The three climbed up through the window into a classroom, due to the door being blocked off. Deadpool tried to be tough and walked confidently up to the door of the classroom, only to get flattened in between the wall and door as zombies poured into the room and Juliet kicked their asses with her newly acquired skills: Armadillo Spin and Chainsaw stab. Nick managed to shoot ONE zombie in the head, missing 6 other times.
"Deadpool, are you okay?" Juliet asked, looking back at the door. It slowly closed and Deadpool, flat as a pancake, peeled off of it and put his thumb in his mouth (although that was hard to do through his mask) and re-inflated himself.
"Yep. I'm fine. Healing factor for the win, bitch-" He started, before being smashed again by another zombie that rushed through and went right for Nick.
"Another stupid zombie?!" He said, stabbing it in the throat with one of his sais.
Deadpool peeled off the wall again and Juliet's phone started to ring. "I'll check that later. Mostly because the writer doesn't remember which message that was..." She said.
"You break the fourth wall, too?" Deadpool asked.
"Well, in the actual GAME I only did it once or twice, unless you count blocking my skirt from pervs who mess with the camera angle who try to look at my butt or vagina. But this is a fanfiction, so I can break it whenever I want!" She chirped happily.
They walked down the hall for a few steps before the hallway in front of them exploded.
"Something exploded. What the hell was that?!" Nick asked.
"Quite obviously, the hallway in front of us and the way we have to go is now blocked. How cliche." Deadpool said.
[How profound]
(Let's hurry up and get around this. I want more killing.)
The three then took a detour into a classroom right beside them. They walked through and saw a teacher Juliet recognized. "Hey, it's Mr. Fitzgibbon!" She said.
"([Mr. Fits-what?])"
"I'm Fitzgibbon, bitch!" He shouted, turning around to reveal he was a zombie, sending his zombie students to attack.
"We have a math test today!" The students said, getting out of their chairs.
"This kind of math sucks!" Nick said.
(Let's make it more fun!)
[Advanced Deadpool, lesson one]
"Two bigass sledgehammers+Deadpool=No more zombies! Smashy smashy!" He said, spinning the sledgehammers in front of him like giant wheel, bulldozing through the zombies.
"Test time!" The teacher said, calling in 8 more zombies.
"My turn! Juliet1, lesson one! Circle of zombie+Armadillo spin= 8 legless zombies! Maybe headless, too, if I get lucky." She said, rushing into the crowd, cutting their legs off and cutting the heads off 5 of them.
"Um... Basic Nick 101. Sais+zombie brains=Dead zombies." He said, running in and stabbing the zombies in the head.
"No talking! Alright, study time!" The teacher said, jumping out the window.
"([Pussy])"
"Let's keep going!" Juliet cheered, continuing onward, going through the other door to get around the collapsed hallway, the 2 guys following right behind her. When she kicked the door open, there was a graffiti tag on the wall in front of them: Zombie Bomberfest.
"What's this?! A bomb?!" Nick asked.
"That's royally effed up." Juliet said,
"That's some whacked shit!" Nick commented.
"That's a good time." Deadpool said, the only one in the group that liked constant explosions.
They came around a curve in the hallway to see a bunch of students being attacked by zombies.
"We should help them, right?" Nick said.
"No worries. We got this!" Juliet said.
"Bang! Bang! Bang!" Deadpool said, shooting with his pulse rifles, destroying the zombies in one shot, but also covering the students they were attacking in blood.
[You could've been a little more delicate about that]
(Who cares? We saved them, so they can't bitch about it.)
Then, a student was forced out of a classroom, trying to push off a zombie attacking him.
"Leave me alone! Get away! Help!" He said, pushing the zombie to the floor, jump kicking another one to knock him back a bit, then punched another one off to his left in the face, before the zombie he kicked recovered and tackled him to the ground.
[Well, he made quite an effort.]
(He should roll with us!)
"Buckshot shimmy!" Deadpool announced, blasting off shotgun round right in front of him and slowly shot out to the sides, killing all the close-up zombies near them, then the moved to save the guy.
Nick actually made a good moves, stabbing a zombie in the shoulder blades from behind, spinning around and throwing him into a pile of other zombies. Once they were all dead, the guy gave them zombie medals and disappeared.
"He's gone..." Deadpool said.
(Or was he never here to begin with...)
[It was a game mechanic, must've been how the kid's got to safety. Besides the chopper of course.]
Then, two arrows appeared, pointing to two different classrooms.
"How profound." Deadpool said.
"I go that way, you go this way." Juliet said, pointing to the door in front of them as the one she would go to and the door behind them as the one Deadpool would go to.
"Ha! Rush Hour reference! Okay." Deadpool said, teleporting into that room.
Two zombies cornered on guy. "I fucked up my math test! I need help!" He said.
(They take grades too seriously here.)
Then, the teacher bust through the room and picked up a desk, only for it to be sliced cleanly through with Deadpool's katana, then he spun, now with the teacher behind him and he pulled out a pulse rifle and put it up to the teacher's stomach. "Boom." He said, vaporizing the teacher.
[Sure was nice of the writer to have us do that. We've never actually done something that cool in our game or the comics. In terms of an up-close and personal kill, I mean.]
Deadpool then turned around to face the two zombies, who stared at him in fear for killing their leader so easily.
(Ooh. Now we have to choose who to play with first...)
"Eenie Meenie miney you." Deadpool said, shooting the girl zombie in the face and then cut the guy zombie's head off.
(Yay more Team Four Star references!)
[Nappa, ghost or not, you shall forever live on in our memories.]
As the three were about to meet up in the hallway, they looked out of the window of the classrooms to see a zombie walking down the hall with dynamite strapped to him, then he blew up halfway through the hallway in between the two classrooms.
"Fuck! I think that zombie seriously had dynamite strapped to it!" Nick said.
"Why would somebody do that?" Juliet asked.
The three then met out in the hallway, Juliet jumping out of the hold in the wall with style, Nick and Deadpool teleporting down. A few cops were shooting at zombies, but were knocked down by a few zombies.
"([Fail.])"
The three went to save the cops, but then a bus blew up right in the way, then the roof above the bus fell, completely blocking the way. They continued down the other end of the hallway, only to find there path blocked by some rubble.
"I got this." Deadpool said, rigging up C4. Then he blew it up, clearing the way, somehow the explosion was small enough not to hurt anyone.
Juliet got another call, but she ignored it for the same reason as the last one, then went shopping and bought some new skills, upgrades and a new outfit: a Saeko Busujima from Highschool of The Dead cosplay outfit.
They then rescued another student from more zombies and got more medals.
"Where's my apple?!" A zombie teacher shouted, lifting up a red door and letting zombies through. Once they were quickly dispatched, he opened it again. "Here's a pop quiz for-" He said, before getting interrupted by a bullet through the head. He fell to reveal a cop behind him.
"Thanks a lot!" Juliet said, waving to him.
[Finally. A cop who ISN'T trying to kill us.]
But then, he aimed his gun at them. "To the chair with you!" He said, firing and on closer inspection, it was obvious he was a zombie.
"What's the deal dude?!" Juliet asked,
"A zombie cop? How fucking lame." Nick said in a low tone.
"Ah, cops. The Deadpool's natural enemy." Deadpool said, loading the zombie cop full of machine gun bullets.
Juliet cut through a door, revealing medals and a lollipop, also a student ran out and ran off at full speed like a bitch. Only to be blown up by a suicide zombie. They collected the items and turned to face the group of bomber zombies.
"We have to hit 'em and run away before the exploded. FUN!" Juliet said, giggling.
"How is that fun?!" Nick demanded.
"I have a better idea. I could get away with that because of my healing factor, but you guys don't have my healing factor. So we do this instead." Deadpool said, pulling out his machine guns, shooting the zombies and causing them to blow each other up in a chain explosion.
The three then climbed through a hole made by the bomber zombies, then saw a bus burst through the school doors and barrel right at them.
"Aaah! Oh my god!" Juliet screamed.
Deadpool kept shooting at the driver, but it wasn't doing much. Juliet then sawed through a broken pillar, making it fall in the buses way, stopping it. They then climbed over the other side to see a nerdy-looking girl holding onto a windowsill with one hand for dear life. They killed the zombies quickly and the girl fell.
"Those zombies totally pulled my underwear up my butt!" She said, giving them medals and disappearing.
"[So, she was such a nerd...]" Nick and the good voice said at the same time.
"(The zombies actually stopped to give her a wedgie...)" Juliet and the crazy voice commented.
"Before they tried to kill her... Wow." The three non-brain voices said at once.
Then a zombie reached through the window the girl just fell from. "This is ass!" He shouted before blowing up all of the upper hallway.
"Look what those jerks did to our school!" Juliet said as they continued and climbed back up the bus and into the hallway.
"Yeah, but it DOES get me out of my calculus homework on Friday." Nick said.
"Gotta think positive." Deadpool said.
They came to a point when a few guys were lifting up a green door Juliet could otherwise cut through.
"Come!" The leader in the purple jacket said.
The one who did the work in the blue jacket turned around and screamed, then an explosion happened behind them and he closed it against the leader's will. "I'll be back for you!" He shouted.
"Uncool, asshole!" Nick shouted. They went into a nearby classroom to deal with more zombies and save some students, one of whom was strapped with dynamite for unknown reasons.
A zombie with bombs on him and a zombie girl on fire then tried to get it on and blew up the hallway more.
"([Okay, let's not let them do that much more.])"
Then, a pipe on the ceiling came undone and fell, sticking into the ground, making a vertical pole, which the zombies then swarmed and Juliet ran towards.
"No..." Nick said in disbelief.
"([Is she going to?!])"
She did. She grabbed the pole and begun spinning around, being sexy and decapitating zombies at the same time.
"So sexy..." Nick said, fighting off a nosebleed.
"This is..." Deadpool said.
[The best Easter Egg...]
(EVER!)
She decapitated all of the zombies, then did a sexy pose while still on the pole, then jumped off. They then collected the coins from the magically disappearing students, then continued through the door that was dropped in their face earlier. They saw the bitch who left them there, now with dynamite strapped to him, get attacked by a fire zombie and got blown up.
"Serves you right." Deadpool said.
"That's the guy who stranded us... Guess he's getting what he deserves." Nick said, pointing to the guy who was the leader.
"Well we can't just let them all die, Nick!" Juliet said.
"OR we COULD." He argued.
"Normally I'd agree with you, Nick, but he wasn't the one who stranded us. It was the bitch who just got blown up." Deadpool corrected him. Then they saved him. They cut through another green door and the floor in front of them blew up to reveal a horde of zombies below.
"What are you gonna do now, Juliet?" Nick asked.
"Watch me, Nick!" She said, jumping down, jumping on each of their heads while cheering. "Ready? Okay! Undead! We slay! Go! San! Ro! Mer! Ro!" She said (I think that's what the last part was, anyway), then landed behind all the zombies. "If it bleeds, I can kill it!" She said happily as all of their heads blew up.
"Ha! Arnold Schwarzenegger reference!" Deadpool laughed as he and Nick jumped down.
"Juliet, where are we going?" Nick asked, following her and Deadpool.
"I need to find Morikawa-sensei! He'll know what to do!" She said.
"([Who?])" Nick and the voices asked.
"Morikawa-sensei! He's my sensei!" She said happily.
"A sensei? You mean like a teacher?" Nick asked.
"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SPOKE JAPANESE, NICK!" Juliet shrieked happily.
"Well, I-" He started, but she interrupted him, speaking in Japanese. "I can't speak Japanese, Juliet! I just know that one word!" He said.
([Noob])
"Aw, you're simple innocence is one of the most attractive things about you!" She said cutely.
"Uh, yeah." He said.
"You're like a kitten! A kitten that doesn't speak Japanese!" She said.
"Sure, okay." He said.
"I'm feeling like the third wheel here." Deadpool said.
"Break the 4th wall more. You'll feel better." Juliet said.
The three then came to the gym door, with something spray-painted on it.
"It says Zombie basketball, time limit: 3 minutes, you lose and BLAM!" Nick read.
"Sounds fun." Deadpool said.
[Except the Blam part.]
(Yeah. That sounds AWESOME!)
Juliet kicked the door open and they entered into the gym and the game had already started: Humans, nothing. Zombies, 100.
"Zombie basketball! Time your killing of zombies! How many points can you rack up?" An unseen announcer cried out.
(He he! "Rack"!)
[Really?]
"Seems like a one sided game!" The announcer said.
(One-sided for the zombies!)
[I know, we need to make over 100 points in 3 minutes? Child's play!]
"Let's kill these mothas!" Deadpool said, running into the center where all the zombies were, standing on his tip-toes and spinning dangerously with both of his sword out, decapitating dozens of zombies at once.
"I'd say let's get into the game, but I don't wanna lose my head." Nick said.
"No worries. He's got it." Juliet said, watching.
In exactly 30 seconds, Deadpool had effortlessly racked up a score of 110.
"Wow! What a turn-around! The zombies are getting slaughtered! Incredible game, Deadpool! Can't wait to see you in action again!" the announcer said as zombie medals rained down on Deadpool.
"Now this is my kind of rain!" Deadpool said, grabbing as many as he could.
[That was another reference, wasn't it?]
(Yep! DMC3 reference! Yay!)
"Where's that voice coming from?" Juliet asked, referring to the announcer.
They ignored the question and continued to the next room as a zombie loaded with dynamite was pushed at them in a wheelbarrow.
"Mommy!" He shouted, struggling.
"We have to get out of here!" Nick said, then they all dived out of the room.
Juliet went shopping at another store and now had a new outfit on: Rei Miyamoto from Highschool of The Dead.
"Another cosplay?" Deadpool asked.
"I like it, okay? Piss off!" She pouted.
They continued on, rushing through dozens of zombies, leaving not one alive. They cleared out a classroom and killed more zombie cops, much to Deadpool's amusement and continued on until a zombie kept opening and closing a red door.
"Quit opening and closing the door, dude!" Juliet snapped.
He opened it a final time and attacked personally.
"Again and again with the door! It's irritating!" Juliet complained
"Let's kick his ass to teach him a lesson!" Deadpool offered.
"My turn!" Nick said, wasting an entire clip to shoot the zombie in the head once. The finally moved up one last set of stairs after Juliet took another shopping break and bought a sexy outfit. "Killing zombies gives me total wood!" She smirked.
"That's a weird thing to say." Nick said.
"([Agreed.])"
They kicked down a door to see 6 zombies coming at some old man.
"Sensei!" Juliet cried out.
"Ah, Juliet! One moment, please!" He said, then jumped into the air with a Japanese poster background. The zombies spiraled in the air around him helplessly and he began slicing like nothing, then when he stopped, the zombies fell to pieces. The camera then did a close-up of him and a description poster appeared, just like with Juliet.
Junji Morikawa Sushi Master
Age:77 Morikawa
Hometown:
Tokyo, Japan
Favorite Food:
Sea Urchin's
Hobbies:
Karate,
The Kama Sutra,
Collecting Women's underwear
"Did that last box of the picture just say 'Collecting women's underwear'?" Deadpool asked.
(I like this guy!)
[Of course you do...]
"My teacher, Morikawa-sensei is the most amazing veteran zombie hunter ever!" Juliet said.
"Oh." Nick said.
"Ah, correct. I have studied the Zomboid sciences for 40 years." He said, then laughed insanely. Then he decided to explain the story. "Listen! All of you! The school is in dire trouble! My research tells me that something has gone wrong on a COSMIC scale." He said.
"([Uh-oh.])"
"That's a massive bummer." Juliet said sadly.
"That completely sucks." Nick said.
"The Universe is composed of 3 dimensions: The Land Beyond Words, The Rotten World and our dimension, Earth." Morikawa continued.
"Well, I know of an agency that may add on a little bit to your story." Deadpool said, knowing a lot of things about other dimensions from S.H.I.E.L.D information.
"Either way. There are dimensional walls between each. Using a combination of black magic and explosives, someone cracked the wall between Earth and Rotten World. And the gases of Rotten World seeped into our world. Your fellow students inhaled these gases which transformed them into the undead." He continued.
"([Death must be PIIIISSED])"
"Well, whoever did this could be trying to open a permanent gate between here and Rotten World! Which would be catastrophic. Unfortunately, once they've become zombies, there is no return. All we can do is clean up the school: kill the undead and stop the bomber! That is our mission."
"I like the last two, but why do we have to clean up the place?" Deadpool asked.
Morikawa rolled his eyes, then continued. "The bomber is either in the cafeteria downstairs, or the coutryard. You destroy the zombies in the cafeteria, I shall look in the courtyard!" He then jumped on the rail he was previously on, then turned to face them. "I'm counting on you all. KILL THE MOTHAFUCKAS!" He said, jumping into the air, then teleporting.
(He can teleport, too?!)
[Probably magic.]
"Yes, sensei!" Juliet said, saluting, then jumped down, Nick following, but falling, since he didn't have as much agility as her.
"I'll be right down, I just need to talk to my girl Death for a minute." Deadpool said, shooting himself in the head, knocking himself out. He then woke up staring Death in the face, literally. "hey, babe, how's it going?" He asked.
"Oh, Deadpool! I thought you weren't going to return until you were really dead." She said with a mixture of sadness and disappointment, but then quickly changed the topic. "But it is good that you're here. That perverted old man was telling the truth! The zombies are still alive, I am unable to collect their souls. I need you to kill them all, my love. I need those souls!" She said in a lusting tone as if she was desparate.
"You got it babe. See you the next time I almost die. Or when I actually do." He said, then woke up. "Ow, my head."
(What did Death say? Was she happy to see us?!)
[You should know by now the only time she'd be happy to see us is if she has errands for us to run or if we were really dead.]
"She wants us to kill the zombies. Plain and simple." Deadpool said, teleporting down to where Juliet and Nick were and shot a fire zombie that was about to touch a giant-ass cake made out of...
([Dynamite?!])
"Yeah, it would probably be best to not let those zombies touch it." Deadpool said.
(Yeah, zombies don't need cake!)
Just as the last zombie was dealt with, 4 zombies in wheelbarrows were pushed into the room through the exit, which was previously blocked.
"Mommy!" They screamed, accompanied by maniacal laughter.
"Get through the door quickly! Now!" Nick said, rushing towards the exit.
(Don't have to tell us twice)
[Get us the hell out of here!]
"I got it!" Deadpool said, teleporting out of the building just as Juliet reached the exit.
[Good thing the writer chose to say where they were at, or the audience may not know.]
(The writer wouldn't have let them die, then it would just be us, that's not a crossover, that's a Deadpool story!)
"And at least he's having us break the fourth wall again. He hasn't done that for a while." Deadpool commented.
They reached the steps of the school as Morikawa was thrown directly into Juliet's boobs, causing her to shriek.
(Dammit, I wanted us to be the first ones to get our hands on them!)
[She has a boyfriend, remember? We're WORKING with him.]
"Magna-genocide, baby!" A freak on top of the statue laughed.
"Hey... I recognize that guy! He went to school with us!" Juliet said.
"He's the one... planning to open the gate between here and Rotten World! I have to stop him!" Morikawa said, getting up slowly.
"Two things, old man: 1, He just kicked your ass. 2, you should rest a bit after that: you're old and you used a lot of energy back there and he just kicked your ass." Deadpool said, for once actually talking sense.
"Oh, man. There's nothing more hysterical to me than watching this world burn! This world, this government, this society made my life Hell- Well, now everyone's gonna know a life of Hell... Forever!" He said, throwing his head back and laughing maniacally. Then a description poster appeared again.
Swan
Age: 18
Goth Geek Bastard
Favorite Food: Pez
Hobbies: Murdering, Planning World Domination
Fun Fact:
Practices broody faces in the mirror
(Lame!)
[Something tells me he was the school nerd/reject who everyone bullied and now instead of getting help from a psychiatrist or killing himself, he took it out on the school. Too many of these incidents happen...]
"Why did you do this to my school?" Juliet asked angrily.
"([Fueling a stupid plot device, like Itachi Uchiha...])"
(For those of you who don't fully know what we're talking about, go to YouTube and type in Itachi Uchiha I killed My Clan. It's a parody of Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl, except it's funny.)
"What, you didn't have to clean out your locker, Juliet?" Swan said in a stuck-up tone.
"Hey! Leave her alone! Wait until I get my hands on you, dude!" Nick shouted at him.
"Good thing the writer changed the story up a bit or you wouldn't be able to say that because you'd just be a disembodied head." Deadpool commented, breaking the fourth wall again.
Swan then looked to his book and began reading a ritual. "Malicious lords! I invoke your dark forces into declaring myself God of this Realm!" He said, now with a purple beam of light coming from his book. "As the pawns are present, let the ritual commence and may the Dark Purveyors appear! NOW!" He said, then chanted something in Latin.
"NO!" Morikawa said, lunging at him. Unfortunately for him, at that moment, 5 different colored spheres that had to be the Dark Purveyors appeared and began throwing him between each other, violently attacking him.
[Why didn't he, or anyone for that matter, do that while he was monologuing?]
(Ooh, pretty light show. Shoot at it!)
but just as Deadpool drew his guns, Morikawa was thrown back, again landing in Juliet's boobs, getting another shriek from her.
"([Again?!])"
"Sensei!" Juliet said as he collapsed.
Then a bunch of laughing began from the purveyors. "This world makes me wanna puke! You're the one who called us here?" A girl's voice said from one of the glowing spheres.
"Yeah, that's right! I'm your new master! And I demand you initiate the pawn into the ritual! And rot every living thing in this school along the way!" Swan said, throwing one hand into the air and, of course, laughed like a lunatic.
"Master..." All the Purveyors said.
Swan laughed like he did the greatest thing ever. "I did it! Alright guys, time for you to rot this entire school! And everyone in it!" He ordered.
"I think I dig this kid! A real fuckin' headcase!" The Purveyor in the red sphere laughed.
"How could you do this to Sensei Morikawa?!" Juliet demanded, weeping slightly.
"That smell? This one's a zombie hunter..." One of the purveyors said in disdain.
"Give us the order, Master! Come on! Come on, come on, come on!" The girl Purveyor said.
"What are you laughing at, Dickhead?!" Juliet demanded.
"Let the ritual commence! ZED!" Swan said, ordering the red sphere, which flew into the ground, knocking the 3 down and causing them to get ready for an attack.
A puddle of blood appeared on the ground and a zombie with a giant mohawk reared his head out of the puddle. "Let's play!" He said in a dangerous tone. The three were shocked, giving him an opening. "PISS OFF!" He shouted, throwing the giant words "PISS OFF" at them, sending them flying.