Chapter 8

"What did he say? Is he sending out a hunting party for me? How much is the bounty?" Castle called out to her with a nervous chuckle from behind the screen door where he thought it might be safer. They'd returned from a quick trip down the street to the local market for food supplies, and Kate had left him inside with the bags while she'd stepped out to the front porch to phone her father, a call she'd put off for far too many hours of the day already.

"Less than I imagined, actually. Maybe if you manage another best seller, he'll bump you up."

"Ah, my work is never done," he offered in a sigh, pushing the door open and stepping outside. Kate's body was perched on the wooden porch railing, her back pressed against the flat of an ornately carved support beam. "So, was he angry?"

Kate looked out across the expanse of the front yard. "I didn't tell him."

"You didn't tell him? That you came up here? I mean, I figured he'd be worried but-" He stopped abruptly in the middle of his thought. She hadn't yet turned to look at him, her eyes seemingly lost in the panorama of greens and browns before them. He realized then what she'd meant. "You didn't tell him you were up here with me. Is that it?"

"He thinks you're Lanie," she told him, with a trace of audible disappointment in the admission.

"Too tall, not enough cleavage, and an Adam's apple are but a few of the many problems with that assertion." He snickered at his own attempt at humor, but it drew no such reaction from Kate. He took position across from her against the railing, their knees making soft contact as he sat. "You don't have to share your reasons with me if you don't want to, but may I ask why you chose not to tell him?"

"I don't even know what happened, Castle. He asked, well, demanded to know who the hell would let me leave home while I was still recovering, and I just blurted out her name. It was like I was fourteen all over again and I'd gotten caught sneaking out to meet Logan Michaels. I'm sorry. I feel ridiculous. I'm not-"

He reached over and drew his hand across her thigh. "Hey, I know. It's okay, Kate. I didn't tell my mother or Alexis either. They know I'm away for a few days, but that's all I said. And given the nature of my discussions with my mother recently, I'm pretty sure the last place she'd ever think I'd be is with you."

Thunder rumbled from somewhere in the distance. "Apropos timing, Mother Nature," Kate snickered. "I can only imagine how I fared in those conversations."

"You had your therapist. I had Martha Rodgers. Granted, you actually wanted to talk about it, but- I bet the combined notes from all of our sessions might overlap a few times. Just look at us now, though: here together, on a porch in the wilderness awaiting an impending storm, a box of dry penne in the cabinet, a $10 bottle of wine breathing on the counter."

"You mock. But I love all of it."

He stood up and moved in closer to her, brushed his finger along the curve of her cheek. "Want to know which part I love?"

"No," Kate teased with an admirable pout.

"No?" He recognized the game, his thumb tracing the line of her lip gingerly. "I think you do."

She hated when he was so goddamned right. And when he clearly knew it. "You think a lot of things, Castle. Too bad more of them can't be right. It'd really help with the precinct's closure rate."

He puffed out a breath in exasperation. "Now you're just being mean. Now I don't want to tell you."

She eyed him mischievously. "No?" She lobbed the ball back in his direction, the match now surely on. "I think you do." She pushed herself from the railing and grabbed him at his waist, one hand tight, the other delicate with injury. "Hmm?"

He turned his head and huffed, purposely included a tiny noise of rejection.

"Come on. You can even whisper it in my ear. You did that once, long ago- gave me goose bumps. It was very…memorable."

His head snapped back to attention. "Really?"

"Do it again." It came out as a request, soft and casual. That's how she played it. But to her body, it felt more like a demand, a craving, a need.

"Fine, but I'm not going to like it." Liar. He knew damn well he was going to love every second of it.

"I understand. Now, come on. Whisper it."

Her hair was pulled up, loose and off the smooth of her neck, a few soft waves hanging around her face- stray and yet, to him, dangling there more perfectly than she ever could've orchestrated. He pushed a few aside, her ear angled toward him, waiting for his words to come. He bent lower, her ballet flats creating a notable difference in height between the two, and he pushed in, licking his lower lip in preparation. She smelled of sweet vanilla in the light breeze, and he could feel her breath quicken as he could his own.

"I hope you're listening." He paused. Calculated torture. "The part I really love is…that view out the back. Let's go and take another look." He stepped around her and back through the screen door into the house. He smiled as he turned to watch her standing there, still. "Hey, beautiful. Get in here."

She grinned faintly. And she complied.

He'd done it again.

XXX

"And how's the patient doing today?" He hadn't even said hello first.

Kate sat alone on the sofa, while Castle worked in the kitchen nearby. "She's just fine, Espo, thanks. Sore and a bit more purple than she was a few days ago, but fine. I had a few minutes so I thought I'd check in."

"Is that right? Just a few minutes? Busy night ahead at Casa Beckett? Do I need to be having a chat with your doctor?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "You need to be doing nothing of the sort, dad. I told you I'm fine. Can we move on?"

"Touchy, touchy, girl. For real, though, you need me to bring you anything? It'll give me a good excuse to ditch Ryan and this d-bag, Cooper." He looked over his shoulder to make sure neither of them had heard, not that he cared all that much. "I'm gonna strangle Ryan for bringing this guy in. Oh, but he sure has a crush on you. Asked about you a few times."

"Did you tell him I was never coming back? If not, please do."

"Not funny."

She hadn't thought. It was still surreal to her that actually almost happened. "Sorry, Espo. So, tell me, what's my boyfriend doing there?" She could hear his smile through the phone.

"Bad news. Micky's dead. Pulled him out of an empty apartment in Brooklyn a little while ago."

"Wait- what? What happened? Why didn't you call?"

Kate looked up to find Castle staring sternly at her from the kitchen. She waved him off like she was swatting away a hovering insect, and he threw up his hands in protest.

"Whoa, chill out, girl! You're feisty today. We just got back in a few minutes ago, and you shouldn't be getting so damn excited."

"Espo, what the hell happened?" Frustration boiled up inside her. She wanted to be there. They needed her to be there, her team. Instead she was 150 miles away lounging on a damn sofa and staring at a glass of wine, a glass of wine she probably shouldn't even be drinking in the first place. Ridiculous. She had no idea how to be away from the 12th, how to let it go, even when it was good for her.

"Overdose, it looks like. Heroin. Had holes all over him. Wasn't pretty. Neighbor smelled something foul and called it in."

"You sure it's him?" A stupid question, she knew.

"We're sure. Had a Rolex on- engraved, in case the driver's license in his wallet wasn't enough for us. A damn Rolex. I swear I'm in the wrong line of work."

"Shit. Anything from Taryn's list of her sister's friends and acquaintances?"

"Still running it. She didn't give us much. Mostly what we've heard is that people hadn't seen much of Talia lately. We still have a few names to check. Ryan asked Cooper to look at the list too, just in case. Oh, and it looks like the guy he recognized from that motel security footage was one of Micky's crew. We're lookin' to bring him in."

"You guys notify Jimmy yet about his brother?"

"Call's out."

"Well, maybe you guys don't need me after all. Especially not with Super Duper Cooper around."

"Maybe you're right. See ya." He acted as though he'd ended the call and they both laughed, Kate's guffaw once again drawing Castle's attention from across the room.

"You're on a disgusting power trip with me gone, Javier Esposito, and it doesn't become you. Now, get back to work."

"Sure you don't need me to bring you anything?"

Castle made his way over and sat on the end of the sofa next to her, dish towel hanging from his shoulder, a dab of red sauce at the corner of his mouth, cheap glass of wine in his hand.

"I have everything I need here, thanks. Besides, I'm not even in the city. Call me tomorrow."

"You're-"

Kate hung up without another word, Espo's forthcoming question dissolved in a click. She slid her phone onto the table and sipped from her glass. "So, my how's dinner coming along?" she asked, wiping the spot of sauce from Castle's face and pressing it to her tongue.

XXX

"I could really get used to this, you know," she uttered softly.

He placed a kiss near her temple. "Which part? Your body resting snugly against mine? My arms wrapped around you? Our breath simulta-"

"The part where you cook all of my meals."

"You're such a romantic, Ms. Beckett." He tickled at her side and she squirmed against him.

"That other stuff sounds pretty good too, by the way. The real question is, though, how are you with fireplaces?" She sat forward and turned to him with hopeful anticipation.

"I'm a master, of course." He shifted his position so he could stand. "Just point me in the direction of the switch."

She gave him a nod, not at all surprised. "And to think, you were so close, Castle."

"Aww, so close to what?" His tone was overly sulky, and yet real, and then, somehow, charming.

She crooked her finger at him in invitation and then tapped her hand on the cushion next to her to encourage him back down. He sat and she inched slowly along the leather until her body was touching his. "Well, you see, I told myself earlier that if you could build me a fire, on top of everything else- the meal, the cleanup, the body, the arms- I'd definitely let you get to second base tonight."

Castle practically leapt from the sofa, already out of breath and looking frantically about the room. "Where's the wood? No pun intended!"

She tried not to smile. Impossible. "It's just off the deck out back." She pointed and he took off like a shot, out the glass sliding door and back in, almost before she even knew he was gone. "Here, I'll walk you through it, city boy." She met him by the hearth, the old soot-covered stone climbing the wall all the way to the ceiling, the scent of the past stronger with each step she took nearer. "I have a lot of practice."

Kate sat and watched as he followed her every direction, intent on making it the most perfect fire she'd ever seen. She suspected he knew precisely what he was doing, and he knew she did, but neither confessed it. "This thing's going to be roaring in no time, you'll see."

"You did a very good job, Castle. I'm very proud of you- your first fire." She winked and he smiled back. "Want some tea? We can sit and watch this thing. Oh, and I have something I want to give you, actually."

His eyebrows perked up. "That sounds promising."

"Mhmm," she hummed. "Why don't you put on the kettle and I'll be back out in a few minutes."

He helped her up and kissed the back of her hand tenderly. She moved down the hallway to the back bedroom where he'd set their bags down earlier. There'd already been so many moments in the day she'd wanted to pull it out and give it to him. She'd covered it in ridiculous birthday paper, the only thing she was able find in her apartment when he'd left her briefly that morning, but she wanted to enjoy the adventure of him actually opening something, unwrapping the mystery, those seconds when he could only imagine what was inside.

She sat with it in the quiet of the room, remembering what it'd felt like in her hands on the night it'd arrived, like a book with only an ending. But now, here, this was how she wanted to feel in the moments before it became his.

She ran her fingers along the smooth paper and giggled at how silly it looked- balloons and streamers and confetti, party hats for added goofy measure. He'd surely make fun of it, of her, and she couldn't wait.

"Hey, thought you might've gotten lost back there. I was about to call on MacGyver skills and come find you. Water's on and almost ready." He took notice of the package in her hand and he smiled all the way up to his eyes. "Well, well, what have we here?" He came around the counter, wanted to get a better look- nosy, entirely Richard Castle. "I hope that isn't the reward for my cooking and fire building skills because you said-"

"I know what I said," she assured him, with a look that made him believe it. "This is something else. You seem a bit too anxious to get at it, though. Maybe I should make you wait a bit longer."

"You mean, like, until the water boils?" He was giving her puppy dog eyes.

"You have infuriatingly little patience for a man who's raised a child."

"Well, to be fair, she raised me, mostly, if you ask her- and my mother. Oh! There's the water!" He shouted it as though a miracle had just occurred in their presence. "We bought two kinds. Which would you like?"

"I'll take the green, please," she said, heading over toward the sofa.

"Then green you shall have." He finished pouring them each a cup and joined her by the fire. He pretended to be disinterested in it, sitting there in her lap, colorful and bright, calling out to him, but he was terrible at it and she caught every single peek.

"I sure hope you have more self-control in other areas of your life, Castle."

He understood exactly what she meant and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Now, this is something I found for you a while ago, but it just arrived very recently. Honestly, I'd kind of forgotten about it, and with everything that was going on, I wasn't sure I'd actually have the opportunity to give it to you. I'm so very grateful that's not the case because I really wanted for you to have it." She handed the package to him, her heart jumping at the brush of their hands as she passed it along. "I hope you like it, Castle."

"If it's from you, I have no doubt, Kate."

Yeah, this was exactly how she wanted to feel.

"Nice wrapping paper," he teased. "I love that we've grown so close, we now exchange birthday gifts. Pin the Tail on the Donkey later?" She knew that was coming.

"Just open it, smart-ass, before I change my mind…about a lot of things."

His fingers dug hastily into the folds. "Yes, ma'am." He got the paper open and flipped over what was inside, looked up at her in heartfelt surprise. "Kate, this is a first edition For Your Eyes Only." He cracked the book open to a random page, it didn't matter which, the scent of the paper delighting his senses. "It's beautiful. I've loved his work since I was a kid."

Kate's heart was beating so fast, happiness seeping from every pore. "I know you have. I hope you like it. I wrote a little something for you inside when you left this morning, if you look there in the front."

He crooked his eyebrow. "You wrote in my first edition Fleming?" He wasn't actually troubled by it, just having a bit of fun. She tilted her head and pursed her lips. "How about I just take a look? Yeah." He opened the book's front cover to find a small piece of pink paper, her words there handwritten:

What I don't know for certain is when or how. What I do know, beyond all else, is that I love you. You are everything my heart was missing and nothing I ever want to be without. I will always carry your beautiful words with me. May these words be a reminder of that. Today, tomorrow, and every day after, I am for your eyes only.

He didn't speak, couldn't speak, not right away, and she waited in the silence until she couldn't wait any longer. "I spent so many days alone in this house after the shooting, Castle, and alone became lonely very quickly. I knew I needed time, but I underestimated how much I needed you. This place has a way of making everything more real, more honest, and I hated it, at first. And then I started writing every day- to you, about you, about my mom, and things just became so much clearer to me. I couldn't ignore what I was trying so hard to hide away."

Kate took his hand in hers, lifted it from the book's cover. "I know I hurt you, Castle, very much. I don't want you to think I don't know and understand that, and my being hurt was no excuse for the way I treated you. It's why I wanted to bring you here. I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am in the place that helped me to recognize and to face what I knew deep inside I'd wanted for so long. I know I can't erase the hurt, but I wanted you to have that from me, here, my apology. And maybe, like it gave to me, this house can give us a place to begin."

His head was swirling with all of it. "God, I'm sorry, Kate. I want to say so many things; it's hard to know where to start. I suppose with the easy part, which is how much I love this amazing gift. I will always treasure it and I thank you so much." He set it on the table in front of them to free his hand to hold hers. "And your note, Kate, your words were more magnificent than any I've ever written. The fact that you wrote them for me is absolute proof that no man has ever been luckier."

He paused a moment and looked around, took in their surroundings, memorized the dancing light of the fire, the hang of the drapes, the angles of the furniture. "There are many things I wish I'd done differently, Kate, both back then and over the past few weeks. I know I can't change those things either, though I wish very much I could if it meant sparing you any pain. I wish I could have helped you understand why I did what I did in that hangar that night, helped you understand how much I loved you, that it wasn't just words because I thought I might lose you. I wish you had let me in, Kate."

His voice grew deeper with emotion. "All that time without you…and now, these past few weeks, after I heard you that day, the hurt just came bubbling back up to the surface and, this time, I ran. I don't want to do that anymore, Kate. I learned that I don't like myself very much when I do. I'm not the man I want to be when I'm away from you."

"You didn't like me very much either." She exhaled a muted laugh.

"No, but I loved you. That was much harder."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

He traced his finger delicately along the line of her jaw. "I guess what I'm fumbling through here is my apology. You told me when we met that I wouldn't want to be the guy who made your life harder. What an incredible understatement that turned out to be. I'm sorry for all the times I've been that guy- especially that time you almost had to shave your head. Oh, and that whole Nikki-Heat-stalker-who-blew-up-your-apartment thing. That, too, wasn't my finest work."

"Well, I was meaning to redecorate anyway, so I guess it all worked out okay. You know, a wonderful friend once told me that I wasn't having any fun until you came along. I had a hard time seeing it then, but he was right. Another one of the many things I admitted to myself in those months up here. Don't apologize for being you, Castle. It's the you, I love."

The fire was already burning down, left unattended as they spoke, its soft crackle soothing in the background. Castle leaned in slowly and Kate followed his lead, coming together forehead to forehead, breath mingling in the middle. "I love you, too." He flinched suddenly. "Oh, Kate, your head. Did that hurt? I'm so sorry."

She pulled back and felt at her skin with her fingertips. "It's fine, Castle, really."

"I suppose I should ask about your lip too." He looked at it intently, hungrily. "Does it hurt?"

She saw the look in his eyes, saw exactly what he wanted, and she longed for the same. She inched forward, ran the back of her fingers down over his lips and the curve his chin, across the smooth of his neck until she was clenching the sharp angle of his V-neck tee in her grip and drawing him in. "It's worth the risk," she whispered, and her mouth met his.