara! Surely she can do better."
Akamaru whimpered in concurrence and snuggled deeper into his master's jacket.
"That scene would have been so sweet," Hinata said. "If it wasn't so... creepy."
"Yeah," Shikamaru agreed quietly. He was whiter than milk, and visibly shaken. Sure, he had figured that Sakura and Gaara were dating, but actually seeing them together, together-together, it did something to him. He hadn't been prepared for the reality. "Really creepy."
"I don't understand," Lee moaned, having been revived by the espresso. "Not Gaara. It's impossible."
"Yeah, really," Naruto said. "Talk about an anti-social kid. I mean, I've talked to him, he's off his rocker. Right, Shikamaru?"
"Completely unhinged," Shikamaru agreed. "Not the kind of guy who goes to coffee shops with Haruno Sakura."
"How did this happen?" Lee asked hopelessly. "Why is it happening? There must be something we're missing. Sakura-chan and Gaara of the Desert didn't just hook up one day and decide to start dating. It defies logic!"
"It does," the others agreed.
"Ino, say what you will, Aru's Market still makes the best hotdogs in town," Chouji said, holding up his hotdog reverently.
"No doubt, no doubt," Ino agreed. The duo, since they couldn't find Shikamaru, were lying around the backyard, enjoying one of those lazy summer afternoons that youth is meant for. They had just bought some lunch, and were munching on it as they stared into the fence that separated Team Asuma's property from that of their backyard neighbors.
"Y'know," Ino said, tossing a stone over the fence idly, "the people who own that house have been trying to get rid of it for years... I've always wondered if that had something to do with Sensei living behind them."
"It is a nice house," Chouji nodded, following Ino's example and tossing a rock over. It made a splashing sound on the other side. "Sounds like they got a pool."
"Hey! Who threw that?" yelled a voice from over the fence. Ino and Chouji gulped as little black kitty ears, followed by the unmistakably painted face of Kankuro the Sand Kid, poked up over the fence.
Ino and Chouji looked at each other.
"What are you doing in the Takatoris' backyard?" Ino asked, by way of changing the subject.
"I... live here?" Kankuro replied, feeling as he did so that the new backyard-neighbors may not be the brightest.
"Well, howdy, neighbor!" Ino grinned cheerfully. "Welcome to Konoha! I'm Ino, this is Chouji... and you're Kankuro, right?" Without giving him a chance to answer, she pressed on slyly, "I think you know one of my friends, Haruno Sakura."
"Yeah, I know her," Kankuro managed to affirm before being interrupted by Chouji.
"Yeah, aren't you dating her or something?"
Ino barely managed to stop herself from hitting him. Didn't this idiot know how to conduct an investigation?
"Don't pay any attention to him, Kankuro-kun—,"
Now, listen carefully to what is about to occur.
Kankuro, hearing Chouji's question, went about correcting them. "You mean Gaara."
Ino, thinking he was replying to her statement, thought she had gotten his name wrong, and he was correcting her. "I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, "I got you mixed up with your brother!"
"No biggie," Kankuro laughed, thinking she had realized that it was Gaara, not he, going out with Sakura (even though Ino had realized no such thing). "But I have to tell you, no one's ever done that before. We're not really much alike."
Ino shook her head. "No, I know, I just got a little confused. You know, we saw your brother talking to Sakura the other day. I was kind of worried for her."
"You were not," Chouji started to say, but Ino elbowed him viciously in the stomach.
"Yeah, he can be a creepy kid," shrugged Kankuro, "but Gaara really likes her, so,"
Ino giggled in what she hoped was a nice way. "Does Gaara always refer to himself in third person?" she asked.
Kankuro thought this was something of a non sequitur, but at least it was an accurate one. "When the mood strikes him."
Ino smiled. "Cute."
"I guess."
"I bet Sakura thinks it's cute. She's a weirdo."
"You have to be to date anyone from my family."
"Not giving yourself much credit, Gaara."
"Kankuro," Kankuro corrected.
"... I thought you were Gaara."
"No, I'm Kankuro, Gaara's my brother."
"So, you're Kankuro."
"Yes."
"I thought you said you were Gaara."
"No, I'm Kankuro."
Ino pondered this. "You said Gaara likes Sakura..."
"He does."
"So, you're Gaara?"
"No, I'm Kankuro."
"And you're dating Sakura,"
"You're thinking of Gaara."
"But, aren't you Gaara?"
"No, I'm Kankuro."
"But you just said,"
"Wait," Chouji yelled. "I'm confused!"
"Me too!" Ino and Kankuro yelled.
Ino took a deep breath. "Your name's Kankuro, and you're dating Sakura."
Kankuro shook his head.
"You're Gaara," Ino tried again.
Kankuro shook his head. "No, I—,"
From behind the fence, a screen door closed. "Kankuro? Gaara?" Temari yelled. "Either of you want to come help me move this furniture?"
"Just a second, Temari!" Kankuro yelled over his shoulder. "Hey, I'll see you guys around, ok?" And he disappeared over the wall, leaving Ino and Chouji no closer to the truth.
"I think I understand," Lee whispered. The others turned to him nervously. He was looking a little feverish... maybe the coffee hadn't been the best idea.
"You've figured it out?" Sasuke asked.
"Yes. He's after me."
The group blinked. "Gaara?"
"Yes! Don't you see? He's been eerily obsessed with me ever since the Chunin preliminaries, and since killing me outright backfired on him, he's systematically destroying my life, starting by stealing the woman I love."
"Oh, come on," Kiba said in a heartening voice, although you could tell he was shook up. "He's not that insane..."
"Actually..." Shikamaru gulped. "Well, he's not normal,"
"And Lee hasn't exactly made his admiration of Sakura a secret," Sasuke added.
"Yeah, but, man, that's cold," Kiba said. "Lee hasn't done anything to him to deserve this."
"He almost beat him," Shikamaru said.
"But he didn't," Naruto said. "He lost, and bad."
"Not that bad," Lee said quietly.
"Yeah," Sasuke said, "Gaara completely kicked his ass to Kingdom Come. You'd think publically humiliating the guy would be enough,"
"Hey now," Lee tried to interrupt.
"But now that he's got Sakura, what's he going to do with her?" Shino asked. "She's a high-maintenance girl, and he's not a high-maintaining guy."
"She doesn't realize he's after Lee," Hinata whispered. "She thinks it's real..."
"She must be pretty desperate," Kiba said. "I mean, Gaara."
"She likes him, Kiba," Hinata said, blushing for no particular reason, "If he breaks up with her... especially if he's cruel about it,"
"The bastard wouldn't dare!" Lee gasped, sitting up. "He couldn't harm such a beautiful flower! Surely even he can see how precious she is! How can you not?"
Naruto raised an eyebrow at Sasuke. "I don't know. Maybe the Uchiha can tell us."
"I like Sakura just fine!" Sasuke objected. "I want her to be happy as much as anyone here. That's why I've been helping set her up with Lee. I'm not playing matchmaker for kicks."
"I cannot allow him to break her heart!" Lee exclaimed, having wandered into his own thoughts and not come out. He stood, pushing the coffee table back. "I swear, I will avenge Sakura and myself."
"How're you planning to do that?"
"I will kill Gaara of the Desert, and if I die in the process, then so be it."
The kids looked up at him uncertainly. "But... not really, right?"
"Don't worry, he won't kill me."
"Uh... Lee-kun," Hinata whispered anxiously, "You're tried this before with him, and it didn't end well... I mean, maybe... there's another way?"
Lee knelt before her. Something about the Tango Moca made people melodramatic. "Fear not, dear, sweet Hinata. I will prevail, for I am good, and Gaara is evil."
"Or something," Shikamaru muttered under his breath.
Lee rounded on him. "Quit taking his side!"
Naruto was looking a little resentful of the attention Lee had been bestowing on his girlfriend, and scowled as Lee returned to his monologue to her.
"I must defeat him. If he is after me, he will stop at nothing. Not only will the lovely Sakura be hurt, but all those I love are in jeopardy. Tenten, Neji,"
Kiba snapped his fingers together, "That reminds me why I came in here in the first place."
"Not now, Kiba," Lee said, "I'm making a dramatic speech."
"No, this is more important," Kiba assured him. "Naruto, you have to hide. Neji knows and he's coming after you."
Naruto and Hinata looked at each other. "He... knows? How could he?"
"Kiba, are you sure?"
"I'm dead sure. I was just walking out to a practice court, minding my own business, when I spot him and Tenten walking out the other way, looking pissed, and talking about killing someone and hiding the body. And there's only one person in this world that Neji would really want to kill, and that's,"
"Hinata's father?" Shikamaru suggested.
"No, you dope, ME!" Naruto said, smacking his pal upside the head. "Well, and Hinata's dad, but he's not going to try that, because her dad scares the shit out of everyone, even Neji."
"All right, we need to prioritize," Shino said. "So far, Lee needs to avenge his love by taking Gaara out, and Naruto needs to hide to avoid having Neji take him out. I may be a little biased because I'm on Hinata's team and she's my favorite person ever, but... Lee, Sakura isn't in any immediate danger... Naruto is. Neji's a madman."
"And boy did he looked pissed," Kiba added.
"And I think our first mission should be to hide Naruto from all avenging cousins."
Shikamaru pondered this. "Something I don't get, why is it such a big deal for Hinata to be dating Naruto?"
"Neji's crazy," Sasuke explained. "Not as crazy as Gaara, but more given to random acts of violence, especially if he feels that someone is threatening someone he cares about, vis, Hinata."
"And... how is Naruto threatening her?"
"He doesn't... like me," Naruto said sheepishly. "We've had some disagreements..."
"Anyway, to make a long story short," Kiba said, "He doesn't think Naruto's good enough, and he's said as much."
Sasuke pounded his drink on the table to call attention to himself. "Very well. Hinata and Naruto need leave separately for now and Naruto needs to arm himself in case of chance confrontations... Shikamaru and Lee and I will walk him home. Kiba, Shino, you go with Hinata. Meet at my house tomorrow. Naruto, arrive at 10. Hinata, 10:45. We'll trail Gaara and try to solve this Neji's-After-Naruto's-Blood thing. Meeting adjourned."