Chapter Four

What Shouldn't Have Been

-Her VI Year-

sextus

With millions of crystallized snowflakes descending from the gloomy skies, I took a sharp inhale of breath, the icy air freezing my lungs inside out. When I exhaled slowly, puffs of fog escaped through my nose, misting over my cheeks that were no doubt pink. I giggled and tugged on Kaname's sleeve. "Are you cold?"

"Not really," he answered, observing me while I made faces at the wind. "You don't seem to mind it either, Onee-san."

"It's fun like this," I replied as a crystal flake landed on the tip of my nose. Distracted, I didn't watch where I was going and tripped on a shrunken cavity. I nearly fell face first to the ground if Mother hadn't caught me by the waist, but my pride was already trembling from its pedestal. As a mere child, I had yet to develop the gracefulness of a real level A vampire - like my angelic-faced mother.

"Be more careful, Tsukina. The ground is slippery," she scolded gently. "We wouldn't want another accident now, would we?"

Grabbing a fistful of her dress in one hand and her arm in the other, I flushed with embarrassment, especially when Kaname appeared slightly smug. "Sorry, Mama . . ." Then I muttered to my younger brother, "It's not funny!"

He surprised me by letting out a soft snort. "Yes, it is."

I pouted, but didn't say anything else when my attention was taken by something new. "Oh, look!" At the corner of my eye, I saw his intelligent gaze flicker from our father to me in a second's notice. The head of the Kuran family was presently leading the way to the entrance of the gothic manor, three of his supposed henchmen mirroring his every move. "Papa's footprints!" I pointed out in wonder.

They were bigger than I realized after I managed to snuggle my own feet inside the awkward-shaped holes. It must have been a sight for the lower level vampires to see a pureblood princess skip about in a cheery manner, particularly during a snowy evening. I heard a low chuckle and looked up to meet the amused stare of my father's. To my surprise, even Mother, who was usually strict with public appearances, wore a fond smile at my antics. I offered a shy smile in response and began to lag behind to match Kaname's unhurried pace.

"Where's the door?" I complained to him quietly a moment later.

"Onee-san," Kaname mumbled in a sly tone. A smirk was present on his pink lips, but that entertained expression of his disappeared at one blink as if he just realized his placid façade was breaking. Uncertain with what I witnessed, I convinced myself that my imagination was getting wired up under the winter weather. "I thought you liked the cold."

I whined, "But it's a long walk! I'm getting tired!"

"Already?"

Blushing at the knowing glint that crossed his dark eyes, I knew he was thinking about our occasional exchanges of energy - in other words, our past kisses. "Yes, even after t-that."

"Patience, my darling," our mother murmured, her tall figure holding back most of the harsh winds. I huddled closer to my brother's body for warmth and disregarded Kaname's raised eyebrow. "It's a virtue worth practicing."

Fortunately for us, things became a little easier when the manor's front doors were opened just a few feet away, and a beacon of light pierced through the darkness that surrounded us. "Kuran-sama, you and your family grace us with your presence most humbly," the butler greeted with a deep bow. He was an aged man, most likely a level C vampire, with wrinkled skin and gray, slick hair. "Murakami-sama is awaiting both of you in the greeting hall."

"Has he waited long?" My mother tested.

He didn't show any signs of bewilderment as he calmly answered, "He is a very patient man."

"What a hearty jest," Father noted with a tinge of sarcasm, pulling Kaname along.

I sighed in relief when my face was flushed with the warmth that indoors had to offer, discreetly shaking the snow crystals off my curls. Mother had made a fit inside the car when she saw how messy it became and had settled to twine it into an elegant braid. It was the only way to ease her light frustrations towards my excitability, but it had been my turn to be irritated; the braid was too tight for my liking. When I looked up, just to have my eyes clash against a cutting smolder, my cheeks reddened into a deeper shade of rouge - adding to Kaname's subtle amusement.

The aristocratic manor was much more palatial compared to my own home, and it was larger than it seemed at first from the outside. Their foyer was a little bigger and their furnishings were a little grander, even their servants were a bit more refined; but pushing the augustness of the extensive estate aside, the aura of it was thick of implied restrictions, smothering me with its commanding atmosphere. I noticed very quickly that the maids didn't dare look our way, their bodies quivering - not from the cold - but with fear.

Then that was when I smelled it, my sensitive nose twitching with recognition. Blood.

The mocking scent of it drifted from the inner rooms, freshly spilled even after our arrival. My father visibly tensed, and his grip tightened on Kaname's tiny hand. "What is the meaning of this?"

"The lady of the house has reason," the butler began hesitantly. "It was recently discovered that she's with child."

After handing me Snuffles-san, my mother blinked in surprise. There was the undeniable share of glances between my parents. "Chouko-chan is pregnant?" Father looked displeased at the informal honorific, but didn't give it a second thought when his wife continued with comprehension, "Cravings can be difficult to handle, especially the cleaner the bloodline. How far is she?"

"Several days, Kuran-sama. If you wish, you may speak with her after your meeting with her lord."

"Of course, it has been a while since we've spoken," she replied, glaring at Father pointedly. "And of the Shirabuki children? How have they been since they were placed in the Murakami family's care?"

My father intervened. "We need not speak of them right now. Murakami-dono is waiting." She yielded reluctantly and assisted me with my trench coat, handing over our winter wrappings to the maids to hang. With a sigh, the Kuran head turned his attention to us. "The both of you shall behave? Do try to stay within Mori's line of sight."

The level B vampire beside him inclined his head out of respect, casting a wary glance at me in particular. I had a habit to gnaw on one's dispassion. "It will be an honor to watch over them, my lord and lady."

As our parents made their way up the grand staircase, Kaname and I were led by several maids to a different hall. There was nothing interesting about the antechamber we were left in, and Mori was hardly one to initiate a conversation with. His stance remained stiff while he stood at the corner of the luxurious room, his emotionless gaze watchful for any surprise attacks that could come our way. What a boring aristocrat.

"Are you still hungry?" Kaname asked, his tone all too innocent.

"No." I was determined to keep my distance and relaxed when he didn't inquire about my hunger anymore. However, in half an hour, I had settled myself on the same couch as my brother. I couldn't stay wary of him for too long; it was almost impossible. Smiles appeared on both of our lips when Kaname began to twirl my curly strands around his fingers. I questioned after a moment of tranquility, "What are you reading?"

My eyes had skimmed the paragraphs that were written in neat scrawls, but I could barely understand half of the moth-eaten page. I later recognized the book as the leather-bound edition he had been reading earlier in our parents' library. He shifted beside me, his warm breath washing over my cheek. That alone could've sent my heart racing if I hadn't been so distracted with his question. "Do you believe in werewolves?"

"Werewolves?"

"Yes, Onee-san. They are beings who are slaves to the moon-"

"I know what they are!" I interrupted, somewhat miffed that he thought less of my intelligence. Then again, while everyone in the society considered me smart, they also acknowledged that Kaname was smarter. "But I didn't know you were one to read fairy tales."

My brother offered a smirk at my insight and asked, "Who says they are simple fairy tales? Vampires exist out in the open while billions of humans think we are not real. It is possible if you give it more thought."

I replied, "But I haven't met a werewolf before, and I'd like to think someone would make a big deal about it if they had."

"Maybe they're hiding like some of us are," he remarked. There was a flicker of unfathomable emotion that crossed his face, too quick for me to classify, and he turned to the double doors just as Mori-san had. Now that I was aware of their suspicion, I too felt the overwhelming presence of another pureblood outside the entrance.

A low chuckle sliced through the silence as the door's golden handle was pulled back. In came a fourteen year old boy with delicate blond curls, gentle baby blue eyes, and porcelain skin. His cherubic appearance was the polar opposite to Kaname's magnetic allure, but nonetheless rivaled the other's childlike beauty. "I could not help but overhear," he murmured apologetically, though he hardly sounded sorry for the intrusion. "Tales of werewolves are a gray topic to speak about, even among us purebloods."

I disregarded Mori's wary glance and asked, "Who are you?"

He appraised me with a playful smile. "Forgive me for the lack of introduction. I am Shirabuki Liron."

Interest flickered in Kaname's gaze. "You are the acting family head placed in Murakami-dono's guardianship?"

"You are mistaking me for Sara, my younger sister. I have no interest in such titles. Neither does our sleeping aunt," Liron replied coolly before turning his attention to me . . . or was it Snuffles-san? As beautiful as the child was, there was something unstable about him. "How cute. You two are the renowned Kuran twins."

"Very much so," I answered, hugging my teddy bear closer to my torso, "but I do not think we are renowned." Whatever that meant, I made a mental note to check its meaning in the dictionary tomorrow.

The blond grinned at my self-conscious gesture which exposed his full grown fangs. They were sharper compared to our dull, shorter pairs. "Hmm, finally, a playmate for my sister, one of equal ranking."

Kaname looked displeased. However, he managed to suppress the frown that threatened to appear. "Shirabuki-san has played with plenty of others before?"

"Reliable company are hard to come by these days. They're barely sturdy. It's pathetic," he responded, meeting my blank gaze. Iron green clashed against the purest shades of blue. "Do you wish to meet her, Kuran-san? She's terribly lonely."

I opened my mouth to reply, but my brother dutifully interrupted. "Though we would not mind the walk, we were told to stay here."

"Ah, yes, of course," Liron murmured as he nodded his head. It caused me to feel patronized somehow, no matter how sympathetic he seemed, and I could not fully conceal my irritation. "I wouldn't want to lead you into trouble on our first encounter. It'd be too mean of me."

There was only so much I could do with Snuffles-san in another person's home without acting so naïve. Interested with other company, I mustered a smile. "Or may she come to us?"

Kaname pressed, "Another time, Onee-san." An eyebrow rose on my face, but I stayed docile, almost submissive. I ignored the monster that snarled inside of me - the arrogant demon who demanded independence from all the testosterone. I did not mind the dormancy obedience offered, but as a pureblood, it was instinctively unacceptable. "But we are grateful to be acquainted with you."

Liron shot both of us a grin. "The nannies will still suffice until then."

Some of their nannies, I had noticed earlier, were breathing humans, but the way he referred to the fragile species was cringe worthy. As the elder child of pureblooded pacifists, his words were set to provoke me. "You say it like they are replaceable toys."

"My, surely you noticed it too. One mistaken decision, one unlucky circumstance, even the slightest pierce of metal to their weak bodies will cause their light to extinguish forever. If they are that eager to die, how are we not superior, us who cannot seek and find an end?"

Kaname didn't appreciate where Liron was leading his argument, his gaze steadily growing darker. I, on the other hand, was astonished at the blond's passion and unyielding confidence. I said hotly, "My mother always said that such supernatural capabilities did not make us superior. We are simply different - special." To my disbelief, Liron had the tenacity to snicker. It was low at first and wasn't intentionally meant for other ears, but the jest he found in my statement loosened his constraint.

There was a sudden knock at the door which was followed by a particular scent, causing the chuckling Liron to glance behind him. With a smirk, he turned back to me and Kaname and tilted his head as a goodbye. "Unfortunately, I will be taking my leave. It seems someone has realized my absence." Liron then nodded to me, smug. "And I will be more than thrilled to convince you otherwise, little pureblood."

I took a deep breath when the Shirabuki male was finally gone, relieved. Still, the current debate remained in the air. I could feel my brother's disapproving stare at the side of my face, the old edition on his lap momentarily dismissed. "What is it, Kaname?"

"You knew better than to humor him," he remarked.

"After learning what Otou-san and Okaa-san publicly stand for, can you blame me?" I had remembered to keep formalities while we were outside the safety of our home. I reminded, "Sympathy is not a weakness."

"No, it isn't, but we are not at home, Onee-san."

"That does not matter!" If I had stayed silent, I would have indirectly denounced our own parents' teachings. Kaname knew this; why he was doubting my actions was questionably suspicious.

His annoyance was replaced with insufferable indifference, and his eyes dropped down to the book. "Nevertheless, it was foolish."

Never had Mother been one to lie . . . much . . . so I wondered why I had not taken her seriously before. The night was long as it was painful, icily spent in agitated silence. Even after the dawn drew nearer, Kaname and I did not share one mumble, though there had been several neutral glances shared. Mori was degraded from bodyguard to a companion for a six year old's amusement until his masters returned - but by then, it was too late. He had quietly endured the paralyzing effects of the tinted, impish smog that swirled around him.

I dashed into someone's arms, breaking concentration and burying my nose into the comforting scent. The haze immediately vanished as my hunger reappeared. "Otou-san~!"

A slender hand belonging to Mother ran over my loose braid, a fond gesture in itself. "Are you alright, Mori-san?" It was clear she had asked on my behalf.

"F-Fine, my lady. No permanent harm has been inflicted," the level B vampire managed to grumble. He rubbed his forehead as if he was suffering a headache.

Catching her stern glimpse, I shot Mori an apologetic yet unnecessary look to avoid trouble rather than to express regret. Every vampire adult commonly acknowledged how vampire children could get carried away with the littlest of things. Besides, Mori could handle the strain due to his status as an aristocrat. . . . Right? He had shown some resistance at my antics times before.

"Thank you, Mori. Tsukina sometimes cannot help herself," my father said despite his wife's slight concern. Her hesitance was justified though. It was no secret that powerful purebloods were used by the Senate to ensure status, influence, and intimidation towards lower level vampires. As a parent, she didn't want Kaname and I to fall into a category that wrongly defined us to the vampire society.

"Come, Kaname. We'll be returning home now." Seeing my glazed, rogue-tinged eyes, Mother asked softly, "Can you wait after we reach the mansion?"

I managed a nod. Testing my power on an empty stomach had not been that wise of me. As we left the Murakami manor, however, the smell - no, the stench of human blood flooded past my nostrils and into my lungs. My predatory instincts sensed that the blood intended for the pregnant Chouko Murakami had spilled. What a waste, the monster inside whimpered.

My grip around my father's neck tightened, and I became uncomfortable with the ache that swelled within my gums. My throat felt parched, my vision sharpening in the darkness to new heights. Was this the start of a vampire's blood thirst? Since vampires learned to use their fangs at the age of eight in the earliest, I disregarded my anxiety and eyed the peering silhouette on the fourth floor window. It resembled the tall, willow figure of Liron Shirabuki. Our sole meeting had been brief, but I could vividly imagine his smirk and shifty manners from afar.

Liron could be sneering at our direction right now, I concluded before my view of the Murakami manor expired.

I didn't share Kaname's interest with vampire politics, choosing to focus on the passing scenery than the topic our parents discussed in the car; at the way my father relaxed, I could tell things had gone smoothly for them. Mother was the one to feed me after we returned to the Kuran household, and I happily detangled my hair from its forsaken braid. She then tucked me in my princess bed, wearing a small smile. Her wild curls fell over her shoulder to the edge of my bed as they intertwined with my curious fingers.

"Did something happen in the Murakami Manor?"

". . . Yes."

My mother was amused at my reluctance and patted my head. "And aren't you weary? After all, being angry with your brother is rather tiring." A dark pulse seemed to echo in my room at her own irritation. "I would know."

"My current wellbeing doesn't change what he said," I muttered, feeling a bit petty.

She leaned down to press her forehead against mine, her stare sincere. "Do you think it's worth your pride?"

I questioned back with wide eyes, "Is it?"

A sudden blush tinted her cheeks pink, and my mother turned away, flustered. "I-I suppose it depends on the matter at hand." When she met my gaze again, she chuckled lightly. "There's no arguing with you now, is there? Sleep well, my darling."

Shrouded in shadows, I stared after her and cuddled deeper within the cocoon of silk comforters. Snuffles-san stayed in my company, but its constant, fluffy presence didn't warm or soothe me anymore. It lacked something I was presently yearning for. I shrugged the teddy bear away, and it fell to the floor, out of sight and unwanted. Despite hearing the slow heartbeats of the sleeping household workers, I couldn't follow them into the dream world and lied awake until a sliver of sunshine escaped past the thick curtains. It was way past my bedtime.

An echoing creak captured my attention, and I languidly turned to the door, seeing a shadow slip inside my bedroom. It was Kaname, appearing just as weary as I felt. Father must've gotten to him since he wore a cute yet remorseful expression on his face. I was genuinely surprised; Kaname wouldn't have dared to look so apologetic if he had gotten his share of sleep. He stood at my bedside, neither awkward or confident, as he waited for my reaction or some sign of acknowledgment.

My hand shot out on its own accord and yanked him into my embrace, his scent alone lulling me to unconsciousness. As the covers were drawn to our chins, our heartbeats slowed in harmonious sync. Kaname was a much better teddy bear than Snuffles-san - there was barely any competition. No words were needed to convey our apologies. No whispers were given to show our forgiveness. I could partially comprehend what my mother had said to me. Kaname and I were together, and that was all that mattered . . .

The sly monster within stirred at my happiness. For now, it finished as it followed me to slumber.

-Her XV Year-

quintus decimus

"W-What are you doing here?" I stammered as I felt my cheeks flush. At my shock, I nearly rammed my bruised knee against the corner of a drawing table and had the common sense to halt my movements.

He stood, refined and dignified, beside the cupboards with his fond gaze directed towards me. All in all, Kaname looked amused at my sheepish blunders. "We did not have much time to speak earlier, or for the past few weeks. I'm sorry."

My blush deepened, much to my embarrassment. "Oh - er, I know you're very busy with Yuuki-senpai . . . uh, and Ichijo-senpai." I let out a nervous chuckle at the end, realizing with horror at how suggestive that sounded.

"Your arm-"

"It's fine," I mumbled, all too aware of his presence. He was displeased at my dismissal, but I didn't want the chairman or Zero asking questions. "It's healing slowly, but I'm alright."

"Do you wish for me to leave?" He questioned. "This is your particular spot. I feel as if I'm intruding."

Unable to control how idiotic I acted around him, I wanted to answer yes. Embarrassing myself in front of my savior was hardly appealing. Unfortunately, I repeated what every lovestruck fool did and blurted out, "No! I don't want you to leave . . . yet. I mean, if you have to. . . . The Night Class is starting."

Kaname tilted his head to the side, authoritative. "Kiyoe, the Night Class began its break several minutes ago. It doesn't resume for another half an hour."

I blinked and glanced up the clock. My eyes widened at the realization. "Oh. I-I didn't realize," was all I could utter. A head filled with worries for a certain childhood friend was just as distracting as a Night Class Dorm President who now stood a mere foot away; that fact was startling. Taking advantage of Zero's reliability . . . was that somehow greedy of me?

"-anything peculiar?"

When he neared, I accidentally inhaled an attractive scent. My face reddened and for once, I was thankful for the shadows . . . until I remembered how useless they were against a creature of the dark. "I'm sorry. I suppose I've been distracted a lot."

He spared me a sympathetic look. "Then you haven't seen anything strange, I presume."

"Strange?" What did he mean by that? Surprisingly enough, there was something in Kaname's expression - a touch of awareness, maybe a dash expectation - that made me annoyed. Really, uncharacteristically annoyed. I accused, "You talked with the chairman, didn't you?"

"I was worried," he confessed in a blunt manner. As he spoke, his elegant fingers wrapped around my wrist. Probably in someone else's perspective, it appeared like a lover's grip; for some reason completely unknown to me, my imagination pictured his pale hand as shackles. "You haven't been taking your medicine. Yuuki informed me about it, though I am curious as to why you didn't tell anyone."

Kaname sounded hurt. Had he expected me to confide in him with ease, a vampire who drank human blood? I didn't notice how cruel my thoughts were turning out to be as I drowned in betrayal. "The chairman told Yuuki-senpai?" I asked, my voice hollow.

"She too worries about you." That seemed like a mixture of a lie and the truth, and I chose not to answer.

Yuuki was the aid of my savior, the elder sister of the academy; she was also feared and heavily respected as she was adored. There had to be a reason why Hanabusa and Akatsuki flinched at her mere presence, why she drew so much attention at a single glimpse, why she was considered Kaname's perfect match when Kaname himself was untouchable. Underneath my admiration and jealousy for the beautiful brunette, I abruptly realized that there were times in the past when I had also been wary of her - not afraid, but cautious.

Misunderstanding my tension, he said, "You're not in trouble for your lack of consistency, but if you wish to get better . . ."

Don't believe everything you hear. Your precious savior could be like them, a voice hissed in my mind. My hands inched closer to the sleeping anti-vampire weapon that was strapped to my thigh. They'll lock you up. They'll strap you in a straightjacket. They'll lie to you, take you away.

Uncomfortable, I found myself edging away from the object of my affections. "L-Let go of me, Kaname-senpai."

"It's okay to be afraid."

His warm whispers reached deaf ears. "I said let go!" I shouted all of a sudden, trying to twist my arm away. I couldn't think straight with him this close.

He wasn't surprised at my cry and pulled me to a shifted embrace. His hold was resolute like iron, and it didn't break as I pushed against his chest. My anxieties weren't soothed when Kaname brushed my hair away from my face or when his breath tickled the shell of my ear, but it did weaken my endeavors until I held absolutely still. Despite its vague corners, our position recalled a faded memory, a tranquil moment from three years ago when he had hugged me for the same reasons - to mollify, to comfort.

"There's nothing wrong with me." I glared at nothing in particular as my lips moved in a continuous murmur. Shadows were dancing, shifting all around me. "I'm not crazy."

"No, you're not."

Harsh words fell out of my mouth without my conscious permission. "Don't just say it out of convenience! You treat me differently - you all do. You must think it too behind my back, after everything that happened!"

"My actions weren't brought up from pity or suspicion," Kaname reminded me. His voice stayed even and unbelievably patient. "I don't see you as different. You're . . . special. You always were."

"Special . . ? I-Is that the new word for it? Special." Most of my scorn quelled into weariness. I allowed myself to relax, but stiffened after hearing Kaname's faintest of sighs. I shut my eyes with dread. It felt like I had regained control of my sanity, but the horrors I sprouted still echoed around the art room. "I d-didn't mean . . . I-I'm sorry."

His only response was to tighten his embrace, reminding me that he was still there - that I wasn't alone. What a stupid fear of mine. Afraid of being alone . . . of being hospitalized in a dark room . . . alone . . . truly alone.

When I hesitantly met Kaname's stare, it was a relief he didn't look disappointed or affronted or even disturbed. He simply offered a caress on my cheek which I shyly leaned into. "How long have you gone without it?"

"Just one day - one pill! I promised it wouldn't happen again yet-!" My own mind caused me to forget, my memory happily failing me. At his apparent concern, I stuttered, "I-I took it this afternoon . . . so . . ." What? Don't worry? My fits of panic won't happen anymore? I couldn't give him another empty promise and allowed my sentence to trail off. Kaname didn't try to fill the silence either, not when there was nothing left to say.

From the constant daydreams and my inability to focus, my mental illness had driven me down the wrong road once again. I felt humiliated that I succumbed to imagined terror, and to think I had the nerve to believe I had been slowly getting better without the pills. My reliance on that small, everyday tablet was tremendous, considering it was the only thing that separated reality from fiction - a fact I kept on forgetting. Hallucinations, emotional imbalance, paranoia . . . Why didn't I acknowledge the symptoms sooner?

And like before, Kaname was the one to calm my agitated self. It seemed as if he knew when I'd break down, what triggered my distress, and how to send it to oblivion. It had always been him . . . "Kiyoe, what did you see this time?" He questioned after a moment's ponder, amazingly unfazed. "Do you mind telling me?"

I inched back and wondered how to reply, not bothering to be surprised about his alarming perception. My thoughts moved to the melancholy girl in white and red. She was too personal and too horrid to make known, and my heart ached at the thought of revealing her aloud. She wasn't real anyways; it had all been in my head. Silently, I slipped my hand into my blazer pocket and handed him the crafted rosebud of my creation. I watched as his eyes gleamed with a hint of appreciation. It was a bit bold of me to expect a more intimate reaction, and I bit the inside of my cheek.

Remember your place, I whispered in my head as I dismissed his caring notions for simple upperclassman worry.

"May I keep it? Your artworks are rather beautiful." How ironic. My only talent was inspired by the very thing that made me . . . special . . . from the other Day Class students. "I'm almost envious towards those who've already been gifted with similar tokens."

How he was able to disregard my recent display of madness and admit his feelings so frankly was mindboggling. Mortified, I muttered a stiff answer. "It's already yours. As a St. Xocolatl's Day g-gift, I mean." While chocolates were the usual gifts for such occasions, Kaname knew I could barely cook, much less bake.

He didn't give any indication of shock at my horrible confession. Intuition told me that he already knew about my romanticized feelings yet all he said to me was, "Thank you, Kiyoe."

"Kaname-senpai . . . I . . ." Cowardice sneakily replaced courage, and I couldn't follow up on the desire to confront him. "Um, t-thanks for earlier."

The handsome vampire merely smiled. His gaze flickered behind me, resignation crossing his dark orbs. "You should return to the Sun Dormitories. I trust you feel well enough-"

"Yes," I answered. "I'm fine now, honestly." Though I've just lost most of my self-credibility.

He rested his hand on my shoulder, sighing when I blindly stepped out of reach. "Don't feel so chagrined. These hindrances caused three years ago were not your fault. You'll heal from these scars eventually."

"But I want to be healed now, not later," I whispered. It was tiring to see things that weren't really there, to hear murmurs that weren't meant for sane ears.

Kaname shook his head. "To say such things so freely, you're rather mean." He ignored my puzzlement and walked to the doorway, leaving me behind. Our mellow moment was over. "For the sake of those who regard you highly, take better care of yourself."

My head was filled with his parting as I entered the chairman's residential building. I had developed a tendency to avoid the areas I witnessed my last hallucination, out of mere superstition or fear that I would see it again. Sayori wouldn't mind my disappearance tonight if she knew it set me at ease. Plus, I had already informed her of my plans to sleep elsewhere and assuaged the worries she held for my state of mind. Now if only I could see . . . Shadows coated every inch of the hall, causing me to feel my way into the lounge.

When I spotted a darkened figure on the couch, a curse slipped from my mouth. "Z-Zero!?" I could've burst into helpless tears and raged on and on about the angers of being ditched, but I quickly realized he was asleep. Unbelievable. As I crouched in front of him, I could see droplets of clear water dripping down his chin and melting within the layers of his damp shirt. Had he taken a bath fully clothed? "Baka, you'll get a cold this way!"

He didn't awaken when I returned from the chairman's bathroom, a towel at hand. Draping it over his head, I gingerly patted his drenched hair until it could pass for dry locks of silver. It was a miracle he stayed unconscious through most of my fuss. Pausing when a shiver shook his body, I took the sofa quilt above him and let it drop around his shoulders. I wasn't sure how Zero got the same idea I did, but he was nimbler to claim the couch first. I made myself comfortable on the wooden floor and stared at his blank expression, emotions in discord.

"You should frown less, you know. You're more approachable this way," I breathed at last, disliking the silence that animated my mind. Zero snorted in his sleep. "You should take patrols seriously too. It's not nice being alone." I started to scowl when the bad feelings didn't fade away. True, my medicine took hours to work, but this was just testing my patience. "And you should . . . I should. . . . There's a lot of things we should do."

Trying to get Zero to open up when I couldn't do the same was shamefully hypocritical. I had been tempted to admit my breakdowns to my partner for a while, but I never found a way how to. My mishaps were private and doleful, but it also should've been something I could disclose without difficulty, especially to my oldest friend. I had believed if Zero was able to confide in me - a secret, a hint, even a trifling hum - I would eventually find the courage to tell him upfront. That obviously didn't happen.

My fingers reached out to detangle his hair before I stood. "I'm sorry, Zero." Clueless, I left without seeing his eyelids unfurl. They revealed a pair of alert lavender eyes that watched me walk to the direction of the girls' dormitory, empty of feeling.

"-ning to me, Kurosu-san?" An irritated voice demanded.

Small bursts of laughter erupted around the classroom. Feeling a nudge on my forearm, I broke out from another one of my dazes and stared at the fuming professor who stood beside my desk. My textbooks were closed, my pencils tucked in my sketchbook's leather bindings. To anyone who saw it, I was clearly not paying attention and was off in my own world of imagination. Sayori shot me a disapproving glance as I was caught daydreaming again. It was the last school period for the Day Class, a full morning and afternoon already gone and went.

"Yes, Sensei?" I blinked away a sharp ray of sunshine from my sight and yawned. Going to sleep at the wee hours of the morning hadn't been one of my better ideas and here I sat, paying the consequences of inefficient rest. When I looked at my teacher again, I realized he was waiting for my reply. "Er, c-could you please repeat that?"

I could've sworn a blood vessel had popped on his forehead. "Detention!"

Sayori sighed after the bell rung, automatically exchanging the notes I missed for the ones I had requested yesterday. She flicked her short hair away from her face and gathered up her things. "You don't learn, do you?"

"Yori! Stop teasing!" I whined.

She offered me an amiable smile. "I'm not teasing. Stay awake or else you'll upset Sensei more." Before she left, Sayori asked, "Are you feeling better? I was worried yesterday when you changed your plans so late."

Sheepishly, I waved off her unease and assured, "Aside from being a little tired, I'm okay. It was nothing, Yori, but I'm sorry I made you worry."

"As long as you're alright," she replied. "And I have today's survey. We can look at it later."

I had to smile at her unshakable fondness for detailed opinions. From a girl's favorite manga character to a boy's most disliked music group, she wanted to know all the little things. "Ketchup, mustard, or mayo?" I fired off at random.

Sayori smiled. "Mayo, definitely."

A loud thump suddenly shook the desk behind mine; it sounded like a tumble of hardcover books. I quickly turned to see Zero and his usual gloominess . . . but something was definitely wrong with his appearance. His cheeks were hollowed out, his skin paling harshly under the sunlight. He looked like he hadn't slept or eaten anything in days which hadn't been the case when I last saw sleeping hours ago. Is Zero sick again?

"What?" He asked impatiently.

I cleared my throat, deciding not to say anything. "You'll be patrolling without me. Good luck."

Zero shrugged, not alarmed or surprised at my being in trouble. "Don't sound so relieved. Once you're released, hurry up and join me." His voice thankfully kept the same standoffish tone he always used.

"It's not like that! I'm not hiding!" I defended as the doors closed after him.

"Oi, get back to work, Kurosu-san! And stay quiet!" The professor barked from his desk, keeping to his side of the classroom, "You've got about two hours to spend in here!"

I knew the most responsible thing to do was to complete my assignments and study for the quiz I just remembered we were having next week; then again, I never was the ideal student. My pencil was tight in hand, but my scribbles were, in reality, unfinished sketches that covered most of the unused page. It continued that way until my teacher allowed my leaving. I spent the next half hour in the art studio, finishing up my weekly sketch for Natsuko Yamamoto while the Night Class roamed the main building.

"Commendable job, Kurosu-san. You can complete it tomorrow," she told me, locking up the files on her desk. Her animated pop music fought off the silence that haunted the empty halls. "Though I'd be careful with Akihiro-san if I were you - such an ill-tempered man. He might give you detention again just for sneezing."

A hushed giggle left me. "Thanks, Sensei."

My teacher then noticed the bookmarked page in my sketchbook. "Oh, you're working on something new? Show me." I quietly opened it to her, watching her critical eyes scrutinize my piece. "Interesting choice in shading. Is she someone you know?"

"No." The subject of my recent portraits wasn't even real - a girl in white, drenched in blotches of vermillion. "She's not."

"It's . . . tragically thoughtful. Still, there's some work needed here and here, especially around her face . . ." she said distantly while she gestured to the incomplete areas. "Not bad for a stencil model."

If only Sensei knew my muse . . . I felt both pride and fear from her critique.

Dashing to the chairman's office, I caught a swift glance of Yuuki Kuran and Seiren past the shrubbery and trees. The brunette appeared determined and ethereal underneath the moon's weak glow. Our gazes connected for a short second before I continued on my way and she on hers. Regretful as I felt, I knew better than to shove shamed apologies at her face unannounced. She was still Onee-san from that time three years ago as far as she was concerned - at least, I hoped she still thought it that way.

I barged inside with a lungful of breathless explanations on how tired I had been to receive afterschool punishment. When I saw Kaname in the chairman's office, sitting across the chairman himself, my eyes widened. "Oh," I gasped, my attention flittering between my adoptive father and the Dorm President. "I didn't know you were in a meeting."

The chairman soothed, "It's alright. We weren't, er, discussing anything serious." As Kaname and I exchanged polite greetings, he searched through the files on his desk and took out a bright pink slip. "Eh, you angered Akihiro-san. . . . Sleeping in class again?"

"By accident," I mumbled, my heart pounding from my run. It quickened at the pleasant smile Kaname gave me, though I couldn't help but think how solemn the atmosphere had been when I entered unpronounced. "I just stopped by to confirm it, student protocol and all."

"You're not sleeping well?" The Dorm President asked pointedly.

"It was only a late night."

A flash of amusement crossed his handsome features. "Is that your conviction?"

Self-conscious, I tightened the hold on my books, acting as if they could shield me from making a fool of myself. "I gathered back my confidence, that's all."

"That's good to hear, Kiyoe. At least one of you is moving forward," the chairman mumbled. I silently wondered what he meant by that. "I know your duties as a guardian is affecting your school work, but it's imperative to find some sort of balance. The academy needs its guardians if it's to work well for all its students." He waited for me to agree before continuing. "Good. Now your patrol rounds have already started. Zero might be searching for you."

I could've deflated at my partner's name. My anxiety for his abrupt change in health heightened, but I couldn't exactly inform others of his personal problems without his permission. Could I? Kaname seemed to do it all the time. Speaking of the dark-haired vampire, he was watching my reaction with close intrigue. In all honesty, it was embarrassing to be lectured right in front of him, but it was another thing to feel suspicious if he also noticed the differences in my partner. My uncertainty must have been evident on my face since he raised a graceful eyebrow at me.

"Kiyoe?"

With a forced smile, I nodded at both of them. "I'll see you later, Kaname-senpai, Chairman."

"-me, where's Yuuki?" The chairman's voice reached my ears despite the slightly ajar door standing between us. I continued down the hallway as slowly as possible, eavesdropping as I went. "I thought she'd want . . . and voice her opinions . . . here."

"No words will sway . . . incompatible views. She's content . . . what she wants and . . . cannot change that."

". . . but yes, I understand . . . special."

Relinquishing my curiosity for their conversation, I stopped by the chairman's bathroom to swallow down a pill. Taking pain relievers the same time as my medicine wasn't allowed, the absence of it prolonging the pain in my arm. To get better, I reminded myself unhappily. To get better, to get better - ew! A frown marred my mouth at the bitter aftertaste.

Ready to leave, I passed by the lounge and saw the very towel I had wrapped over Zero last night. I wasn't surprised he hadn't cleaned up after himself, not when he was half-asleep. Picking it up from the sofa, I frowned when I noticed something I wouldn't have anticipated to find - a packet of blood tablets. Other than the Kuran siblings, the Night Class students weren't known to venture this far from the Moon Dormitories. A thunderous slam caused me to jump to my feet, confusion forgotten.

I slipped the blood tablets into my blazer pocket, peering at each end of the hall and tip-toeing to the stairway's entrance. At the pained gasps I heard, I rushed down the flight of stairs, alarmed when I saw an all too familiar figure crouched on the ground. "W-What happened to you?"

Zero smacked my reaching hand away, snarling. "Stay away from me!"

I was frozen, bewildered at his abrupt hostility, until my eyes caught sight of his tattered uniform. There were no signs of blood, but instead, a drifting smell of smoke surrounded him. "Who attacked you?"

"J-Just leave!"

"Stop pushing me away!" I entreated as I grabbed his wrist to stop his endeavors. "Tell me what-"

"No, Kiyoe!" With a rough yank, Zero pulled me towards his chest, and I found myself kneeling too close for comfort. His face burrowed itself on my shoulder, both of his hands sliding down to grasp my elbows into a tight grip. All I could smell were spices and smoke. "Kiyoe."

I reddened at the unadulterated desire in his voice yet my heart was pounding for another reason entirely. Pain bloomed within my stitched arm, causing me to cringe back. "What's going on with you? You're scaring-!" My words turned to a gasp when his lips found the bare crook of my neck.

"Please."

There it is again . . . My thoughts were oddly placid as my cheekbone brushed against the curve of his ear.Those furious snarls . . .

Everything happened in a flash. One moment, I cowered inside an anguished embrace, sandwiched between my partner and the stairway railing, about to have my neck torn apart by bloodied kisses. The next, we practically threw ourselves to the other side of the staircase in simultaneous harmony; the chased and the chaser. I was freed, hunched over the first pair of steps with my back facing the wooden wall. My injured arm was raised as a replacement for my neck, but I could literally hear the lazy drops of blood that escaped my fresh wounds.

With one hand propped above my left, the other bared my right wrist against his eager mouth. Fangs protruded from his hidden gums, sheathing themselves so deeply beneath my skin that I had cried out in pain. I couldn't help but shiver when I felt his tongue scrape over my racing pulse. Zero's actions, our scandalous position - they were too intimately raw to engage in yet I couldn't move away, not when I was captured by the scarlet veil of his altered eyes. They openly revealed the torment he had lived in secret.

Zero . . . was a vampire?

Is the discovery all you pictured? My vision blurred with conflicted tears until they spilt past my cheeks. As if awakened from a daydream, he ripped himself away, horrified with his actions. Zero started to say something then hesitated. Anything would've been satisfying to hear - an apology or an explanation of some sort - but his attention was stolen by someone behind me.

"Was it all you imagined?" Kaname questioned, unwittingly in tune with my thoughts. He glared at my partner with untold odium that I was surprised Zero didn't burst into flames. "Such a disgraceful display. You've truly succumbed to the beast's temptation."

Hearing his deadly undertone, I grabbed his hand when Kaname passed and held on to him mercilessly. "Don't," I choked. I wasn't sure why I kept on crying; perhaps it was the torment of my bleeding wrist or the shock of learning Zero's present state. Strangely, it felt real to let out a sob or two. This wasn't just another illusion of mine.

"Don't freeze up at the sight of a girl's tears," a bold voice scolded. The chairman walked down the stairway with a strained smile. "Kaname, please look after her injury. I'll take care of Zero from here."

Before I could catch my partner's eye, I was gingerly pulled to my feet and led to the chairman's office. The arms that held me upright were caring, but who knew what cruelties they were capable of. I had seen that dangerous spark in Kaname's stare, similar to the one he wore three years ago just moments before he pulverized disgraced vampires. The fact that he was an apex predator by instinct was sometimes forgettable, especially when he did treat me separately from everyone else, mentally ill or not.

Then why?

"Let me see." As I took his former seat, he tugged on my stained blazer and was careful not to further irritate the bite. I flinched. "Kiyoe, don't be so difficult. You're wounded." I opened my mouth to retort, but decided to turn away last minute. Fingers found the point of my chin and delicately urged me to look back at him. "Say what you wish to say."

I could've gaped at the proximity of our faces, but my confusion halted my affection. An important factor of my life was tilting out of my discernment, and I desperately tried to hold on to something that tethered my insights to reality - my friendship with Zero being the first thing that came to mind. "What were you planning to do w-with Zero? Were you gonna hurt him, l-like the others before?"

"Allegations rather than inquiries?" Kaname's dark eyes narrowed. "Kiryuu-kun's the one who attacked you yet here you sit, defending him and accusing me."

Muddled, I lowered my head and blanched at the bloodstains on my clothes. This was actually happening. "That's n-not what I meant to say, but all I can grasp is that my best friend attacked me, and you were gonna . . ."

He remained unapologetic, confirming my fears. "It's as you said."

"But I'm fine!" I argued stubbornly, "I feel fine. Zero didn't know what he was doing-"

"Yes, he did - and it saddens me that you refuse to see his awakening."

Ignorant to the actual depth of his care, I slouched in my seat and wiped any evidence of my fallen tears. "After all these years, without me knowing . . . Zero is . . ." I swallowed. "He's . . ."

"A vampire, yes," he finished without much sympathy. Noticing my frown, Kaname returned his attention to my wrist and cleaned it free of blood with a wet towel. My skin tingled at his cool touch, but I forced myself to stay immobile. "Kiryuu-kun bit with all his strength. How's the pain?"

"Manageable," I whispered as someone curtly knocked on the door.

"Onii-sama?" Yuuki entered the office with unmatched elegance, my misplaced books collected in her grasp. She left them at the chairman's desk and instead of being troubled, she looked relieved at her interruption. "The scent of Kiyoe's blood is exciting the Night Class. I thought it best if you were there instead as their Dorm President."

I couldn't hope to understand the silent conversation between Kaname and Yuuki, but it ended with the elder Kuran having to stifle a bitter chuckle. "You know me too well, Yuuki. I'll concede."

After minutes of pleasant company, my wrist was neatly bandaged and I was free to head back to the girls' dormitories. I once again refused Yuuki's healing capabilities despite knowing how effective they were, but she stood adamant with at least dulling the pain Zero caused. It was only afterwards did I realize she meant both physically and emotionally, for my guilt lightened along with my soreness and fatigue. To think my judgment of her was inconsistent . . . She was a rival who I tried to dislike but couldn't, and a girl who I looked up to regardless.

Our relationship was a starting anomaly.

"You've been crying," she observed as she rose to her feet, "but you're not the weaker for it. The thing about Kiryuu-san must have been quite a shock."

"How?"

Yuuki scrutinized my newfound determination, grimacing when she chose to answer truthfully. "Just like those in your horror stories, there are vampires who exist that can . . . change humans into vampires, and it only takes a single bite. They're called purebloods." Her voice hardened with distaste. "From what the chairman told me, Kiryuu-san's family was attacked four years ago by a pureblood vampire. They didn't survive."

And Zero was the only survivor, I completed. The bits and pieces of information I had collected throughout our three year friendship connected to one entire story - Zero's story. I suppose I did get my wish; I learnt more about him than I ever did, just to realize how far apart we really were.

"Where are you going?" She asked when I rushed past the door. My fingers absentmindedly curled around the packet of blood tablets. I now knew who they belonged to. "Is it about Kiryuu-san?"

"He needs to know I'm alright!"

Not pausing for her permission - not that I needed it, I skipped down the stairway closest to the Sun Dorms and breathed in the evening air. The silence was daunting since I walked alone in the shadows, my paranoia growing as an unnecessary shiver climbed up my spine. I stayed within the buildings' edge, searching for the link between the boys' and girls' dormitories. Imagine my conflict when I finally came across the loosened backdoor, happy to have found my way in but displeased to see it so unguarded.

The path to Zero's unshared room was a familiar one. I reached it after three flights of stairs and two left turns that covered stretched, identical hallways, but I hesitated on continuing to the door; the chairman stood right in front of me, blocking my path. "I expected that you'd come here," he told me, sympathetic. "Kaname's treated you well?"

"It was Yuuki-senpai," I corrected as I cradled my newest injury. "And I came to see Zero."

"I won't deny that we did try to hide it from you. As your guardian, I just wanted the best for you and Zero. Our efforts were to benefit both parties, but it seems to have backfired. Right now, you should try to understand how he feels," the chairman advised. His hand gripped my shoulder in a comforting grip. "I don't think you should see him at this moment."

"What? But Chairman-!"

"Zero doesn't want to see you, Kiyoe." At my hurt reaction, he rephrased, "Please don't blame him. He's beside himself with guilt after . . ."

Shaking my head, I replied seriously, "I don't, but I-I want him to know that he shouldn't blame himself either."

"I'll tell him myself." When I was finally aware of it, the chairman had already lead me away from Zero and towards the staircase. I somehow felt like a marionette who was pulled on its strings, doing whatever was expected of it, but after hearing Zero's refusal, my resolution evaporated into tiredness. "Give him tonight to think. You can try seeing him tomorrow. First, get a good night's rest."

I stopped midway and pulled my adoptive father back, a stubborn thought coming to mind. "Zero shouldn't be alone. I'll return to the girls' dorms without you if that's okay." When he nodded mutely, I handed him the blood tablets and asked, "This is his, isn't it?"

Again, the chairman nodded; his silence appeared to draw the end of our conversation. Before I left, however, he questioned with worry, "How are you feeling, Kiyoe?"

I looked at him grimly. "I don't know."

Shiri-sama profusely apologizes: Yes, it has been more than half a year since I updated. I am so sorry for the long wait! Some things in my life went downhill the past seven months and my priorities just took forever to straighten out. To be honest, I have no clue when I'll be able to update again but I won't give up on trying to finish this fanfic - which, from the looks of it, will be far in the future. I hope you guys who are keeping up with the story be patient with me.

First order of business, yes, Kiyoe suffers from a mental illness similar to schizophrenia as a result from the trauma three years ago. I'm not really sure how my readers will react to this, but to make things clear, I don't mean to offend anyone. Second, has anyone else read the finale of Vampire Knight? I am honestly sad that there won't be anymore updates to look forward to and a little bewildered with the ending. It shows Yuuki's love for the two male leads, but who exactly did she love a little bit more? Any OMG reactions?

I do not own Vampire Knight, but my OWN OCs are my OWN and made of my OWN ideas. Also, to those who are strictly anime watchers, this story will make a lot more sense if you read the manga. Enjoy it, read it, and review it if you can!