Casselle had slipped from the boy's dorm early the next morning to pack for the trip to Sirius's loft. Sirius had woken when she had risen and couldn't fall back to sleep without her familiar warmth. Sighing he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
He fought a yawn as he pulled the curtains back from his bed. His eyes scanned his night stand automatically looking for his watch but froze on a small stoppered bottle full of light blue liquid.
His eyes widened as he stared at the small bottle in horror. He was supposed to have taken the potion three days ago, right after their Defense practical.
"Bloody hell!" He exclaimed a million things running through his mind at once. He had always been so careful to take it every month promising that this moment would never happen.
A new surge of emotion hit him as he realized he would have to tell Casselle. Sirius ran to the bathroom feeling suddenly ill.
Casselle could tell something was bothering Sirius from the moment she saw him. His normally pale complexion had taken on a green tinge and his usual smiling mouth was set in a grim line.
"Is everything okay?" she asked as they made their way to breakfast purposefully lagging behind their group of friends.
Sirius opened his mouth to say something but then shook his head, "Later," he managed the green in his face becoming more prominent. He waved her ahead of him making a stop in the bathroom saying he would meet them down there.
"Did something happen to Sirius?" Casselle asked James.
James shrugged, "He seemed fine last night when we went to sleep but this morning he got all weird. Maybe he's just feeling strange about leaving, Merlin knows I do."
"Maybe…" Casselle muttered biting her lip. Maybe Sirius was getting cold feet about letting her move in.
The majority of breakfast had passed before Sirius resurfaced in the great hall. The green tinge had left his skin but he was still looking rather ill.
"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital wing before we get on the train?" Remus asked glancing at his friend in concern.
"For the last time I'm fine Moony!" Sirius snapped tearing the piece of toast on his plate into tiny pieces. He had yet to eat anything.
If Casselle had been hoping for his temperament to improve once they boarded the Hogwarts Express she was sorely mistaken. Sirius seemed to fold in on himself sitting in the window seat, refusing to speak unless he had to and then only giving one word answers.
Casselle was becoming increasingly worried as the trip wore on and after a particularly bad snap at Peter she stood.
"Sirius can I talk to you for a minute?"
For a moment Sirius looked like he might refuse, but after only a seconds hesitation he nodded and stood following her out of the compartment and down the train.
Casselle finally snagged an empty compartment and stepped inside turning to face Sirius expectantly. "What's going on? And don't give me this rubbish about nothing because I know you're lying."
Sirius proceeded to open and close his mouth four times before Casselle interrupted him again, "Sirius it's me, you know you can tell me anything."
"I-I Cass Iforgottotakethepotion," Sirius stammered his words rushing together.
"Come again?" Casselle asked attempting to hide a smile.
"Cass, I-I forgot to, Oh Merlin Cass I didn't take the potion."
Casselle stared at him for a moment her eyebrows knitting together, "What potion?"
"The potion I take every month…for you know….I was supposed to take it right after Defense but with everything that happened I forgot…"
The color drained from Casselle's face as she finally understood, "You mean you think I'm PREGNANT!" As soon as the words escaped her mouth a Ravenclaw fourth year had opened the compartment door and gaped at them.
"Get out of here!" Sirius snapped slamming the compartment door shut. "Look Cass it might not mean….Cass?"
But whatever comforting words Sirius had been about to offer where lost on Casselle who was lying motionless on the compartment floor.
"What do you mean she just fainted!" Lily hissed at a distressed Sirius who had carried Casselle back to their compartment.
"Exactly what I said Evans! She just fainted!" Sirius snapped laying Casselle down as gently as he could in the packed compartment. "Casselle honey, can you hear me?"
"Here give her some room," Remus said pulling out his wand and pointing it at Casselle. "Ennervate."
Casselle's eyes fluttered open and she let out a groan, she was definitely going to have a bump on her head.
"Cass are you okay?" Sirius asked reaching down and helping her sit up. "Yeah I had the worse dream though…" Her voice trailed off as she caught a look at Sirius's face. "It-it wasn't a dream?"
Sirius shook his head, "Let's talk about it later."
Their compartment door opened and Peter walked in having just returned from the loo, "Why is everyone saying Casselle's pregnant?" He asked.
James laughed, "People will do anything for a good story even if that means making it up."
Casselle and Sirius shared a look which didn't go unnoticed by Lily.
"Casselle what's going on?"
"Oh well erm…nothing really at least not yet anyway…don't worry about it Lil."
Lily stared at her for a moment, "Casselle, you're not…I mean you're not pregnant right it's just a rumor?"
James scoffed, "Of course it's just a rumor! Padfoot's always been responsible about…well about that stuff!"
Lily kept her eyes trained on Casselle who squirmed, "Well there might have been an accident…"
The compartment went silent as all eyes shifted between Casselle and Sirius.
"What do you mean an accident?" Lily asked attempting to keep her voice calm.
"Look nothings for sure so can we please just drop it!" Sirius asked, "No matter what happens this is between me and Casselle and it isn't something we should all be discussing right now."
The rest of the group shrugged after Sirius gave his speech and returned back to their seats, though their compartment was as subdued as it had ever been on a return trip.
Casselle stepped off the train with her trunk in tow and immediately noticed everyone staring at her. "News certainly travels fast," she muttered attempting not to shrink from all the stares.
"Come on let's get out of here," Sirius muttered taking her trunk and grabbing a trolley loading their stuff quickly. "We'll see you guys soon, stop by anytime!" He called to their friends before grabbing the trolley and pushing it through the barrier.
Casselle followed Sirius in silence as they left the train station and ducked into an alley before apparating to Sirius's loft.
Once they were inside Sirius turned to Casselle, "Cass? Talk to me please?"
Casselle slumped on the couch taking a deep breath. "I-I don't know how I'm supposed to feel," she admitted chancing a glance at Sirius.
Sirius sat down next to her taking his hand in hers, "Cass I'm so sorry…this is all my fault…"
"Is there a way to find out for sure?"
Sirius paused to think about it, "I-I'm not sure…I've never had something like this happen. We could go to Diagon Alley and check?"
Casselle nodded standing up, "Let's go then."
It felt good to be up and moving to some purpose, Casselle could almost forget why they were there. A thousand thoughts were running through Casselle's head as Sirius led her to a small potion shop that Casselle had never noticed before.
The pair went awkwardly to the counter and explained what they needed to a middle aged witch who didn't bother to hide her disapproving glare.
"We have a potion for that, though you will have to wait until it's been a week since the incident. I can go ahead and ring you up right now if that will be all?" She didn't wait for an answer before disappearing into the back
Sirius shot Casselle an apologetic look as the witch returned with a beaker of clear liquid.
"The instructions are simple, after it's been a week since conception simply prick your finger and let a drop of blood fall into the potion. If it turns blue you'll be having a baby boy, if it turns pink it will be a girl, and if it stays clear then you're not pregnant."
"Do you have one that won't tell us the sex?" Casselle blurted out before she could stop herself.
Sirius raised his eyebrows and stared at her.
"Oh well I've always wanted it to be a surprise…"
"No I'm sorry this is all we offer here, now if you'll excuse me I have other customers," the lady replied shortly.
Sirius and Casselle ignored the blatant lie since the shop was empty except for them and left the shop.
After they were back in the comforts of Sirius's loft Casselle excused herself to the bathroom. She turned on the sink and splashed some cold water on her face. She dabbed at her face with a wash cloth before staring at herself in the mirror. She didn't look any different. Same blue eyes, pale skin, red lips and dark hair. She chanced a glance down at her stomach. She knew it was ridiculous and impossible but she expected to see something different, some sign that a new life was growing inside of her.
She touched her stomach lightly biting her lip. She had the sudden urge to smile, but that was ridiculous. She had never really wanted children, never even really thought about having children but standing here with her hand on her stomach she felt like she already loved the child she wasn't even sure existed.
"Casselle?" Sirius called hesitantly knocking on the door.
She hastily pulled her shirt back down and opened the door, "Sorry just lost in thought."
Sirius grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, "Cass it's going to be okay."
Casselle allowed herself to smile believing him for the first time that day, "I know it will be."
Sirius became increasingly confused with Casselle over the next couple of days, the worry seemed to melt away from her and she seemed almost cheerful. Whenever Sirius brought it up she always gave him a shrug claiming that they couldn't change it so there was no use worrying about it.
The night before she was supposed to take the test Casselle sat curled up on the couch with one of the raunchy novels Emma had given her.
"James invited us over tomorrow," Sirius said sitting down next to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.
"Mhmmm and I suppose Lily, Remus and Peter will be there as well?" Casselle asked smiling as he brushed some stray hair out of her face.
"Naturally," he replied smiling as Casselle leaned up to kiss him.
Much to Casselle's disappointment he broke the kiss after just a couple of seconds. "Are you ready for bed?"
She groaned inwardly, Sirius had been avoiding sex ever since their scare. "Is there a reason you've suddenly turned celibate?"
Sirius stiffened, "What do you mean?"
"I mean you haven't so much as touched me since we've come home from school."
"Well the potion I take recommends that we wait a week in order to ensure the effects…"
"Sirius, we've never waited a week after you've taken that potion," Casselle pointed out attempting to keep the frustration out of her voice.
"Well I'm just trying to be a little more careful. Given everything that's happened I would have thought you'd want to be more careful too," Sirius replied hotly.
Casselle bit her lip but didn't reply. She hadn't told Sirius about her change in attitude.
"I'm going to bed," Sirius muttered standing and stalking off towards the bedroom.
Casselle sighed feeling frustrated in more ways than one.
Casselle woke up early the next morning and tip toed from the room. She went into the kitchen and went through the cupboards trying to find something to make for breakfast.
She was just about done with the pancakes when Sirius stumbled into the kitchen.
"Morning," she greeted sliding three pancakes onto a plate and setting them down in front of him.
Sirius grunted in response and started eating.
Breakfast passed in a tense silence, both Casselle and Sirius's minds wandering elsewhere. Once the dishes were clear they both made their way into the living room by an unsaid agreement. Sirius grabbed the potion from the shelf where they had left it and set it on the end table.
Casselle and Sirius stared at it for a moment shifting uncomfortably.
"No matter what happens…" Sirius started.
Casselle smiled and squeezed his hand, "No matter what happens I will always love you and our baby…" It was the first time either of them had said the word baby out loud and Sirius's eyes widened at the word.
Casselle drew her wand and took a deep breath before muttering a spell to prick her finger. She winced at the pain but kept her hand steady as she held it over the beaker. A drop fell from the tip of her index finger and landed with an audible splash into the potion.
The pair held their breath as they waited for something to happen. Moments passed and each second felt like an hour, but the potion remained clear. Five minutes passed before Sirius said anything.
"I-I think this means we're clear."
Casselle nodded, equal parts of disappointment and happiness fought inside of her.
"Cass didn't you hear me? We're home free! There isn't going to be a baby!" Sirius exclaimed grinning from ear to ear. His grin faded as he took in her expression. "Cass?"
Tears rose in her eyes as she attempted to fight them back, "I-I just need a minute." She stood up and hastily retreated to the bedroom wiping at her eyes as she went.
Sirius sat stunned on the couch not knowing what to make of the scene Casselle had just made. Surly she hadn't been hoping to be pregnant. She had fainted when he told her there was a possibility that she was!
He stood and went to the bedroom hovering in the doorway uncertainly. "Cass?" he asked again.
She was sitting on the bed with her back to him, "It's silly I suppose. I mean it's not like I wanted to be pregnant. I mean I had never really thought of it as something I wanted…but I suppose I got used to the idea this past week…and maybe even started to-to want it…"
Sirius's eyes widened, they had never talked about this…never even mentioned it. "Cass…I-I didn't realize…"
"There's no way you could have," Casselle replied softly. "I'm sorry I'm just being silly…"
"No Cass…it's not silly. I just didn't realize it was something you wanted." Sirius replied closing the space between them and sitting on the bed next to her.
"But that's the thing, I'm not sure if it's something I want," Casselle whispered leaning her head against Sirius's shoulder.
"I'd never thought about it," Sirius replied wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer. "Being a dad I mean. I always hated my parents so I just never considered…"
Casselle smiled, "You would make a great father."
Sirius grinned, "Can you imagine what a great little marauder my son would be."
Casselle smiled and sat up so that she could look him in the eye, "So it's something you want then? Having children I mean?"
Sirius paused, "When the times right, and as long as it was with you then yes I would be open to having children…but Cass the right time isn't right now. We have our auror applications to worry about not to mention the Order. We should wait until we're stable before we make a decision like that."
Casselle nodded, "I can live with that on one condition."
"And what's that?"
"That you stop being so stingy about sex," Casselle replied moving to straddle his legs.
"Mhmmm I think I can do that," Sirius replied capturing her lips with his.
An hour later, after Casselle had untangled herself from Sirius and the sheets she proceeded to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready to leave for James's house. As she turned on the water and waited for it to warm up the door opened to reveal Sirius.
"A shower? That sounds like a good idea, mind if I join you?" He asked a sly smirk appearing on his face as he stepped toward her.
Casselle laughed, "Will you ever stop?" She asked as she stepped into the shower with him close behind.
"Not when you look so beautiful," He said turning her to face him and planting a kiss on her while the water ran over them. "Which is always."
"You're such a smooth talker Sirius Black," She said with a smile as he grabbed the soap.
An hour later they were ready and apparating to James's house.
"PADFOOT!" James called as he opened the door pulling his friend into a tight bear hug.
'Hey Prongs," Sirius said laughing.
"It's been so boring living back here," James said ushering them in. "And now Moony and Lily are just talking about jobs which I don't even want to think about. What took you so long to get here?" He asked eyeing his friend.
Sirius exchanged a look with Casselle and smiled. "We uh…"
"I don't even want to know," James said shaking his head and entering the living room where the rest of their friends were sitting.
"Cass!" Lily said jumping up and hugging Casselle tightly.
"Hey Lil! Oh I've missed you!" Casselle said hugging her friend back.
When they let go of each other the room fell into an uncomfortable silence as they were all wondering the same thing but didn't know how to say it.
"You can all stop worrying it was a false alarm," Casselle said unable to meet anyone's eyes. "I'm not pregnant."
"Oh thank Merlin!" James said clapping a hand on Sirius's back. "Could you imagine?"
Sirius forced a smile carefully watching Casselle, "Yeah it was a real scare!" Sirius said turning to his best mate as Lily started talking to Casselle.
"Cass are you okay?" Lily asked watching her friend carefully.
"Yeah I'm fine, it was just a weird week Lil," Casselle said trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.
"That's all?"
"It's just I don't know Lily, I was starting to like the idea of a child, but we weren't ready for one and it's for the best." Casselle confessed.
Lily nodded, "I never thought you were one to want children, much less Sirius," Lily smiled.
"Neither did I," Casselle laughed.
The girls went into the kitchen to help Mrs. Potter make dinner while the boys went out to play a quick pick up game of Quidditch.
Dinner was a joyful occasion with all of them laughing and remembering the good times back at school. Much to Lily's embarrassment they laughed about how everyone thought it was a lost cause for James's to pursue her.
"I would like to say that I had complete faith in James and knew they were going to get together!" Casselle yelled over everyone talking.
"You did not!" Sirius called.
"I did! No matter how many times Lily denied it, I saw the way she would look at him, she really thought he was a sexy beast!" She laughed remember the password James had created.
"I did not!" Lily complained as she blushed darkly. "He was a pompous jerk when we were younger. Oh don't give me that look James! You know it's true."
Casselle laughed, "You may have thought he was a pompous jerk, but a sexy pompous jerk." Casselle said dodging out of the way of Lily's hand.
James was about to say something, but was cut off as six large owls swooped in from the open window.
"What's this?" James asked taking the letter that was addressed to him.
They all found that a letter was addressed to each of them, they took them and opened them quickly.
Casselle read silently, her heart pounding as she finished reading it.
Dear Miss Dawson,
You have been cordially invited to be a part of the rebellion against Voldemort called The Order of the Phoenix. Our first meeting will be next Sunday at noon at the location of 156 Windingway Dr. you can arrive by Floo powder. This is a huge decision do not take this offer lightly, but I hope to see you on Sunday.
Sincerely,
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
P.S This message will self destruct after you have finished reading it.
They sat there in silence as all six letters exploded before them.
"Well this is it," Sirius said solemnly. "It's really happening." He silently grabbed Casselle's hand squeezing it softly.
"Yeah, it's finally happened. We're going to fight." Casselle said slowly.
They all shared a moment of shock and silence as reality set in around them.
An hour later Sirius and Casselle left to head back to the flat where they sat on the couch not sure what to say.
Sirius looked at Casselle who was sitting with her head leaning on his shoulder and her thumb rubbing circles on the back of his hand. "Casselle," he said hesitantly thinking of something that had been troubling him since they received their letters.
She looked up, "Promise me that you're not joining the Order just to get revenge for Emma," He said sincerely.
Casselle stared at him in shock, "Sirius I- No I'm not doing this just for Emma but I can't lie and say she has no part in my decision." Casselle said determinedly. "Now you need to promise me that you won't do anything reckless, I can't lose you Sirius."
Sirius nodded and held her tighter to him, "I promise, you won't lose me Cass. I love you now and forever."
She buried her face in his chest, "I love you too."
"Don't worry Casselle I'll protect you with my life. We'll make it out of this war." Sirius said kissing the top of her head.
"So this is the beginning," Casselle said looking into Sirius's grey eyes longingly.
"But it won't be the end." He said leaning down and capturing her red lips in a passionate kiss.