Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters belong to Yana Toboso.

Note: Wow, I was NOT expecting the response I got from you guys. I'm really glad you like this story, because it has a special place in my heart. I'll spare you the details, because you're here to read a story, but I want you to know that your reviews mean so much to me.

Flesh

One

The brisk September air burned in his lungs as his feet pounded the concrete. Breath in, two, three, four, and breath out, then repeat. Ciel kept count in his head, keeping pace with his steps as the quaint little houses of the college town of Weston blew by. He reveled in the dull ache in his muscles, the heavy backpack weighing him down as he took his morning run to his first class. It didn't matter, every throb, every ache, meant another calorie melting off of his body. By the time he reached the campus, he would have sweated off his entire breakfast (all 258 calories of it)

Ciel used to hate running. His thighs would chafe, his lungs would ache, his face would flush crimson and drip with sweat, and he hated the way he could feel his stomach move with each step. When he went to school, he would cop out of running laps, saying that he felt an asthma attack coming on or that he forgot his inhaler, just to avoid the inevitable abuse of his peers, and from himself.

It was Lizzy, his cousin, that pushed him (more like bullied him) to run more. After a rocky divorce between his parents, Ciel was shipped off to live with his aunt Francis and uncle Alexis, who set him up in there guest room until the ugliness of lawyers and custody battles blew over. Lizzy was a dancer, and had been since she was young, and ran every morning to stay at the top of her game. Every morning she would plead with Ciel to run with her, and the few times he would indulge her, he failed miserably, dragging his exhausted body into the house behind his pretty, perfect, skinny cousin, feeling even more fat and worthless than before. From then on, he politely declined each time Lizzy offered to take him with her on her runs, until one morning, she laid her brutal honesty on the table.

"What hurts worse, the pain in your body, or being called a pig?" Ciel had felt his throat constrict, his eyes water, and his heart clench at such harsh words, but she was right. It hurt no worse that the verbal barbs, the disgusted looks, or the awful pranks, and had he not survived those? "I love you, Ciel, and I want to help you become someone you can love, too." Lizzy had knelt in front of him with tears in her big green eyes, and Ciel had resolved to try.

That had been three years and almost 13 kilograms ago. Three years of morning runs, calorie counting, and daily weigh-ins before and after showers had Ciel loving running. It was his escape from his life now, with its complicated family life, the pestering of his doctor aunt-cum-step mother, the constant absence of his father as he worked long hours at Weston College. His students' futures came first, and, before long, that became perfectly fine with Ciel. He only wished Angelina, his father's wife (he refused to call her otherwise) would be so immersed in her own career, perhaps then she wouldn't be so consumed in forcing Ciel to eat. It was hard enough sticking to his goal of staying under 1,200 calories a day without her shoving fattening meals and indulgent snacks down his throat. Lizzy would be appalled.

"Mummy always said: a second on the lips is a lifetime on the hips." she had once preached as she plucked a sugar cookie from Ciel's fingers. She had trained him well, and taught him that he didn't need to eat everything on his plate, just enough to stay full is enough to stay beautiful.

Ciel turned down Main Street, where Weston College came into view. Its high bell towers and ancient steeple pierced the gray September sky, and Ciel could begin to hear the cacophony of voices of his peers as the crossed the wide expanse of grass that was the campus. Weston College was impressive, to say the least, with its historic buildings and lush greenery, exotic flowers and neatly trimmed topiary, all upkept by generous donations made by wealthy families that Ciel could only hope to meet. A state of the art cafeteria stood tall to the west of the quad, and the boy could practically smell the wide array of delicious (fattening, disgusting, vile) food that was undoubtedly prepared fresh every day, and at the front stood a glorious fountain, crafted of marble. It was truly a place a higher learning, and Ciel couldn't wait to begin.

Slowing to a jog, he pulled open the large metal doors of the Scarlet Fox building, house of all the liberal arts classes of Weston, and where Ciel had hoped to spend most of his time. Inside was a lot less intense, the hall quiet and seemingly devoid of life. Instantly Ciel felt calmer, he shoulders relaxing as he made his way through the massive halls to his first class, Sociology. It wasn't his ideal course, he was less than interested in how the masses of society seemed to develop out of control and implode on themselves, but hey, easy A and studying the social structure was a perfect excuse to skip the awkward meals between his father's wife and himself.

It was a short walk to the classroom he was assigned, and he quickly settled himself into a seat in the back, being one of the first to arrive. He immediately pulled out his laptop and opened the tab to his favorite blog, feeding his boredom with photos of online friends he could only hope to meet in real life.

Flesh was an online message board, a collection of posts that provided inspiration to be perfect. It was a daily ritual, one Lizzy had introduced to him once, in the middle of the night, long after the rest of the house had gone to bed. She spoke in hushed tones about how the girls and boys were so pretty, so perfect, and how supportive they had been when she had her 'bad days', when she felt too big and slipped up. Everyone hid behind cute little monikers relating to their ultimate goal: to be thin, to be beautiful. She showed him her page, decorated in true Lizzy Middleford fashion with high amounts of pink and sparkles, and convinced him to make his own, and ever since then he had been Piggy-No-More. His every spare moment was spent updating his online food diary, venting on his urge to binge, and supporting others who were slipping up, who had binged, who had failed.

September 3rd

9:12 am

Breakfast:

-Plain oatmeal (blarg)

-Large banana

Total intake: 258

Exercise: 20 minute run

Net intake: 58

Had a TERRIBLE breakfast. Thank God for running! Now to try to steer clear of the cafeteria...

Instantly the comments came pouring in.

Way to go, Piggy!

Stay strong, Piggy, you can do it!

Yuck! No to cafe food!

It was a warming feeling, like those people were standing behind him, cheering him on in his struggle to stay better that he was, to keep life brighter than it had been back then.

"Wow, you're so little! What's your secret?" the dark haired male snapped the laptop shut and twisted in his seat, coming face to face with a pair of wide, electric blue eyes.

Alois was fascinated the moment he saw him, from those long, svelte legs all the way up to the nearly black, messy hair. He reminded him of those super models that graced the runway with their willowy, graceful frames. He simply had to know how he did it.

"Well? What is it?" Alois pressed. "Green tea? Detox baths? Coffee extract, because you know-"

"No secret, I just run. A lot." The boy cut him off. Rather rude, but no matter.

"Of course." the blond scoffed, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. "If we could all be so lucky. I wish I had the time to run around all day, but my boyfriend keeps me so busy." Alois smirked, seemingly in triumph.

Triumph at what, Ciel couldn't say. So what he had a boyfriend? Ever since that day Ciel saw no point in steady relationships. One heartbreak was enough, and he was perfectly satisfied with his sordid one night stands, thank you very much.

"I'm Alois, by the way. And you are..."

"Ciel."

"Nice to meet you! I can already tell we'll be the best of friends!"

His tone told Ciel that he clearly had little choice in the matter.

Alois was a talker, that much was clear from the little time Ciel had known him. He prattled on about his nameless boyfriend, going as far as to include little tidbits of their sex life (that he really could have done without)

"He's in a fraternity, you know. They let me live in the frat house with him. He's a junior, but he may graduate early. He's even got a job lined up and when he graduates, we'll be looking into buy a house! Isn't that exciting?"

"I bet." Ciel deadpanned. He had never been force-fed useless information before, and he didn't know how to handle the rapid pace at which Alois was talking his ear off. The two sat silently all through the class period, Ciel switching between taking notes and browsing Flesh, while Alois seemed to take notes and stare off into space, but as soon as the class was dismissed, the blond had started in on him, firing fact after fact about his own life, and, once in a while, asking Ciel about his own (without waiting for a response)

"Oh, you have to meet him! I'm meeting up with him in cafeteria, you simply have to join us!" the blond exclaimed, tugging Ciel in the direction of the very place he had been hoping to avoid. The smells hit him instantly, making his stomach turn and his brain grind to a halt. The cafeteria was set up in different stations, from American food, to sushi, to a breakfast bar, and all sorts of sweet (greasy, vomit inducing, decadent) snacks in between. "Let's get something to eat, first, I'm starving!"

Alois pulled Ciel through the many stations, picking through the wide selections of different meals. The blond ordered a short stack of pancakes from the breakfast bar, loaded down with maple syrup in butter, and wouldn't rest until Ciel picked something for himself. The boy settled for hot tea and a small garden salad (total: 127 calories) The blond seemed satisfied enough, shooting him a charming smile before marching to a table where two older men sat.

A sense of dread washed over Ciel, as something about the two rang eerily familiar, even though he had yet to see their faces. Alarms rang in his head, and he could swear he could hear those damned whispering voices, though very faintly.

"Ciel, this is my boyfriend, Claude, and his friend, Sebastian. Guys, this is Ciel!"

Sebastian's heart tightened in his chest. Eight years later and he still felt an enormous guilt wash over him in waves. For a moment, he almost didn't recognize him. The love handles had seemed to melt away to a trim waist, the baby fat giving way to long, lean legs. His arms thin and sinewy, tapering down to small, elegant hands. His face had thinned out, giving it a rounded, innocent look, and his slender neck was simply begging to be kissed. It was like he was a completely different person.

But those eyes, those big blue eyes were all he needed to see to know for certain. Sebastian had a quick flash back of those eyes, the way they had stared up at him in admiration, in adolescent lust. But now they only stared back at him in terror, and he could practically see those small hands shake as he tried to hold onto his tea and salad.

"Come on, sit! Sit!" Alois shoved the other boy into an empty chair, right across from Sebastian. The older man cast a desperate glance to Claude, begging him to say something, anything that would make this whole nightmare instantly end.

"So...Alois," Sebastian started slowly. "How did you and Ciel meet?"

"We're in Sociology together. I saw him and just knew I had to talk to him, so I did and we hit it off right away, right, Ciel?"

The blue-haired boy didn't respond, opting, instead, to stare downward and pick at his salad. A lump formed in Sebastian's throat, and, for once, he was grateful that Alois was doing all the talking. What could he possibly say? Eight years ago, he had prepared a speech on how wrong it had been to do what he had done, how sorry he had been, but all of that was before he had a chance to really think about it, to let the guilt really sink in that he had been the sole reason Ciel had left school, humiliated and ashamed.

"Oh my gosh, Claude! Tell Ciel about that kid from middle school, the one you paid Sebastian to date!" Dammit, Alois!

Ciel's head instantly shot up, sapphire blue locking with crimson. It didn't need to be said, the horrid truth was out.

"Alois, we don't really-" Claude had tried to intervene, but the blond was on a role.

"Listen, I guess Claude bet Sebastian, like, twenty dollars that he wouldn't date this fat kid for a week. It's so fucking immature, right? I'm so glad they grew out of that childish bullshit." Alois shook his head before digging into his pancakes, seemingly unaware of the awkward silence.

Sebastian wanted to crawl into a hole. It was one thing to think about it, to push it to the back of his mind, but hearing it, out loud, after all this time hurt. It made him feel physically ill. But it was nothing compared to the look that Ciel was giving him. Through those eyes, he could see his heart breaking all over again.

"That's all I was worth to you?" He whispered, full lips trembling as he tried his hardest to hold back tears. He had faced the fact that he had lost Sebastian long ago, that he had been to clingy, that he had told the wrong people about his almost-kiss. But he never once thought that he had been the butt of such a cruel, heartless joke. "That was all I was worth to you?! Twenty fucking dollars?!" Ciel shouted, his sorrow quickly turning to anger. Without thinking, he picked up the remainder of his salad and hurled it at the older male, Watching the wilted, warm lettuce fall from his raven hair offering only slight penance for his aching heart, before stomping off, slamming through the doors of the cafeteria.

He skipped the remainder of his classes, not caring at all to miss class rules or how essay were expected to be formatted. He ran all the way home, stormed past Angelina, ignoring her questions as he slammed his bedroom door and threw down his backpack before slowly sliding to the carpet. His body felt cold, his lungs constricted, and the plain white walls of his room spun in circles. His heart raced and all he could think was how his life had seemed to spiral out of control after that day, like being shoved to the cold hard ground had set off a tremor in his life that uprooted and rearranged everything until nothing made sense. The same lack of control hit him again, and he slowly made his way to his bed on shaking legs, curling in on himself and sinking into the mattress as he silently prayed that Sebastian wouldn't destroy his life once again.

A/N: It's easily been two years since my last panic attack, so I hope I described it at least somewhat accurately. Also, I'm still trying to get the hang of formatting. It's sucking pretty hard for me right now. Please tell me if you like it, and come say hi to me on tumblr! I'd love to talk to all of you!