Juliet slowly woke up on the ground, trying to figure out her surroundings after the ship crashed. "I think this is... It's some sort of farm." She said, looking around to see a farm, complete with zombified cows... Wait, the cows are even zombified?! Oh, come on! "I bet any minute now one of those stupid dark purveyors is gonna show up TOTALLY bumming our worlds! Don't you think guys?" Juliet said in an angry, prepared for action tone. She waited for a response, but got one and turned around to search the wreckage. "Nick?! Deadpool?! Where are you?!" She asked, genuinely concerned.
"Right here, Juliet." Nick said in a strange tone. Juliet slowly turned around, shocked to see the world turn purple and Nick walking towards her, zombified. carrying/dragging Deadpool's lifeless body by the neck.
"What happened?! We saved you!" She said in shock and disbelief.
"I was feeling so... ineffective. You know, you and Deadpool did most of the work. He had to go, by the way. He would've ruined our relationship. Anyway, I thought It'd be better just to go for the gusto. Get undead, the whole deal..." He said, walking towards her, dropping Deadpool and grabbing for her.
"No! This can't be happening!" She said, then gasped as she fell over with Nick on top of her. She struggled, but as a zombie, Nick would never let go until he was dead. "Oh, no!" She said, struggling as Nick grabbed her by the neck and she started screaming. "Noooooo!" She shouted as the world began to split into a million reflections of the same image: Nick about to feed on her.
Suddenly, she was snapped back to attention of the real world by sudden screaming. "Aaah! Watch out! Watch out! I can't stop it! Ahhh!" A familiar voice screamed as nick also screamed.
"Juliet? Juliet?!" He shouted, finally bringing her back to attention and she got up and rolled out of the way just as a graffitied zoomed by, almost running her over. She did run over Deadpool's dismembered arm, however, sending it flying into the wreckage of the ship. Suddenly, Juliet noticed the driver.
"Rosalind!" She called out.
"Who?" Nick asked.
"My little sister!" Juliet answered.
"Jeez! How many kids did your parents need?! Do you have a cheaper by the dozen deal going on or something?!" Deadpool asked, somewhere from the wreckage, both arms missing.
(Yeah, they must pop one out every year or something!)
[Plenty of families have 3 kids. I AM a little surprised their all chicks, though. Not that I'm complaining. But we should focus on getting our arms back.]
At that moment, the arm Rosalind sent into the wreckage fell down to where he was and smacked him in the face, palm to the forehead. "Coulda had a V8! Ha ha! Oh, well." he laughed, maneuvering until he eventually reattached the arm and pulled out one of his hammers. "DEADPOOL SMASH!" He shouted, smashing a hole in the side of the ship, walking out.
"Hey, Juliet, I'm here to save you! Something's wrong with this bus, URGH! It's really irritating!" Rosalind shouted from inside the bus, then laughed maniacally. "Oh, is that you're boyfriend?! He's cute! Who's that ninja guy?! He looks !" She said, laughing again.
"Ahh, someone who recognizes true awesomeness when they see it." Deadpool said.
(Yay! A new fan within the first 5 minutes of meeting us)
[Just like the writer! He first found out about us in that game Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 for the PS2, then he found us, didn't know who we were, tried us and instantly became a fan. That's just how amazing we are.]
"Anyway, lemme guess, she's also a friggin' zombie hunter?" Nick asked,
"Aaah! I almost hit a bird, look out!" Rosalind shouted, then flashed a peace sign and her bio pick came up.
Rosalind Starling:
Age: 16
Favorite weapon:
Something really destructive
Hobbies:
Scrapbooking,
terrorizing pedestrians,
Collecting Yeti skulls
Secret dream:
To meet Justin Bieber... And add his skull to her collection.
(I like this chick!)
[Accessively destructive, but knows how to channel it. I like it!]
"I have found my new best friend!" Deadpool laughed.
"SHIT! Sorry, it's not my fault!" Rosalind said, then laughed.
"You're family's kinda energetic, huh?" Nick asked.
"The brakes aren't working! AHHH!" Rosalind screamed, but then laughed. "Hey, guys, don't worry! I've got it all under control!" She lied, holding her head, flying straight at Juliet and Nick. "Shit!" She shouted. Nick dove out of the way as Juliet ran towards the bus and flipped over it, winking to her little sister, who in turn flashed a peace sign near her eyes. As Juliet landed behind her, she popped halfway out of the bus driver window and smiled, but then look as if she remembered something. "Oh, fuckballs, I almost forgot!" She said, throwing a present out of the window. "Happy birthday, Juliet!" She called, getting back in the bus.
"This doesn't seem right." Juliet said in unease.
"I guess we should follow that bus, huh?" Nick asked.
"Wow, you're a regular genius." Deadpool said, putting his other arm back on.
Juliet went over to the present and it magically opened, pimping out her chainsaw once again into a colorful cannon, different from the Chainsaw blaster. "Wow, Rosalind must have seen this on my Amazon wish list!" Juliet said happily as it full transformed. "Dead Popper! I can shoot Deadpool's head with this!"
"([What?])"
"This is the old O'Bannon Farm," Nick said as they walked, "Looks a little run down."
Shortly after, they came to a bunch of zombie farmers, some working in the field, then noticed them, others coming from the ground.
"Plow 'dem crops! Cut the grass! It needs water!" They said, obviously forgetting they were attacking people, not doing chores.
[And it's infested with zombies...]
(Whatever, more fun and killing for us!)
Deadpool went scissor style with his swords and cut the heads off a few of them, Nick shot a few in the head and as the last one attacked, Juliet sawed off Deadpool's head, loaded it in the launcher and blasted him at the zombie.
"Time to roll out!" Deadpool said as his head flew from out of the cannon.
[Wrong franchise again.]
(Do you ALWAYS have to be a downer?)
As Deadpool's head hit the zombie in the chest, it blasted him apart, limbs and head flying in each direction. Deadpool's body then walked over and reattached his head, laughing a little bit. They walked a little further before coming to a fallen tree in the road.
"I'm glad I just-so-happened to wear my zombie-fighting underwear today." Juliet said as she started sawing through it.
"What?" Deadpool and Nick asked at the same time, both BEYOND confused.
"Sensei Morikawa said wearing cotton underwear with little teddy bears or hearts is best for doing battle! He'd make me wear them to every class!" She said, now bent almost all the way over, almost through the tree. Both of them looked under her skirt to see if she was actually serious, but she had her spanx on, so they couldn't see.
[Ugh, such a blonde.]
(Boner, engaged!)
"I'm so creeped out right now." Nick said.
"No offense, but you're sensei was a REAL perv. I knew there was a reason I liked the guy." Deadpool said.
Juliet pulled out the chainsaw blaster and shot a giant boulder in the way, then 4 zombies walked slowly towards them. But something off the the side of them caught Deadpool's eye. "Ooh, a red barrel... EXPLOSION!" He shouted, shooting it, blowing up all the zombies at once.
(Yay! I love explosions!)
[It's like those barrels were MADE for us!]
Juliet sawed through another tree and they encountered Rosalind's bus under attack from zombies crawling all over it and she was crashing into EVERYTHING! I don't think that was because of the zombies, though.
"Shitmuffins! I can't get it to stop! Aaagh!" She screamed, before laughing again.
[I think we have finally found someone crazier than us.]
"They're attacking Rosalind's bus!" Juliet said in concern, shooting the zombies with the blaster, Nick also shooting at them with the pistols while Deadpool was trying to choose between his machine guns or his pulse rifles.
"Screw it, I'll use both!" He said, pulling out a pulse rifle and a machine gun, easily clearing off the zombies, but leaving quite a few bullet holes in the bus.
The bus then drove out of control, burt through a fence and did an Evil Knievel jump over a small cliff onto the other side, all the while, Rosalind was screaming. "Wait, wait, wait! Wait! No, no, no! Aaagh! Hahahaha, whee! This is awful, but hilarious!" She then drove off further into the farm.
"Oh, no! I hope Raosalind's alright!" Juliet said, worried, jumping down.
"We'd better go help her, Juliet!" Nick said, also jumping down, although he wasn't used to jumping down from that height and the pressure buckled his legs and made him fall.
"Do we have to?" Deadpool asked, teleporting down.
[There will be more zombies to kill along the way.]
(…..WE GOTTA SAVE HER!)
After they killed all the zombies in style, Nick helped Juliet jump over a boulder and Deadpool teleported him and Nick passed it.
"UGH! Another lame-o bomber zombie!" Juliet said angrily, shooting it, blowing up the zombies nearby it.
"Why don't you like the bomber zombies, they're fun! They blow up the other ones near them like that!" Deadpool said both happily and maniacally.
At that moment, an UNBELIEVABLY fat-ass zombie burst out of a nearby barn, destroying it and belly flopping on the ground. "I got hemorrhoids." He said as he got up.
"Wow, there's a big one! I think Gabriel Iglesias would rank him as an 'OH HELL NO!'" Deadpool laughed.
(He's even fatter than those giant Sinister tubbo clones!)
[But from the looks of it, he attacks the same way: Belly flops]
That was wrong however, as the zombie then ripped another zombie out of the ground, throwing it at Deadpool and sending him flying.
"Whoa! You're the fattest zombie I've ever seen!" Juliet giggled, but then gasped and looked apologetic. "Oh, wait- sorry- I didn't mean to be insensitive..." She apologized, but then revved her chainsaw and rushed at him. "DIE!" She shouted, slashing at him with her chainsaw. He managed to slam his belly into her, sending her back a bit, then picked up a chicken, pet it gently for a little bit, then threw it at her, but she dodged.
"That guy seems a little too... intimate with those chickens, if you know what I mean." Nick said in a strange tone.
"Ugh! You mean he has sex with them?! Vomit!" She said in a disgusted tone, blasting the zombie to death with the blaster.
"I'm dying! And fat as fuck!" He said before his death was complete.
They tried to continue but there was another barn in the way.
"Oh, man, now what?" Juliet asked.
"I got it. LET'S TORCH THIS MOTHA-!" Deadpool said, sticking C4 on the barn, blowing it up easily.
They shot more zombies before jumping down into a field and blew up a tractor in front of a fence to clear their way and eventually caught up to Rosalind's bus as it kept reversing into a fence and driving forward into a tree with zombies on it. The trio killed them simply enough, but then blood began coming from over their heads and they looked up to see a zombie holding a chicken.
"Get off my farm!" It ordered, throwing the chicken at Deadpool's face, which then began pecking and clawing at his face.
"Oh, man, I was JUST thinking 'I wish there were some flying zombies around here.'" Nick said sarcastically, shooting at it, but it could fly fast enough to dodge the oncoming bullets.
"Why were you thinking THAT!? They're trying to kill us!" Juliet said, getting ready to attack with a chainsaw.
"I was being facetious." He said in an annoyed tone.
"Oh, haha! I'll take care of 'em, Nick!" She said, now readying the chainsaw blaster.
However, just as she was about to fire, the zombie was effectively turned into Swiss cheese. They looked over to see Deadpool looking PISSED, his mask ripped enough to clearly see his disfigured face.
"PLEASE tell me that's just from the chicken." Nick asked.
"Nope, my healing factor spread my cancer through every cell in my body, turning me into this. I don't like it either. Why do you think I wear a goddamn mask?" He asked as somehow, the mask slowly regenerated.
At that moment, Rosalind got her bus free and drove off.
As they were about to chase after it, Juliet's phone ring and she stopped to answer it.
"Hey, it's Mom, Juliet, you're NEVER going to believe. Rosalind bought a BUS. Yes. You heard right, A BUS. Why would anyone want a...? What is wrong with that sister of yours?" Juliet's mom said over the phone, hanging up, as did Juliet.
[That's a very good question.]
(Yeah, anyone who's more psychotic than us DEFINITELY has some issues.)
"Anyway, let's continue!" Deadpool said, walking off.
"Hey, I'm kinda havin' a cool thought. You'll love this, Deadpool," Nick said, catching the merc's attention, "We could take a couple of zombies and put 'em in a wrestling ring and make 'em fight to death and take bets!" Nick said as if it were the best idea ever.
(I like the way this guy thinks!0
[Yeah, that sounds like quality entertainment.]
"Hell yeah! Now we just need a wrestling ring!" Deadpool laughed.
"That's inhumane, guys." Juliet scolded.
"Come on, it'd be funny!" Nick laughed.
"And it'd rake in the dough!" Deadpool said with dollar signs in his eyes.
They continued on until they found the bus stuck in a narrow road with boulders on either side. "Rosalind, get out of the bus, quick!" Juliet tried to warn her sister.
"Quit trying to kill Rosalind, you jerks!" Nick shouted at the zombies, shooting them, but not before they managed to push a boulder down towards the bus.
"Get off my farm!" One of the zombies shouted.
"Rosalind, look out!" Juliet warned.
"Pew!" Deadpool mimicked the sound of his laser, firing a shot at the boulder, destroying it. "Technology is our friend! …. Well, not your friend." Deadpool said to another zombie trying to push a boulder, blasting him and turning him into a blood stain.
They continued on until they found Rosalind again not too much further ahead, near some kind of cliff-type thing. "Finally! Rosalind, get out of the bus, come on!" Juliet pleaded to her sister, who wouldn't respond. "Rosalind, where are you?" Juliet said in fear and concern.
The three of them climbed up on the bus, but then Rosalind started driving.
"Why is she driving?! She's gonna knock our heads off and you guys can't get away with that like I can." Deadpool said, actually showing concern for his allies.
"Uh-oh." Juliet said.
"Rosalind, STOP!" Nick said urgently.
They blasted the rocks and zombies in the path when suddenly, Juliet got an idea. "Later, after we kill all the zombies, lets come back to this farm and ride the cows!" Juliet said childishly.
"You're gonna ride a COW?" Nick asked.
"I hate cows! Just like clowns! Cows are just clowns without the L and the N." Deadpool said.
"DON'T BE RACIST AGAINST COWS, GUYS." Juliet scolded them both again.
Suddenly, a tire got caught in a pothole, causing the bus to bounce and knock the three off of the bus.
"She knocked us off the bus?! What's she doing?!" Nick asked, annoyed and angry.
"She's probably just being weird. All that hair dye has gone to her brain." Juliet explained.
"Ah, so THAT'S what's wrong with her." Deadpool said in understanding.
They continued on until they were a weird voice of a woman singing something.
"Who was that?" Nick asked.
"I don't know, but they're something fishy going on here..." Juliet said, then noticed a mushroom as big as she is. "Check out that mushroom!" she said
They moved through the grazing zombie cows and Juliet began to saw through the musshroom.
[Wait, no that's a bad idea-!]
Too late, Juliet cut through the mushroom and the three inhaled a strange green mist, knocking them all out. (Quick side note: I'm not entirely sure if Deadpool would get high from the mushroom.
They woke up in some weird world when everything was freaky and surreal as a couple of hands laid down a giant egg.
"Wha- Where- Where are we?" Juliet said groggily.
"I'm dizzy, Juliet. I... Oh, man." Nick groaned.
"Guess you guys aren't used to getting high. Hey, look, a giant egg!" Deadpool said, pointing to it.
Suddenly, it broke open and a massive chicken hatched from it.
"Aah! Some kind of fucked up chicken monster!" Nick shouted.
"Out of my way, Foghorn Leghorn! I need to get to Rosalind's bus!" Juliet said, trying to run passed it, but it pecked non-stop at her and she had to put all her energy into dodging.
While the chicken was busy with her, it didn't realize Deadpool sneak up on it and put the shotgun to its head. "Go, I say, go away, boy, you bother me!" He said, imitating Foghorn Leghorn, blasting its head off.
They then piled onto the bus to look for Rosalind. "Rosalind, are you alright?!" Juliet asked, looking all around. Suddenly, the three were thrown into one bus seat and looked around, but found no one.
"This trip ain't over yet, children." The voice from before said, turning the key to the bus, snapping them back to reality to reveal they were on a combine.
"Oh, hell yeah!" Deadpool laughed, trying to take the wheel, but Juliet got there first.
(We can get grain and zombie corpses at the same time!)
[Well, we always did want to try and be a farmer.]
"They say you reap what you sew. And I wanna sew zombie guts!" Juliet said, mowing down zombies, while getting all the grass.
"Go, Juliet, go!" Nick cheered.
"You ever have a space cake, Juliet?" Nick asked.
"Mmm, a Ding Dong, yes!" Juliet said in a happy tone, imagining the taste.
"No, no, like a pot brownie." Nick asked.
"Every other Weekend! Man, that Gambit, he knows how to throw a party!" Deadpool laughed.
"No way, I would never do drugs!" Juliet said in an almost offended tone.
[You just did drugs.]
"Me neither." Nick agreed, although he was lying.
"Gross!" She said in a disgusted tone.
"Right. I have no idea what a space cake is like! It totally doesn't remind me of the way I feel right now at all." Nick half-confessed.
(Something tells me had has them as much as we do.)
"Hey, do you have to get all the grass?" Deadpool asked. However, Juliet got the last of it and a PS3 trophy popped up above his head. "Oh, look at that. Never mind." He said.
They mowed the last one down and then things got trippy again...
(All right, that's where I'm ending this chapter, I'm running out of time and it feels like that's a good place to stop. The gameplay video I'm watching by Dashiegames doesn't run much longer than this, anyway. He probably only stopped because he made Nick die by screwing up the mimigame, anyway.)