The Power of Tea
Just before dawn broke I returned to Knight-Captain Hell's room armed with a cup of her favorite tea. I knocked on Hell's door once, waited three seconds and then knocked once more to signal that I was alone. When there was no answer I opened the door just in time to see my "stoic" Hell Knight trying to escape out the window.
"…Could it be that Knight-Captain Hell feels too confined in this room and seeks to reflect on the mercy of the God of Light elsewhere?" I asked with a heavenly smile. Although I couldn't see her face I suspected that as soon as I said the word "mercy" a terrified expression crossed Hell's face. Her whole body had gone stiff. I found it amusing that the person who was once the tallest out of the knights-in-training was now the shortest and skinniest. Without her armor Hell was limber enough to slither wherever she pleased. Although Hell always seemed to know when I needed her for a mission, I doubt I would have been able to find her otherwise unless a wound slowed her down.
Fortunately Hell didn't even try to make up an excuse. She just stared at me guiltily for a moment, but once she caught a whiff of the steaming cup Knight-Captain Hell's mood picked up immediately. She climbed away from the window and obediently sat back down on the bed like a good patient.
Never underestimate the power of tea, I reminded myself before grudgingly handing her the cup.
Without even waiting for the water to cool she took a nice long sip. Then looking at me reproachfully Hell whined, "It's not strong enough! And you're supposed to simmer the water, not boil it!"
And to save you, dear reader, the trouble of trying to decipher my very elaborate speech pattern I'll omit the "God of Light" from my next few sentences. Hell, however, was not so lucky and had to wait quietly for me to finish Every. Single. Word. and then try decode their meaning.
"(Tell me what happened)." I ordered irritably. Hell looked at me and hesitated. I wasn't sure at first if this was because she didn't know what I had said or if she just didn't want to answer.
"I was careless." She finally confessed.
I took a few deep breaths to keep my temper in check and waited. The hole in her shoulder may have been mended, but holy magic doesn't work as well on the ego. I suspected Hell's pride had taken an even nastier blow. Normally she was a very competent and careful spy. I've met very few people in my lifetime who are as serious about their occupation as Knight-Captain Hell.
Knight-Captain Hell could usually manage to mend her occupational minor bumps, scraps, cuts, stab wounds, twisted ankles, and occasional food poisoning herself. This was only the second time that I've had to personally patch her up. The first time was much, much worse, but for the sake of my sanity I've all but blocked the incident from my memory. Not even Judgment would dare to ever bring that up again.
"(How did you make it back to the temple)?" I asked with genuine curiosity this time. Even by the fastest ship it would have taken her several months to return to the continent.
"Teleportation circle," she explained mournfully.
Ah, that would make sense. I chastised myself for not realizing the possibility. I had just reminded myself only moments earlier how 'competent and careful' the Church's spy was.
"It was supposed to be used as a 'last resort' to get a 'final message' to the church..." Hell explained sorrowfully. "But now none of the future Hell Knights will be able to use it..."
Hey, don't forget that you're a Hell Knight as well! I wanted to remind her.
I had conveniently forgotten that she had "that" mentality as well. Knight-Captain Hell was the type of person to take her work very seriously and neglect her own health in the meantime. Workaholics were a troublesome species. I suppressed the urge to ruthlessly beat "that" habit out of her with the chair I was sitting on only because I knew it was useless. If a musket ball couldn't do the job, nothing could.
Instead I sighed inwardly and muttered under my breath, "That iron ball I removed looked like a pretty clear message to me."
Muskets could be deadly, but they weren't exactly popular among the masses. I was, however, very glad to hear that I wouldn't have to order Judgment confiscate all the guns in town. Muskets could only fire one shot at a time and then it took a minute and a half to two minutes for the average person to reload. Granted that a fully trained soldier could fire at least three rounds a minute, but then they still missed their intended targets completely. Muskets were also difficult to make in bulk, even harder to fix when damaged, and black powder was rather expensive on this side of the world.
Personally I'd recommend just throwing rocks. At least then you could actually hit what you were aiming for.
The only way I knew how to "effectively" use muskets was to line up a firing squad into three rows and volley shots at the (hopefully stationary) enemy. A single musket couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, but an army of them did have a decent advantage over a knight cavalry. As Knight-Captain Hell had inadvertently demonstrated, a musket ball could, in fact, easily pierce through armor like butter-
Unless, of course, it happened to be a holy knight cavalry.
With a just few holy spells (which was not exactly Hell's forte) the musket balls would just bounce off! I'm fairly certain that a strong battle aura would also have a similar effect. In other countries I suppose it wasn't uncommon for royal families or wealthy nobles to have a special musketeer platoon among their guards. But the way most people on this continent see it is that even a novice mage could fire a spell from each hand AND nearly always hit their target without needing to "reload".
To have been hit just so in the shoulder Hell must have ran into a whole army, but nobody, especially the Church's number one spy/assassin, was that stupid. I knew Hell's holy spells were weak, but I wasn't entirely sure about the strength of her battle aura. She rarely used it. Battle aura was conspicuous and spy/assassins didn't need it as long as they had the element of surprise. My Hell Knight was full of surprises.
Therefore the next question I asked was even more serious. "Who shot you?"
"Oh, just a hired guard." Hell looked down in shame for a moment, but then she remembered something important. In a very small voice as if she was speaking to herself more than me Hell explained, "I would say it was a lucky shot…"
Meaning that "just a guard" deserved a marksmen's medal, I mentally rolled my eyes.
"…But the gun barrel was shorter than any other model I've seen." A dark expression crossed her face. "They've been improved for accuracy."
"Even against mages?" I asked taken aback.
"The easiest way to kill a mage is to get them before they finish their incantation," Hell reminded me. "If this 'thing' leads to a war-"
"It's not going to."
"But-"
I sighed inwardly again. I did that a lot when I conversed with Knight-Captain Hell. Conspiracy-nut traits came with her job description. In the dark world of information gathering, nothing could be trusted. No one could be trusted. Not even her fellow holy knights. It my part of my job description to remind her of the will and mercy of the God of Light.
"We're not dealing with one nation against another, Knight-Captain Hell." I told her patiently. "They're only merchants. Even if they had the aid of gods, how could they possibly fight a war in another land?"
"Merchants of death, Knight-Captain Sun," Hell responded acidly. "What makes them any different from a king? They have money and they have power. All they have to do is buy an army and they'll be certain to get their way."
"…I can speak about this matter to the Prime Minister." I suggested.
"No need." She shook her head. "Several key members of parliament are already accepting 'harmless merchant' bribes."
"….Fine. What's your recommendation?"
"When the representative from the trading company arrives," Hell replied very seriously. "Serve him bad food. They won't want to invade us if they think we have terrible cuisine."
"…" Had it been anyone else who had just said that to me… After a long period of silence Hell looked at me blankly.
"What?" she asked perplexed as to why I hadn't given a response.
"I'm quite certain not everyone in this world thinks travel is only about the food." I replied very carefully with all the graces that the God of Light was willing to spare me.
"Of course," Hell nodded unperturbed. "Travel is all about wine, women, and food. Why else would anyone want to leave the comforts of their own country?"
"…I'll see what I can do." I promised. "Meanwhile you're ordered to observe six days of total bed rest."
Knight-captain Hell was clearly not happy about this order. She only responded with a single nod, but I was satisfied with the information I had received. Hell would certainly obey my last order so I picked up the dishes and prepared to leave the room. Then with a blur of unexpected and inhuman speed Knight-captain Hell grabbed my sleeve. I looked down at her in confusion wondering if I had forgotten anything.
"…Did you think I wouldn't notice?" she asked in a low and deadly tone that made my hair on end. It must have been a skill she had "secretly" picked up from Knight-captain Judgment because I didn't know she could do that. She tightened her grip on my sleeve. I could see her fist shaking slightly. "That scent… you…"
Uh oh.
With a dark aura that could rival a death knight's my "subordinate" roared at me, "You used my best tea for your BATH WATER again?!"
Sensing that my life was in great peril I carefully freed myself from her grip and backed up very slowly.
"Um. Healer's fee?" I suggested lightly. I continued to inch myself closer to the door. While stammering and trying to appear as good-natured as Knight-Captain Earth I said, "I-it d-does w-wonders for my skin- urk!"
I could see a faint battle aura surrounding Hell.
To cover up my slip of the tongue I quickly explained, "I-I mean it's so refreshing! It's almost like I'm feeling the silky smooth warm of God of Light himself! The God of Light teaches us that kindness comes in many forms and for 'Brother' Hell I believe kindness comes in the form of Hells appreciation for the fine tradition of tea and the great respect that is shown to the cultures that make it. Sun couldn't help but with wish to gain a deeper understanding of Brother Hell's method of celebrating the teachings-"
At last I reached behind and felt the wooden door with my hand.
I'm saved!
"Remember that bed rest was an order!" I reminded before making my escape.
Although I would never blatantly disobey an order from Knight-Captain Sun, I did make it a point to bend the rules a teeny bit. After all, he hadn't specified which bed I should be resting in. I donned on one of my many disguises and headed into town.
At first I had wanted to visit my favorite bakery and the very handsome son the worked there- but a glance at my ten months worth of mail made me change my mind. There was a wedding invitation among the stack of letters. The invitation was six months old.
Feeling even more dejected I had to settle for a trip to the candy shop for a handful of the sickest-sweetest lollipops I could find. The expense cost me the last of my month's pay, but it was worth it. Not because I had a fondness for lollipops, of course. I hated sweet foods with a passion. The candy wasn't for me.
After making sure that I wouldn't be spotted by anyone, especially my boss, I crept to a rather shady looking part of town to the shadiest and creepiest house I had ever seen. The wood was warped and rotting, the door hinges were rusted shut making it very difficult to open, and inside was so dark and dank that if the city inspector knew about it he would order the place condemned. No one had lived there in a long time... that is, if you used the traditional definition of "living".
Even though I couldn't send dark auras very well I shivered reflexively. My instincts told me that I shouldn't be there. My instincts warned me that it was dangerous and they couldn't think of a single good reason for me to even be there. Well, actually there was half of a good reason. I knew Knight-Captain wouldn't set foot in the place for a while. Hiding from my boss was a sorry excuse, but unfortunately there weren't any dragon dens left for me to hide in so this was my next best bet.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I felt something creep up behind me. The sense of danger grew and grew. My knees shook and I swallowed uneasily. Glancing down at my foot I saw "it" and screamed.