Author's Note: This one is a little different, because the "date" itself was just mentioned in passing on the show. And then it kind of turned into a fill-in-the-blanks chapter. But somehow I've never written anything about this episode and I wanted to so...voilà.

3x22 – To Love And Die In LA

"We don't have to go," he says softly as she wearily sinks into the sofa, releases a long exhale and leans her head back against the cushion. "We can stay here and order in."

Kate shakes her head. She's not exactly keen on going out, but she also doesn't want to stay here and dwell on these last two days, on the loss of her mentor, her first partner, the first person to believe in her, really believe in her, on the job. She misses him. A lot. And she's exhausted. But she knows she won't sleep, not when she's still plagued with thoughts of Royce and the fact that this time, he's truly never coming back.

No, she needs to get out of here. She needs a distraction.

"No, we should. It'll...I think it'll be good."

He nods, offers a hint of a smile as he crosses to his room to get ready. Kate forces her fatigued muscles to function as she stands, makes her way to her own room. Shutting the doors behind her, she flips open her suitcase, pokes around for something to wear that's nice enough for Spago but not something she would wear on a real dinner date. Of all the times to overdo it and potentially send the wrong message, now would not be one of them. She trusts Castle not to take advantage of her.

The one she doesn't trust is herself.

The restaurant is nice. A bit over the top, but it's Castle so she expects as much. They order a bottle of wine and the food is delicious and Kate has to admit, she made the right decision by agreeing to uphold their reservation.

Castle seems to understand her need for a distraction – not as though that should surprise her since he always has been able to read her like a book – and he keeps up a steady stream of conversation throughout the meal. He's careful to stick to light topics, easy questions, enough to keep her talking without having to put much thought into her answers. It's perfect, it's exactly what she needs, and she lo – likes – him for it.

Likes him. Not...not that other word. Not even close.

Kate has spent the entire last year suppressing her lingering feelings for him, hiding them behind the memory of last summer, of watching him walk away with his ex-wife. It still hurts just to think about, and she has Josh anyway, so any time the smallest inkling of feelings come to the surface, she calls forth that day, forces them back into hiding.

But this trip...it's making them harder and harder to ignore. Because Castle has been nothing but sweet to her. He's offered her a place to stay, bought her meals, gone to great lengths to help her catch the killer of a man he barely knew.

And she knows why. Deep down, she knows exactly why he's here, why he insisted on accompanying her all the way across the country.

She knows, and she can't really deny it any more.

Because with everything he says and does, she's reminded more and more of all the reasons she broke up with Demming. All the reasons she wanted to go to the Hamptons with him last summer.

All the reasons she's come to care about him as more than a partner, whether she's willing to openly admit it or not.

"More wine?" he asks, tearing her from her thoughts.

Kate shakes her head awkwardly. "No thanks."

She doesn't want more alcohol. Not tonight, at least. Not when its main purpose would be to dull the pain. She refuses to let herself fall into that cycle.

Castle seems to understand – naturally – and sets the bottle aside without topping off his own glass either. She's absently pushing the remaining bites of food around her plate, no longer hungry but unable to sit still, when he speaks again.

"Dessert, or are you ready to head back to the hotel?"

Under any other circumstances, she'd think it was some sort of come on. And she'd probably tease him for it, roll her eyes and drawl out a 'yeah right' or 'in your dreams.' But not tonight. She's so drained, physically, mentally, and emotionally. The food is delicious, the company is really nice, but now she just wants to collapse and fall into a dreamless sleep.

The odds of that happening are slim to none, but for her own sake, she needs to at least try.

Besides, she's not sure how much longer she can keep up this façade without bursting into tears in public. Or in front of Castle.

"Let's head back," she answers, setting her fork aside and lifting her napkin to run it across her mouth one final time.

He signals the waiter, pays the bill, silently slides out of the booth behind her. When he guides her through the door with his hand on her lower back, it's all she can do to stop herself from relaxing against him, leaning into his side and just letting him carry her weight.

He would. She knows he would, because he's Castle and he cares about her and he'll stop at nothing to make her smile.

But she has a boyfriend, and no matter how much he's not there for her, she's not going to take advantage of Castle's willingness to help her through this. He means too much to her.

So she forces herself to remain upright, enjoying the warmth of his body so close to hers, his hand pressed gently against her lower back, guiding her out of the restaurant and to the edge of the sidewalk to catch a cab. He opens the door for her, slides in after her, and gives the cabbie the address of their hotel. He pays the fare, offers a hand to help her out, once again falls into step next to her as they make their way into the lobby. His hand again finds purchase on her lower back as he guides her into the elevator, stays there as the car lifts them to their top floor suite.

Kate feels the tears sting her eyes as they step out into the hallway, enter their suite for the night. Because Castle is here and he's taking care of her despite the fact that he has no obligations to do so. And it's been a long time since someone has cared for her so deeply. Even longer since she's allowed herself to be taken care of.

She knows this can't be. Not right now. But she doesn't want to lose this feeling, this newfound closeness that's settled over them tonight.

Castle shuts the doors with a click, leans back against them and allows his eyes to wander about the room. He wants to say something, anything, but he's at a loss.

"I think I'm gonna head to bed," Kate decides, breaking the silence for him. It's early, just after eight o'clock, but between the three hour time difference and the emotional rollercoaster of the last two days, she's about ready to collapse.

He nods, disappointed but understanding. "You look exhausted."

Not the words he was intending.

"Wow, Castle, you really know how to flatter a girl," she shoots back, a hint of a teasing lilt in her voice, and he can't help but grin because it's the closest she's been to smiling in a couple days and his heart flips at the sight.

Even so, he should probably apologize for his less than eloquent outburst. "Sorry, I just...I meant..."

"It's okay," she soothes. "Really. But yeah, I need some sleep."

He wants to offer her his bed, a place in his arms. Not in a sexual way. Just...as a comfort. Warmth, companionship, a hug.

But she's already walking away from him so he offers the next best thing. "If you need anything..."

Kate smiles over her shoulder, eyes tired but gracious. "Thanks, Castle."

He smiles back. "Night."

An hour later, she's still wide awake, tossing and turning in the giant, fluffy hotel bed. The noises of the city filter in through the slightly opened window, the occasional breeze rippling through the room. And yet she can still make out the faint sounds of Castle moving about in the living room. The clink of a glass on the tabletop, the soft clicking of computer keys. He must be writing, she thinks.

Regardless, it means that he's awake. And since sleep continues to elude her, she decides she might as well keep him company.

His head snaps up when her door creaks open, and she's met by soft blue eyes and a gentle smile.

"Couldn't sleep?"

She shakes her head, pauses awkwardly by her door. She didn't really think this through beyond leaving the bedroom.

"Writing?" she asks, for the sake of preventing another awkward silence.

Castle nods, closes his laptop and sets it aside.

"You don't have to..."

"It's fine," he interjects. "I was at a stopping point anyway."

He wasn't. But for her, he can be. Because she's trying to hide it, but he can see that she's been crying. Tears still linger in her eyes and her eyelashes are clumped together in places, and he really wants to wrap her up in a hug, but he settles for simply gesturing next to him on the sofa.

She smiles, though it doesn't reach her eyes, and settles in opposite him, tucks her legs up underneath her. She's wearing a dark purple night shirt and black leggings. Her feet are bare and her hair is down, mostly styled from the day still. She looks softer like this, without as much makeup, dressed down into sleepwear.

He likes her like this.

Hell, he likes her in any form. But this...this is something he's only seen twice before. And he'll never tire of it.

Silence falls, but it's not awkward. Merely comfortable, two people drawing support and companionship from each other. Eventually, though, Kate speaks.

"What are Nikki and Rook up to?"

Castle shrugs, buying himself time to concoct an answer. Truthfully, he has them in LA on a case. Rook knew the victim, and Nikki is currently doing her best to 'comfort' him, make him forget, at least for one night. It's not something that'll ever make it into a novel.

But somehow, he doesn't think he should even admit to having written it.

"Oh, just hot on the trail of another murderer," Castle answers after a moment. It's not untrue, not in the grand scheme of things.

"Mmmm."

Silence.

Then, "Those actors...are they really playing Raley and Ochoa?"

Castle chuckles. "Guess so."

"It was creepy, right?"

"Totally."

They share a laugh as the conversation transitions into the production of the movie, the premiere date, Natalie Rhodes's whereabouts. They touch on other random topics and eventually end up back on the case, discussing what they learned today. Castle tried so hard to steer away from that topic, away from anything that might remind Kate of Royce, but it was inevitable, he supposes, that it would come up eventually.

Silence falls again, and then suddenly Kate is talking about Royce. But it's not in sadness this time. She's almost smiling, eyes brighter than he's seen them in a while, as she reminisces about the man, the friend, the mentor she lost this week.

"I can't believe I'm never gonna see him again."

It's barely more than a whisper, but it's there, and then the smile is falling from her face, and he knows he has to say something.

Something to bring the smile back to her face.

"You know what I thought when I first met you?"

She adjusts her head against her hand, elbow propped against the back of the sofa. "Hmmm."

"That you were a mystery I was never gonna solve. And even now, after all this time, I'm still amazed..." That gets her attention, and he can see the shift in her gaze, the way his words catch her slightly off guard. "...at the depths of your strength, your heart." She smiles. "And your hotness."

That earns him a shy blink as she dips her head to hide the blush that stains her cheeks.

"You're not so bad yourself, Castle," she answers, and her voice is so low, so sexy, and he's never heard her like this before. And the way she's looking at him...he wants to kiss her so badly. He won't because he knows she's vulnerable and hurting. And she has a boyfriend. He thinks.

But it doesn't stop him from thinking back to their not-so-fake undercover kiss, to what it would be like to feel her lips on his again.

Before his brain has a chance to run away with that thought, however, she's standing, excusing herself for the night (again), and closing the doors of her room behind her for the second time. He sees her unmoving shadow through the gap beneath the door, stays frozen in place, waiting for the infinitesimal possibility that she might come back out.

Castle clings to that hope until reality dawns, the fantasy falling away. She's not coming back out.

And even if she did, he's not going to take advantage of her.

He loves her far too much for that.

Kate can't decide if she's relieved or upset when his door shuts just as hers opens. Relieved because she's not going to have to decide what to do about Josh. Upset because she's lonely and hurting and could really use the comfort that she knows Castle could provide.

When she sees him the next morning, she doesn't tell him that she opened the door.

They're silent on the ride to the airport. In fact, Castle's been fairly silent since they closed the case, and it's almost unnerving. He's quiet as they wait at the gate as well, offers her the window seat when they get on the plane, but other than a few soft words, he says nothing.

Kate isn't sure if it's just the case or if it's something else...maybe something that lingers from the events of last night...but she pushes it aside for now because she's worn out and they're in public and it's really not a good time for any sort of personal conversation.

He falls asleep not long after take-off, and Kate stares at him for an inordinately long time, eyes tracing the planes of his face, the curve of his jaw, before forcing herself to look away. She's going back to New York, back to Josh, who doesn't even realize she's a mystery, has no interest in solving her. But he cares for her, and he's a nice guy, smart and hard-working. And she cares for him too.

Her eyes drift back to the man sleeping next to her. The one who also cares, who is also nice and smart and hard-working, and a fantastic father to boot. The one who knows her much better than Josh does. Knows her and still cares for her, flaws and all.

Subconsciously, she reaches into the outside pocket of her bag, extracts the letter from Royce. It's well-creased, the edges no longer smooth, a product of the numerous times she's read it now. She knows most of it from memory, can hear his words in her head as she unfolds the papers, skims ahead for the specific passage she's looking for.

It's clear that you and Castle have something real. And you're fighting it.

He's not wrong. She knows he's not wrong. Because as much as she pretends that whatever is there isn't real, she knows better.

It is real. And she's not going to be able to keep fighting it. Hell, he flew all the way across the country for her under a flimsy excuse that anyone could see right through.

And as annoyed as she was at first that Castle weaseled his way into coming along, she's grateful now for his presence.

She's not sure she could have done this one alone.

Thoughts?