The trio woke up in an unknown location, between two barns, very close together, so they had a narrow walkway and there was a little cliff to a stream behind them. "Oh, what the dick?! Where are we now?!" Juliet demanded.
They started to progress when a tractor came around the bend, driving straight toward them. "Uh-oh. Tractor. Gonna push us over the edge! Shoot at it!" Deadpool said, shooting non-stop at it, killing the three zombie passengers.
"It's still not stopping! Jump it!" Nick said as him and Juliet did so, Deadpool simply teleporting passed it
"There's no other way. We have to keep chugging going forward. They then came across a student who was tied up to a scarecrow thing and the zombies were attacking. Nick and Juliet went in to attack and save the student as Deadpool noticed a large boulder on a cliff (by the way, if you want to save that student, DO NOT shoot the boulder until you save him. Save it for the wave of zombies that will come from a haystack or something afterward)
"LOOK OUT BELOW!" He shouted, shooting the rock with his shotguns, causing it to fall, crushing the zombies, Juliet and Nick barely managing to free the student and get out of the way.
"A little warning next time, asshole!" Nick shouted.
"You could've killed us." Juliet said, then smelled something awful. "Ew, what is that?" She said in disgust.
"Don't worry about the smell. I just shit myself." The student said, giving them the medals and running off.
"Oh, lovely." All three of them said sarcastically.
(That's disgusting!)
[After nearly being crushed by a boulder, however, I can't blame him.]
More zombies appeared at that point, only to be easily disposed of.
"My sister's acting so strange." Juliet said.
"Which makes her normal, considering it's YOUR family." Nick said.
"If that chick is normal, I'm the sexiest motherfucker alive." Deadpool said in a sarcastic tone.
(If only! But NO ONE wants us taking this mask off.)
[HARD TO LOOK AT.]
They cut through another fence after killing more zombies and found another one of Juliet's stores.
"Ooh, another store! Yay!" Juliet said, shopping quickly and now purchasing the Rei Miyamoto costume from the store.
"Oh, good. More cosplay." Deadpool said.
"I wish I had my GPS to find that bus." Juliet said.
At that moment, Deadpool started digging through his pockets. The first thing he pulled out was a wolverine doll from his left pocket. "Nope!" he said, throwing it over his shoulder, knocking out a zombie behind him, then he pulled out a rubber chicken from his right pocket. "Uh-uh." He said, shaking his head, throwing it over his other shoulder, knocking out a fatter zombie. Next, from nowhere, he pulled out a sex blow up doll. "Nope!" He said, knocking out 2 zombies with that. Finally, from his other left pocket, he pulled out his GPS. "AAAAAAAHHH!" He said, sounding like an angelic chorus, then handed it to Juliet. "There you go, that took long enough." He said.
"Sweet! Now we just have to get over that boulder!" Juliet said, from what she was getting on the GPS.
They leapt it and/or teleported passed and got to another thing on the cliff like before.
Rosalind was now coming down a hill, but bomber zombies were coming up the cliff straight towards her.
"Rosalind, be careful! Bomber zombies are coming towards you!" Juliet shouted.
"Well, let's blow their plans out of the water!" Deadpool joked, shooting as many zombies as he could.
It was easy to start with, but eventually the zombies started running. Still the bus was able to escape with minimal damage.
"What if you flew up in a helicopter over a horde of zombies and you saw they were standing in the shape of a smiley faced emoticon?! OH MY GOD, I WOULD LOVE THAT!" Juliet laughed.
"Are you sure you haven't eaten a spacecake?" Nick asked.
"And more importantly: if you have, you didn't share?!" Deadpool said in shock and disappointment.
(Hoarder!)
[That's just mean. I love those brownies!]
They finally killed all the zombies and Rosalind advance enough for them to jump onto the bus.
"Wait, Rosalind! Quit moving!" Juliet said in an irritated tone.
Suddenly, our trio noticed a boulder that could potentially roll on them. They also noticed three tractors that could drive and take the rock down.
"I'm fat as fucking hell and you're gonna pay!" One of them shouted, driving one of the tractors towards the boulder.
"They're trying to drop a boulder on us!" Nick shouted, shooting repeatedly.
"So rude!" Juliet said, blasting the zombie's head off with the blaster. At that moment another one came faster than the first one, heading for the boulder.
"Slow down, ass!" Deadpool said, vaporizing him with the laser.
Then the last one came from the farthest back, but Nick managed to shoot it.
At that moment, Rosalind started to drive again, throwing the three off balance.
"Rosalind, wait! Why do you keep driving!? It's irritating!" Juliet snapped.
They were thrown off the bus as Rosalind crashed into a rock, then drove down another path.
"Ugh! I never hated rocks so much!" Juliet said angrily.
As they got up, Juliet got another phone call and answered it. This time, it was finally something useful from Cordelia. "Juliet? Cordelia. Zombie hunter 101: The faster you finish a stage, the higher your stage clear bonus. Of course, you should also kill as many of those undead A-holes as you can." She said before hanging up.
"Huh, the wiki got it wrong. Juliet ISN'T the only one who breaks the fourth wall in the game." Deadpool noted.
They continued on a little further until Nick noticed another one of the giant mushrooms."It's another one of those mushrooms guys!" He announced.
"I'm gonna cut it open!" Juliet said energetically.
"Well, time for another trip to La la land." Deadpool said.
[You'd think they'd learn from the last time.]
(druggies!)
The three woke up in the weird world again, now faced with 3 zombie chickens.
"One for each of us!" Deadpool said running in.
(Yay for sharing!)
[You think Nick can take one of those?]
"(Probably not.)" Deadpool and the crazy voice answered, stabbing the chicken through each eye with a sword.
"I could really go for some fried chicken right now!" Juliet said, carving hers up.
"Wings doesn't sound half bad right now." Deadpool said in a considerate tone.
[Hot wings.]
(With Chimichangas!)
"I never wanna each chicken again as long as I live! This thing makes me wanna throw up!" Nick said in disgust, running from his chicken and shooting back at it.
"Deadpool, do you have a lighter or some explosives? We could cook these after we kill 'em!" Juliet suggested.
(Yummy!)
[I don't think that's a good idea. They're still zombie chicken. I don't think cooking them would get rid of the virus.]
"Eh, good point, but why should I care? I have a healing factor!" Deadpool reminded.
[They don't.]
"That's disgusting!" Nick put in.
"I'm hungry!" Juliet said.
"Okay, after this, we take a break for some tacos!" Deadpool declared.
Nick finally killed his and suddenly, the bus transformed into a bunch of cranes with chicken heads on the end (not to be confused with chickenheads!).
"Oh, boy. That wasn't even the right bus!" Juliet said, facepalming.
[We should've noticed with the fact there was no graffiti on it.]
(Good point. That bus was pimped out.)
"Whatever, I'm about to make it rain!" Deadpool said, blasting the heads off with his pulse rifles, making the blood rain down, much to Juliet and Nick's displeasure.
"You jackass!" They both snapped.
Luckily, at that point the hallucination ended and the three found themselves in a new field on another combine.
"Back to this again, huh?" Nick said in a discouraged tone.
(Did we go in a circle?)
[No, the grass would be gone and look, in the other field, there weren't-]
"Uh-oh! Now there's bomber scarecrows!" Juliet said in fear.
"Be careful, Juliet! I have a feeling this tractor's flammable as hell!" Nick said in a worried tone.
"It's a vehicle, of course it is! They're one of the easiest things to blow up in history." Deadpool said.
Juliet continued to run over zombies as apparently Deadpool's insanity started to rub off on Nick as he laughed maniacally. "Killing people is fun when they're zombies!" He laughed.
[Then they're not people.]
(Duh. Dumbass.)
"Baba booey, Baba booey!" Deadpool shouted, shooting zombies with his machine guns that got too close.
Juliet still maneuvered around the explosives with relative ease and still killed dozens of zombies. "I'm pretty good at driving a tractor, huh?" She asked.
"Uh, sure." Nick said.
"You're lying! I can tell, you crinkle your nose! Like that time you told me you didn't think Michelle Martin was hot!" She snapped.
"Can we just kill zombies, please?" He asked.
"FUCK THEM UP!" Deadpool shouted.
They finally cut through all the zombies and woke up in just behind the bus. "Oh! There she is!" Juliet said happily. They walked towards it, but she took off again. "HOLD ON, ROSALIND! God, what is going on?!" She asked.
"I feel kinda dizzy, like that time Father O'Maley roofied me." Nick said in a slightly spaced out tone.
(Awkward.)
[I wish I could unhear that.]
"Hey, Nick, next time try something called keeping it to yourself." Deadpool suggested.
They cleared another big jump and encountered another large group of zombies. They were about to rush in for the attack, but then Juliet noticed another stripper pole and jumped on it, spinning around like a deadly cyclone while Nick and Deadpool just watched excitedly.
"I'm glad I took that pole dancing class! I could do this much better in my clear Lucite heels!" She commented, jumping off and killing the last zombie.
[They have pole dance CLASSES?]
(Well, gotta get the skills somewhere.)
"I thought they just made up their own moves." Deadpool said.
Juliet then cut through a fence that led to a river with a rock path in the middle of it. "UGH! Where's that stupid bus!" Juliet shouted in rage.
"I should've shot the tires out!" Deadpool said in an annoyed tone.
"I WILL cut you." Juliet threatened as the 3 jumped down.
"I'd hate to say it, Juliet, but that's actually not a bad idea." Nick commented. They shot the red barrels the zombies were floating near and cut down the rest in front of them. Juliet cut through another tree in the way and in front of another store, she got a phone call again.
"Juliet, it's Mom. I hate to be a dingbat, but I guess I forgot to buy milk and I have to make your birthday cake. Would you mind picking some up on the way- Oh, wait. I really am a dingbat, it's sitting right here on the counter." She said, hanging up, as did Juliet.
[Why would you make her buy milk for her OWN birthday cake?]
(The hell's a dingbat?)
"You're Mom's kind of on the blonde side, huh?" Deadpool asked, earning him yet another decapitation.
They encountered 3 more fatass zombies beating up a skinny zombie and killed them all easily, progressing until a windmill fell down on them, but Deadpool managed to catch it and hold it. "You may wanna hurry up and get by." He said.
[Yes, for those of you who don't know, the writer actually did his homework and found out we had super strength.]
(Yeah, but the stupid comic designers must've dropped it somewhere along the way!)
They ran by and he teleported out of the way as the thing fell. Suddenly, out of the ground rose dozens of zombies. "Oh, no! It's like evil carrot dudes!" Juliet said, backing up.
"Someone's using some FUCKED UP fertilizer!" Nick said.
"Well, time to get rid of the rotten crops!" Deadpool said, shooting a bunch of the red barrels and blasting the zombies, only for even more to appear from the ground. "Oh, dammit!" He said.
"Try the blue barrels!" Nick said, shooting the blue barrels and stunning the zombies long enough for the three to kill them all.
At this point however, an even larger wave rose from the ground and attacked the trio. "UGH! Okay, how about this!" Juliet said, activating her sparkle hunter and rushing in.
"Anime power up time!" Deadpool said, stepping into a stance like people from DBZ do when they're powering up, getting a red aura around him, then he rushed into the zombies, killing them all single-handedly-like. They finally killed the last of the zombies and cut through another fence. Suddenly, another giant fatass zombie bellyflopped in front of them.
"I don't care much for strangers." He said in an evil tone.
(Well we don't care for ugly, fatass zombies that only bellyflop!)
[You tell 'im!]
The three quickly finished him and finally caught up to Rosalind. She brought the bus to a stop right in front of our heroes. "Hurry, guys, get in!" She said.
They quickly climbed in and Juliet smiled at her baby sister. "Rosalind! I was worried about you. Are you alright?!" She asked.
"Yeah, I guess. This stupid bus broke down. But I fixed it." She said in a strange tone, then started driving again.
"Hi, Rosalind. Nice finally meeting you up close." Nick started, but stopped when he realized she wasn't paying attention, just looking at the road, acting like a GOOD driver, humming a little tune.
[Is it just me, or does she seem a little too mellow compare to before?]
"How did you fix the bus, Rosalind? Just last week, you had to take your car to the shop because you didn't know cars needed OIL." Juliet said suspiciously.
(What?! And I thought Gambit was stupid!)
"How could you know how to-?" Juliet started before Rosalind started laughing creepily.
"Okay, she's fine." Deadpool said calmly.
"Uh, Rosalind, where are we going?" Nick asked.
Rosalind laughed even more and turned, causing the three to fall into a couple seats. When they looked into the mirror, they saw a reflection that made Rosalind look like a zombie.
"We're headed towards... YOUR GRAVE." She said in a creepy voice, turning the bus as the world started changing.
The three jumped out of a ring made from school buses as a zombie woman rose from the center of the ring in a magic bubble. "Who the hell are you?!" Juliet demanded.
(Whoever she is, she stinks!)
[Like the smell of skunks mixed with rotting flesh]
"Anybody else want noseplugs all of a sudden?" Deadpool asked, pinching his nose.
"Aha! Ah, sister Juliet. And brothers Nick and Deadpool. Let's travel beyond the land of the doors of perception," She said, playing music on her sitar, "Step outside the boundaries of your mind. Lose yourself in the eternal, collective unconscious... And ROT." She said, glaring evilly with a wide, open-mouthed smirk.
"Listen, lady, why don't you try using some deodorant. Because, honestly, you smell like shit!" Juliet said, revving up her chainsaw.
"This bitch is stinky!" Nick agreed, also holding his nose.
The zombie woman only laughed at their remarks. "This one, was just as insolent." She said, looking up at a bubble above her, which held the captive Rosalind.
"Rosalind!" Juliet said in shock.
"Oh, come on, that's just cheating!" Deadpool snapped.
"Now, open your heart. And let my music guide you. Into the world of ever-lasting peace..." She said, giving the heroes the bird. "And rot... And Hell..." She said, now giving a peace sign.
[I think she has her symbols a little mixed up.]
At that point, we now see her bio poster
Psychedelic zombie, Mariska
Influences: Jefferson Airplane, Aldous Huxley, Bad fashion sense
The trio began shooting at her with their weapons, when suddenly, she began releasing the same type of bubbles her and Rosalind were in, trapping Deadpool in one of them. "Oh, shit! What the hell, get me out of this! It's making me dizzy and I'm feeling really weird!" Deadpool said, growing increasingly vegetated, as if he were getting higher and higher (yes, like with weed) from his time in the bubble, until it finally popped, causing him to land on his head. "Ow! Thanks for that, writer! You had to drop me on my head! But at least I'm out of the damn bubble." Deadpool said, shooting again.
The three finally managed to damage her enough to make her float down into attacking area, mumbling something about pissing on the graves of fallen warriors as she began to heal. Deadpool quickly teleported over to her and using both katanas, sliced her cleanly in half, but the two halves only floated in midair, signaling that the pyscho zombie was not dead.
"Oh, that's bullshit!" Deadpool said annoyed.
(Yeah! Zed died when we sliced him in half like this, so why didn't she?!)
[Pretty inconsistent.]
The weirdness was not done yet as suddenly each half grew another half, now making two complete Mariskas. "One truth becomes two!" She said as the halves reformed, only to rip themselves in half again. "Two truths become four!" She said as each half grew back, now making 4 of the cheating zombie (I personally DID think that was cheap when she did that).
"Oh, that is just cheap!" Deadpool said.
"There's like four of her, is this for real?!" Nick asked, shaken up.
They continued again until the Mariska doubles began doing weird things, like attacking as the crane rooster, or driving combines towards the heroes, one of which hit Deadpool, bringing it to a stop and making it disperse. "Oh, that wasn't so bad." He said, shooting the other one with his pulse rifles as it was about to run into Juliet, who fired the last shot needed to bring Mariska down.
"I got her!" Juliet said, dashing towards the zombie and quickly sawing her in half.
The two halves only laughed as once again, they reformed. "One truth becomes two!" She said as she was complete again with a clone, before they again ripped themselves apart. "Two truths become four!" She said as those halves regrew, then did it again, making 8 of the zombie woman. "Seek the truth before your eyes and the door shall open." She said, floating back with her clones to the center.
"Oh, you have got to be shitting me." Deadpool said.
[Maybe we should stop cutting her in half.]
(Or at least try it horizontally next time!)
"Can I go home now?" Nick asked.
"No, Nick! We need to kill this bitch!" Juliet scolded, shooting at her and dodging the fireworks coming from nowhere.
Suddenly, psychic butterflies came from nowhere and swarmed Deadpool, attacking him. "Ow, ow, ow! Why is it always me?!" Deadpool asked, rolling on the ground and shooting himself repeatedly to get them off.
(Duh, because we have a healing factor!)
[For the win.]
"Oh, yeah, lucky us!" Deadpool laughed, shooting Mariska again, now using his rifles as opposed to his machine guns and killing a clone with each blast, bringing Mariska down for the final attack.
"I'm ending this!" Juliet said, dashing over again.
"Try something different this time!" Deadpool called.
Heeding his advice, Juliet now struck for her collarbone. She then jumped in the air and broke the illusion, getting ready to dive at Mariska from midair, Ninja Gaiden style. "Choke on your Birkenstocks, you psilocybin-munching moron!" Juliet said, getting ready to strike.
"Heavy." Mariska said, playing a sad tune on the sitar. "Peace out. Way out." She said, flashing a final peace sign one final time.
"Die!" Juliet said, slicing her head off, making it rain blood.
"Ew, gross." Deadpool said, pulling an umbrella that looked like his symbol from nowhere and opening it above him. "Lucky I always carry one of these!" He laughed.
Juliet continued down the road for a while, riding her chainsaw before finally coming to a stop, half of the sitar landing in front of her as Mariska faded back to Rotten world, but not before uttering some final words. "Meus Vita, Rege, pro nefario coepto." She chanted, before finally passing on to the world she was once in.
The three finally noticed their surroundings, the field they first were in after Vikke's ship crashed. "Whoa. We've been here the whole time." Nick said in surprise.
[Talk about the old runaround.]
(Nothing new for us. It happens to us a lot. And I mean A LOT.)
"Yeah, but usually it's a trap, not us being high off our ass on 'shrooms." Deadpool commented.
Juliet suddenly remembered something. "Rosalind? She's not here." Juliet said worriedly.
Her phone suddenly began to rang and, to the annoyance of the guys, she answered. Only not to hear a familiar voice, but someone new. "Hey there, Juliet, are you ready to boogie-woogie!?" The voice asked in kind of a pedophile-like tone, sounding as if the person was talking through a funk talkbox.
"Who is this?!" Juliet asked.
"The. One. You. Ain't. Gonna. Level. Up. On." He said, still talking through the talkbox.
"Why are you pretending to be Steven Hawking?!" She demanded, putting a lollipop in her mouth.
"I've got the freaky little super freak RIGHT HERE!" The voice sang, then it sounded as if he put someone else on the phone.
"Get your hands off of me, you zombie pedo!" Rosalind said angrily over the phone. "Juliet, Deadpool! Don't worry about me, I-!" She started, before she was cut off and it sounded like she was screaming while being gagged.
"If you want your sister back, baby, you need to win a game with me! Make your way to the Fulci Fun Center. I can't wait to party with your corpses like it's 1983!" He laughed, hanging up.
Juliet growled, smacking down on the stick of her lollipop, breaking it off.
"It's a trap, Juliet, we can't just rush in their alone!" Nick said.
"We don't have any other choice, Nick. Who's gonna help us?" She asked.
(Ooh, I've got an idea!)
[Uh-oh.]
(Let's call Logan or Rogue or someone. We'll get the Blackbird and lay down an unholy firestorm!)
[The blackbird is a Reconnaissance vehicle/transport for the X-men. It doesn't have combat options!]
"No, but we're callin' 'em, anyway!" Deadpool said, pulling out his cellphone, calling the X-men mansion, getting Storm on the line.
"Hey, Storm, baby! Listen, we need some help. Maybe get Rogue, Logan, Gambit and your fine self in the Blackbird and meet us at the Fulci Fun Center in San Romero, California!" He said, getting confirmation, then hanging up. "There, we got help." He said.
"Okay, but how are we gonna get to the fun center?" Nick asked, when suddenly a bright light shined on the three and the sound of a motorcycle approached. It turned to reveal a guy who looked like Elvis in a zebra-striped pimp jacket. "Hey, baby." He said, waving.
"Daddy!" Juliet said happily as we now see his bio poster.
Dad AKA Gideon Starling
Age: 44
Favorite Weapon:
His own G.D fists (I like this guy!)
Favorite food:
Peanut Butter and Pickle Sandwich (WTF?!)
Skills:
Bone breaking, life taking, baby making (life's 3 best skills.)
Unknown fact:
Cries every time a dog dies on TV (Who doesn't?)
"Mr. Starling?" Nick said nervously, then quieted down when the latter glared at him.
"Oh, I was wondering who her father was. I knew you had to be a badass based on how badass she is." Deadpool said.
"Well, now. Never thought I'd meet the infamous Merc with a mouth in person." Gideon said, shaking Deadpool's hand.
"You know me? That's a first." Deadpool said in surprise.
(Finally! Our reputation precedes us!)
[I've told you before, we need to leave survivors for that to happen.]
"You're a pretty big deal amongst action people like us. Most of us could use that healin' factor you got." He said.
"Eh, the operations were tough, but in the end I guess they were worth it. As long as you don't mind going bat-shit crazy." Deadpool said.