Strangers in the Night
A Pitch Perfect Story
Chapter 14: Honesty
Disclaimer: I do not own anything familiar.
Author's Note: So, yeah…those 6 pages that I cut off from the end of the last chapter? I lost them. I was stupid and cut them, and then played copy/paste another section of stuff, forgetting that I had cut the 6 pages that I wrote and had yet to post them into the new word document. I feel dumb. And so very, very angry at myself. Now I have to attempt to recreate the pure gold that I had going here. UGGH!
Also, so many of you thought I should have Beca tell Jesse. I've given everything you all said some thought. You'll see if she does or doesn't by the end of this chapter! Enjoy.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Jesse's new apartment was in Downtown LA, about a half-hour drive, traffic willing, from Beca's Santa Monica apartment. It was also an apartment complex that required keys to the building and guests to be buzzed in. She cursed to herself when she realized that, but luckily a person happened to be walking out of the building just as she was about to start buzzing random people to let her in. The person eyed her suspiciously, taking in her black nail polish, numerous metal and black bracelets, her frayed black jeans and Chucks, her white tank top, her tattooed skin, and her ears that were lined with earrings, including the "scary ear spikes," as Jesse had liked to call them. She smiled politely at him, but the man shrugged, letting her through the door behind him. She made her way over to the elevators, going to the top floor where Jesse's new apartment resided.
After a slow ride, the doors opened, and she slowly made her way down the hallway, looking for his apartment number on the doors lining each side of the hallway, trying to build her courage up. She was scared shitless. What the hell was she doing here? Seriously? Was she stupid? She finally found his door, which was at the end of the hallway, opposite from the elevator. She stared at the door for several minutes, trying to force herself to raise her hand to knock on the door. She blew out a breath. Snap out of it, she thought to herself. She heard the elevator from down the hall leave the floor, and the noise helped her snap back to reality. She raised her hand to knock on the door, but it fell back to her side. She chewed on her bottom lip, raising her hand again. Without making a sound, she laid her hand onto the door, knuckles pressed against the wood. She kept her hand there for a few more moments. In the background, she heard the elevator travel back to the floor, the doors sliding open with a loud binging noise.
She heard the shuffling of feet, and the sound of someone's muffled voice at the end of the hallway. She dropped her hand to her side again, deciding that she shouldn't be here. This was stupid. He walked away from her. He didn't want her back. He had three days to try and get her back, and he hadn't even attempted. Did she really want to knock on his door only to have him push her away again? She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Just as she was about to turn and leave, she heard the sound of someone clearing her throat behind her.
Beca turned around, her eyes widening when she saw Jesse standing a few feet away, his hand tucked into the pockets of his jeans, with a pretty blonde woman standing beside him. It was obvious that this woman was the one who had cleared her throat. The blonde cocked her hip to the side, laying her hands on her hips. Beca turned her attention back to him. He was studying her with a confused expression on his face. She cocked an eyebrow at him, because it was obvious that she shouldn't be here. He had already moved on—to a pretty blonde who looked like she wasn't too pleased by Beca's presence. "Don't worry. I was just leaving. You two can get back to whatever it is you're up to." She stalked past him and the blonde, who was looking pretty damn pleased with herself. Bitch.
"Beca, wait." He grabbed her by the arm before she could get past him. "What are you doing here? How did you know I moved?" She swallowed, glancing over her shoulder at him.
"Donald told Stacie that he helped you move, and he gave her your new address. She gave it to me."
"That doesn't explain what you're doing here."
"It doesn't matter. I was already on my way out before you even showed. I…" She trailed off, pulling on her arm slightly, trying to loosen his grip on her bicep. "I changed my mind. Now, if you'll excuse me. You can get back to your friend." He sighed, shaking his head.
"Not that it's any of your business, Beca, but let me introduce you to Kim, my neighbor." Beca flicked her eyes over Jesse's shoulder and saw the way the blonde's eyes narrowed and jaw clenched. Yeah, Kim didn't like to be referred to as just the neighbor. "She invited me to get a coffee to welcome me to the building." Beca scoffed, rolling her eyes. Yeah, that's why Kim asked him to get a coffee. He narrowed his eyes, and, for just a second, the corners of his lips quirked, but almost as immediately, his expression went back to one of neutrality. One thing that she had noticed during the two months that they had been together, they both had a tendency to get jealous rather easily, and the other usually enjoyed seeing said jealously. It was obvious that he was thinking the same thing, because his brow furrowed again. His fingers loosened their grip slightly, slipping slightly down her arm until he was loosely cupping her inner elbow.
"Jesse, are you okay?" Kim's voice was a little nasally, Beca thought cruelly. She glared over his shoulder at the blonde again, whose arms were crossed as she studied their exchange.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Kim. This is Beca, my…this is Beca." He said, still studying the petite brunette in front of him. Her eyes immediately launched to his face, trying to see if he hesitated, because he didn't want to refer to her as his girlfriend because they were now broken up, or if he was implying that he still wanted to call her his girlfriend by referring to her as just 'Beca.' His eyes were tracing her face, and his brow was furrowed. She licked her bottom lip, testing him slightly, and she almost smiled to herself when his eyes immediately sought out her lips. Well, if there was one thing she knew for sure, it was that he was still attracted to her.
"It's nice to meet you, Kim." She broke eye contact with him, pulling away from Jesse completely to hold her hand out to the blonde. "It's so nice to meet you. I'm glad that Jesse's making friends here. I would hate it if he was lonely in a new place." She heard his slight growl coming behind her as he turned, as well. She tilted her head slightly, acknowledging his discomfort of what was essentially turning out to be a pissing contest between her and Kim. Well, if she wasn't going to have Jesse, she may as well make it awkward for the bitch who was currently trying to stake her claim. The blonde in question stared at her hand for a moment before she gave a tight smile and shook it limply. She was obviously trying to put on the impression that she was fine with meeting Beca for Jesse's sake.
"It's nice to meet you, too, Beca. Jesse's such a sweetheart; I would hate to see him get lonely, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen." Kim smiled sweetly at Jesse.
Beca felt Jesse take a step closer to her, his hand brushing her hip. It was a silent gesture, pleading for her to keep her cool. Oh, she'd keep her cool. He didn't have to worry. "Excellent." She said through gritted teeth. "Although, I'm sure that the guys will be around a lot, so he shouldn't be too lonely. Something tells me that Benji and Todd won't let you forget them. Plus, you obviously brought all of the movies with you." She glanced up at him with a bemused expression on her face. "Am I right? How else are they going to get their dose of 'the greatest love story ever told?'" She asked him, quoting Benji. He rolled his eyes.
"Don't worry. I left them Jaws." She laughed, shaking her head at him. He smiled back, but the smiles slipped from both their faces moments later, because it was bittersweet to make references to their former relationship. She glanced at her feet, chewing on her bottom lip and swiping at the tip of her nose with her finger. She felt his fingers brush against her hip again, and she glanced up at him again. "Let's talk." He said, and she closed her eyes again, because the last time he had uttered those words, they had broken up not too long afterwards. She opened her eyes again, nodding her head. "Thanks for the coffee, Kim." He said, turning his gaze to the irritated blonde. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Right, of course. Stop by later, maybe?" The blonde smiled at him, twirling a lock of hair around her finger, as if that was enticing.
"Yeah, maybe." Jesse said, but his attention already back on Beca as he took her by the wrist and started to lead her towards his apartment door.
"It was great meeting you, Kim." She called over her shoulder as he unlocked the door and led her inside. As she shut the door behind her, she muttered under her breath, "bitch."
"Are you amused with yourself?" He asked, crossing his arms as he stared at her. She rolled her eyes, leaning against the door with her hands by her side. He cocked an eyebrow at her, and she sighed, shrugging.
"I think I'm pretty clever. She was practically humping your leg, Jesse. It was gross."
"Yeah, well, it was your choice to forfeit that job, so…" She scoffed at him, but she couldn't keep the small smile off her face at his reference to their rather heated grinding sessions. "What are you doing here, Beca?"
"I just came to see your place. You finally moved, and I had to see how you decorated it." She pushed off the door and walked past him, further into his apartment. She saw that it was actually a studio loft rather than a full one-bedroom. The lower portion of the studio was open-concept with the kitchen blending into the dining area and living room. She saw two doors beside the kitchen, which she assumed led to the bathroom and a closet. The furniture he had bought was nice, and it matched his bedroom set, which was hanging above their heads of the loft. There were a set of stairs, and she used the term loosely, that led up to the upper level. "You never told me that you found a place or that you had bought all of this." She waved her hand at his new furniture. "It's nice."
"Yeah, well, I was a little distracted at the time." He responded, following her into the living space where he had set up his television facing a small loveseat; beside the television was his bookcase that was overflowing with his books and DVDs. She stroked her fingers across the bindings of the books and the edges of the cases. She turned around to face his couch, above which he had hung all of his photographs that he had displayed in his room at Benji and Todd's. She stepped closer, looking for the picture with Hayley's face. "It's not there." She looked back at him. He had moved closer to her, standing about a foot behind her. "I took it down. Even if the picture had all of my friends in it, you were right that I shouldn't have it hanging up. I kept it, for the obvious reasons, but it's in an old shoebox of knickknacks in the closet."
Beca nodded, turning around. Jesse took another step closer to her. "Well, I guess I should be going. I've seen your new place. I'm sure you'll be super happy here." She stuck her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, biting her lip. "Maybe I'll see you around sometime…you know, if Stacie and Donald decide to stop fucking around and become a couple or something." She started toward the door, but he sidestepped so that he blocked her path. They were really close together—so close that she could smell his cologne and see the hint of chest hair nestled beneath the opened top button of his shirt. She trailed her eyes up his neck to his face.
"Beca," he said quietly. She licked her bottom lip, sucking in a deep breath. A moment later, she launched herself at him; her fingers dug into his shoulders, and her lips latched onto his. He responded with as much vigor, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her body against his. She sighed into the kiss, because she had missed this over the last few days. She felt stupid for thinking it, but he was such an amazing kisser. She couldn't help it. His mouth was intoxicating, and her tongue immediately sought his, stroking along his bottom lip. She smiled when his mouth opened to hers, and their tongues began tangling, the kiss deepening. She dug her fingers more tightly into his shoulders, standing on her toes to get closer to him.
After a few moments, air became a problem, so she broke the kiss, but she didn't move away from him. Her mouth moved from his lips along his jaw to his neck. He groaned she sucked on the spot behind his ear. Her hands fell down his chest to start tugging the buttons of his shirt from their buttonholes. Her lips followed the path of her hands, and she pressed suckling kisses along each inch of skin she exposed until she was able to reach the center of his chest, just above his heart. Her hands quickly finished their job, and she rid him of his shirt by pulling the fabric down his arms.
He pulled his hands from her waist, allowing it to fall of his arms behind him. His hands immediately returned to her waist, with one hand sliding down her backside to cup her upper thigh. He tugged on her leg, and she caught on, raising her leg to wrap it around his hip. He half-carried, half-pushed her backwards until she fell onto the couch. She grunted slightly when he fell on top of her, but she moaned when his hands immediately found her breasts over her shirt. His mouth pressed against hers as he squeezed her breasts before sliding his hands behind her back to support most of his weight on the couch rather than her. Her hands roamed his back, and she scraped her nails lightly down the skin there, making him hiss into the kiss and roll his hips against hers. Her legs fell open, allowing him to press his body more closely against hers, and she wrapped a leg around his upper thigh to the best of her ability—she was wearing skinny jeans after all. Her hands slid up and down his chest as she tried her best to memorize the way that his body felt under hands. If this was just a random hookup between exes, then she may as well get her money's worth before they parted ways.
Jesse broke the kiss, leaning back to study Beca's face. She pressed against his chest, and he sat back. It was clear that he thought she was second guessing this, but she wasn't. She only let him sit down on the couch facing her before she followed him, straddling his as her lips found his chest again. She kissed her way across the expanse of skin she found there, and his hands tangled into her hair when she sucked on one of his nipples. She kissed her way down his stomach, running her tongue inside of his belly button, just as she had done in the past during their many make out sessions. When her mouth reached the skin just above his belt buckle, she raised her hands to begin pulling the leather through the loops. Once his belt was undone, she stood up, tugging on the one end, trying to rid him of it. He rolled his eyes, standing up with her to pull it off. He tossed it aside before he pulled her into his arms again, his lips finding hers.
She melted into the kiss, resting her hands on his sides for a moment before she stroked her fingers across his skin to fly of his jeans. She broke the kiss to watch her hands unsnap the button and to tug the zipper down, revealing a pair of powder blue boxers beneath them. She could see the slight swell of his dick under the fabric, and she ran a finger along the hemline of his boxers, tucking the tip of it between the fabric and his skin. He sucked in a breath, but she continued to play with the hemline of his boxers before she moved her hands to grasp at the top of his jeans. She pulled them down, revealing more and more of his boxers as they fell down his hips. Finally, they were hanging off of his upper thighs, completely showing his boxer briefs. She tugged harder, and they fell to his knees. His hands went to her hips, and he toed off his sneakers before he kicked the pants off his legs, leaving him in nothing but a pair of white socks and his boxer briefs. She smiled as she took in the appearance of his nearly nude body.
He released her hips to reach down and tear off both socks before his hands found her ankles. He tugged at the laces of her right foot, and she raised it, allowing him to pull the shoe and sock off of her foot before he turned to her left one. Once both of her feet were bare, she shivered when he stroked his fingers along the inside of her left ankle, just under the hem of her jeans. He stood up and began tugging her shirt over her head. She raised her hands high into the air, allowing him to pull the white tank top off her body, leaving her in nothing but her plain white cotton bra. She mentally cursed herself for not wearing one of her sexier bras, like her white lace one with the demi cups that barely even covered her nipples. That bra would have been the better choice. He ran his hands up and down her sides and stomach, with only the tips of his fingers hitting the underside of her breast over the cups. His eyes found hers just as his hands settled over the cups of her bra for just a moment. He started to pull his hands away, but she placed her hands on the backs of his to stop him. Together, they squeezed her breasts through the cups of her bra, making her hum and her head to fall back. She could feel her nipples straining against the fabric, and she was sure that he could feel them through the thin layer. After a moment, he tugged his hands away, despite her attempts to keep them in place. He began unbuttoning her pants, yanking the zipper out of the way.
Together, they both yanked her jeans down her hips, and he knelt in front of her, allowing her to support her weight by laying her hands on his shoulders as he tugged the tight fabric off her lower legs. As soon as her legs were free, she squealed when he pulled her forward so that she was hooked over his shoulder. He stood up and made his way towards the stairs that led to the loft where his bed was. She wrapped her arms around his back, grabbing hold of her wrists that were pressed against his chest in order to hold on. He smacked her ass once over her yellow and white striped cotton panties, making her squeal again at the slight sting. He then climbed the steps, throwing her down on the bed. She bounced slightly, falling back into his pillows.
Jesse climbed onto the bed with Beca, settling between her legs as his lips found hers once again. She moaned into the kiss, her hands tangling into his hair to pull him closer. She felt the swell of his erection through the thin layers of their underwear, and she rocked her hips up against him. He rested all of his weight on one hand, while the other slid behind her back to the clasp of her bra. After a few moments of fumbling, he unhooked it one-handed. He broke the kiss to pull the bra from her body, and she looked up at him with hooded eyes and a smirk on her face. "That was so hot." She muttered, and he rolled his eyes at her. His mouth and hands immediately found her breasts, and she moaned, her eyes falling shut. She pressed her head back into his pillows, arching her back towards him.
After a few minutes of squeezing and massaging her breasts and pinching and suckling her nipples, he released them, kissing his way back up her chest and neck to her mouth. His fingers trailed down her stomach, stalling slightly at tops of her panties. She pulled her lips from his, locking her eyes with his. She reached her hand towards his. He stilled, thinking she was going to pull him away, but she wasn't. She guided both their hands beneath the fabric. She moaned at the first touch of his fingers against her nether regions. She bit her bottom lip, keeping her eyes locked with his as she pulled her hand free, leaving him to touch her.
He swiped his fingers through her slit, feeling the dampness that had been steadily growing there. He groaned at the feeling, his thumb stroking along her clit, making her jerk her hips against his hand. His fingers slipped further down, teasing her entrance. He hooked the tip of his finger inside of her, and she moaned loudly, grinding her hips against his hand again. He slid his finger inside of her, using his thumb to swipe her clit again. She tried to keep her eyes open, locked with his, but it felt so good, so she let her head fall back even further and her eyes clamp shut. A second finger joined the first, and he began sliding them in and out of her, gradually speeding up their path. She couldn't control the whimpers and moans coming from her mouth, and she squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could. Her hips rocked in time with his hand, meeting each thrust of his finger. He kept his thumb away from her clit as he moved his fingers in and out, but she was fine with it. She wanted this moment to last; she felt herself gradually building, and she began panting slightly. Her chest was heaving, and she cried out when his mouth found one of her nipples. He nibbled on it slightly, stroking his tongue over it to ease the sting that he left there. "Oh, God." She moaned, raising her hand to grip the back of his neck, holding his mouth against her chest.
"M'name's Jesse." He said against her skin, making her chuckle, which turned into a moan when his thumb ground against her clit for a moment. He kissed from one breast to the other, biting down slightly on the skin just below her other nipple. She moaned when he sucked at her skin, flicking his tongue along it. Finally, he released it, and she glanced down, seeing the reddened swell of the beginnings of a hickey. She released a sound that was a combination of a moan, sigh, and laugh at the mark he left on her skin. He increased the pace of his fingers beneath her panties, pressing harder inside of her. "Need to see you." He breathed against her breast as he rubbed his nose against her nipple. He lifted his head, and his other hand found her panty line.
Beca's eyes flew open, and she looked up at Jesse, biting hard onto her lip. There was several ways this could go. They could have sex—sex-sex—and then go their separate ways. They could have sex-sex and get back together, but she would have fucked up the dare and let Aubrey win. They could stick to just the below the belt stuff, since that is the stage of the dare they were allowed to be at today, and they could get back together. Or, they could stick to the below the belt stuff, but not get back together, and she'd be left wondering what it was like to really be with him. Honestly, the only possibilities she liked involved them getting back together, because it meant that they could keep doing stuff like this together. And, as much as she needed to be with him, to have sex with him, she would hate it if she lost this dare. That being said, she would tell Aubrey to go fuck herself if the bitch had the nerve to get angry that Beca had let Jesse remove her panties while he was fingering her.
Her hand went to the other side of her panties, and she pushed them down. He immediately took over, pulling them down her legs, until she kicked them off her feet. His lips attached to hers, and he suckled her bottom lip for a moment. He then kissed his way down her neck and chest, pausing to kiss both of her nipples before he kissed his way down her belly. His tongue dipped into her belly button, and she felt her abs clench inside her stomach at the thought that his mouth was getting too close to her lower half. They weren't allowed to get to the oral part stage yet. He didn't seem to notice the tension of her stomach, or, if he did, he must have wrote it off as pleasure from the way his fingers were moving in and out of her. He used his free hand to tug her thigh, opening her wider for him. He laid his head on her hip and upper thigh, watching the way his fingers moved in and out of her. It kept her from rocking her hips against his hand completely, making her groan in frustration. She gripped his wrist with her hand, squeezing it tightly.
"Please, Jesse," she gasped hoarsely. He began scissoring his fingers inside her before he pulled them back out, which made her shudder slightly. After a few moments of that, he began stroking both tips of his fingers on the inside of her vaginal walls, searching for her g-spot. She cried out when he found it. She clamped her eyes shut, arching her back, as he pressed against it. He began rubbing the skin there, making her clamp down on his fingers, and he pressed his thumb hard against her clit, rubbing it in nonsensical circles. She felt herself building and building. She broke out into a cold sweat, and her body was twitching with the desire to orgasm. She was so close, and she told him as much. "More, Jesse. Almost there." She cried out loudly, tumbling over the edge when he moved his head from her hip to bite down lightly on one of her nipples. Her hips rocked against his hands, and her body was squeezing his fingers so tightly, she was sure they might snap off inside of her.
After a few moments, it got to be too much, and she pushed his hand away. He eased back, falling onto the bed beside her, pulling his fingers out of her. He brought them to his mouth, and she watched him with hooded eyes as he sucked her arousal off of them, humming slightly. She pushed herself against him, and her mouth found his. She kissed him hard as she straddled his hips, whimpering when her sensitive center fell against his stomach. "Your so fucking wet." He muttered against her lips as he squeezed her hips. They kissed for a few more moments before she began kissing her way down his chest. She needed to see him, touch him. She moved so that she was kneeling on either side of his thighs. She ran her fingers over the swell of his erection making him groan loudly and rock his hips up against her hand. She cupped him over his boxers, slowly sliding her hand up and down his length. Already, she could tell he was a little larger than most of the men she had been with in the past. She bit her lip, staring down at him as she slipped her hand through the flap of his boxers to touch him. He was hot to the touch, and he sucked in a breath when her much cooler hand found the tip of his erection, using the pre-ejaculate that was leaking there as a bit of lubricant. It wasn't enough, however, so she pulled her hand from the flap of his boxers. She grabbed the hem, and she began yanking them down.
He helped her, lifting his hips, allowing her to pull them down so that his erection spilled free. She moaned at the sight, but she kept pulling his boxers down his legs. When she got them to his knees, he used his feet to push them down the rest of the way, whereas her hand when back to his erection. She swiped her palm against the tip again, but she decided she needed more of a lubricant. She slid her fingers between her own legs, getting some of her residual arousal, moaning when her fingers hit her still sensitive clit. "Fuck, baby." He gasped out, watching her. She used the slickness of her fingers to stroke over his dick, before she wrapped her hand around him. She began stroking her hand up and down his erection slowly, sitting down on his upper thighs to better control her movement. He jerked his hips against her, and she sped up the movement.
"You feel so good, Jesse." She whispered, tightening her hand slightly. She bent forward, kissing his chest, trapping her hand slightly between their bodies, forcing her to go slower and to make more deliberate movements. His fingers tangled into her hair, guiding her face to his. He kissed her hard, biting down on her bottom lip a little. She moaned into the kiss, and she used her other hand to begin massaging one of his balls and then the other. He jerked against her, and she slipped her tongue into his mouth, stroking it along the roof of his mouth, enjoying the shudder that went through his entire body. He pulled his lips from hers.
"So close, babe. I'm so close." She sped up her pace, squeezing her hand a little more tightly around him, wanting to give him the same satisfaction that he gave her. She sat back.
"Look at me, Jess." She said, and his eyes opened. She slid her hand up her stomach to cup one of her breasts for a moment before she rolled her nipple in her index finger and thumb. She moaned loudly, rocking her hips against his upper thighs. She slid her hand down her stomach, finding her clit. She rubbed hard, making her hips rock faster against his body. Her hand faltered slightly on his, and he reached out, pushing her hand off of her clit. He locked his eyes with her, pressing his thumb hard against her clit. She cried out, falling over the edge of a second orgasm that seemed to come out of nowhere. She sped her hand up again, and he grunted as he came. She tried to catch as much of it in her hand as she could, but the rest of his orgasm landed on his stomach. She pulled her hand from his softening dick. He raised his thumb to his mouth, and she did the same with her own hand.
She stroked her tongue along her palm and fingers, licking away the salty fluid. When she finished with her hand, she kissed and licked his stomach until she had cleaned everything up there. He groaned, burying his hand into her hair. When she was finished, she kissed her way up his chest to his mouth. He kissed her hard, their tongues dueling as they relaxed into the afterglow of their orgasms. After a few moments, she pulled herself off of him, falling onto the pillows beside him. He leaned up, pulling the blankets beneath him down, nudging her to lift her weight off of them. When she did, he pulled them down completely before tugging them up over their bodies. He pulled her close to him, kissing her, pulling her half on top of him again. His hands stroked up and down her back, and she could feel the stirrings of his next erection. She broke the kiss, resting her head against his chest, stopping them from going any further.
Beca sucked in a deep breath, lightly scratching her fingers on Jesse's stomach. He stroked his fingers up and down her bare back, making her shiver against him. "What are we doing here, Beca?" He said after a few moments. She didn't move her head, but she did still her fingers.
"I think that's pretty obvious, Jesse. We're recovering some pretty awesome orgasms." She joked half-heartedly. He sighed, and she closed her eyes, listening to the thump-thump-thump of his heart in his chest.
"Why did you come here?" He asked her. "You made it pretty clear the other day that we were over, so I'm a little confused about what just happened." She opened her eyes. She raised her head to rest her chin on his chest.
"Is your passcode still Beca?" She asked him. He furrowed his brow.
"Is that what brought you here? You figured out what my passcode was?" She bit her bottom lip, shaking her head slightly.
"Yes…and no." She blew out a breath, pressing a kiss against his chest. "I'm sorry if I hurt you the other day." She said quietly. "I just…I couldn't deal, okay? When I get upset or angry, I shut down." She laid her head back down on his chest, so that she didn't have to look him in the eye anymore. "I was so angry that day, and you just kept pushing me and pushing me to open up to you. It made me even more angry and defensive. I just…I needed to get away. I couldn't talk to you, not when I was like that. I need space to cool down. I need to time to breathe and get myself together, and you just wouldn't let up." She swallowed. "So, I said what I had to say to get you to stop, to walk away." She whispered. "I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to break up, but I needed a break from our fight and from that moment."
"Why didn't you just tell me that, Beca?!" He said, and she saw his hand raise. She heard him brush it over his face as he groaned. "Why didn't you just say that you needed time to cool down before we talked?!"
"I did! I kept telling you to leave me alone, but you didn't!"
"But that doesn't tell me anything, Beca! That just made me feel like you were pushing me away! I felt like I had to keep pushing you to talk to me, because I needed you to know that I wasn't walking away from you." She blew out another breath, turning her head so that she was leaning on the other cheek, and she could see his face.
"We're quite the pair, aren't we?" She muttered. "When I get upset, I push people away, but when you get upset, you fight harder to stay together. We don't make much sense, do we?"
"No, we don't." He whispered as he stroked a hand through her hair. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his fingers massaging her scalp and the back of her neck. "We're certainly not boring, though."
"Being boring is overrated." She sighed, turning her head to press another kiss to his chest.
"So, does this mean that you want to get back together?" He asked her. She lifted her head to rest her chin on his chest and looked him in the eye.
"I never wanted to break up, Jesse." She paused, biting her bottom lip. "I just don't know how good I am at this whole 'girlfriend' thing. There's going to be a lot more fights like this last one in our future…if we have a future." She swallowed, reaching up to swipe at the tip of her nose. "It's not easy for me to open up to people. I told you before, it took me a long time to let the girls in—I've tried so hard to let you in, but…" She stopped talking, because she didn't want to admit to him that she was scared.
"I'm going to try my best to stop pushing you to open up to me, but I want you to understand that the whole point of being in a relationship, Beca, is to feel safe with the other person. If you don't feel safe with me, then how can we have a relationship?" He asked her. She looked away from him, staring down at the couch on the lower level of his apartment.
"I do feel safe with you, Jesse." She said after a few moments. "I just…I've never been in this position before, and I'm not used to it. I'm trying so hard to be the kind of girlfriend you want or expect, and I can't be that way. You deserve someone who will talk to you about what is going on for her. You deserve someone who won't shut down all the time when she gets upset. You deserve someone who doesn't say things that will purposely push you away. I do that. It took me almost a year to feel like I could really be myself with the girls. We've known each other for eight weeks."
"You were right earlier when you said that I was expecting you to change and open up to me. I'm sorry that I put that kind of pressure on you. It wasn't because I liked you less when you weren't opening up to me—even if it did frustrate me beyond reason. It was because I wanted to know that you cared about me as much as I care about you. I want to share everything with you. That's why I want you to be my girlfriend."
"I do care about you, Jesse. So much. So much more than I've cared about another guy. So much more than I've cared about any other person this quickly. That's why I'm struggling so much here. I've built up so many walls to protect myself, all with the mantra that I'm doing it to keep out the people who don't deserve to know the real me, because they're not taking the time to try and break them down. Then, I met you, and you're practically taking a sledgehammer to them, and I don't know how to handle it. It's making me clam up a lot more than I usually do. I'm not used to people like you. You're actively trying to make break down those walls. The way that my relationship with the girls transitioned from teammates to friends was completely different from what is happening here with you."
She finally turned back to look at him. He was studying her, and he didn't say anything. She could tell that he wanted to ask her questions or say something, but he was keeping his mouth shut, letting her open up to him at her own pace. She didn't know how she felt about that. It made her heart pound faster, but her stomach tumble out of nervousness. She chewed her bottom lip, closing her eyes. She knew that Chloe wanted her to be honest with him—to tell him everything about the dare, and a part of her thought that maybe she should. The other part of her was afraid of his reaction. Would he be angry with her for keeping it a secret? Would he think it was stupid? Would he try to convince her that waiting four more weeks before they had sex wasn't going to change anything?
Honestly, Beca didn't understand the whole point of this dare. In the beginning, it was about waiting to see if she could give a relationship a real try, but as she progressed throughout the last few weeks with Jesse, got to know him, actually tried to be in a relationship, she realized that waiting just so she could meet a specific deadline was kind of stupid. All of this waiting—trying to come up with excuses for why they can't progress further—was exhausting and stupid. It wasn't bringing them closer, but actually causing a number of their problems. She wasn't being honest with him. She wasn't opening up to him completely. She was almost using it as a crutch for why she could hold him at a distance. She could use the excuse of the dare—of keeping all of this a secret—as a way to protect herself. It was yet another wall that she was building up around herself. At the same time, though, was that so bad? Was it really bad that she wanted to protect herself? Was it so wrong that she wanted to keep this dare to herself? If she told him when the ninety-one days were up—that the reason why she had sex with him now was because Aubrey had dared her to not have sex with someone for three months—and he walked away, well, then that is his own stupid fault, right? She was trying something new and just because it didn't work with him, then maybe it could work with someone else?
She furrowed her brow at the thought of not being with him. She hated that thought, because it meant that she had gotten so dependent on him and their relationship in the last eight weeks. She was way more dependent upon him than she had been on the girls after having known them for the seven months it took her to really feel okay about opening up to them. Even though she kept telling herself that these last few days without him didn't suck or hurt, it was all a lie. She has missed him. Beyond the physical stuff—beyond the kissing and the grinding and the orgasms—she missed just sitting there with him. She missed talking to him. She missed laughing at his stupid jokes or 'fun facts.' She missed holding his hand and having him hold her close as they watched a movie. She missed all of that. Would she be able to handle that if he were truly walk away from her? It scared her beyond reason. She didn't want to be with him if it meant she was going to feel like she couldn't be happy without him. Fuck…that made no sense to even her.
He reached out and smoothed the wrinkle between her eyes. "You don't have to tell me, but I would like to know what you're thinking about."
"I was thinking about how much these last few days have sucked. How much I've missed you." She said, and he softly smiled at her. He opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head. She needed to finish. "I hated that feeling, Jesse. I hated feeling like there was something missing, because you weren't there. For the longest time, I never had that feeling. Not really—or at least not to this degree." She chewed on her bottom lip. "I just don't want to become so dependent upon you or anyone else that I feel like I couldn't be happy when they weren't there. I don't want to be in a relationship if it means that I'll fall apart if it were to end."
He nodded his head, running his hand down the back of her head. She could tell he was trying to put together what he wanted to say, and she could also tell that he was a little hurt by her admission that she was scared to actually get back together with him. She didn't want to hurt him but she did want to be honest about what she was feeling and thinking. "I don't pretend to have a crystal ball that will tell me whether or not you and I are going to live happily ever after." She rolled her eyes, because there was no such thing as happily ever after. "And, I understand why you wouldn't want to feel like that. I don't want you to feel like that. If we were to break up, I would hate that you were so miserable without me that you feel like you—okay, so, yeah, maybe there is a part of me that would like you to be miserable without me, because I know that I would be miserable without you. I was miserable without you over these last few days."
"Jess, you're rambling."
"Sorry. What I'm trying to say is that I hate the idea that I could hurt you. I hate the idea of us breaking up. I hate the idea that you're scared to really be with me, because you're afraid that you'll lose yourself. I hate that you're feeling all of that, and I don't know what I can do or say that will help you not feel it. I hate that I can't guarantee that you and I are going to work out—that we're going to be nothing but sunshine and roses, because I know we wouldn't be. I told you before, I like you because you're not easy to be with. I like that you challenge me. I like that you bring up a lot of different emotions in me. I like that you're helping me be a better person than I was before. So, even though I can't promise you that this is the first and last relationship that you'll ever be in, I do want to promise you that I will try every day to make us work. That's all I can offer you."
Beca blinked a few times, because she felt the tears fill her eyes. She didn't want to cry in front of him. She hadn't ever cried in front of him, even when they were fighting. She twitched her nose, reaching up to brush the tip of it with her finger. She closed her eyes when she felt a single tear slip out and slide down her cheek. His thumb brushed over the tear. She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to figure out what to say in response to that. "I…" She shook her head. "I care about you, Jesse. I do want to try and see what could happen here." She said after a few minutes. "I just need to take this slow, okay?"
"Okay." He rubbed his thumb back and forth over her cheek. "I can do slow."
"No more getting mad at me when I can't open up to you right away?"
"Well, all I can say is that I will do my best not to get mad and give you some space to do it on your own. I know that there will be a lot of times where I forget and push you, but please promise me that you won't say you want to break up with me unless you really mean it."
"I'll try." She whispered. "No more getting mad at me when I don't let us have sex." He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face.
"Beca, it's killing me not to have sex with you, you know that, right? I know that I was the one who put the brakes on us in the beginning, because I wanted you to actually give us a shot, and you kept saying that you were the hump and dump type, but now that we're actually in a relationship, it's literally killing me that I can't spend an entire day in bed, worshiping your body." She flushed, biting her lip at the thought. Yeah, that would definitely be a great day, she was sure. She felt the same. She would love to spend an entire day fucking his brains out.
"I know, Jesse. I want that, too. Believe me, I do." She let out a breath. "At the same time, though, I don't want it, because I'm still scared that I'm still so new to this that I will bail after it happens. I'm scared that it will feel like everything between us is too real, and I will shut down. Does that make any sense? I don't want to push you away again, so I'm pushing away this one aspect of our relationship. At least for a little while longer."
"I get your reasoning, I do. You'll control how much we do and when we do it, okay?" He paused. "Well, I'm not going to stop initiating stuff, but you know what I mean." She chuckled softly. "I just want you to remember that putting this off is eventually going to mean nothing. It's going to be a crutch for keeping me at a distance. You're always going to be scared that you might want to bolt, because everyone feels like that at some point or another during a relationship. Never trying something because you fear one of the possible results is going to lead you to that result actually happening." She swallowed, because that was exactly what she was thinking before. She was using the dare as a crutch to keep her distance from him somewhat, but she wasn't ready to let it go yet.
"I know. I just feel like I screwed up the way that I did relationships—or rather, how I didn't do relationships—when I was a kid, so I want to take this slowly. I want to make sure that when we do take that step, its right."
"It will be," he told her, brushing his thumb over her lips. She sat up, pressing her mouth to his. The kiss was soft, sweet, lingering. Neither one of them tried to turn it into something intense that led to a tangling of limbs and orgasms. It was just a kiss that signified that they finally talked out many of their issues. It was a kiss that signified that they were giving this relationship a real shot. It was a kiss that signified that they were closer than they were before.
Beca pulled back from the kiss, because she suddenly felt guilty. She had to tell Jesse about the guy at the bar. Even though they were technically broken up when that happened, but she still felt like she was sort of cheating on him. She wasn't a cheater, so she had to tell him the truth. "There's something I need to tell you." He frowned when she pulled away from him, sitting apart from him with the sheet pressed to her chest. He sat up, holding the sheet in place so that his lower half was covered as he turned to face her.
"What's wrong?"
"After you left on Tuesday, I called Chloe to ask her if she wanted to go out and get drunk with me. I wanted to forget about you and us, so I was going to do what I usually do. I was going to get drunk and have sex with some random guy." She closed her eyes when she saw him tense. He turned away from her, moving to the edge of the bed, as if he were going to get up. She grabbed his upper arm, trying to stop him. He stopped moving, but he jerked his arm out of her hand. She moved her hand to lay it on his shoulder. "I didn't. I never slept with anyone. I just…there was this guy there, Jesse. I was wasted, and I had just told the girls that we broke up. I danced with him, and I kept thinking about how he wasn't you. I was so pissed with myself for thinking that, because I didn't want to be sad that you and I weren't together. So, I kissed him. I thought that if I kissed him it would make me forget or move on or whatever. I kissed him, and then I felt like shit. I wound up getting sick in the bathroom and feeling like a total asshole. He wasn't you, Jesse. He wasn't the person I wanted to be with." She paused.
"It's why I came here today, Jesse, after I figured out what two-three-two-two meant. Stacie said something that really made me realize how much you mean to me. Over the last few days, I had kept telling the girls that I didn't care that we were over, but it was a lie. Stacie said if it were the truth, it would have been so easy for me to go back to how I was before you and I met and started seeing each other. I would have been able to fall into bed with a complete stranger without a second thought. The thing is, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be with anyone other than you. When I realized that your passcode was my name, it made me realize that you didn't want anyone else either."
"I've told that you that repeatedly before, Beca!" He said, turning around to face her. She shook her head, wanting to make him understand what she meant.
"Yes, I know that you've said it, Jesse." She ran a hand through her hair. "What I meant is this: there is a difference between hearing something being said and actually knowing its true. There is a huge part of me that is always waiting for you to wise up and walk away from me. There is a huge part of me that is always wondering when you're going to break up with me for someone like Hayley or Kim."
"Beca, there's nothing going on with me and Hayley—or Kim, for that matter."
"I know that things are over between you and Hayley, Jess. I believe you when you say that you two are over. I just meant that that is the type of girl a guy like you is supposed to be with. She's pretty, tall, model-like. She's the type of girl that makes sense with you, not a girl like me who's covered in tattoos and piercings and dark eye makeup."
"I don't want Hayley or another girl like her. Frankly, the idea of being with another Hayley makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a pencil." She chuckled at that, but didn't say anything to let him finish. "I met Hayley in college, and I thought that she was the love of my life. I wasted far too much time and energy on trying to make our relationship work."
"You met her in—wait, stop." She held up her hand. She didn't realize just how long he and Hayley had known each other—or how serious they had been. She honestly thought that Hayley was a girl that he had met more recently, as in when he moved to LA. She shook her head. She didn't want or need to know any specifics about his relationship with her. All she needed to know was that they were over. "I don't want to hear it. I don't need to hear it. You're over. That's all I need to know."
"Yes, all you need to know is that she and I are done, and I'm with you. I want you. I don't want her. I don't want Kim. I don't want any other girl. I want you." She rolled her eyes.
"I'm so not worried about Kim, either. That bitch can bat her eyelashes and twirl her hair all she wants, but I'm not going to let her weasel her way in." She scoffed, her competitive streak coming out. His eyebrows rose, and a smirk slipped onto his cheeks. She flipped him off. "Shut it."
"Jealous Beca is super sexy." He told her, moving closer to her, tugging at the sheet to reveal her bare upper body. She sighed, letting him wrap his arms around her waist and pull her closer to him. Just before he kissed her, he paused, staring into her eyes. "It was just a kiss?" She nodded her head.
"Just a kiss."
"Was it a kiss like this?" He asked her, pecking her lips lightly. She shook her head.
"No, it was more than that." He sighed, chewing on his bottom lip.
"Was it like this?" He kissed her again, this time for a little longer and with more pressure. He pulled away from her, and she let out a breath, shaking her head once more.
"No, it was a little more than that." She swallowed.
"Was it like this?" He tangled his hand into her hair, tilting her head back to kiss her more fully. His tongue stroked along the seam of her lips, and she immediately opened her mouth to his. His tongue stroked inside of her mouth, painting the inside of her cheeks, along her teeth and the roof of her mouth, before finally wrapping itself around hers. His teeth nipped at her lips, making her moan into the kiss. After a few minutes, he pulled back, studying the flush on her cheeks, neck, and chest, the way her eyes were hooded as she stared back at him hungrily, and the way she was panting as she regained her breath.
"Um, no…it was way worse than that." She finally said, brushing her fingers over her lips. "His tongue was slobbery and gross, and it just sucked. That kiss? That kiss was way, way, way better."
"Good, because I'm the only one who's allowed to kiss you like that." He told her, holding her face in his hands so that he could look her in the eye. "Got it?" Her eyebrow arched slightly, because this kind of dominance was sexy. Like when he told her to stop touching her clit when they were having phone sex, or when he boxed her in against the wall or her dresser or her sink.
"Got it." She breathed out, chewing on her bottom lip. He leaned forward, tucking her lip from her teeth to suck into his mouth. She moaned into the kiss, sliding her hand beneath the sheets to cup him between his legs. He hissed into the kiss, and she felt him twitch in her hand, his erection beginning to grow. He pushed her onto her back, grinding his nude body against hers, which was beyond arousing. She wanted nothing more than to guide him into her body, but she was going to follow through with the dare for now. She broke the kiss to stare up into his eyes as she swiped her thumb over his tip. "Just this for now." She told him, and he nodded, grinding into her hand. He then stilled her hand, using the other to pinch and roll one of her nipples. "No, you first." She told him, pushing with all her might until he was on his back and she was straddling his waist again. She kissed him hard on the mouth as she ground her aroused center against his growing erection. He sat up, tangling his hand into her hair and wrapping his arm around her waist to hold her in place against his body.
Yeah, Jesse was definitely the only person Beca wanted to be doing this with.
Author's Note: So, Beca didn't tell him about the dare. I know that some of you might be disappointed by that, but there are several reasons for why it happened. I feel like eight weeks is still too soon for her to fully open up to him like that. She's not ready to completely open with him, so she's going to hold onto any bit of distance she can keep between them—which is the dare for now. They also were able to work out many of their issues during this conversation without having to even talk about the no-sex thing. They were both honest about their fears related to the relationship, and I think it brought them closer in the long run. Finally, I have always had the scene in my head from the beginning of how Jesse finds out about the dare and what happens afterwards. I want to keep to that scene as much as I can, so that is why I didn't have Beca tell him about the dare. Let me know what you guys think about this chapter!