A/N: This chapter was tough to write. So heads up. Also it marks about the halfway point through Act 1 if I stick to my outline. Yay! Thank you to everyone who has stayed with me. Your words of encouragement and sweet comments have really made this worth all the time and effort. *Blows a kiss through the monitor* (I know that made me look like a loser. But whatever.)
Act 1
Chapter 12
"Prison Part I"
It had only been three days since Talla joined them back at Danarius's estate, but it might as well have been three months. Hawke had been beaten, ridiculed, deprived of food, and was now locked in the dungeon.
After everyone in the household had retired to their rooms for the evening, Fenris snuck down to the basement in hopes of getting to see her. Time was running out. If he didn't act soon, Talla might kill her just because she could. Danarius had given her full power over Hawke and was turning a blind eye to the cruelty that was being inflicted upon her.
It was breaking his heart that he was so powerless to stop what was happening to her. Their night together had been the most amazing gift that had ever been given to him. Yes, his memories came back momentarily, and that had left him confused and perhaps a little bitter. But now that he had the time to reflect he knew that it didn't matter. Whatever secrets were hiding in his past were no longer important. It was just Hawke. She was his future.
As he approached the cells, he noticed that the only guard on duty had dozed off in his chair. Quietly, Fenris peered through each of the doors until he found hers.
His heart sank at the sight. Her hands and feet had been shackled to the wall. Her clothing was tattered and hanging off her body. Her face had been beaten so badly, both her eyes were swollen shut.
Carefully, so as to not wake the slumbering guard, he lifted the keys from his belt and opened her door. Immediately, Hawke began jerking her shackles and mumbling curses through her swollen mouth.
"Sshhh…Hawke it's me," Fenris whispered. "It's just me."
As she began to relax, he saw the silent tears streaming down her swollen face. "Fen…ris…" she managed to choke out.
Both her wrist and ankles were bloodied from attempts to free herself from the chains. Her face had been beaten so badly, he hardly recognized her. When she started to shake and curl in on herself, Fenris sat down on the floor and brought her body to rest between his legs, then guided her head to his chest.
"I will try to figure out a way to get you out of here, Hawke," he said as he squeezed her to him and began rubbing his hand up and down her back as he tried to soothe her.
"They…hav…haven't even…told me…wh-…what I did," she mumbled into his chest. "Wh-what did I do, Fen…ris?" Her shoulders started to shake as she gave in to her sobs.
"Nothing," he responded. "You have done nothing." He felt his own emotions slip as she clutched onto him. She was scared, hurting, and all for nothing. Just so Talla could abuse her power and make an innocent suffer. A single hot tear rolled down his cheek as he realized he was incapable of helping her. Even if he got her out of the dungeon, they would never make it past the gates. "I'm going to fix this," he whispered as he held her. "I'm going to fix this." But he knew that he couldn't.
Holding her, rocking her until she fell asleep, he knew that there would be nothing that he could do to save her. This would continue as long as Talla desired.
Closing his eyes he kissed the top of her heard, then gently laid her to rest on the cold stone floor.
He was powerless.
For two solid weeks Fenris managed to sneak past the guards to visit her each night in the dungeons. He was so proud of her. Even though she was being beaten constantly, she wasn't giving in to them. She had told him that never once did she cry in front of the guards or Talla. Only when she was in his presence did she let her true emotions show. And rarely did she cry with him, at least not since that first night.
The last few times he saw her, she seemed to be getting better. The guards were harassing her less and Talla had decreased her visits. The bruises on her mouth and eyes were starting to fade. And to his delight he had finally been able to kiss her without bringing her pain.
But last night she was gone. There was no trace of her in the dungeon and she hadn't been brought back to her room. All night Fenris searched the grounds trying to find where they had taken her.
As he stood in Danarius's study the next day he was visibly antsy. He had angled himself so that he would be able to peer out of the door just in case he caught a glimpse of Hawke if she happened to walk by. If something had happened to her he would never be able to forgive himself.
"Fenris," Danarius called, drawing his attention away from the door. "You seem awfully distracted today. Is there something you would like to ask me?"
Oh, he had many questions. Where was Hawke? Had he hurt her? Was she alive? Why couldn't he find her? But it would be unwise to ask any of those. He set his jaw, and his lip went into a grim line. "I have no questions, Master."
"Hmmm," Danarius leaned back in his chair, obviously not convinced. "My mistake. I thought you would be interested to know what has happened to your counterpart."
He felt his eyes flash with hope before he could stop himself. Danarius chuckled deeply, quite pleased with the reaction he was given. "She has been temporarily given to Lucian. Talla finds her presence…unsettling."
The room suddenly began to spin. Fenris felt his balance fail and he leaned onto the bookcase behind him. He took a deep breath then looked at Danarius. "Lucian? She has been given to Lucian?"
"Yes," his master drew out. "Not that I owe you an explanation, but until I can secure my ties with Talla, Hawke is a hindrance. The woman seems to hate her greatly. Do you have a problem with my decision, Fenris?"
Danarius leaned up on his desk, daring him to speak out his true feelings. He clenched then unclenched his fist a few times before standing upright again. "No, master. I suppose I have become too dependent on the extra help she offers."
He waved him off then went back to his reading. "Do not worry. She will be back. Her skills are useful. Talla will come around…eventually."
Fenris felt every muscle in his body constrict. Eventually. What would Lucian do to her between now and eventually? How long would it be before he got to see her again? He felt his heart begin to crack and shatter at the news. If and when she came back she would be a different person. Broken. The fire would be lost. His throat became tight, making it hard for him to swallow. The muscles of his face ached as he tried to keep looking collected. He felt the heat build behind his eyes. He was grinding his teeth so hard, he was certain they would crack at any moment.
What would he do without her?
Three weeks. Three whole weeks of agony. Fenris knew that whatever was happening to Hawke it wasn't good. Ever since that night he caught Lucian trying to abuse her, his master's nephew hadn't been back. Now he would be taking out is aggression freely on her. There would be no one to stop him.
So many nights he lay awake in his bed tormenting himself with images of what was being done to her. There had been no whisper of her return.
Was she crying herself to sleep? Did she think about him? Was she hoping that he would come and rescue her?
He had failed her. Again. Many times he would find himself wandering to her room. While the rest of the house was fast asleep, he would sit on her bed and try to figure out a way to save her from this.
He always came up empty handed. Right now Talla held all the cards and wasn't interested in easing her suffering.
As Fenris waited for dawn to come his insides were squirming. He had heard Claudia mention to one of the servants to prepare for Lucian's arrival in two days. It couldn't come fast enough.
Hawke stared at the crack beneath the door of the dark room she was being held in. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten. There was no way for her to know how long she had actually been in this hole. She was cold, starving, and her body ached from the constant torture Lucian had been inflicting on her.
Her mind was slowly breaking. She didn't know if he came to her every day or every week. It was all beginning to bleed together.
A part of her felt like she was going crazy. The only thing keeping her sane was her memories of Fenris. She would see him again. She had to see him again. The Maker wasn't so cruel that he would put him in her life, just to take him away.
What was he doing right now? Though she didn't know for sure, her inner clock told her it was dark outside. Perhaps he was making a walk of the estate or laying in his bed. She hoped that he was thinking of her.
Please, don't let him give up.
It would kill her if he abandoned her. He was the only thing that was keeping her going. She had to see him again. At least one more time.
I miss him.
If she tried hard enough she could still feel his fingers lightly dancing across the skin of her forearm. She could almost hear his soft breath in her ear as he ran his lips up and down her neck.
Please…just one more time.
Suddenly, the door to her prison was pushed open. The light on the other side blinded her. Like every time before she brought up her hand to shield her eyes from the piercing pain. This had happened so often that her body anticipated every move from the guard and followed his lead willingly. After her first few escape attempts, she had learned that suffering through what was about to happen to her was far better than Lucian's wrath if she tried to flee.
The guard gripped her arm and yanked her to her feet. Before she had time to adjust to the new light a black hood was placed over her head and secured tightly around her neck. Her hands were bound next. With a jerk he began leading her out to their destination.
Hawke knew their path by heart. Her own breathing echoed through her ears as they made their way up the steps. One. Two. Three. Four…..Fifteen in total.
Once out of the door at the top they made a left, went thirty paces and turned right. In about fourteen steps she would hear the door to the kitchen open and closing as the servants made their way in and out.
Yep, there it was. The sound of clinking dishes and the scattered chatter of the servants echoed at the far end of the hall. Apparently, Lucian had dined on roast chicken this evening. So she was right, it was late in the day.
Another twenty feet and a small flight of ten steps and she was at the door to his chamber.
The guard knocked once, hard and loudly, then pushed her inside. Now that the distraction of her surroundings were gone she could hear her own breath and pulse quicken. Her palms began to sweat as she stood in the silent room.
He was in here. Waiting and watching.
Anticipating him to make his presence known was the part she hated the most. Sometimes he did it immediately, other times he enjoyed forcing her to agonize over when his assault would come.
She heard the faintest creak across the room; most likely furniture. Her whole body tensed. When she didn't hear anything else or sense his movements, Hawke began to whimper. It was coming, she knew it. For the first time in her life, she was utterly terrified.
Even though it was useless, she began struggling in her restraints trying to free her hands. From her right she heard his evil laugh. She jerked her head in the direction of the noise. Then it happened.
A flash of orange to her right. Even through the darkness of her hood she could see his magic pulse coming.
It slammed into her, knocking her flat on her back and forcing the air out of her lungs. Before she was even able to take an inhale another pulse of the magic coursed through her.
It was a horror. Every nightmare she had ever had sprang to the forefront of her mind. Hawke couldn't stop herself from wailing and screaming as images of her family burning alive came into focus. She could hear their cries, see their shadowy images through the flames begging for her to help them. Every time she got close to the fire, the heat was too much and she would have to pull away. When she could finally take no more she ran in to save them only to have the fire engulf her body. It felt like all her skin and muscle was being melted from her flesh. Just when the pain became too much, her body was thrown forcefully through the air. She felt the hard floor cut into the bones of her shoulders.
Images of her sister tortured by Templars, beaten and ridiculed for her gifts flashed through her mind. Carver being mutilated and torn apart by a horde of Darkspawn came next. Each of his limbs were gripped and yanked free from his body before the vision faded away.
Then she saw the dead lifeless eyes of her father laying on the ground. When the picture expanded her mother and Magister Clayden where standing over him cackling as their servants kicked his corpse. Even through the loud sound of her cries she could hear the cruel laugh of her torturer as she wailed in agony.
Then finally, the one she feared the most. Fenris' beautiful, perfect face came into view. He was laying down looking at her. For a few short moments everything seemed normal. The beginnings of a smile was playing on his lips and she was just about to reach out to touch him, but then his eyes went wide. Pulling back Hawke could see that he was strapped to a table, being ripped apart, his flesh being torn and knitted back together as the lyrium was etched into his skin. His body was jerking, he was screaming, begging for the end.
Just before she was sure he would die, he turned and pleaded with her to save him. Her legs couldn't get to him fast enough. She tried her hardest to reach him, but he just kept getting further and further away until she was in darkness once again.
This was the part she hated most. With her weakened frame of mind, she could never tell if she was back in her dark room again or not. There was no sound besides her labored breathing and quiet sobs. Sometimes nothing would come. She would sit up and realize that it was over, that she was safe for the time being. Maybe now would be one of those times. Maker, she hoped so. Her body couldn't take anymore.
Gradually, her breathing slowed. She was finally able to suppress her cries and sit up. After a moment of waiting she exhaled loudly then fell back against the floor. It was done. She brought her hand up to her face to smooth some of her sweaty hair out of her eyes.
When her fingers touched the black fabric instead of her skin, Hawke panicked and began jerking on the floor.
"No! Please! I can't take anymore," she begged. She didn't care if it made her weak. Her mind couldn't handle it.
Her only answer was the sound of scurrying legs and high-pitched squeaks getting closer and closer to her.
As the first tickles of the spider's legs reached her flesh, Hawke threw her head back and screamed.
All day Fenris anticipated Lucian's arrival. Initially, he assumed they would be coming to the estate by mid-afternoon, but when no carriages arrived he couldn't help but panic. Orana had already confirmed that the kitchen was supposed to plan for additional company.
With dinner approaching he was ready to give up. The realization that he may never see her again was setting in.
As he followed behind Danarius and Talla while they walked the gardens he felt like dying. If he lost her, there was nothing else left. Watching his master smile and laugh with his mistress ignited the stinging fire of hatred in his heart. One thing. She was the one thing in life that made him happy, and the Magisters took that from him as well. Just when he thought he would scream out from the injustice of it all, one of the house elves approached them.
"Master," he bowed low nearly toppling over. "Your nephew has arrived. Would you like to greet him?"
Fenris's heart began to pound. His palms began to sweat. She was here. Finally, she was back if only for a night. When Danarius agreed to meet Lucian, Fenris was barely able to contain himself from sprinting ahead and leaving them behind. He felt like running, embracing her and never letting go.
When they made it to the courtyard they were just in time to see the carriage arrive at the stables. He strained to see through the windows hoping to catch of glimpse of her. The driver bounced off his seat and opened the door.
Lucian was the first to vacate the carriage and smiled widely when he saw his uncle. Fenris didn't even hear the heartfelt reunion the two of them were caught up in, his eyes and ears were glued to the door. After the most agonizing minute of his life, he saw a frail hand reach out and grip the frame. Slowly, her body moved into the opening of the door. The angle only provided him with the barest glimpse of her profile as she stepped out. With her back to him she closed the door and Fenris saw everything happening in slow motion.
Her head was down, with a swoop of her beautiful black hair shielding her eyes. As she turned towards him, he drew in a deep breath and analyzed every curve of her body. One of her hands reached up to her face as she tucked her hair behind her ear and looked up.
When their eyes finally connected he let out a shaky breath. She looked amazing. Nearly exactly as he remembered her. Her skin was a little more pale, and her eyes looked tired but when she saw him for the first time her face lit up with that same twinkle and her mouth spread wide with a huge grin.
His skin was crawling as his body begged him to run and swoop her up in his arms. Without breaking eye contact she took a step towards him, but suddenly stopped.
Quickly the smile left her face as she moved to stand next to Lucian. The sick bastard gave Fenris a triumphant grin as Hawke looked down to the ground and began following her temporary master to the estate.
The two of them weren't even allowed a moment to speak because Lucian wanted to freshen up before dinner. Without being asked Hawke followed behind him to his quarters, glancing over her shoulder at Fenris as they rounded the corner.
Dinner was a nightmare for him. There she stood, not ten feet away but completely out of reach. His entire being was aching to hold her. She looked so beautiful. As best he could, he tried not to look at her too often, but was failing miserably. Hawke wasn't doing all that well either. Even though she kept her face forward, her eyes were constantly cutting to him. Just the barest of smiles would pass over her lips when she noticed that he was staring, too. But Lucian was wise to their silent communication. Though Hawke was behind him, he kept noticing Fenris' staring and when he would look over his shoulder, Hawke immediately would right herself. But after a moment she went right back to looking at him.
After dinner the mages enjoyed each other's company, again not granting them a moment to be alone. And when Lucian excused himself to his room, ordering Hawke to follow, his stomach dropped.
With pained eyes she glanced back only once as she did as she was told.
As Fenris tried to sleep his mind kept wandering back to the fact that his Hawke was downstairs. His need to hold her to him was all-consuming. After a few minutes of inner debate he decided that he didn't care about the consequences, he just had to see her. As quietly as he could he crept out of his room and down the stairs.
Once he reached the bottom flight he listened to make sure no one was still awake. Certain that the house was empty he turned the corner and collided sharply with a body. Immediately, he tried to think of an excuse for roaming the house in the middle of the night and pushed off the person in front of him, only to realize it was Hawke.
"Fenris," she whispered. Her face crumbled into a mixture of happiness and pain as she reached for him. Without hesitation he took her into his arms and held her firmly to his chest. "I was just about to come find you," she sighed into his chest.
"It seems we both had the same idea," he smiled then rubbed the back of her head. Pulling back he looked at her, then cradled her face in his hands. "Are you alright?" It was a stupid question. Of course she wasn't alright, but he felt compelled to ask.
"I've missed you so much…" she squeezed her eyes against the tears that were building then reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. "I don't want you to worry, but he's awful. Just awful. When will I get to come back? I don't want to stay with him anymore."
"I do not know," he confessed then brushed his thumbs across her cheekbones. Looking around he realized they were still alone, but didn't want anyone to surprise them on a walk to the kitchen so he pulled her into the dark corner at the end of the hall. "Listen to me, Hawke." He kept his voice low and serious as he held her hand between both of his, caressing it softly. "You have to run." When she started to protest he put his finger up to stop her. "You have to, Hawke. Talla is not going to let you come back. And there is nothing I can do to help you. I wish there was, but there isn't. I am powerless. The only way this will end for you is if you get away. Just get yourself free. Do you understand me?"
A single tear rolled down her cheek as she stepped into him. "How?" she choked out. "How am I supposed to do that? He guards me all day long. They don't give me weapons." She paused to caress his cheek before continuing. "…and-and what about us?..."
He felt his heart plummet. There could be no 'us' if she was able to get free. She would have to go on without him. He couldn't take one more day of her being beaten and tortured in Tevinter. For him there was no escape. Danarius would find him. He didn't even know how to live like a normal man, but she had a shot. Lucian wasn't nearly as cautious as their master was.
"Do not worry about me, Hawke. I need to know you are safe first." Reaching to his hip, be pulled out a small dagger and handed it to her. "Whenever you see your first chance, take it. Do not hesitate. You have to get away."
For the first time since meeting her, Fenris actually saw desperation and fear in her face. In an attempt to give her strength he resumed caressing her hand and lined his body as close to hers as possible. "You are smart, resourceful…you can do this." She started to shake her in head in protest so Fenris reached up to frame her face with his hand. "I know you can. I have faith in you."
Hawke's trembled as she tried to hide the blade he'd given her on her belt. "I wish you were with me," she barely breathed out in a soft whimper. She looked up to his face and delicately ran her fingers across his jaw, as if she was memorizing his every feature. "Fenris, I...I…"
"Shh…" he said gently then delicately laid his lips against hers. This could very well be the last time he was ever going to feel her beautiful body pressed against him, so he poured every ounce of the love he possessed into that kiss. Both their eyes closed tight to fight against the tears that threatened to fall down their faces.
Fenris cradled her face gently as she held onto him fiercely and he knew that her labored breathing probably was more so the cause of her fear than of his soft kisses. She suddenly took in a sharp, painful gasp then gripped his face as she opened her mouth over his. The kiss was intoxicating. It was heartbreaking. It was fire. It was ice. It was the best moment of his life. It was the worst. All in all, it was the end.
And Fenris knew it. It took all the strength he possessed to finally pull away from her. She had her fingers buried in his hair, and he had her body pressed tightly against the length of his. Their foreheads were pressed together as their strangled breaths mingled between their now swollen lips. "I will see you again," she whispered.
He heard the promise in her voice, but knew better than to let his heart believe it. "Be careful, Hawke," was all he could bring himself to say to her.
When she finally walked away from him and went back to Lucian's quarters, Fenris hoped he would get to see her one more time before they left.
He didn't.
Additional A/N: Sorry this one jumped around so much. I promise things will get better for these two...eventually. This is a story about triumph, even if it doesn't seem like it all the time.