Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Yana Toboso.

Note: Sorry, I kind of disappeared for a while there. If I'm not at work or with my son, I'm sleeping, so I don't really have a good excuse. My bad!

Flesh

Six

Piggy-No-More's blog.

September 8th

11:15pm

(A black and white picture of Ciel's thin legs, curled up to his chest, the rest of his body hidden by one of Sebastian's oversized sweatshirts.)

I haven't been active, I've been spending too much time with the love of my life.

Comments:

LvngInRecovry:

I wonder if he'd stay with you if he actually knew what you are. These posts aren't cute, they aren't funny. You're killing yourself, and for what? If you loved him, you'd get better, for him and for yourself.

He was livid when he read it. That bitch didn't know him from Adam, had know clue into the recesses of his life that he kept separate from his blog. How dare she use his post to jump upon her high horse. Recovery is for weaklings, the little voice whispered, and it was right. Do what he did wasn't easy, and it many girls fell by the wayside because they simply couldn't hang, and she was obviously one of them. That didn't didn't give her the right to take it out on Ciel.

It made him sick, though, how many times he had since asked himself the very same question. Even now, as he lay next to his love, watching as carmine eyes, hazy still from sleep, open and meet his own.

"I want to be with you." The words resonated through Ciel's mind constantly; in his sleep, during class, during his runs. Even today, nearly three weeks after their rooftop rendezvous, Sebastian's deep baritone penetrated his every waking thought. But how long would they last, after he finally caught on to how much Ciel ran, how little he actually ate, how he would creep out of bed before even the sun awoke and hole up in the bathroom after a night of drinking. Of course he will, the voice reasoned gently, you did all of this for him.

He had barely been home since their date, instead spending his time in Sebastian's room at the frat house, keeping himself and his stomach occupied as best he could with heated kisses and the feel of his boyfriend's wandering hands, drifting over every ridge of his body.

"Ciel..." Sebastian's voice whispered, thick and groggy from sleep, his larger body loomed over his own. Thin fingers found refuge in the silken black hair as Sebastian caught his lips in another kiss, bringing his hips down to meet him. Ciel moaned as his body rose in response, the two rutting slowly against one another in tired passion.

This. This was what felt right. Feather-light kisses were planted on his neck, his collarbone, his chest, as Sebastian's fingertips gliding over the ridges of his ribcage and down to sharp hipbones. His mind slowed to a grinding halt, all negative thoughts about his weight or his body or how he would tell Sebastian disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

Ciel gasped as Sebastian's cock ground against his own through the thin barrier of their boxers. The elder male quickly took advantage, covering Ciel's mouth with his own and exploring him with an eager tongue as his hands peeled away the offending clothing. Sebastian took Ciel's erection into his hand before delivering strong, hard strokes that had Ciel trembling, pulling his mouth away as he cried out in ecstasy. It wasn't long before he could feel himself hurling toward his completion, ready to spill over into his lover's hand before-

"Get dressed, we're going out to eat." The voice of Claude, of all fucking people, cut through their passion, shattering the mood completely. Ciel didn't think he had ever gotten so soft, so fast.

"Don't you know how to fucking knock?" Sebastian whined as he rolled off of Ciel and onto his side, angrily shoving a hand through his mussed hair.

"Yeah, but you wouldn't have answered anyway, now get the fuck up." He had expected Claude to leave now that he had stated his business, but no, instead he stood there, staring until the two awkwardly rose from the bed and began to dress. Sebastian said very little about it, which made Ciel wonder exactly how often he did creepy (not to mention rude) shit like this.

"Where are we going?" The elder asked, taking Ciel's tiny hand into his own as the followed Claude downstairs where Alois was waiting. Ciel couldn't help but notice how...unwell Alois looked lately. His blond hair was dull and laid flat against his skull, and the skin beneath his eyes was nearly black with fatigue. If Claude and Sebastian had noticed,they didn't say anything, instead chatting about where and what to eat as they donned their jackets and moved for the door. Alois began to follow closely behind, however Ciel gently grasped the sleeve of his violet pea coat, pulling him back so that they were out of earshot of the others.

"Are you okay?" The younger asked in hushed tones as he eyed the dry, ashen skin of his friend. "You look sick."

"I'm fine, I'm just really tired." Alois replied, all too quickly for Ciel's liking. He knew that answer, that tone; he had used it more times then he could count.

"When's the last time you ate anything?" there was an awkward pause, baby blue eyes sliding to the ground in shame.

"Um, I don't know...a few days, maybe?"

"Alois! You have to slow down, you can't just go days on nothing."

"Ha! Fucking spare me, Ciel." Alois scoffed as he ripped his sleeve from the younger boy's grip. "I thought you were trying to help me."

"Alois, I am helping you, that's why you need to eat something. You'll hurt yourself, trust me." Ciel had many close calls, Lizzy having to catch him and force feed him rice cakes before he fell out completely. "Look, when we get to the restaurant, I want you to eat something."

"Ciel-"

"Alois, I'm serious! Promise me."

"Fine!" The blond heaved a frustrated sigh, "I don't see what the big deal is. It's only been a few days, and it's working! Look!" he cried out as he pulled open his coat and raised the thin t-shirt underneath. The other couldn't deny, Alois definitely looked smaller than he had a few weeks ago. His ribs just barely protruded from his flesh and the waist of his pants hung from his hips. Ciel could sympathize with his frustration, however. Progress was addictive, after seeing how much you lost the first few days of restricting, you restrict more, and more, and more until you feel you can swear off food forever. That is, until your body revolts, just to prove you wrong.

A rookie mistake.

"Have you told Claude what you're doing?" the younger male questioned. Alois' face fell, and he let his shirt fall as well.

"Of course not. He'd shit a brick."

"And I'm sure he'd be even worse after you explained to him just why he had to pick your unconscious body up off the floor. So if you don't want that to happen, you'll put something in that big mouth of yours."

The blond stared at him with wide eyes, shocked at his harsh tone, but it needed to be said. It would only help him in the end.

"Come on." Ciel said softly as he took Alois' hand and led him to the car. "We'll split something, okay?"

The cafe they had chosen for breakfast was cute and quaint, just as Ciel had pictured it. Nestled on the corner of the street, it sported a sunny patio shaded by a deep burgundy awning, lined with black iron chairs and tables. The inside was brightly lit, decorated in the way of old Paris, with pure white table clothes and spotless drinking glasses for water and juice. The scent of fresh bread wafted through the tables, as well as that of sweet pastries.

It all waged war on Ciel's senses, made his mouth water and his stomach turn, and he could only imagine how Alois was faring. The blond looked positively green from the symphony of delicious (tempting, evil, nauseating) scents, and even from his seat across from him, Ciel could feel his resolve crumbling. Exactly how much harm could one little croissant do?

More than enough. How much would you have to run? Or does the run to the bathroom count?

That voice was so cruel, but honest. Not to mention, he swore to Alois that he would help him, and he couldn't do that while shoving fattening (sweet, flaky, delicious) pastries into his mouth.

"Welcome!" A shrill voice cut through his thoughts before a blur of red bustled over to their table. He (Ciel believed) was a tall and lanky thing, his lean body dressed neatly in a fine pressed white shirt with black slacks. He sported a shock of scarlet hair twisted and tied in a messy bun at the crown of his head, and vibrant green eyes scanned each and every one of them from behind red-rimmed glasses before they seemed to lock onto Sebastian, and his mouth was curled in a frightening smirk. "I'm Grell, I'll be your server this morning. What can I get for you, handsome?" Grell purred as he place his perfect red claws on Sebastian's shoulder. Ciel could feel his skin crawl, how dare this, this thing lay his paws all over his boyfriend? What right did he have to try to swoop in and take what he had worked so hard to attain?

He's so tiny. I wonder if he eats...

"I think I'll let my boyfriend order first." The older male replied, nodding his head towards Ciel as he shook the offending hand from his shoulder and met Grell's eye with a hard glare of his own.

He must work out a lot...

What do you think his daily intake is?

Must be under 1,000, at least...

He's so thin...

He's so pretty...

He's perfect...

The redhead clicked his tongue before zeroing in on Ciel, who snapped out of his cerebration and flinched beneath his searing glare.

"Okay, what do you want?" The redhead bit out, his sharp pencil poised over the little notebook in his hand. Ciel froze, his mind racing to catch up with the conversation. What did he want? To curl up and shrivel up and sink into the floor, to throw the menu down and declare proudly that he wasn't going eat anything.

"Just a salad..." He hated it, how timid and afraid his voice sounded as Grell's toxic green eyes bore down on him.

"And? Anything to drink? Any dressing?" he asked with an annoyed twitch of his eyebrow.

"No," Ciel bit out, "just water, no dressing, just a salad." Grell clicked his tongue before he moved on to Alois, who was slumping in his seat, elbows resting on the cold Formica.

"And what about you?"

"He'll just split with me." Ciel quickly interjected, the promise he made to his friend now at the forefront of his mind. He could kill two birds with one stone; make sure Alois got something in his system, and he wouldn't be tempted to scarf down a whole meal. A win-win. "He's not feeling to well..."

Grell's little pencil stopped short, his eyebrows arched nearly to his hairline as he analyzed the two.

"I see...well, try not to pass out on my floor. And what about you two fine gentlemen?"

"Thanks, Ciel. I owe you one." Alois whispered as he leaned into Ciel's shoulder, the conversation around them going ignored.

"No problem, just make sure you get something in you."

Throughout their meal, Ciel felt on edge. His eyes kept shifting to the blond, who still looked worse for wear, and he could feel Grell eying him from the far counter, apparently ignoring the rantings of his boss. He could barely focus on his share of the meal, and eventually gave up on it altogether.

"Are you okay?" Sebastian asked, scarlet eyes filled with worry as he wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "You've barely touched your food."

Ciel forced a smile, the same one he gave his parents and, before their fallout, his aunt.

"I'm fine, just not as hungry as I thought I was." he replied, the lie slipping easily off his tongue. He silenced any further questions by placing a chaste kiss against the older male's lips before resting his head against his shoulder. Affection was always a good distraction.

"Well, I'm ready whenever you guys are." Claude commented, his hand running up and down Alois' back. "I want to get this one back home and in bed."

"Yeah, he should probably get some rest, too." Sebastian joked as he rose first, the others following his lead.

Ciel saw the signs before anyone else, how unsteady Alois was as he got up from his seat, how his face still held that dreadful green pallor, but most importantly, how his body swayed when he took that first step into the aisle between the tables. However, when the navy-haired teen opened his mouth, nothing came out but a shrill scream as the blond was suddenly careening backward, his knees buckling beneath him and his crystal blue eyes rolling back into his head.

"Alois!" Claude shouted, moving with a speed the likes of which Ciel had never seen. The older man was next to his boyfriend in an instant, his large hands patting cold cheeks before taking him by the shoulders and gently shaking him. "Someone call an ambulance!"

His cry was desperate, terror shining bright in his golden eyes as he pleaded for his little love to wake up. "Come on, baby, it'll be alright, just wake up for me, please!"

The restaurant was a cacophony of noise as the other patrons crowded around and stretched their necks to see the commotion.

"Is he okay?"

"He just collapsed!"

"The ambulance is on the way!"

"Is he breathing?"

Is he breathing? Ciel had heard stories, in health class, of people who just collapsed, dropped dead after weeks of fasting. Their hearts would just...stop, with little to no sign. They would just be going about their day, talking with friends, out to eat and then they were just gone.

His chest clenched tight at the thought, and he fell to his knees next to Alois, just to see if he could find something, anything that would show that his friend was still alive.

"Paramedics! We need everyone out of the way!" The gruff voice sounded so distant, and Ciel only barely registered Sebastian's strong hands pulling him out of the medics' way as they crowded around him. Time seemed to move in slow motion as the began checking him over, touching their finger to his neck to find any sign of life, listening near his nose for even the faintest breath.

"What are they doing?" Ciel whispered.

"It's okay, they're going to help him." Sebastian replied, his lips pressed to Ciel's ear as he held him tight. "He'll be okay."

It seemed as though an eternity went by before more paramedics swarmed in, armed with a bright orange stretcher.

"He's breathing, but his pulse is faint. We'll need to take him in." one of the men turned to Claude. "Are you a relative?"

"Um, no, I'm his boyfriend...is he going to be okay? What's wrong with him?" Claude asked, frantic.

"He just fainted, we don't have a cause. I'll need you to come with us, we'll need you to answer a few questions." the man replied as the rest lifted Alois' slight frame into the stretcher. It looked like torture, Ciel noticed, the way they bound him in. Rough black straps were stretched tight across his chest and knees, before one of them placed a plastic mask over his face. It felt like an eternity, but had only been minutes before they had him secured and ready, bundled up tight, safe and sound, before they hoisted him up and into the ambulance, Claude scurrying in behind them. The sound of the heavy doors closing, the engine roaring, the mad wailing of the sirens was all too much. Ciel's head pounded, and it was more than enough to release the flood gates.

"Take me home." he whimpered, tears spilling freely over his cheeks. He didn't even try to stop them, his guilt and fear for his friend far too much for him to handle.

"Don't you want to meet them at the hospital?" Sebastian's voice was so gentle, so soothing, much more so than Ciel deserved. How could he face Alois when this was all his fault?

I wonder if he'd stay with you if he knew...

I wonder if he'd stay...

The words repeated themselves over and over in his mind, and Ciel's stomach turned as he thought of the answer. Of course not, of course he wouldn't stay once he found out that Ciel taught Alois how to fast, that Ciel was helping him starve himself, kill himself.

It's not your fault he didn't know what he was doing...

That damn voice.

He did this to himself...

He just wanted it to stop.

You didn't tell him to stop eating...

"He has Claude. We'd just be in the way. Can we please just go home?"

A/N: This was a shitty place to stop, but I need to get to bed. Night.