Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Everything belongs to Yana Toboso

Flesh

Seven

Claude always found hospitals to be awful places. They were always too sterile, too clean, as though someone tried to bleach away all the sorrow and sadness and bullshit all these many walls had seen. However, he knew that was impossible, not with bleary-eyed nurses, rushing, frustrated doctors, mourning family members sprawling across the hospitals linoleum floors. Even himself, his skin crawling with anxiety as he tensely watched the fluid drip and flow into Alois' too-thin arms. He looked nothing like himself: his pale skin turned nearly an ashen gray, his hair dull and limp. Claude would have thought the worst if not for the minute flutters of his paper thin eyelids and the barely visible rise and fall of his chest.

The man let his mind wander as he clutched that frail hand in his own, bits and pieces of his conversation with the doctor echoing in his head over and over. Underweight, eating disorder, starvation mode, words Claude had obviously heard in class, in passing, on television, but had never sat down and thought about, had never even imagined he would be expected to explain. He had been questioned over things it never even occurred to him to pay attention to: how many meals did Alois eat (he didn't know), what would he usually eat (he didn't know), had he noticed any drastic changes in his diet and eating habits (of course not, but he wished he had).

Alois had fallen to severe exhaustion, his body not getting enough nutrients to keep itself running, and while it wasn't permanent, it was an issue that needed addressed immediately, less Alois end up in Jefferson Hall, locked away with the rest of the walking skeletons and Wintergirls. He then went into statistics, how many youngsters are hospitalized and die each year, not from starvation, but from the slew of other medical complications that anorexia (the word made Claude cringe) caused. Heart attacks as young as fifteen, osteoporosis at 18, muscular atrophy and peptic ulcers, things a person Alois' age shouldn't have to think about, let alone suffer from, and he would have only himself to blame.

But would he? What kind of boyfriend was Claude? The love of his life was starving himself into an early grave and he hadn't even noticed? The man felt a void of guilt in his heart, he should have known, should have paid better attention to the plates still piled with food after dinner, the sudden interest in counting calories and how to burn them, things that came on too suddenly for someone like Alois. Claude's chest tightened. According to the nurse, Alois should be fine within a few days, sent home, and put on a strict diet, but then what? Would he slip under Claude's radar again? Could he hover over the blond, shove the food in his mouth? Was there really a way to pull him out of this?

It was all too much, the pressure piling onto Claude's chest, clogging up his throat, and pooling in his eyes before he broke down, his hands clutching Alois' and holding it to his lips.

That was the sight that greeted Alois when he finally awoke: a red-eyed, blotchy faced Claude, holding his hand as though his very life depended on it.

"You're so ugly when you cry." Alois joked with smile, trying to ignore how small and weak his voice sounded. The older male jolted, golden eyes shooting up to meet tired blues. Claude wished he could have maintained his composure, but that coy little smile reminded him of everything he loved about the blond, as well as everything he stood to lose.

"Alois..." Claude's voice came in a whisper, so soft and sad that the blond's face immediately fell. "Alois, why?"

"Why what?"

"Don't bullshit me!" the older man cried, dropping his lover's hand as though it were on fire. "Do not bullshit me, Alois. Not fucking eating? Are you insane?" He hadn't meant to shout, but there were far too many emotions churning inside of him. He didn't know whether to kiss or kill him.

"It wasn't supposed to get this bad..."

"Like that makes up for it?" Claude thrust a shaking hand through his hair as he tried to settle his breathing. "Alois, what were you thinking?"

Chrystal blue eyes shimmered with tears. He had never seen his boyfriend so broken up over anything before.

"I wanted..." He began, his voice trailing off as he struggled to find the words.

"What? You wanted what? You know you can ask me for anything, and I'd give it to you-"

"I wanted you to look at me the way you guys looked at Ciel." The miniscule smile on Alois' lips betrayed the hurt and despair in his eyes, still red-rimmed and tired. "You told me he was a pig...that he was just some nobody...but you don't look at a 'nobody' that way." The words hitched in an aching throat. "He was so beautiful. Like, some kind of weird fucking fairy. His body was so small and perfect, and the way you two just...stopped and stared. I wanted that."

"Ally..." Claude huffed as the flood of tears kept coming. He didn't know what else he could do besides weep. He wept for Alois, for himself, for Ciel, and for the fact that Sebastian still probably didn't know.

It took two days for Ciel to muster up the courage to go to the hospital. He couldn't be in that stifling frat house any longer, and, instead, retreated back to his bedroom at his father's house. Angelina would knock every so often, as even she could sense that something wasn't quite right. However, Ciel ignored her, buffering her concern with only silence. He didn't want to speak to anyone, only wanting to drown in his own thoughts.

He wasn't blind to the fact that it could have easily been him being strapped into the ambulance. It could be him wasting away in a white-walled, sterilized prison. It could be Sebastian, depressed and sullen, eyes bloodshot and sunken from lack of sleep, all because his addiction became too much to handle.

With that thought, he gripped Sebastian's hand tighter as the elevator drug upward to Alois' floor, the silence nearly overwhelming. The older male hadn't said much since he had picked Ciel up, except that Claude had rarely been home and that it was a bit lonely there by himself. He didn't ask what happened to Alois, and neither Claude nor Ciel ever told him. Perhaps Sebastian just had great intuition, one that told him that he really didn't want to know the details of what had happened and why. Instead, he only brought the smaller hand to his lips and gave it a gentle, reassuring kiss.

After what had seemed like ages, the elevator came to a groaning halt before the large steel doors drug open. It all felt so ominous, like a scene from a bad movie. Everything moved in slow motion, even the couple as the exited the elevator and moved to the room where Alois had been set up.

The room was about what Ciel expected: small and white, stinking of bleach and medicine, with a little vase of plastic flowers near the window, and propped neatly in the middle of it all was Alois. Maybe it was whatever they were pumping into his veins, or the terrible lighting, but Alois looked awful, even worse than the morning he collapsed.

That could have been you. The voice whispered. It could have been him, hooked up to beeping machines like a miserable porcelain doll. Ciel felt his stomach turn at the thought. It was one thing to be in the comfort of his own home, thinking on the adrenaline rush of watching the medics burn rubber to bring him here, but to face the reality head on was something else entirely. He had been playing this game a lot longer than Alois had, and was much better at it. Is this what he looked like every day, a sickly hide pulled over gristle and glass bones?

Ciel couldn't help himself, he moved closer to the bed where Alois' rested. Despite his grim pallor, he looked peaceful as he slept, his breath gently pushing the brittle blond hair away from his face.

"Can I speak to you outside?" Ciel had been so lost in his thoughts that he never heard the door, or Claude entering the room.

"Can it wait-"

"No. Now." The older male's tone was harsh and clipped, so much so that Ciel had flinched from the sheer force of it. It was obvious that he was trying to keep his tone in check and not awaken the boy in the bed. He exchanged a confused glance with Sebastian before he let his hand slide from his friend's cheek and followed Claude out of the room.

"Is everything alright?" Sebastian asked. Even he was slightly scared at the way Claude seemed to be foaming at the mouth as he waited for Ciel to come out. The younger barely had time to close the door behind him before he was roughly grabbed by his collar and slammed, hard, against the opposite wall.

"Stay the fuck away from him. Do you fucking hear me?" He snarled in the blue-haired teen's face. He saw red when he came back from the restroom to see him standing there, leaning over Alois with that fake sympathy in his eyes.

Fortunately, Sebastian had acted quickly, rushing forward and grabbing Claude's arm before yanking him away from his petrified boyfriend. "What the fuck is your problem?!"

"It's his fault Alois is here. Whatever bullshit you've been telling him. He hasn't eaten in fucking days!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"That piece of shit you're dating. He's got Alois into this-this anorexia bullshit! He hasn't eaten in days, maybe weeks. That's why he fucking collapsed." Claude snatched his arm away from his friend before he paced the hallway, shoving a hand through his hair as he tried to keep himself in check. He was pissed, he wanted to break something, but what good would that do him, or Alois for that matter?

"Ciel, what is he talking about?" Sebastian asked. He had heard Claude loud and clear, but it couldn't be the truth. He expected better from Alois, and Ciel as well. Not to mention, it's hard to miss someone never eating, he would have noticed if the teen had a problem, right?

Ciel didn't have an answer. He never imagined how he would tell Sebastian exactly how he had gotten so small, but he certainly didn't expect it to be in the middle of a hospital hallway, under the scrutiny of what seemed like dozens of people who had come out of their rooms to see what the commotion was.

"Well? Say something!" Sebastian pleaded with desperate eyes. The teen wanted to cry, wanted to turn tail and run until his lungs gave out. Instead, he just shook his head slowly, staring back at Sebastian with wet eyes.

"I don't know what to say..." His boyfriend seemed to deflate, and he could practically hear his heart breaking. "Sebastian-" he tried, reaching for the older male's hand.

"No, you know what? Never mind, I don't even want to hear it." Sebastian replied as he pulled away from Ciel as though his touch would burn.

"Listen, Sebastian, you can do what you want, but honestly I'd walk away now, man." Claude had interjected.

"Fuck off, Claude, no one asked you!" Ciel lashed out. He had worked so hard to get Sebastian back, the last thing he needed was Claude chirping in his ear, pulling him away all over again. "Alois has the same problem as I do, are you going to leave him?"

"Fuck you, you're the whole reason he's even here! You're the one who should be in that fucking hospital bed, Ciel, not him!"

Before he could respond, a burly security guard broke between them, placing a firm hand on Claude's chest to move him back.

"That's enough, I'm going to have to ask all of you to leave." Immediately Claude began to protest. He was all Alois had here, he couldn't just leave him here to wake up alone, not here.

"Sir, it's fine." Sebastian interrupted, pulling Claude further away from the guard. "My friend is just emotional, it's not his fault. We'll go."

The guard seemed pensive, but he understood. Emotions ran high on this floor, and often times they spilled over into the hallways. In the end, as long as everything quieted down, he couldn't see the harm. "Just make sure you leave quietly." With that final warning he walked away, and slowly the small crowd that had come to observe dispersed as well.

Sebastian then turned to his friend, hands firmly clasping each side of his face. "Just calm down." he said quietly. Claude was practically breathing fire, glasses skewed, hair a mess. "We're going to go. You just focus on Alois." With a firm pat to his shoulder, Sebastian pulled away, turning to retreat into the elevator.

"Sebastian!" Claude called out. He couldn't let this go, but he didn't have the time or energy to pursue the issue now. "Think about what I said."

The elevator ride down was deathly quiet. The walls seemed to close in more and more as the tension only mounted. Ciel stood off to one side, his back to the wall and his eyes cast down. He didn't know what to say after all that had happened, not to Sebastian nor to anyone else. In fact, he probably couldn't speak if he wanted to. His throat clenched as he tried to bite back the tears he wanted to shed, to hold back the screams he wanted to let out, anything to relieve the awful pressure that had invaded his body. Did Claude think he was stupid? That he didn't know that what he had said was true, that everything that had happened should have happened to him? Did he think that he wouldn't switch places with the blond if it was possible? It wasn't fair, it simply wasn't, but what could he do? He was helpless, and that was what ate at him the most.

The 'ding' of the elevator was almost deafening in the silence, as was the drag of the doors opening again. Without a word, Sebastian exited and swiftly moved for the door.

"Sebastian, wait!" Ciel called as he jogged to catch up with him, managing to grab his arm before he could leave.

"Ciel, call a ride. I just...I just need some time to myself."

"Wha-? You're just going to leave me here?"

"I'm sorry...I can't be around you right now." The next moments had been a blur, as Sebastian's form retreated into the darkness of the parking lot. Ciel thought he had seen his taillights and heard the squeal of his tires, a testament to his emotion, but the teen couldn't seemed to think about it. His mind was blank and silent, powered down after such a mentally exhausting day, and his body was numb, working on autopilot.

The only thing that seemed to work was the voice, the one that seemed to have all the answers, and even then, all it could say was...

What do we do now?

Note: Meh, this was garbage. Sorry.