Disclaimer: I've got two words for you. I wish.
A/N Heyla, everybody! Sorry for the delay, guys. Again. I know you've been anxious for this chapter, and I've been trying my best. I have silly school and I've also been trying to get the other chapters for my other fics written. But anyways, this amazingly awesome chapter is here now for you to enjoy, so go nuts!
NordicaVB, I'm sorry, but I wasn't aware that quote, "The horror...the horror..." came from anything, much less a book. Hmm...maybe some of the other readers can help you out. Anybody got any idea?
Oh, and the comment Inuyasha made about there being nothing between him and Kagome wasn't supposed to be harsh at all. Kagome was avidly agreeing with him when he said it. She didn't want her friends to get the "wrong idea". (I think Kagome and Inuyasha are the ones with the wrong idea, personally)
Khepri, thanks for the suggestion, buuuut...well, one, Kagura's already been mentioned in the story as one of the top female ski racers and two...in this story, if Sesshy hooks up with any chick, I think Rin would be first in line... I have absolutely nothing against Sesshoumaru/Kagura, I actually support it, but I don't think I can make it work in this case. Sorry!
LilInuchick, I don't know whether you've made it this far yet (you did review chapter 3 after all), but thanks for your comments! I'm happy to be able to appeal to a fellow skier! Do you race?
And lastly, the question of have I ever considered writing a novel, from Double E. Yes, indeed I have and I'm actually in the middle of writing an original/non fanfic story. Well, I was until I started this story... Haven't written anything for it for a while, but I'm not giving up on it! Someday...hopefully...I might be able to get it published...
So...did you all miss my insanely long A/Ns? I felt like responding more this chapter... Anymewho, on with the actual chapter! Heh, heh...this banquet and date shall be VERY amusing...
"Wonder where they are?" Kagome asked for the tenth time as she wrung her hands nervously.
Sango sighed as she slouched in an armchair. "They'll be here, Kagome. I know you can't wait to see Inuyasha, but try to hold on for a bit longer."
Kagome's eye twitched. "Thanks, Sango," she said sarcastically. "If you ever say that again, I won't hesitate to hurt you," she added.
"And Sango," Ayame cut in. "She's not the only one drooling over a certain boy."
Kagome and Sango gave Ayame identical flat looks before glancing at each other. "Okay, how 'bout we get her together?" Sango said conspiratorially to Kagome.
One side of Kagome's mouth turned up in a malicious grin. "Sounds good."
Sango and Kagome began to advance on their friend, but before they could do anything, there was a knock at their door.
Ayame, who had previously been wearing a panicked expression, let out a sigh of relief. "That'll be the boys!" she said in an overly cheerful voice.
"Lucky..." Kagome and Sango muttered, glaring at the ground. They looked up, however, when Ayame bounced over and opened the door to admit the late boys.
And they stayed looking up.
Kouga was the first to enter, clad in black slacks and a navy blue button up shirt. His hair was done up in his usual ponytail, but it looked a bit more groomed. His eyes widened when he saw Ayame in her deep red spaghetti strap dress, modest matching heels, and with her hair lying gently on her shoulders. She was quick to come to him and smile brilliantly, a faint blush across the bridge of her nose at the sight of him.
Once Kouga had fully entered, all of his attention on Ayame, Miroku was the next to make his appearance. He was also garbed in black slacks and a loose, button up shirt, but his shirt was dark purple instead of blue. His hair was done the same way he usually had it and a mischievous grin graced his features as he took in the sight of Sango. She blushed and stood nervously in her black dress that hugged her figure on the top and then hung loosely down to her knees. She wasn't sure what it was, probably the thought that she was about to go on a date with him, but the sight of Miroku made Sango's cheeks glow even brighter than they normally did when she saw him.
Miroku held out an arm for her like a gentleman, and Sango suddenly felt giddy. Excitedly, she came forward and slipped her arm through his.
"Ready for our date, dear Sango?" he asked quietly, his grin still in place.
"You know it," Sango said happily before realizing how she was acting. She cleared her throat. "I mean...er... You better not try anything perverted!"
Miroku chuckled and shuffled out of the way of the doorway with Sango so as to admit the last member of their little party. Inuyasha sauntered casually in, a bored expression on his face and hands in the pockets of his own black slacks. He stopped abruptly, however, when he caught sight of Kagome. He straightened immediately and whipped his hands out and to his sides, his expression turning from bored to shock.
"Y-you...you look...that is to say...um..." Inuyasha fumbled over his words as he stared, slack-jawed, at Kagome. Kouga, Ayame, Miroku and Sango all snickered behind their hands as they watched the two.
Kagome wasn't having much more luck than Inuyasha at regaining her composure. Apart from his black pants, Inuyasha was wearing the dark red shirt as promised, and a few of the top buttons had been left undone. Whether it was intentional or because of negligence on his part, which was more likely, it gave Kagome enough of a view for the memory of him at the pool to resurface. Embarrassed at the direction of her thoughts, Kagome forced her eyes to move further up. She noticed that Inuyasha had brushed his silver tresses and had actually left them unbound and flowing freely down his back, instead of his usual low ponytail. She had to say, she really liked the effect.
"And you...er...you look..." Kagome blubbered back.
"Oh, come on, lovebirds," Ayame practically sang as she and Kouga started for the door. "There'll be more time to make goo-goo eyes at one another once we get to this banquet."
Ayame's teasing words seemed to snap Inuyasha and Kagome out of their dazes and Inuyasha muttered a, "Keh!" before sticking his arm out to Kagome and looking stubbornly away.
Kagome smiled and was even thankful as she walked forward and tucked her arm through Inuyasha's since this attitude she knew how to deal with. Now if only her eyes could avoid looking at the bare part of his chest...
"Well, I guess we'll split up here," Miroku said to Inuyasha, Kagome, Kouga and Ayame. "Sango and I have a date to get to!"
Sango raised an eyebrow. "It's not like it's trying to run away or anything..."
"The more time together, the better!" Miroku declared, practically dragging Sango out of the door. "This night's gonna be great! You're gonna love it!"
"Eep! Bye, guys! Have fun!" Sango called as she was pulled out the door and out of sight.
"Bye...!" Ayame called after her. Then she straightened up and smiled at her remaining friends. "Well, then. Shall we go?"
The others nodded and they all shuffled awkwardly out of the door, shutting it behind them. They quickly made their way down the stairs and then outside into the freezing cold.
"Okay..." Kagome said, shivering. "Maybe we should have thought ahead and brought jackets..."
"Keh," Inuyasha dismissed her. "It's not like we're going very far. The banquet's being held inside the main building, which, in case you hadn't noticed, is just over there."
Kagome grumbled a few things under her breath. Out loud, she said, "It doesn't dismiss the fact that while we're going there, we're freezing our butts off! Yeesh..."
Kouga and Ayame took notice of the spat brewing and wisely sped up their pace so as to not be within casualty range.
"Well, what am I supposed to do about the stupid weather?!" Inuyasha demanded. "I can't very well change it and it's not like I brought a jacket that you can sucker me out of!"
Kagome's expression turned indignant. "Sucker you out of...?! Hey, what do you take me for, you–ahhaaack!" Kagome squealed as one of her high heeled shoes stepped unevenly on the chunky snow and she started to fall rapidly sideways. As she braced for impact in the wet snow, which would completely ruin her dress, a strong arm grabbed her around the waist and stopped her descent with a jolt.
Kouga and Ayame had heard the sound and had glanced back in time to see Inuyasha react as fast as lightening to catch the falling Kagome. Kouga smirked. "Guess she's falling for you, Inuyasha!" he called as Ayame sniggered into her hand.
Inuyasha snarled and called back, "Thanks, Miroku!"
Kouga smirked again and then turned back around to continue walking with Ayame to their destination.
"Clumsy girl," Inuyasha muttered, scooping his free arm behind Kagome's knees and lifting her up.
"Ack! What're you doing?!" Kagome demanded, clinging to Inuyasha's neck as if she would fall.
"What does it look like?" Inuyasha responded. "If you keep walking in this snow with those heels, you're gonna fall again and then twist your ankle or something. Then who'll I dance with? Jodi? I'd really rather not... So I'm carrying you. You gotta problem with that?" he asked stubbornly.
Kagome was a little surprised, but rather flattered. She had learned that if she wanted to know Inuyasha's true feelings on a subject, she had to only listen to the first part of his answer. After that, he would turn it around in order to make it sound like he was only thinking about himself. So even though he sounded selfish, Kagome smiled and thought only of how Inuyasha was looking out for her well-being.
"What're you smiling about?" Inuyasha asked suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing," Kagome sighed happily, leaning her head against his chest.
When they finally reached the main building of the ski resort, Inuyasha set Kagome gently down and once again held out his arm to her. After straightening her dress quickly, Kagome was glad to take the offered arm and together they entered the banquet behind Kouga and Ayame.
..:V:..
"Where are we going, Miroku?" Sango asked as she squirmed nervously in the passenger seat of Miroku's car.
Miroku grinned. "Just you wait. It's a really nice restaurant that I heard some of the other racers talking about. They're supposed to serve really good food and there's a dancing floor as well!"
Sango let out a small smile. "Doesn't sound too bad."
"And here we are!" Miroku said gleefully, pulling into a parking lot outside an inviting-looking restaurant. He quickly alighted from the car and rushed around in order to help Sango.
"I'm not an invalid," she muttered, but accepted his help anyway.
They walked arm in arm up to the restaurant doors and entered excitedly. The first thing they noticed was that it was unusually loud and there were many people already there. A harried waiter rushed past them as they waited to be seated and called quickly, "Be right there! Man, it's never like this!"
"Uh..." Sango said, a little taken aback.
"I'm sure it'll be great, Sango!" Miroku hastened to reassure her. "It's just a little busy right now, but I'm sure it'll die down!"
The previous rushing waiter hurried up to them just then and led them to a nice booth table off to the side of the restaurant. He passed them their menus and rushed off again.
"I heard they serve really good food here!" Miroku raised his voice in order to be heard over the noise.
"Yes, I'm sure they do!" Sango called back. They scanned their menus and quickly decided on their choices of meals for the evening. They had to wait another while longer, however, since all of the waiters were so busy with other customers.
After five or ten minutes, though, their waiter came bustling back to their table. "Rough night?" Miroku questioned politely.
The man, to their surprise, flopped down right next to Miroku and let out a huge sigh. "You wouldn't believe it! We've never been this busy!"
"Uh...too bad you got stuck taking your shift tonight..." Miroku offered, slightly unnerved by the waiter sitting next to him.
"Oh, it's not too bad," the man waved him off. "I mean, at least working takes my mind off my other troubles. I've been trying to quit smoking for a couple years now and right now, I haven't had a cigarette in six weeks! All this work distracts me and hardly gives me a chance to think about lighting up!"
Miroku and Sango managed weak smiles and nodded mechanically at the man, who shortly let out a jovial laugh a few moments later. "My name's Chad, by the way. Nice to meet you folks," he said, holding out a hand.
"Miroku..." the boy said, not sure how to react to the overly friendly waiter.
"Sango..." Sango said hesitantly.
"Good then," the waiter said happily before his expression turned serious once again. "Yeah, so the job's a good fixture in my life right now. It takes my depressing thoughts about how I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me with my roommate away."
"Um..." Miroku tried to find his voice. "That's terrible..."
"Oh, yeah..." Chad said as he placed his elbows on the table and dropped his face into his hands. Without any warning, the man launched into animated conversation, talking about many aspects of his life, whether trivial or personal and Sango and Miroku were forced to sit through it all, growing ever more hungry. Several times, they opened their mouths and tried to just order their food and get him go away, but he seemed determined to tell them, strangers he had just met, his complete life story.
"And my ma's threatening to disown me because I've been working in this restaurant for twenty years and I'm not going anywhere with my life..."
Miroku held up his menu tentatively. "Um...I was wondering if we could just–"
"I mean, I can't completely blame my ma... My dad died when I was two and my sister ran away from home when she was fourteen so she's had a really hard life. I guess I've just been the last straw when it comes to let downs in her life..." Chad sighed and then straightened. "So then folks; what'll be your order? Don't dally now, I'm very busy tonight!"
Miroku and Sango gaped at him incredulously for a moment before hurriedly grabbing their menus and placing their orders. Chad gave them one last smile and a wave before taking their menus and scurrying off to another table.
Miroku offered Sango a weak smile. "Heh, heh...nice man, isn't he?"
Sango's only response was to raise an eyebrow.
..:V:..
"So...boring..." Inuyasha yawned as the last of the speeches finished up, welcoming the skiers and wishing them the best of luck in the competition the next day.
"Tell me about it," Kouga agreed. "Good thing they served the food in the middle of it all so we had something to occupy us."
"Yeah," Inuyasha said with a smirk. "Watching you eat is always entertaining. Especially since you miss your mouth half the time."
"Yeah, right. Whatever mutt-face," Kouga retorted before pausing to wipe some sauce off his cheek.
Kagome and Ayame sighed and shared an exasperated look as they watched the two boys bicker with each other across the table. As soft music began to waft through the large ballroom they were in, the girls looked at their partners expectantly, but the boys didn't seem to notice any difference in the setting and continued to argue.
"Excuse me," a voice spoke up behind Kagome. A chill immediately went up her spine at the oh too familiar voice. With a stiff back, Kagome awkwardly turned to face the evil bane known as Naraku. The long black-haired boy blinked when he noticed Kagome's eyes were closed. "Um...is there something wrong?"
Kagome closed her eyes even tighter and with a painful grimace, she tried to act as if she were behaving perfectly normally. Meanwhile, she didn't dare open her eyes lest the vision in her dream come true.
"Something wrong?!" Inuyasha growled. "How 'bout your ugly mug showing itself here?"
"Ahem," Naraku said, turning his back to Inuyasha and deliberately ignoring him. "I don't believe I was talking to you. I was about to ask this young lady to dance." He indicated Kagome.
At this shocking statement, Ayame, Kouga and Inuyasha gaped at Naraku, while Kagome even dared to crack open an eye in surprise. Seeing Naraku was fully clothed in black slacks and a white dress shirt, complemented by a turquoise bow tie, Kagome breathed a sigh of relief and opened her other eye.
Ayame, however, winced and hissed as if something were causing her pain. "Oooh...tacky."
Inuyasha snorted. "You think you can win the upcoming tournament, Naraku? Ha! You can't even dress yourself!"
"Says the guy who thinks that as long as he wears red, he's making a fashion statement," Kouga muttered to Ayame, evoking a giggle.
Naraku raised an eyebrow. "As I said, I don't believe I was talking to you. I don't talk to chumps."
"Now that's got to be the insult of the year," Kouga snorted. "I mean, if someone said that to me, I'd be reduced to tears immediately." Ayame started shaking with silent laughter.
Naraku turned and glared at Kouga. "Will you shut up, you pathetic moron?"
"Yes, ma'am!" Kouga said, saluting smartly. Ayame couldn't keep her silence any longer and burst out laughing as Naraku's face went red. To his credit, though, he said nothing and turned back to Kagome as if nothing had interrupted him.
"Will you do me the honour of dancing the next dance with me?" Naraku asked, extending a hand to Kagome. She looked at it and shied away as if he were offering her poison.
"Um...I think I'll pass..." Kagome said hesitantly as Naraku kept extending his hand until it was practically directly under her nose.
"Oh, come now," Naraku pressed genially. "One dance won't kill you."
"With you it will," Kouga muttered as Inuyasha shot up from his seat.
"Listen, Naraku, she doesn't want to dance, okay?!" Inuyasha spat. "Just back off and get lost!"
Naraku withdrew his hand and sniffed primly. "You're no fun, Inuyasha. I'll leave...for now."
Inuyasha stood glaring after his rival until Kagome put a hand on his arm and indicated for him to sit back down. "Thanks, Inuyasha, for sticking up for me. What a creep..."
"What a woman..." Kouga said in awe. When the others looked at him, he continued, "What? Am I the only one who's noticed? It's kind of hard to miss..."
"Now that I'm not blinded by indignant rage..." Inuyasha said thoughtfully, "Oh, yes. I definitely see it."
"I...noticed...!" Ayame said through peels of laughter.
Kagome put a finger to her chin as if she were in deep thought. "Now does that make him a horrible disgrace to our gender or yours?" she asked Inuyasha and Kouga.
"Both, I'd say," Kouga said. "Ah, but we're wasting precious time. Ayame?" Kouga stood up and assumed Naraku's previous position, his hand practically up Ayame's nose. "Would you do me the honour of dancing the next with me?"
Trying to get her laughter under control, Ayame thrust her hand in Kouga's palm and stood up stiffly. "I shall grace you with my awesome presence on the dance floor!" she declared. Then the two of them assumed a traditional dancing position and practically marched out to join the other dancing couples.
Kagome giggled. "Maybe there's something in the punch... Kouga seems quite the smart aleck tonight... Hmm...speaking of punch, I'm all out. Phooey..."
"Heh, me too," Inuyasha realized. "I'll go get refills for us."
"Okay!" Kagome said, brightening. "I'll wait right here."
"Be back in a jiff!" Inuyasha said as he picked up their glasses and sauntered off.
After a few moments of fiddling with her napkin, however, Kagome realized she was quite bored. Though, fortunately or unfortunately, her boredom was soon staved off.
"Hmm...seems your 'friends' have abandoned you..."
Kagome spun around so fast, she almost got whiplash. "Naraku?! You're back again?!"
"You see," Naraku said smugly, "I'm very persistent. Now, since there's no one to object, how about that dance?"
"No one to object?! How about me?!" Kagome said frantically, holding up her hands to ward him off. Somehow Naraku didn't get the hint, however, and grabbed one of her hands and dragged her out onto the dance floor. Despite her struggles, he managed to pin her in a dancing embrace and lead her in what looked like a very constipated dance.
Kagome tried kicking Naraku and stepping on his feet several times, but he took it all in stride, smiling jovially and looking like he was having the time of his life.
Meanwhile, Inuyasha was just coming back from refilling their drinks when he noticed that Kagome wasn't at the table where he'd left her. He assumed a puzzled expression. Didn't she say she would wait right there?
Inuyasha set the drinks down on the table and scanned the room. He saw numerous couples, including Kouga and Ayame, dancing together on the dance floor and then he suddenly noticed one pair of dancers directly in the centre. No...it couldn't be! Could it?
Inuyasha's hands balled into fists and a growl emitted from the back of his throat. How dare Naraku! He would go tell that guy off once and for all! And with more than just words!
Just as he stepped onto the dance floor while making a beeline for Naraku and Kagome, he was suddenly yanked into someone's arms and swept away into a dance.
Thoroughly startled and somewhat ticked off for his rampage being interrupted, Inuyasha glared down at the girl who had dared to grab him, only to shrink away a moment later. "Ahhhh!" he shrieked. How could this be happening?! How could she be here?! "Jodi?!?!"
..:V:..
"This is taking forever!" Sango sighed in exasperation, dropping her chin into her hand.
Miroku laughed nervously. "It's just because they're so busy tonight. I'm sure our food'll get here any minute, Sango... Any minute..."
Sango stared unseeingly at the tabletop for a few more moments before something hit her softly in the back of the head. Looking down behind herself at the seat, she noticed a balled up piece of paper. Suspiciously, she glanced up and saw that at a table not too far away, a group of preteen boys were chuckling and nudging each other while casting quick glances her way.
"Great," Sango muttered, turning back around. "Just what I need."
"I'm sorry, San–" Miroku started, but Sango cut him off.
"Don't worry about, Miroku. It's not your fault that prepubescent boys decided to show up at this restaurant and start jacking off."
"Uh...thanks...I think..." Miroku said hesitantly as another paper ball bounced off the top of Sango's head and landed into his hands. Curious, he un-crumpled it and stared down at the words 'You're hott!' Miroku crumpled the note up once more as his hand holding the note formed a fist. "Why those little... Not only are they trying to steal my date, but they misspelled hot!" he declared, pumping his fist indignantly in the air.
"Clearly the worst offence imaginable..." Sango said dryly as yet another paper ball landed on their table. Idly, she opened the ball to read 'Will you go out with me?'. Sango rolled her eyes and tossed it to the side.
"The nerve..." Miroku continued muttering darkly.
"Oh, get over it," Sango told him. "They're barely out of diapers. Trust me, they're no threat to you."
Miroku crossed his arms sullenly and said, "Well...if you say so."
"Uh...h-hey..." a boy's voice spoke up from beside Sango. When she turned around, she noticed it was one of the boys that were throwing the paper balls at her. She raised an eyebrow as all the boys he had left behind at the table started cheering him on and chuckling as if this were the greatest joke in the world.
"Yes?" Sango asked with a wry smile. "Can I help you?"
"Well, baby–" Miroku choked, "how's about you and I get together sometime?" the boy asked cockily, his confidence growing at the sound of his friends' encouragement.
Sango smiled sweetly. "Oh, sure!" Miroku stared at her, agape. "When do you need me to babysit?"
Stupefied, the boy lost his confident composure and looked uncertainly back at his friends who were also at a loss for words. But Sango was just getting started. "You know...I have a brother about your age... Did you want me to arrange a play date or something for you guys? It might be a tad difficult to sort out the details when you're so far apart, but I'll do my best!"
The boy's face was bright red by now and he stuttered out, "I–I have t–to go n–now..." before dashing desperately back to his shocked friends.
Sango brushed her hands together, silently congratulating herself for a job well done. Meanwhile, Miroku was just as shocked as the preteens. "W–wow, Sango... You really told him..."
Sango flashed him a smug smile. "I told you they were no threat. Humiliate them and they'll run away with their tail between their legs..."
"Yes... I recognize the technique from past experiences..." Miroku mused to himself.
Sango's eye twitched. "What was that?!"
Miroku shot a fearful look her way and panicked. "Uh, no! I didn't mean that! It was a joke! Ha, ha! A joke! Please don't kill me...?"
Sango took one look at Miroku who was shielding his head with his arms and let out a sardonic chuckle. "Oh, Miroku... Figures you were a perv even back then..."
Miroku lowered his arms and stared down at the table guiltily and feeling awkward. This wasn't quite how he'd planned their date to go...
"Aaaand here's your order, folks!" their boisterous waiter called as he plunked down plates in front of the couple.
Sango glanced down at her plate as he set it down and then did a double take. Tapping the waiter, who looked like he was about to strike up another conversation with Miroku, on the arm, she asked, "Um...what is that exactly...?"
Chad looked down at her plate where a lump of unrecognizable meat sat with green specks sprinkled on it. "That, lady, is our finest dish. Pig's Liver with Basil," the waiter responded with a raised eyebrow.
Sango almost gagged. Didn't Kagome mention something to her earlier about how that was that Hojo guy's favourite food? Disgusting...
"B–but...it said Foie de Cochon avec du Basilic!" she protested, stammering.
"Um, Sango..." Miroku said hesitantly, scratching the back of his head. "Foie de Cochon avec du Basilic is a direct french translation of pig's liver with basil..."
"Really?" Sango asked, floored. "B–but it sounded so cool and good... This wasn't exactly what I'd had in mind..."
"You know...my sister once did that–" the waiter started, but was cut off by a disturbance close by. The three turned to see someone at the table next to them start to choke on a piece of food. He staggered up from his seat as Chad sprung into action. "Don't worry; I'll handle this!"
Chad raced around behind the man and assumed a proper Heimlich Manoeuver position. As Sango and Miroku looked on in horror, the waiter began to perform the manoeuver and after three quick thrusts to the man's abdomen, the piece of food he was choking on came flying out.
The man began to breathe deeply, with Chad patting his back in reassurance. Glad to see he was safe, the couple turned back to their own meals, only to discover that whatever the man had been choking on had flown right into the middle of Sango's meal.
"You know...?" Sango ventured thoughtfully, tilting her head to the side as Miroku dropped his face despairingly into his hands. "As disgusting as this is...it looks better that way..."
A/N Okay, I'm gonna stop it there for two reasons. One, if I continued, it would be ridiculously long, and two, it would delay this update even further. So I'm cutting this into two parts. I will start working on the second part immediately, so hopefully there won't be much of a delay before the next update. Sound good? I hope so!
So...Kagome's been captured and made to dance with her worst nightmare, Naraku, and Inuyasha's hopes of rescuing her have been trampled on by him getting glomped and made to dance with his worst nightmare...Jodi. Oh, and Kouga and Ayame are off in their own little world. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. (By the way, Naraku's turquoise bow tie was in reference to the turquoise colouring on his baboon pelt - that guy's got the best sense of style, wouldn't you say?)
Meanwhile, Sango and Miroku's date is going horribly wrong in every way... Is there any way to salvage anything from all this?!
You betcha! Don't worry, folks, I have it all planned out...heh, heh, heh... But first the craziness continues (and trust me, it's only just begun) on the next chapter of King of the Hill!
Oh, and thank you to Albino Black Sheep for this lovely quote... Stress: the condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.