Chapter Twenty Six
I know we've made you all very upset by breaking them up, but it had to happen. I hope you will still bare with us, and we will try a lot harder to update faster. But we do appreciate all the comments. So keep it up!
The next morning Casselle crawled out of bed her eyes puffy and her hair a mess.
"How are you feeling?" Lily asked watching as Casselle dragged herself to the bathroom.
"Terrible," Casselle moaned closing the door so she could shower. She finished and contented herself to staring out the window while Lily and Emma both showered.
"Are you ready?" Emma asked linking her arm through Casselle's. Casselle nodded knowing she couldn't hide in the dormitory forever.
As they walked into the great hall her eyes immediately scanned the Gryffindor table, she could see the back of his tall dark head but drew her eyes away before he could see her.
They noticed that James wasn't at the table, so they took the seats farthest away from Peter and Sirius. Unfortunatly the table was crowded with Gryffindor's and their proximity to Sirius was much too close for Casselle's liking.
"I see you've conned them into believing you Casselle," Sirius taunted his face drawn into a sneer.
Casselle's jaw clenched at the jib but she refused to make any other sign that she had even heard him, instead she concentrated on her plate pushing her food around.
"Go shove a broomstick up it Black," Emma called over to him fixing him with a death stare.
"Please don't," Casselle said quietly not looking up from her plate.
"Cass…" Emma said putting her hand on her shoulder.
Casselle just shook her head; "Don't give him the satisfaction…besides I'm not feeling very hungry anyway. I'll meet you guys back in the dorm okay?" She stood and left the great wall focusing on keeping her strides even.
"Black you insensitive arse!" Emma yelled over at him angrily.
"It's not my fault! She dug her own grave!" He yelled back, ignoring the guilt that was climbing up his stomach. It was her fault after all.
"You don't know what you're talking about Black," Lily shot back.
"Please like she told you the truth. She's been lying to all of us."
"I think you're the one who's been lying. If you loved her you wouldn't be doing this," Lily replied coldly before getting up to leave with Emma close behind.
"Cass?" Lily called jogging to catch up with her in front of the portrait hole.
"I'm sorry guys I thought I would be okay, but I'm not," Casselle admitted wiping the tears from her eyes after they had climbed into the common room.
"It's understandable; you've dated for almost a year. He's being an arse, he never deserved you." Lily said sitting down.
"Black doesn't deserve to call a troll his girlfriend. You were the best thing that ever happened to him," Emma added sitting down as well.
Casselle smiled sadly.
"Come on, why don't we go for a walk," Lily said standing up, "I think it would do you some good to get out of the castle for awhile."
"Sure," Casselle said following Lily to the portrait hole, before they got there though it opened in front of them.
James came through with Remus, he looked terrible.
Emma forgetting about Casselle for a minute, hurried over to him, "Remus what happened? You look awful," She said noticing the faint scratches, and his completely white face.
Casselle sighed, knowing Remus wouldn't tell her, and feeling so terribly sorry for him.
Remus tried to smile, "It's nothing just wasn't feeling well and I fell down the stairs. Madame LeMoore got me almost back to normal."
"You fell?" Emma asked unbelievingly.
"Yeah, I'm completely clumsy."
"Come on, Emma. He's fine, why don't we go for that walk," Lily said trying to get her attention away from Remus. James shot a grateful smile at Lily, but the gratitude left his eyes when he noticed Casselle.
"What is she doing here?" He sneered.
Lily's eyes narrowed into slits, "She lives here Potter, and if you want to continue living here you better keep your mouth shut, or I'll do it for you."
James glared a Casselle, he was weighing whether it would be worth a hex from Lily when the portrait hole opened behind him. Sirius climbed through and took in the situation, his gray eyes resting on Remus.
"Remus..." He began.
But Remus turned, fixing him with a freezing glare that sufficiently cut Sirius's next words off. "Don't you dare, Black. I don't want to hear anything you have to say; in fact I don't even want to see you right now." Remus said rage clear in his voice. Casselle had never heard him sound so angry.
"But Remus..." Sirius started a sliver of desperation clear in his voice.
"NO!" Remus yelled. "I'm not going to listen to your apologies until you actually mean what you're going to say! Do you understand what you did? What could've happened?" Remus stopped and took a deep breath attempting to calm himself down before he revealed something important. "I'm not talking about this right now, and I suggest you go somewhere else for a while." Remus managed before turning and walking off to the dormitory with James after him.
Sirius watched as his two best friends walked away from him. Instinctively his eyes sought out Casselle, but then he remembered that she wasn't his anymore. He had lost everything in the span of a couple short hours.
The next couple of days were some of the most painful Casselle had experienced at Hogwarts. Avoiding Sirius proved to be impossible, especially during their class periods, all of which they shared together. But Casselle was managing to avoid any conversation with him.
She almost convinced herself she could manage Sirius's betrayal, but it seemed that the rumors of her new Death Eater status had spread to the rest of the Gryffindor house and even some of the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. Lily and Emma were the only people still talking to her, everyone else was making it clear that they wanted nothing to do with her.
Casselle only took solace in the fact that Sirius seemed to be having as much trouble as she was. James and Remus were both giving him the cold shoulder and the only Marauders that seemed to be speaking to him at all was Peter. Not that James or Remus were speaking to Casselle either, James seemed to have filled Remus in and he was ignoring her as well.
For once Casselle was grateful that it was their NEWT year; she immersed herself in studying trying to smother any free time with her studies. Her long hours in the library often left her exhausted and most of the time she was able to get a couple of hours of peaceful sleep.
Casselle was climbing through the portrait hole with Lily and Emma after a long stint in the library, giggling with Lily at Emma's dramatics. Studying had never been in her blood.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to use my writing hand again," Emma moaned.
Lily rolled her eyes and almost ran head long into Cass.
"What's up Cass?" Lily asked, following her friends eyes to the far corner of the common room.
Sophie, a Gryffindor fifth year was tangled in an arm chair with Sirius, the two looking like they were trying to consume the others face.
"Cass…" Emma began glancing at her friend wearily.
Casselle felt frozen, she wanted to look away but she couldn't and she stood there helpless as her heart cracked into a million pieces. This was her first realization that they were truly over. He had moved on and he wasn't coming back to her. Casselle bit back a sob that threatened to overtake her blinking the tears away. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry.
"Let's go to the dorm," Lily muttered taking Casselle's arm and leading her to the staircase.
Casselle followed mutely allowing Lily to guide her up the stairs and into their room.
She waited for the door to close before the tears started to fall, she cried for the love she lost and for the lies she had believed. Because surely Sirius couldn't have really loved her if he could move on so quickly and carelessly.
Lily and Emma wrapped their arms around their friend letting her cry herself out.
"Cass I'm so sorry," Lily murmured.
"He's not worth it Cass," Emma added giving her a squeeze.
But that was the problem, Sirius was worth it. The way he made her feel alive, the way he understood about her family, the way he accepted her gift, the escape from home he had offered her, Casselle tears flowed faster as her mind flipped through all the moments she had shared with him.
Lily and Emma sat with her patiently waiting for the tears to cease and Casselle eventually cried herself out.
"I was nothing but a fucking joke to him," she whispered hoarsely, rubbing her eyes furiously.
Lily and Emma's expressions were sympathetic as they rubbed Casselle's back soothingly.
"I'm going to take a walk," Casselle announced after her tears had stopped. "I need some time alone to think."
"Cass I don't think that's a good idea," Lily replied glancing uncertainly at Emma.
Casselle shook her head standing, "I can't sit here any longer. I won't be long I promise." She crossed the room shuffling through her trunk before leaving the dorm. She crossed the common room quickly keeping her eyes trained on the ground as she went.
Once she was free of the common room she broke into a run, not sure where she was headed but knowing that she couldn't stand still. Her legs carried her out of the castle and onto the grounds. She ran past the lake where she and Sirius had shared so many kisses and kept going until she collapsed on the Quidditch pitch.
Her breathing was ragged as she lay in the grass enjoying the burn in her legs, anything to distract her from the pain in her chest. She closed her eyes wondering if the ground would simply swallow her up if she laid here long enough.
Her hand drifted to her robes, as her breathing returned to normal, reaching into the pocket and taking out the mirror she had retrieved before leaving the dorm. She fingered the cool glass, trying not to be saddened that she had never gotten to use it.
Anger took hold, starting in her chest and racing through her body until it consumed her. "How dare you Sirius Black!" She screamed into the night getting to her feet and letting all of her anger vent into the cry. "I hate your fucking GUTS!" on the last word she hurled the mirror towards the stands relishing the sound the glass made as it shattered.
"I don't ever want to see him again," she muttered to herself collapsing to her knees and putting her head in her hands knowing those words would be easier if they were true.
An immeasurable amount of time passed before Casselle got to her feet. She knew if she didn't head back soon that Lily and Emma would come looking and she didn't want to get them in trouble. She made her way over to the stand before she left staring at the glittering shards that decorated the grass.
Casselle bent picking a piece up and gasped as the glass sliced her skin. She examined the cut watching as a red drop of liquid beaded on her finger and yet she couldn't bring herself to feel anything. She was simply numb.
She pocketed the lone shard before heading back to the castle.
Casselle awoke Sunday morning with a new resolve. She wasn't going to play the victim because of Sirius Black and she certainly wasn't going to let it ruin the rest of her year. She got out of bed and dressed quickly before opening her trunk and grabbing her necklace and earrings.
The desired items in hand she went down to the common room, she had every intention of giving Sirius his things back. She wanted no reminder of him.
A hush fell over the common room as she appeared. She ignored her audience and instead scanned her surroundings determined to finish what she came to do. She spotted him in the corner playing a game of wizarding chess with Peter and she made a bee line for them.
"Sirius," she stated pleased that her voice didn't waver.
"Did you hear something Wormtail?" Sirius drawled his eyes fixed on the board in front of him.
"Not me," Peter squeaked mimicking Sirius's posture.
"Sirius Orion Black," Casselle hissed her anger mounting at his hurtful attitude.
"Wormtail would you kindly inform Ms Dawson that I don't speak to Death Eaters?"
All thoughts of being cordial were flying out the window as Casselle stared at Sirius.
"Aw," Sirius cooed his voice cold and mocking, "I do believe I hurt its feelings."
Casselle lost it as her rage took over, "When you had a secret I gave you the BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT" she screeched her anger mounting with every word. "I NEVER LIED TO YOU, EVER! I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING SIRIUS, EVERYTHING. BUT I OBVIOUSLY MADE THE WRONG CHOICE BECAUSE YOU'RE NOTHINGS BUT A SPOILED CHILD!" She paused breathing hard before adding. "Your parents would be proud of the way you've been acting. You seem to have their knack for being cruel." She turned her head held high and stormed towards her dorm. She stopped halfway there turning back to face him, "And I don't want these anymore," she hissed hurling the necklace and earrings at his head before turning climbing the stairs to her dorm.
Emma and Lily stood from the seats they had been occupying grinning as they followed Casselle up to their room.
"That was bloody brilliant," Emma breathed sitting on the bed next to Casselle.
Lily nodded, "His face when the necklace hit him in the chest was priceless."
Casselle smiled feeling a twinge of satisfaction. "I wasn't planning on making such a scene…"
"He deserved every word of it Cass," Emma replied as Lily nodded in agreement.
The next day the Great Hall was buzzing with the news of Casselle and Sirius's fight and Casselle's nerves were wearing thin, every time she passed someone, whispering would follow in her wake.
The gossip was fueled by Sirius's continued relationship with the fifth year. The pair of them had a nasty habit of being glued at the mouth and try as she might Casselle couldn't keep the twinge out of her chest every time she saw them.
Lily and Emma stayed with her the majority of the time and Casselle was glad for the distraction they provided, especially now that Sirius had Remus and James talking to him again. It appeared that they had all made up, though she wasn't sure how Remus could've forgotten or forgiven him so easily.
Casselle spent her whole week dreading Saturday. Sitting in the dungeon with the Slytherins would be twenty times worse knowing she had lost Sirius because of them.
Saturday came despite Casselle's hoping and at eight she rose from her bed and grabbed her cloak, "I'll see you guys in a little bit."
"Be careful," Lily replied her forehead furrowing in concern.
"Yea don't give them a reason to do anything nasty," Emma added her expression mirroring Lily's.
Casselle nodded and left the dormitory keeping her eyes on the floor as she made her way to the portrait hole.
"Ah there goes our little traitor," Sirius called from the chair he was occupying. "Off to go tell your Death Eater friends to do us in are you?"
Casselle's jaw clenched but she was determined to ignore him as she kept walking for the portrait hole.
"Why don't you just go live there Dawson, Death Eaters belong in Slytherin," James sneered.
Casselle winced at the jab, she had grown used to Sirius's taunts but it was harder when the insults came from James and Remus, she didn't have a reason to hate them.
"What the Slytherins pet is too good to answer the likes of us?" Sirius called his anger mounting at her lack of reaction.
"What would you like me to say Sirius?" she asked working to keep her voice neutral as her eyebrows raised. She stared at him the challenge in her eyes obvious.
"Admit that you lied to us, all of us. That your friends with the likes of my murdering cousin and brother."
"It doesn't sound like you need me to admit to anything, your mind seems to already be made up," She replied turning and slipping out of the common room.
Remus turned to his friends after Casselle left the common room, "Maybe you guys should lay off her."
He held up his hand as James and Sirius opened their mouths to protest. "I'm not defending what she's doing or anything like that but I'm just saying that we don't know the whole story and that Lily and Emma seem to know something more than we do and I can't believe either of them would be friends with a Death Eater, especially Lily since she's a muggle born and all."
Sirius scowled, "She's got them brainwashed Moony," he hissed. "She can do that you know."
"If she was going to brain wash people then wouldn't she have done it to everyone?" Remus asked reasonably. "Look I'm not saying we should be friendly with her or anything like that but I don't think you should go out of your way to be cruel," He shoot a pointed look at Sophie as he said that, " Anyway I know you'll do what you want regardless but at least think about it." He stood making his way to the dormitory leaving James and Sirius to consider what he had just said.
Casselle made her way to the dungeon hoping not to run into anyone she knew, she had been ridiculed enough for one day. Luck was with her and she encountered no one until she entered the meeting.
The meeting passed in a similar manner to the others, Bella, Snape and Nate stood at the front of the room sprouting nonsense about how muggles were trying to steal magic from really wizards and that all muggle born wizards were actually thieves.
Casselle tuned out shifting through minds, appalled at how many people thought that muggles could actually steal magic. The two hours passed with more disappointment from Casselle, she kept thinking that if she learned something that saved someone then losing her friends would be worth it but so far she had been no help to Dumbledore's cause.
"We will be concluding with something different tonight," Bella sneered breaking Casselle's concentration. She watched as the girl nodded at Snape who placed a box on the front table.
"We feel that it's time you all practice the most powerful curses known to man. Snape uncovered the box revealing a collection of spiders.
Casselle wasn't the only one that recoiled at the sight of them, spiders had never been her favorite creatures.
"There's enough for everyone to practice all three curses on," Bella continued ignoring the squeamish look on some of the students face. "I'll demonstrate." Bella pulled out her wand reaching into the box and extracting a spider placing it on the table in front of her.
"Imperio," she hissed watching with satisfaction as the spider bent to her will. She danced it along the wall stopping it at the flame. "You can make anyone bend to your will, make them dance like a fool, or hurt themselves." As she talked the spider moved closer to the flame sticking one of its long legs into the torch, "He would gladly jump into the flame if I willed it," Bella purred.
"Bella," Snape reprimanded snapping her out of her trance.
"Right," she replied directing the spider back to the table before muttering, "Crucio."
Casselle gritted her teeth as the spider screamed under Bella's curse; she didn't even know it was possible for spiders to make that kind of noise. She gritted her teeth just willing Bella to stop.
Bella grinned as the spider twitched on the desk a sadistic longing in her eyes. She finally lifted the curse. "And the last one of course," she stated lifting her wand and lazily pointing it at the spider before saying, "Avada Kedavera."
There was a green flash and then the spider went still.
After the demonstration the three Slytherins went around passing everyone a spider and watching as they preformed the curses. Nate watched Casselle with interest as she made her spider dance around the table.
"And the next one Casselle?"
Her hands shook as she pointed her wand at the spider, "crucio," she murmured.
She breathed a sigh of relief when her spell had no effect.
"You have to mean it sister," Nathaniel drawled standing behind her. "You have to let your rage consume you, let it fill you."
Casselle closed her eyes wanting nothing more than to leave.
"Do it Casselle," he hissed shoving her towards the table.
It wasn't hard to find some anger, she seemed to be angry the majority of the time the last couple of weeks. She thought of her father, of her brother, of Sirius kissing Sophie as she murmured the curse again.
The spider withered on the table its screams echoing in the dungeon and filling Casselle's ears.
"Now finish it," Nathaniel whispered.
She pointed her wand and whispered the killing curse watching as the spider went still.
By the time Casselle left the dungeon she was feeling nauseated. The spells had sickened her and what was worse was the reactions of awe and excitement from most of the students in the dungeon. She trembled as she climbed the stairs; she didn't feel like returning to the common room, Sirius would most likely be waiting for her there anyway.
Instead she wandered the castle, eventually ending up in the astronomy tower where Sirius had taken her for her birthday. She stared at the floor remembering the time she spent here. She felt like crying but the tears wouldn't come, she was cried out, instead she just felt numb.
She stood there staring out the window for a while just enjoying the peace and quiet the tower offered. She was getting ready to head back to the common room when the door to the tower burst open and two people fell through.
Her shock quickly turned to horror when she realized it was Sirius and Sophie.
"Oh erm sorry about that," Sophie giggled hooking her arms possessively around Sirius.
"Not a problem I was just leaving," Casselle replied fixing her eyes on the floor.
"Slytherins let you out early then?" Sirius asked his arm wrapping around Sophie and pulling her closer.
Casselle's eyes moved from the floor connecting with Sirius's grey orbs. She couldn't keep the hurt off her face as she stared into the eyes that at one time were so familiar to her. After a moment she glanced away moving towards the door and eventually out of the room having said everything she needed to with that one look.
Sirius stared after her as she left, Remus's words echoing in his head.
The weeks drifted and Casselle withdrew more and more choosing to immerse herself in her studies.
Lily and Emma tried to convince her to take a break but Casselle always refused claiming NEWTS and homework, but the truth was that she simply lacked the energy to act like she was fine. When she was by herself she didn't have to pretend to be happy or to smile.
"I'm really worried about her," Lily admitted to Emma over lunch one Saturday in April. "She's been skipping meals and she only leaves the dorm for classes."
Emma nodded, "I tried to get her to go down to the lake to study yesterday but she wouldn't budge…I don't know what to do. She won't even talk about anything but studying."
Lily nodded, "I've been trying to get her to come to my house for the Holiday but she doesn't seem to want to…"
"Maybe she's going home?" Emma offered.
"Maybe, but if not I'm going to drag her with me, I don't want her here alone…"
James and Sirius, who were seated a few seats down fell silent listening to the girls as they talked.
The girls finished and left leaving the two boys to stew over their words.
"You don't think we're wrong do you mate?" James asked guiltily.
"We can't be Prongs," Sirius argued. "I saw her in the dungeon and she's still going there every other Saturday!"
James nodded but he still looked skeptical. "I just don't understand why she'd do it…I mean she's fought against that kind of thinking since she was little."
"The apple never falls far from the tree," Sirius seethed glancing over at Nate at the Slytherin table.
James raised his eyebrows, "I'm the exception," Sirius added.
"I don't know mate something just seems off…"
Sirius's eyes fell to his plate as he remembered the encounter in the Astronomy tower, the look of hurt that had flashed across her face.
"It would be different if she had stopped going, but she hasn't," Sirius replied his voice holding a note of finality.
James let the matter drop knowing that Sirius was done with the conversation.
Well there it is, leaves you all thinking doesn't it :P As always please review we love to know when people enjoy our writing. It's like Christmas for us every time we get a new comment!