Act 1

Chapter 16

"A Party"

Fenris only had about a month and a half left at Magister Crucius' home. Which meant he only had a month and a half to convince Hawke that the two of them didn't have to be 'just friends'.

He had wanted to laugh in her face when she'd made that ridiculous suggestion. As if the two of them could ever be only friends. She could grow two heads and turn green and he would still want to be more than just friends with her. But convincing Hawke was proving to be a challenge.

It had only been two weeks since he arrived, and every day since, he had made sure to go out of his way to remind Hawke how wonderful they could be together.

Initially, he hadn't pushed anything in fear of scaring her back into her shell. For the first few days he would only smile in her direction when they passed each other. In the beginning she would shy away from his gaze, and then she began to blush each time she saw him. Eventually, she started to smile back. And now each time he walked passed her, she would take in a deep breath before her face would beam back at him. Progress.

Throughout the second week, he had made a point of sitting out in the slave's courtyard each and every night. Most of the time Hawke would play with the children, pretending not to notice his presence. But towards the end of the week, she gained enough courage to join him on the bench after everyone had gone to sleep.

Fenris was careful not to push her, and let her do most of the talking. She told him about her stay with Lucian, assured him that her current keeper was treating her much better now. One night they talked only of Leland. It was obvious that she cared a great deal for the Magister's son, and Fenris fought back the urge to growl or frown each time she said his name.

He had been able to learn that despite Leland's affection for her, she did not feel the same towards him. He was simply a kind man, who helped her cope. Several times she reassured him that there was nothing going on between them. This amused Fenris, considering he had never even asked.

But tonight she seemed less guarded. It was late. Too late, and both of them should already have been in bed. They had been talking for hours, but Fenris didn't want this spell to end. She scooted as close to him on the bench as she could then rested her chin on his shoulder as he told her about the time Talla had fallen down the stairs at Danarius's estate. She had landed head first with her robes flying over her head, displaying her underpants to all the servants.

This sent Hawke into a fit of giggles that led to her smiling up at him with her cheek on his shoulder and her hand resting on his thigh. Before she could throw her wall back up, she squeezed his leg and placed a kiss to his shoulder. Immediately, warmth spread throughout Fenris' limbs. She was beginning to look at him like she used to. Like he was her whole world, as if he was her only source of happiness and just being able to touch him meant everything to her.

Her eyes softened when he looked at her and before he could stop himself, his body turned towards her. She took in a deep breath as his hand reached up to cup her face. She whispered his name. Not to ward him off, but to draw him nearer. She said it with such reverence if he had been standing, his knees would have surely buckled. But when their lips were close enough to nearly touch, Fenris noticed the tightness in her body.

She wanted this, but clearly she wasn't quite ready. Instead of kissing her lips he lifted his mouth and brought her forehead down to him. Hawke let out a low sigh then wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you," she whispered into his chest.

"For what?" he asked as he cupped the back of her head.

"For everything," she sighed and pressed into him. "For understanding. For being here. For caring about me. For not giving up…" She trailed off and straightened her body to look him in the eyes. Fenris stroked her cheek with his thumb but his eyes never left hers. "I missed you so much," tears pooled on her lower eyelids and her fingers came up to stroke his jaw. "I tried to forget. But I can't." His jaw locked and he took a deep breath through his nostrils. He hated that he was the reason for these tears. "This isn't fair," she continued. "I'm sorry for putting you through this. But I…" she took in a strangled breath, "…I just don't think I'm strong enough." Hawke took a deep inhale before she continued. "I want to be. I really do. But everything is just so confusing right now. It would hurt so badly if something ever happened to you because of me. I would never be able to forgive myself. I just…I just…" she trailed off as new tears began flowing from her pained eyes.

Fenris gently shushed her and ran his fingers softly across her hair line. "I understand."

Hawke composed herself and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands. "You do?"

"I do," Fenris curled one side of his lip up as he looked down at her. "I think about it all the time. But one thing I know is that my life began the day Lucian brought you to Danarius' estate."

"Fenris," she whispered as she tried to control erratic breaths.

"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you, Hawke. But if you need time, I can give that to you. Just promise me that you won't shut me out."

"I promise," she smiled weakly at him.

"Good." Fenris cradled her head in his hands and kissed her forehead before wiping his thumbs across her still glistening cheeks. "It's late. You need to get some rest."

Hawke nodded her head then wrapped her arms around him. With her head pressed into his neck she squeezed him to her. "I won't give up," she whispered so quietly Fenris barely heard her. He felt the barest pressure from her lips on his neck and sighed. He wanted more but this would do for now. Obviously, she was struggling. So, he would be here in whatever way she wanted him, no matter how much it hurt.

"Bed, Hawke," he said after he felt her body relax. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," she agreed and gave him one more squeeze before releasing him and walking away.

Fenris sat on the bench much longer after she left, pondering their predicament. It was clear that they still cared deeply for one another. The only thing holding her back was their slave status. If they were free, there was no doubt in his mind that she would already be his. So all he had to do was convince Hawke to let him back in, then orchestrate their escape. Fenris sighed and made the walk back to his bed chamber.

When his head hit the pillow he felt so helpless. All he had to do…

Fenris needed a miracle, or an angel. Too bad Tevinter had neither.

Two days later Fenris was getting ready to accompany Danarius to one of Crucius' social gatherings. There was really no purpose to the events, just a chance for Magisters to brag about their political exploits and parade around each other while drinking and dancing.

Fenris hated them. For one, it was extremely difficult to guard Danarius in such a setting. Even though his master assured him that the chances of someone being stupid enough to assassinate him so publicly were non-existent, it still made Fenris uneasy. Secondly, being around one Magister was quite enough. Being in a room packed full of them was enough to make him want to commit murder. Plus, to make matters worse, Hadriana and Talla were going to be in attendance.

Even though he was a bodyguard he wasn't allowed to carry weapons in, which really didn't matter. His body was a weapon.

When they entered the grand ballroom at Crucius' estate, Fenris followed behind his Master and Talla at a respectful distance, monitoring all those in attendance, carefully watching each and every person Danarius shook hands with.

While his master talked with one of his colleagues, Fenris resumed scanning the crowd. That was when he saw her.

Standing across the room, directly behind Lucian was Hawke. She was wearing a black strapless dress that fell just below her knee. Her hair was still pulled back in her low ponytail, but she had a pink flower wrapped around the hair tie. Her make-up was slightly more done up than usual. Nothing over the top, just a little darker around the eyes. She looked stunning. Clearly Lucian was showing off her beauty. Bodyguards were rarely female and having one that looked and fought like Hawke was definitely a prize. Already she had caught the eye of several Magisters. Most were looking at her curiously, but some had a hint of hunger in their gaze.

Before his anger had time to boil over, Hawke caught his eyes across the room. She smiled so brightly, her whole face lit up. If she smiled at him like that when they were at the slave quarters he would have run to her and scooped her up in his arms. Since that wasn't an option here, he simply curled up his lip and nodded. She held his gaze a moment longer before turning to follow Lucian around the room.

Since their moment on the bench she had been much more open with him, seeking him out when she wasn't busy with her duties. One afternoon she had asked him to accompany her to the gardens. When they had been well away from prying eyes, she'd reached out and grabbed his hand. She also hadn't shied away when he had brought his hand to her hip and pulled her into his side while they'd inhaled the blossoms on some of the trees.

One time she'd even wrapped an arm around his back and placed her hand against his stomach as she reached up on her tiptoes to smell the sweet aroma. Their faces had been close enough to touch, but Fenris had been careful not to push her. He hadn't wanted want to frighten or make her feel vulnerable, so he'd refrained from brushing his lips across the top of her head. When she was ready she would come to him, he would just have to wait it out.

But when she looked at him like she was now, it made things much more difficult. He knew that she was close to allowing him fully back in. Every time she smiled at him it was written all over her face.

Danarius and Lucian were making their way towards one another through the throng of people. Fenris and Hawke kept their eyes locked as they moved closer and closer to each other. If someone was dumb enough to make an attempt on Danarius' life here, now would be their chance. Fenris was completely enamored with Hawke at the moment and he honestly didn't care about anything else.

When Danarius and Lucian reached each other, Hawke peered at him over her keeper's shoulder, smiling widely the whole time. When another Magister joined the group, he and Hawke stepped away to grant them privacy.

She was so close her arms were brushing up against his, he even felt her fingers twitching against his own every time they touched. Hawke cleared her throat and looked up to him. "So, I see they made you leave your sword."

"Yes," he replied. "Not that it makes much of a difference."

Hawke giggled then leaned into him. "I have two daggers strapped to my legs," she whispered with a wink.

Fenris smiled down at her. So occupied in each other's eyes, they didn't notice the drunk Magister making his way towards them until he crashed into Hawke. Momentarily, she lost her footing and gripped Fenris forearm. He gripped her waist and glared at the drunk as he walked away without an apology. When she was settled, Fenris placed his hand at the small of her back and began tracing lazy circles with his fingertips. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she answered breathlessly while she gazed up at him as if she was in awe.

He could see her walls gradually crumbling. He knew that in this moment, if he had been able to, he could kiss her and she would have kissed him back without hesitation. Her big green eyes sparkled as she looked up at him, her lips were slightly parted as she exhaled each shallow breath. Maker, she was beautiful. He was just about to tell her so, but then a deep familiar voice broke through their trance.

"Hawke, are you alright?" Leland asked and reached for her hand.

Still looking at Fenris she let him grasp it, then blinked at few times before turning to Leland. "Oh, yes. I'm fine," she smiled and took a step towards him, leaving Fenris to drop his arm back to his side.

"Sweet Heavens above, Hawke. You look absolutely breathtaking," Leland said as he raised her hand and let his eyes travel the length of her body.

"Thank you," she replied with a smile. The two continued to talk as if Fenris wasn't even standing there. He had thought that Leland was out of the picture since Hawke hadn't mentioned him recently, but apparently she had just decided not discuss him with Fenris. "How was your trip?" Hawke asked.

"Long, and boring," Leland leaned in and smiled. "But I am glad to be home. Especially, since I get to see you in this amazing dress. Hawke, truly, you are stunning."

Hawke visibly blushed and Fenris groaned, but not load enough to deter Leland from his flirtatious behavior. He stared longingly into her eyes before caressing her hand then pulling her towards him. "I have some friends I would like you to meet," he said softly.

Hawke stuttered as she searched words, "I…um…I…uh…I can't Leland. What about Lucian?"

"Oh, he is quite safe here, I assure you. Besides you deserve to relax tonight. No one wearing that dress should be forced to follow that cow around," he whispered with a smirk.

Hawke chuckled then without a glance back at Fenris, took Leland's hand and followed him across the room.

Fenris felt his stomach drop and his palms began to sweat. He had to admit, Leland was smooth. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it. Hawke willingly settled into his side as he paraded her around, showing her off to all his companions.

Leland was making sure to include her in all of his conversations, and Fenris even saw her throw her head back in laughter a few times as she spoke with his friends. As he watched the two of them talk and laugh so casually together, Fenris felt that slither of self-doubt sneak into his mind.

How could he ever compete with a man like Leland? He had wealth, power, and more importantly the means to set her free. He could offer her none of that. He knew that the best option for both of them would be for him to step aside and let Leland have her, to stop this foolish idea that the two of them would end up happy together. But he just couldn't. If Hawke asked he would, but without hearing the words from her mouth, Fenris was determined to fight tooth and nail for this woman.

"What is he doing with her?" Fenris heard Hadriana ask. He turned back to the group of Magisters surprised that he hadn't felt her evil presence sooner.

Lucian sighed. "Don't ask me. I gave up trying to understand his infatuation."

"Well, this is ridiculous," Hadriana continued. "Talla, how can you let your brother carry on in such a manner with that filth?"

"I learned long ago to just let my brother make his own mistakes. He will soon grow tired of her. Trust me. Leland never indulges in these pathetic vies for attention long."

Hadriana huffed then looked over to Fenris. "Go over there and bring her back. Now," she hissed, jealousy clear all over her face. Fenris looked to Danarius and received a curt nod of approval.

Taking in a breath, Fenris began making his way across the crowded room. As he approached them, he could hear Hawke's lyrical laughter echo back to him. The sound both saddened and elated him. For so long she had stopped laughing. He was happy she was doing it now, just wished that it would have been him that she shared the gift with.

When he was close enough to them, Fenris cleared his throat. Leland completely ignored him, but Hawke turned over her shoulder when she heard the sound. As soon as her eyes met his she smiled, big and bright. That got Leland's attention and he turned as well to eye the source of her grin. Fenris noticed the deep scowl Leland gave him before he let it fall away and turned back to his friends.

Quietly, Fenris spoke to Hawke. "Danarius would like for you to…"

Before he could finish the sentence Leland abruptly turned into Hawke and waved a silencing hand in front of Fenris' face. Hawke jerked back and drew her brows together as she looked to Leland.

Despite, the rudeness of his gesture, Fenris wasn't surprised. He was after all a slave. And Leland was of Tevinter nobility. This was a very mild dismissal, just one that he obviously hadn't used in front of Hawke before now.

"Dance with me, Hawke," Leland smiled at her.

Immediately, Hawke's face relaxed but she tilted her head at him. "I don't dance," she shrugged then cut her eyes to Fenris. He clearly remembered that she did in fact dance, and was quite fond of it. The idea that perhaps she just didn't want to dance with Leland sent a wave of warmth through him.

"Just one," he grinned and leaned into her.

Hawke gave him a shaky smile that Fenris knew was forced. "I don't think others will approve," she shook her head.

"Who cares what others think? I don't. Do you?"

"No, but…"

"But nothing. One dance. That's all I ask."

Fenris noticed her take a deep swallow before glancing back at him. She held his eyes for a few seconds longer than necessary before sighing and turning back to Leland. "Alright," she whispered.

Leland took her hand and led her out to the crowded dance floor. Fenris silently fumed from the edge of the room. He was losing her. He could never offer her what Leland could. As she draped her arm on his shoulder and took his hand, Fenris flexed his fists. When Leland placed his fingers low on her waist, he felt a growl vibrating in his throat.

He hated the way they fit so well together. He hated the way their hands curled in their embrace. He despised the way Hawke leaned into him and the way Leland cradled her lower back.

He was just about to turn away from the torture, when Leland spun around. Hawke was now facing him and their eyes caught. She held his gaze and gave him a sincere smile. His breath caught as she lifted her hand and gently tugged on her earlobe. Leland looked over his shoulder and noticed that Fenris was looking in their direction. He pulled Hawke closer causing her to rest her chin against his shoulder.

She continued to stare at him and Fenris saw a hint of pain cloud her eyes before she sighed and tore her gaze away.

For the rest of the party Fenris barely even saw Leland and Hawke. When their one dance was through he dragged her away and back into the mass of people. Lucian was pissed that his prize wasn't following obediently by his side. Hadriana was angry that Leland was throwing so much attention to a "filthy little bitch." Danarius was harder to judge. Fenris wasn't sure if his master was indifferent to the pair, or if attempting to hide his disgust for fear of upsetting Magister Crucius.

Fenris, however, wasn't pissed. Or angry. Or indifferent. He was sick. The gathering had died down less than an hour ago, and as the people filed out Hawke was no where to be seen. He had lost track of her and to make matters worse, Leland was gone as well.

At this moment he was leaning against the railing outside the Magister's mansion that over looked the courtyard. He should have just gone to bed. He should stop looking over his shoulder at Leland's window. But he couldn't help himself. A flicker of light still danced on the other side of the glass. She was up there. He knew it. And the longer he sat out here pondering what the two of them were doing the sicker he became.

Was Leland whispering in her ear? Were his lips skimming across her flesh? Was she letting his hands roam across her body?

It was foolish for him to think so, but Fenris felt like Hawke was his. That her body belonged to him. As possessive as that sounded the idea of anyone else laying their hands on her, made him want to tear this estate apart with his bare hands.

The longer he stood there and thought of the two of them lying in Leland's bed the more his control began to slip. Fenris propped his arms over the railing and clasped his hands together as he rested his forehead against them. Even though his eyes were closed he could see the blue light from his lyrium brands pulsing on his arms.

He tried to take a calming breath, but it didn't ease the angry tremors waving through his body. Stupidly, he took another look over his shoulder and saw that the light in Leland's window was now extinguished. He cursed loudly and slammed his fist against the banister. The only sound he heard was the deep steady rhythm of his pulse, and the fast, erratic pace of his breathing.

"Fenris?"

The feminine voice broke through his rage and he whirled around to see Hawke coming down the steps. She didn't even flinch at the hostility that was no doubt pouring off him. In fact, Fenris thought he saw concern etched across her face as she moved to him.

"What's wrong? Has someone hurt you?" she whispered as she got near.

She had no idea how bad he was hurt. Nor did she know that all of his pain was caused by her. Not able to look at her anymore, Fenris waved her off and began to storm towards the slave house.

But Hawke caught his arm and pulled him to a stop. "What's wrong? Tell me," she pleaded.

"Let. Go."

"No," she answered forcefully and pulled him to her.

"Hawke, I am in no mood for your wish-wash emotions. You want him. Take him. I no longer care."

"What are you talking about?" She took a step forward and forced her face in front of his eye line. "I don't want anyone, Fenris."

"Lies," he spat. "I can smell him on you."

He saw her jaw clench before she gritted out, "What exactly are you suggesting?"

"Do not play innocent. You know what I suggest. You have been in his room for hours, Hawke."

"Please," she threw his arm down. "I'd hardly say I was in his room for hours, Fenris."

She was right, but it didn't deter his anger. "Long enough to get the job done if my memory serves me correctly."

He only saw a flash of hurt pass her face before her anger quickly replaced it. She threw her hand back and slapped him hard across his cheek. Fenris' head jerked to the side and he slowly righted himself as he clinched his jaw.

Hawke stepped right into his face and pointed a finger at him. "You're an asshole." Before he could get a word in Hawke stepped back. "Goodnight, Fenris," she spat angrily then stormed off, leaving Fenris with nothing but the ache in his heart and the sharp sting on his cheek. Perhaps he deserved both.

A/N: Looking for creative input. You can leave it in a review or if you feel more comfortable you could send me a PM. Okay, I was wondering what the readers of this story's stance on me giving Hawke a first name is. It wouldn't be Marian. And I know sometimes when I read ff I like it when she is just called Hawke. It makes it easier for me to imagine my character in the story. But that could just be me, and someone asked me about her first name a while back and it just got me thinking. I don't have a problem continuing to call her just 'Hawke,' but wanted to see what others thought. Thanks for reading. And thanks for giving me your feedback. I appreciate it.