I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to walk into the silence. I didn't want to not see my brothers. I didn't want to see sensei's defeated look. I didn't want to continue living this nightmare.

Not again, not again!

But I had to. I had to get up out of bed. I had to practice. I had to face the deafening quite. I had to reassure Splinter. I had to keep fighting.

For my brothers.

A week. A week has passed since that dreaded mutation.

My poor brothers…

Ever since then, my thoughts, my movements, my motives have been scattered.

Laughter, Mikey, where is your laugh?

I practiced, it helped calm me and Splinter down. Splinter…

It has been so long since I've seen you smile father…

I wonder who is more gone, me, Splinter… or the others…

April couldn't believe it, she thought we were invincible.

We thought so as well, for a few moments.

Never thought that we would go out like this…

A punch, a kick, a slice, a cut, but it doesn't feel the same.

You promised you would have my back, where are you now Raph?

Splinter is here, meditating.

Casey was shocked.

He was so lost now.

I was so lost now…

There was almost nothing left.

Donnie, you'd have a plan, any advice?

It was too quite…

I'll never complain about the fights.

It was too still…

I'll never leave you alone.

There alone.

Be strong, for your team.

I'm alone…

Get them back!

My pillars were gone…

I'm falling…

I'm failing…

I failed you…

I failed you all…

I drop my blades, hands too numb to grip the handles. Tears fall. I've stopped doing katas for a while. I fall, keening out a chirp completely natural to me. Splinter holds me. I hold him. We both cry.

I should be comforting him, not the other way around!

Memories flash, both old and new. Donnie finding out about the internet, Raph finding Spike, Mikey discovering pizza.

Dust on the computer, mold on the lettuce head, a cold pizza oven, not right, not right, not right!

I think Splinter is clawing me again, but my shell can't feel anything. Doesn't matter, I'm hugging just as tight.

Raph, are you still protecting the others?

He would do anything for us. How loyal are you now?

Mikey, talented, fun, optimistic, can you see a silver lining?

Tried to keep us happy, never had to when he was around, are you still like that?

Donnie, you and your quirks, are you still here?

You saved all of us time and time again, can you solve this problem?

This is so wrong, this is sick and wrong, not right, not right, not right, not right…

I nuzzle Splinter's side, not wanting to cry out and disturb the silence. I didn't want my noise to break it, I wanted my brothers to.

I want my brothers back…

Please.

Bars creaked, leaving the cells locked and secured. After a silent agreement, the three got to work.

The snakes shrunk, scales hardening and molding into a shell. Limbs grow, bursting out of the sides with no amount of pain to the mutated beings. The tail all but disappeared, hiding in the new form's natural protection. Heads reformed themselves, looking almost identical to the ninjas they once were.

Their faces were now masked in their new patterns, their shells displayed a grand pattern, and their eyes grew lids while their thin pupils remained. None of the three trapped showed any pain during the process.

The green-eyed being, formerly known as Raphael, started to do strange stances. The fighting style practiced was something deeper than instinct, something that came from years and years of repetition and muscle memory. The movements felt right, thought they seemed to lack something of importance. Nonetheless, a sense of calm flowed throughout his being.

The brown-eyed turtle, previously known as Donatello, picked the lock with one of his pulled fangs. The newly formed fingers were nimble and quick, opening the lock with relative ease. Not hesitating to exit their prison, the tall being scrapped the algae off the walls. Names and facts glided in his mind, but he pushed them aside, considering them irrelevant to the task at hand.

The blue eyed creature, Michelangelo, openly waltzed out of the cell room. Something in him wanted to communicate something complex, something to help sooth the others with him. He paid it no mind, focusing on the entrance to the prison. Here he sat, his pits helping him scouting out any intruders.

No noise disturbed the three's home. No unnecessary noise at least. There were the scrapes and peels from gathering the algae and huffs of breathe from exertion, but no more.

The silence stretched on, each doing their respected task before switching up their routine.

With the tallest turtle satisfied with the amount of algae he gathered, he returned to behind bars to place them with the other pile hidden underwater. He squashed the pile down so that the raged concrete floor caught and gripped the slimy plant. After he was done, he went up to the reptile taking watch and swapped positions.

Now it was the shortest turtle inside the bars. Without missing a beat, he sat down in the water and continued to finish off the first pile of algae. Tearing off small strips, he would then consume them in a single gulp. And here he ate. Occasionally, a fang point would peek out when he smiled in content.

The green-eyed one only did the odd stances a few more times before exiting the cell. Here he roamed the other cells and examined the rooms. This turtle would enter the bars and start to prod and poke the walls for holes and openings. Even when his vision improved from the transformation, he still relied on touch and sound to find these flaws.

Night passed and sunlight could be seen coming through the windows, unfortunately, high above their heads.

With their internal heat growing, the three soon became warm and drowsy even with the slight light change. Their movements were sluggish and lazy. With heavy eyes, the three carried themselves back to their home behind bars.

Coming back and locking themselves in, mixed feeling brewed in each of them. A part of the turtles wanted to stay near the moist cell, however, another serpent side wanted to bask in the sun no matter how litter there was. They wanted to curl into their shells in a huddle, but they also wanted to snap at one another and coil in their own individual spots. There were so many conflicting opinions going through their minds that all three decided to ignore what the thought they wanted, and instead relied on their impulses and instinct.

The reason they started to do these strange activities were due to these impulses and instinct. While they felt comfort in these dark, dank cells, being in this particular building unnerved them. They were rather happy with the thought of eating a whole meal, but they felt even more satisfying in knowing that all three of them ate. While consuming meat was first and foremost in their minds, eating the algae off the walls also curbed their hunger. A part of them wanted to eat continuously while another wanted to sit and digest their large meal.

This was also the reason why only two ate a single meal while the wanted the third, smaller being to have the regular meals. The taller and larger creatures had this urge to protect and help nurture the creature even though the blue-eyed one can survive on his own. It was also the reason why the green-eyed one wanted to protect in general, the two in the cell with him along with a third and fourth unknown member. And why the brown-eyed one felt the need to scan and process everything in order to escape their current home.

This confused them still. Greatly. But none felt that they were doing anything wrong so the continued with these impulses.

Lying down together, but staying a reasonable distance from each other, the changed back into their serpent forms. A voice in their heads told them that if the metal threat knew about their "changes," then they would be in more danger than before. Along with that voice told them to coil as one mass hidden behind the green-eyed snake.

That is, until the sound of an opening gate forces them to separate once more.

I was trained to be a kunoichi at birth. I was taught to fight so that I could end a life. I had to learn some of the cruelest lessons before I turned thirteen. I had to learn about using lies and deception as my tools. I had to learn about taking a life. I had to learn about hate and vengeance.

But I was never taught about the consequences.

So here I was, for the first time in over five years, nervous about meeting Shredder's captives. My gloved hands were starting to get clammy. Keeping a stoic expression was becoming harder and harder to accomplish by the second. Acting as if nothing was wrong was killing me. But I had to do it.

After my "hissy fit" or "little rebellion," I have been trying to be the obedient child of Oroku Saki again. The week of being Karai was not enough for me to gain his complete trust, but it was enough for me to enter the cells without a guard. Of course before I even got here, I was searched for anything that could be used for assisting the turtles. It was irritating to walk around with only my armor and tanto sword for protection.

But not unreasonable…

I was actually relieved that Shredder allowed me to keep my armor and a weapon. I had seen their fight with Shredder and have heard the reports that Stockman has given. These beings were not the turtles that introduced me to their home, these were wild animals. There was no feeling of vengeance or anger when they were fighting. When they fought, there was no aggression other than from protecting their own from a greater threat.

The spirit that they all had in their fights weren't really there. The comradely the brothers had was gone. Their humanity had left them.

Heartbreaking.

And to think, I was the one to cause all this. And to think that, at one point, I would have been overjoyed to cause such misery.

Sickening…

It only seemed fitting that I go visit them to truly honor father's lesson to me.

I stand in front of their cage and see three mounds of muscle through the bars. Looking back were three pairs of eyes that stared back accusingly at me. For a moment, I felt relief that the bars were between us. Then I felt shame that I was assured safety from my family.

I couldn't recognize them. If their eyes were different, I would not be able to tell them apart. Even when all three have different markings, different head shapes, I could not see the turtles in the snakes before me.

I had prepared a little speech for them, but I had made it for the turtles. I had wanted to apologize to them, for ruining their life. Now, it didn't seem right. Apologizing to them now would be as effective as talking to a wall. And, no words could ever describe how guilty I felt about doing this to them. Nothing I do would show them how much it saddens me to see them like this.

Luckily they can't understand me anymore…

Sad thing is, now that I'm here, I'm not really pitying the mutants here. Yes, I do feel utterly terrible about reducing three sentient being to mindless serpents, but I couldn't help but think about how I affected the unaffected. Leonardo, Splinter, I can only imagine what they are going through.

I'm a terrible big sister…

But these creatures here weren't my brothers anymore. I can see that from their eyes. There was no recognition. They looked at me as if considering if I was an enemy or a food they can eat.

I couldn't stand it.

I didn't know how long I was in the same room with them, but I knew that when I decided to leave that I nearly ran out of the room. My composure was lost, but my emotions shot. I couldn't feel anything anymore. There was no anger, not to me, not to Shredder, nothing.

I just want to go home…

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles belong to Nickelodeon.