In The Eyes Of A Stranger
This night, she can not sleep.
The dinner was quiet but pleasant. Everything was perfectly cooked and delicious, and her mother and grandmother didn't ask her any question. The man nicknamed Ranger got a call and had to leave early. The three blue-eyed women watched a little TV after dinner. No one sat in her father's chair. They sipped their coffee silently. And when she saw him to the front door, he didn't kiss her goodbye.
She lies in the bed and stares at the ceiling. Her old bed feels too small now. She used to dream of a lot of things. She doesn't know why she always had to make bad choices. Was she stupid? Or rebellious? Was she thinking at all? She always listened to her instincts. She just wanted to have fun and didn't really care about the consequences. She was shocked and numb when Joe wrote about her on the bathroom walls. She tried her best to hold her head high and acted like it was nothing. She got rid of her virginity. She was one of the big girls now. Yay. Hurrah. Good job, Stephanie. She smiled, rolled her eyes, gave her shoulders a casual shrug and bitched about being grounded. She laughed with her friends and together they planned a thousand ways to torture Morelli. She couldn't get into NYU. She couldn't find a job in a Forbes 500 company. Her first marriage was a disaster. She floated through life without a real purpose. Did she enjoy being a bounty hunter? Did she love Joe Morelli? Why did she let go of Ranger's hands? How come she got her father killed?
She tries not to make a sound. She lets her tears run wild. Who is she? Which one is the real Stephanie? What has she done to her life? She lies there and cries. Grandma comes in without knocking and holds her tight.
"It's okay." Grandma keeps saying. "It's okay."
In the master bedroom, her mother places a hand on the cold empty space beside her and closes her eyes. It's going to be another sleepless night.