CHAPTER TWO

Chizuru nudged my shoulder with her hand with an urgency that made me gasp as I grasped for my neck, coughing violently as I remembered being sliced open with the sharp of a skilled blade. One swoop of the metal and I could still feel the space in between my neck and head. Chizuru patted my back comfortingly as I declined a tray of breakfast, afraid it would never reach my stomach.

FEBRUARY 1864

I had thought a lot about that night, and the dream I'd had. No doubt, I'd been killed by a member of the Shinsengumi but I could only remember the blood from my neck and head meeting the ground in those last two seconds of consciousness. Since then, I'd had various nightmares about Okita Souji chasing me with his blade and torturing me until I could no longer cry out for Chizuru's help. I'd been avoiding him constantly, eating meals in my room with Chizuru and never even glancing at the door. Even after we had been told that roaming around the compound was fine, I'd spent a whole week within the same four walls and ironically enough, fearing for my life.

Chizuru slid the door open and we both adjusted the layers of our clothing appropriately. They'd given us both Hakama and told us to keep to ourselves and the captains, not to mingle with the rank-and-file soldiers and act as men. To be honest, I'd skipped out on wearing the hakama and stayed in my kimono. It wasn't as though anyone would see me anyway and no one ever said anything. I didn't mind too much to not be in contact with any of them, but Chizuru seemed affected pretty deeply. Apparently, she'd met some of the soldiers by chance and they'd completely ignored her. To them, it seemed as though she had her own room since they had no knowledge of my existence yet. Even then, many of the rooms were stuffed with four or five men each. Having your own room was a luxury known only to captains, not to their page boys. I suppose she felt lonely because of it, but there was little either of us could do about the situation. "I kind of want to leave right now, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea with Hijikata-san right here…"

I sighed and resigned myself to trying to cheer the girl up, "If he really isn't here, then I suppose it would be the better time to go. The others are much more lenient."

"I know… But still, I don't want to go alone. You should come with me!"

I thought for a second. It seemed like it was around this time that they were all normally eating, so they would all be in the common area around the middle of the compound. If this were true, then we had at least twenty minutes to wander around without being interrupted. "Well… I would like to see the inner courtyard once."

Even though it was a place that haunted my nightmares, I still remember it as being a nice place. It was more the person who followed in my mind. Chizuru jumped a bit and dragged me to my feet. I pulled up the front of my kimono a bit so I wouldn't slide over it. I stood in front of her and looked around, scanning for any stray soldiers or captains late to their meal. "I think it's clear." I stepped out and into the courtyard with small, close footfalls. "Good morning Okita! Good morning, Saito!"

I cringed inwardly and stopped while Chizuru walked over to the pair. Frozen with fear, my eyes switched back and forth from Okita's face to the hibernating Sakura tree. I assumed she was asking them to go and look for her father. I knew the conversation nearly by heart even a week after last playing it since it was always so early in the game. Guess it paid to want a completed game. "Hey, you," Okita shouted over to me, "You're gonna wanna see this!" I complied, but walked on the other side of two and sat on a bench. He looked a bit miffed for a split second, but offered an ironically flirtatious smirk in my direction. Chizuru drew her blade, and anyone could see the tip of it shaking. "I-I don't want to hurt you! If I caught you with my blade you could die!"

Okita replied with an uncontrolled laughter that shook the birds from the trees and started my heart to racing. Surely at any moment, he would unsheathe his sword and kill me. I didn't notice Saito's glance in my direction as I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered. "You think you could seriously kill Saito?"

"Well…"

"If you can prove you can actually use your sword, we might take you on our rounds."

Saito sighed and laid a hand on his right hip, above his swords, "If you are so concerned, use the back of your blade."

Chizuru considered it for a moment and nodded, making clear contact with Saito's eyes, "Okay, let's do it!" Saito responded with what could only be a small laugh, and stayed in the same position. Chizuru seemed puzzled, but stepped forward and made to attack. In one faultless movement, Saito's sword was out and not an inch away from Chizuru's neck. "Your master should be proud," he said before sheathing his weapon, "Your blade was not clouded. You can see into the heart of a swordsman. You were blessed with a good teacher."

I couldn't help but feel slightly anxious, watching them. Saito picked up Chizuru's blade and studied it, making a comment on its age that unconsciously chose to ignore, along with the rest of their conversation. "You seem to fear Souji. I jumped to my feet and turned to my right, where Saito stood with a nearly blank expression on his face. I didn't say anything in response, of course. The captains of the Shinsengumi were the only ones who knew of my existence in the compound, but only Chizuru had ever spoken to me directly. I suppose they thought she was teaching me how to speak Japanese. In a way, it was true. In all others, not so much. My eyes moved over to Okita, who flashed me a grin. I shuddered inwardly and it did not go unnoticed by the other captain. "Iai, right?"

He seemed to have half expected me to ask about his unusual sword technique, maybe surprised that I knew what it was called. "Yes," he answered, "Draw the sword and strike the enemy at once. Why are you afraid of Okita?"

"I had a dream, the first night I came here," It seemed strange to tell him about it. Part of me was embarrassed that the only thing keeping me from being okay around a person was a dream. "He came into my room and unbound me, then took me to the courtyard and… beheaded me. Ever since that dream, I've had nightmares every night. It's why I never come out of my room. I'm afraid to be around him, or caught alone."

If Saito had any emotional reaction to what I was telling him, his facial expression didn't betray any of it. I felt awkward as we stood there under the tree, but I didn't have anything more to say about it. "It wouldn't do well to have a woman incapable of defending herself staying in the compound. More often than not, it isn't safe. If you would like, I could teach you some of the art of self-defense."

I looked up at him with wide eyes, "Really? You would do that for me?"

He nodded and then drifted back to Okita and Chizuru.

I spent the next couple of days in my room with Chizuru, continuing on as though I had never left. And although it was strange, I found myself talking more candidly to my roommate about more than just solitude and worrying about her father. "They all seem pretty young to be running a police force all on their own don't they? How old do you think they are?"

I paused in between sips of tea and glanced over at her, mischief in my eyes. Of course, I knew how old they were at this point. I was a fan-girl of them all before a week ago, even Okita was one of my favorites behind, well- I smiled a bit at the memory and took another sip. "The captains all seem to be in their early twenties, except Toudou-san. He's more around your age."

She seemed to think on it for a second and nodded, "I guess you're right, then. How old are you?"

My smile faded a bit and I sat my cup down heavily. Even after a week of staying here, I hadn't told any of them so much as a name. For some reason, I was afraid of saying anything about it. Chizuru waved her hands around apologetically with an awkward giggle, "I mean, you don't have to say anything! I didn't mean to offend you, I'm so sorry!"

I shook my head, "No it's all right, just an age. I'm nineteen this year, eighteen right now."

She paused in her apologies and set her hands down in her lap, like I'd given her the secret to eternal life and she was thinking about whether she was going to use it or sell it to the government as a top secret medical treatment. "But anyway, I don't think age has anything to do with potential. You're sixteen and left home to look for your father, and now you're roughing it with a bunch of murderous men." I thought of Okita in particular.

"I guess you're right… But they seem nice enough, deep down."

"Has anyone ever told you how gullible you were?"

A shocked gasp escaped my mouth as I moved away from the voice, knocking my hot tea over my eyes. I held them both close to my hands as I stared wildly at Okita Souji who had somehow managed to make it into our room undetected. He moved over to me with what could have been concern. "Stay away from me!" I shouted as loud as I possibly could, standing up and running to the door and then to the hallway where I smashed straight into another form, hard and covered in fabric. Their hands held my shoulders as I struggled to get away, still in shock from my burnt hands. "Calm down," Saito spoke firmly and my eyes widened up at him, tears falling out without restraint, "It's okay."

After a couple minutes of him allowing me to calm down on the side of the walkway, he led me into the courtyard and to the well in the center. He brought a bucket of water up and gingerly took my hands in his, placing them in the bucket. I was too shocked at the gesture to focus on the renewed pain, staring up at his face while he focused on holding my hands in the water. "Is there an insect on my face?"

I blushed and looked at my hands again, "No."

He sighed at my lack of conversation skills and pulled my hands out to inspect them, "They are not badly burnt but if they begin to blister, please go to Inoue-san for bandages and ointment. Be careful until they are fully healed."

I felt like the moment should have been captured in one of those CG images that are supposed to highlight those special, doki-doki moment between two characters. Chizuru came into the courtyard with Toudou and Okita trailing behind them. "Are you okay?" Chizuru sounded concerned but I only nodded, glancing in between Saito and Okita without fail. Okita muttered an apology for scaring me, but I only nodded again. An uncomfortable silence wrapped around the four of us. Toudou, not really getting the idea of silence, was the first to speak up. "Do you want to go eat with us?" I held my eyes on Saito's white scarf for a moment then looked at him, "Not allowed, Toudou-san."

He sighed exasperatedly and Chizuru laughed, "Well, Hijikata isn't here or anything, so it's totally fine. Oh, and also… I know you don't want us to know your name or anything, but I'd feel a lot better if you just dropped the formalities and called me Heisuke like everyone else." I knew he wouldn't be up for debate, so I nodded once more. Souji caught my eye, a deep frown over his face, as everyone else started walking. "Look, I'm really sorry about your hands." He scratched the back of his neck absentmindedly, "I didn't mean to scare you so much. If it'll make you feel more comfy around me, I don't mind you callin' me Souji-kun!" A grin spread over his face as I nearly fell over. Never in a million years would I ever call my murderer in such a familiar way. Without acknowledging him any further, I ran to catch up with Saito, staying close to my savior for the day. I didn't look back to see Okita trailing behind us.

After Harada and Nagakura called us out on being late to dinner, we all settled down to eat. Although conversation was lively and even Chizuru was enjoying herself for once, I ate in silence in between Chizuru and Harada, very much aware of Okita staring at me from across the room. "You know," Harada spoke loud enough to catch the ear of everyone in the room, "We still don't know your name." Clumsy me. So shocked at being addressed, I spilled my tea again, just a couple of drops reaching my hands. Saito was in front of me as soon as he saw me set my cup down. "I thought I told you to be more careful."

I blushed and tucked my hands into my kimono sleeves, where I still refused to wear hakama. "Fine." Nagakura quickly offered to grab bandages and some ointment. It made me a little angry for some reason that he could still see how much pain I was in, but I thanked him when he came back and made quick work of bandaging my hands while the others continued to eat in silence. When everyone was back in their seats and the air a bit more clear, I answered Harada's question, "It's Kurosawa Kagami."

I'd thought the entire week about what I would have them call me. Finally I'd settled on something a couple days ago that seemed to match my situation. Kagami meant "mirror", and was chosen as a reference to Through the Looking Glass, where the main character travelled to Underland through a mirror. I very much sympathized with her situation so it seemed fitting. Kurosawa meant "black swamp" as far as I could tell, and really I just thought it sounded nice with the given name. "It suits you," Okita smirked behind a saucer of sake, "If I were you, I'd-"

"Okita," Saito cut him off, "Not the time."

I tucked my bandaged hands into my sleeves and studied the patterns on my haori while the conversation resumed with the tone I had started with. It made me feel like I was destined to ruin any sort of social gathering. Chizuru was better at these things. "There's no use in looking so down," I looked over at Harada who wore a small smile on his face, "I could have guessed being so forward would have shaken you, but I promise we aren't gonna hurt you, or Chizuru. Not even Okita."

I glanced over at the aforementioned samurai, nose stuffed in a bowl of rice. His face was curled into a frown again and he seemed to be pouting even though everyone else was lively. We locked eyes for a second before I turned back to Harada. "I was talking to him earlier today… He's worried that you hate him or something, but you're more afraid, right? Souji talks a lot, but he wouldn't hurt a woman without reason."

So he'd been talking about me? Of course I feared for my life whenever he was around, so it was hard not to notice. But to think that it may have actually bothered him in a way that didn't make him want to seriously injure me was a far-cry from the maniacally laughing, blood-thirsty demon that haunted my nightmares.

Inoue came in, interrupting the multiple conversations and laughter. His face was solemn and I immediately realized what he was going to say. My eyes were downcast as he spoke. "I've received word from Osaka. Sannan was injured in battle." Chizuru was glad to hear he would live, until it was explained that he would likely never wield a sword again. I looked at Saito as he explained, while the last of Chizuru's relief slowly seeped from her eyes to match those of everyone else in the room. "If push comes to shove, he'll have to take it. Sanan isn't going to just give up." Nagakura sighed at Okita who had spoken out of nowhere, "Don't jinx him, it'll look bad for the rest of us if officers start joining the Corps."

Chizuru spoke up, "What do you mean? Aren't the Corps the Shinsengumi?" Heisuke started to explain, before Harada cut him off with a fist to the face. The girl looked shocked but I kept my head down. Of course I knew they were talking about the Ochimizu, the Water of Life that gave humans the strength of demons. My fan-girl-Mary-Sue situation had allowed me that much insight. I popped back into listening in when Okita tried to get Chizuru to understand why she couldn't know much more. "The Corps are a group of men to be pitied," he sighed but no emotion fell through.

I thought about the anime and the Otome games I had played that had given me the knowledge that I had now, thinking to the not so distant future when many of these men and maybe all of them would succumb to the Ochimizu. We finished dinner in silence and then Chizuru and I were trusted to make it back to our room without the assistance of any of the Shinsengumi. I'd asked if we could have tea brought to our room, but I retracted my request when Saito sent me a look that could have killed a thousand Imperial armies. Chizuru had been deep in thought since we'd gotten back. I knew what she was thinking about as always, so I didn't bother trying to distract her from her thoughts. She would do that on her own.

A whole other week later was when Saito finally came to my room and offered to give me sword lessons. Part of me was pretty eager to begin learning, so I succumbed to the pressure of wearing hakama and let my kimono in my room to meet Saito in the dojo. A couple of the captains and the men were there, training together. I waved slightly to them, and all but Okita waved back. Slightly crestfallen in spite of myself, I grabbed a wooden practice sword from Saito. "Take a defensive stance."

I blinked from the abruptness of his voice and grounded myself, sword out away from me with my arms slightly bent. As Saito moved around me, he fixed little things here and there with my stance. "Keep your sword closer to yourself, or you leave your torso open to your enemy's blade. Keep your knees apart, but not so far." All these little things I tried to correct as his voice guided. "Good."

I felt a small smile pull up at the very corner of my mouth.