The group was now on the bike to the Fun Center. Nick and Juliet were in the side car, trying to fit and Deadpool sat on the bike with Gideon, turned to face behind them to shoot at the oncoming zombies chasing after them like in Black Ops 2, how they chase after the bus if you're in it.
"I'm worried about Rosalind." Juliet said.
"She's a tough kid, she should be able to handle herself." Deadpool said, blasting a zombie getting to close in the face with his shotgun.
"Hell, that girl knows trouble like Apple knows pie." Gideon said.
"Uh, Excuse me-." Nick started.
"Boy, you be careful now 'bout where you're touching my daughter.
"Oh, I'm sorry, uh-." He started, but then was interrupted when they ran over a zombie.
"We gotta be careful with this Rosalind Sitchiation, so she don't get hurt." Gideon said.
"No sweat. With Wolvie and my guys, we've got everything covered.
"So, I, uh, guess the two of you haven't been formally introduced. Dad, this is-" Juliet started, but her father interrupted.
"Nick. I know. You told me all about 'im. You seem like a fine person, but whatever dude Juliet ends up with's gonna be part of the family business. You up for that, son?" He asked.
"This hasn't been too hard. I'm getting the hang of it, so yeah." Nick said.
"Good to know." He said, running over 3 more zombies, almost knocking Deadpool off the bike. "We're here." He said, before observing the place. It looked like a...
"Hey! It's a giant arcade game!" Deadpool said excitedly, clapping his hands.
(That's gonna take a big-ass quarter.)
[They do not make change that big.]
"What the hell kinda place is this?" Gideon asked.
"It's the Fulci Fun Center, dad. Where all the kid's from San Romero hang out after school." Juliet explained.
Suddenly, they were engulfed in a bright light as a large, black jet came into view. "Oh, goody! It's my guys. We should be all set now." Deadpool said as the Blackbird landed.
Once it landed, Wolverine hopped out and got in Deadpool's face. "Alright, Deadpool, what's the big emergency?" He asked.
"You mean BESIDES a zombie apocalypse? Then I'd have to say this chick's sister got kidnapped by a zombie with an 80's talkbox." He said, pointing to Juliet with his thumb when he was reffering to her.
"What can we do to help?" Storm asked, floating out.
"Whoa! How do you levitate like that? Can you teach me?!" Juliet asked, looking at Storm from every angle.
"I control the elements and fly with wind, child. I'm afraid I can't teach you that." She said.
"If you think that's cool, check this." Gambit said, pulling out 5 cards, enveloping them in energy and getting ready to throw them at the Fun Center.
"As much as I'd love to see you do that, my new best friend is in there, so I'm afraid we can't let you do that." Deadpool said, grabbing Gambit's wrist.
"So, what's the plan." Wolverine asked.
"Look at this." Juliet said, drawing a plan in chalk on the ground, labeling who was who.
"I think I know who I am. That looks too good to be Wolverine, though." Deadpool said, getting stabbed through the head by Wolverine.
"Daddy, you go up to the roof where Rosalind should be. Deadpool, Nick and I will act as a decoy, drawing the zombie's attention towards us. X-men, you guys stay up in the air to provide air support and prevent any possible escape for the big bad zombie," She said.
"Juliet, you just made us a decoy!" Nick protested.
"That means we get to do the most killing!" Deadpool said happily.
(Yay!)
[Can't wait.]
Suddenly, Gideon began crying. "Dad, what's wrong?" Juliet asked.
"My little girl... Is a tactical GENIOUS!" He said proudly.
"Every father's dream." Wolverine said indifferently.
Gideon then shook off his tears and pulled out a gift box. "Your mom and me got you a little somethin' for yer special day. Happy birthday, baby." He said, giving the box to her.
"Thanks, Daddy!" She said, happily.
"Oh, it's her birthday? We'll have to go to a bar later to celebrate." Gambit said.
"She's only 18, punk! Another comment like that and you and me are gonna have to tussle." He said, glaring at Gambit.
"Good luck, sir! You're gonna do awesome, I'm sure of it." Nick said, being a total suck-up.
"Stop suckin' up, son! You gonna be a part of the family you're gonna have to man up and protect my little girl." He said, then walked to the fire escape and leaped his way up it.
"Whoa! He's like Spider-man!" Deadpool said.
"Okay, we'll take position and provide air support when you reach the roof." Storm said, going back into the building.
"I think he really liked you, Nick." Juliet said, grabbing her chainsaw and rushing into the Fun Center. "Alright!" She said.
When the group was inside, Juliet opened up her present. "A fucking Helmet?" Deadpool said.
(What?! That's the best they could do?!)
[What are we possibly going to do with the helmet? The zombies are going for body shots.]
"Oh, I'm so touched! My mom and Dad knew exactly what I wanted!" She said happily, cutting Deadpool's head off and putting the helmet on him. "Dead shoot! I can't wait to thank them in person!" She said happily.
On the inside, the zombies were, much to everyone's surprise, playing video games. "I was wondering if we'd run into any nerd Zombies." Deadpool said.
"I wanna play games 24/7!" One zombie guy said.
"Hit the buttons faster!" A zombie guy said to a zombie girl playing a game.
"I need to level up!" She said.
"Look at the zombie geeks zombieing out and killing zombies in video games!" Nick said.
"If we kill them it would be totally meta!" She said, kicking Deadpool's head at them, ricocheting it off of each of them and making it land perfectly on Deadpool's shoulders.
"Okay, so it's more useful than I thought." Deadpool said.
The zombies were now groggy and helpless against Juliet's devastating Chainsaw. The elevator then opened and a dude ran out to get away from the zombies. "Let's play a game together!" A zombie girl said.
Then the doors opened and a bunch of nerdy zombie guys jumped through the door. "New games out today!" One of them said.
"We better help this dude before his game is over!" Nick said.
"Oh, I'll go all rated Mature on their asses!" Juliet said.
"Roll for blood and gore!" Deadpool said, shooting the zombies in the head.
They killed all of them, got the coins from the dude and went into the elevator. "Going up!" Juliet said.
"I always did like elevator music." Deadpool said.
On the roof, the main zombie put a quarter in the machine and turned the elevator ride into a video game, "Funk Patrol" according to the screen of the building.
"Whoa! Thing just got all Commodore 64 on us!" Deadpool said.
"It looks like Pac-Man. I've found my new favorite game, though!" Deadpool said.
(I love virtual reality!)
[This place is pretty high-tech. I didn't know you could turn an elevator into a video game!]
Suddenly, a Pac-Man monster came rushing at them as they turned pink. "Uh-oh! I think it thinks we're blue ghosts!" Juliet said, revving up her Chainsaw.
"But we're pinks." Deadpool said.
"Let's split up. Juliet, you go left. I'll go right. Deadpool, you go get the Pac-Man thing to distract them!" Nick said.
"Baba-booey, Howard Stern, Baba-booey!" Deadpool said, running at Pac-Man with his Katana's, flailing them around dangerously. He killed it pretty easily and stole the key it was guarding. "Too easy," He said, but then two more dropped from either side of him, plus two more dropping down in front of the paths Juliet and Nick took. "Oh, come on!" Deadpool said, then looked at me. "Not funny, writer." Deadpool said as the two Pac-Man monsters charged at him.
"It was in the game. I had NOTHING to do with it." I said.
Despite the two monsters being dropped right in front of them, Nick and Juliet maneuvered around them easily enough and grabbed the last few keys.
"Yay for teamwork!" Deadpool said, regrouping with them. He blasted the word Goal in front of the elevator and the three got into and and rode up to the next level.
They got to the next level and the first thing they saw was a Chop N' Shop. "Now seems like the perfect time to take a shopping break." Juliet said, getting on, buying new music, skillz and another costume, this one being Shiro from Deadman's Wonderland. "Ta da!" She said.
"Well, I like where the targets are." Deadpool smirked, only to be decapitated again. Once again, they dispatched all the zombies and jumped up to the next level, where zombies were cornering a dude up on a small ledge and where trying to kill a girl hanging off another ledge with one hand.
"Aaagh! Help! No! Leave me alone! Please! Aaagh!" The guy said.
"No, I'm too pretty to die!" The girl said.
"We're gonna bring these zombies the funk! Right guys?" She asked.
"What? You're gonna fuck a zombie?" Nick said, grossed out.
"([What?! Ew!])"
"No, gross! BRING THEM THE FUNK." She half-shouted.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking about something else and- I'm really sorry." He said.
(Quick Note here: You guys should watch the Playthrough of this game by DashieGames. He's already funny and when he pays attention to the dialogue, he always has something funny to say about that.)
Deadpool cut the head off of the guy zombie from behind, scissor-style and Juliet cut the poor zombie girl in half from bottom to top. There is no worse way to die. "Thanks Juliet! I'm totally gonna friend request you later tonight!" She said, giving her some coins.
"Death metal is for pussies!" The guy said, giving Deadpool the coins and disappearing (What did you say?! I'm gonna kill you! You son of a bitch!).
They then went down to the first level again and walked up to another arcade game. "I'm. Josey. James. Bitches!" The main zombie said as they went to another virtual reality world.
I don't know what this new game was, but they would have to advance to higher levels. "Let's check out these elevators!" Nick said.
"No shit, there's nothing else to do." Deadpool said.
They rode the elevator up only for Deadpool to be shot by giant pixel bullets. "Ow! That's it you bastard! Time for anti-police brutality!" He said, hacking up the zombie cop. The three then passed through another door into another elevator.
"Alright, this is all too surreal. If a little dude in a red cap and blue overalls pops out at me, I am seriously gonna vomit all over myself!" Nick said.
"I've always wanted to meet Mario. And I've wanted to test if just bumping into him kills him." Deadpool said.
"This is GREEEEEEAAAAT~! I'm such a game geek!" Juliet said in sing-song.
"Guess I'm into some side-scrolling from time to time." Nick said.
"Nick! now isn't the time to be talking dirty!" Juliet said playfully.
"([How was that talking dirty?])"
They rode up another elevator and then the floor blew up. Luckily, zombies popped up from nowhere and Juliet could jump across on their heads, blowing them up. Deadpool and Nick just teleported across. They rose up another elevator, only to find that the path was blocked. Luckily, Deadpool had a large amount of C4 to blow it up with. "They said solid colors are slimming. Does my butt look less Ginormous when I'm all pink like this?" Juliet asked.
"Your butt NEVER looks ginormous, Juliet." Nick said.
"You don't even weigh 100 pounds!" Deadpool said.
They rode up the elevator, where another zombie cop lied in wait, shooting Deadpool again. "That does it!" Deadpool said, pulling out his machine guns and blasting the guy into sheets of Swiss Cheese.
"It's more fun killing zombies in Rainbow colors, huh?!" Juliet asked.
"I like it. It's pretty!" Deadpool said.
"It's about the same, maybe a little better." Nick said. They rode another elevator up and continued to the next floor, which looked perfectly safe, until Pac-Man burst out of a wall with a vengeance and ate Deadpool.
"Deadpool!" Nick and Juliet screamed in concern, until Pac-Man's eyes were blown out with shotgun blasts and it blew up to reveal Deadpool, perfectly fine.
"He really should've chewed his food better." He smirked.
They rode the elevator once more and cleared the stage, now showing up in the middle of a party on the dance floor with a stripper pole in the middle. Juliet quickly jumped on it and spun like crazy, killing all the zombies. "When I practice this in my room, I do it naked and get less wind resistance." She said.
"That's a nice image." Deadpool said.
[Indeed.]
(Boner, engaged!)
"I, uh, uhh, uh-." Nick said, unsure of what to say.
"I do it for the exercise, really!" She said.
(Why do I doubt that.)
"This is how we did it back in 83, bitches!" Deadpool said, break dancing, spinning his katanas in a deadly manor, slicing the zombies into ribbons.
Out of nowhere a molotov cocktail flew from nowhere and almost hit Juliet. "You're supposed to throw dollar bills, dude, not bombs!" Nick said.
"Moonwalk on your face!" The zombie said, carrying a boombox.
Deadpool shot at a zombie climbing up on stage, but the bullet did almost nothing. "What the hell?!" He said angrily.
"It's the boombox guy! He's protecting them somehow!" Nick said, shooting the boom box and stabbing the zombie in the face, killing them, making the other zombies vulnerable again.
"Rejoice! Very bad things are about to happen!" Deadpool said, shoving a stick of dynamite down each zombies throat, inevitably blowing them up when the stomach acid started melting the dynamite.
Then, down the hall, another arcade game lit up. "Are. You. Having. Fun?" Josey asked.
"Yeah. Time of my life. I get to kill indiscriminately and it's okay!" Deadpool said, clapping his hands a few times.
They went to the machine and entered the virtual world again. They appeared in that game from along time ago that we all knew and loved, but I can't remember the name of, with the two bars hitting the ball back and forth like air hockey, except you get a point as soon as the ball gets passed you (If you remember the name, please tell me).
(Ooh, I love old 8 bit games!)
"Yeah, we do, too. They bring back some memories. But this game isn't old." Deadpool said.
[Or 8 bit, moron. How many times do I have to tell you that?]
They quickly killed the zombies from afar with the help of the little ball, reducing the wall blocking the goal.
"Keep going! We're destroying the wall!" Nick said.
"Yay! More killing!" Deadpool cheered.
They managed to kill the rest, destroyed the wall and progressed to the next area, the roof.
Once they were up there, a chopper loaded up with zombies started dropping more zombies down. "Oh, that's just not fair!" Deadpool said.
Regardless, they still wasted all the zombies and the ones that came after. Suddenly, the chopper began flying dangerously as if the pilot was falling asleep. "I need to get home!" He said.
"Too bad you won't get to!" Juliet said, shooting down the chopper, causing it to crash into a nearby water tower. Instead of drowning our heroes, however, it rained down coins.
"That's a welcome surprise." Deadpool said as he grabbed it.
Juliet shopped once more to get more lollipop and now all her upgrades, then the last arcade game lit up. "Can. You. Keep. Up?" Josey asked as they walked up and entered it.
They were now in some weird elevator type thing, climbing up a tower type thing. I don't know what game this was either. "Geez. We have to make it to the top without running into anything!" Nick said, worriedly.
"I hope those dudes below aren't looking at my pink butt!" Juliet said.
"Pervs!" Deadpool said.
"If we fall, we're screwed!" Nick said.
"Don't worry TOO much, buddy. We can shoot any objects coming at us. And look what the author left for me!" Deadpool said, picking up the RPG I left for him. With that and the laser thing the elevator was equipped with, they made it through incredibly easily. They finally reached the very top of the roof and looked around. "We're here! On the roof of the building! Where's my sister?" Juliet asked.
"Hey, let's check out that place with the shining lights!" Deadpool asked, teleporting the three of them to just outside of the room he was talking about.
"Rosalind? Where are you?" Juliet asked, walking in.
They arrived to find a zombie party with a big, black zombie in the middle of the room, wearing a weird top hat, total pimp coat, what looked like a diaper and weird pink boots. Out of all the Dark Purveyors we've seen so far, he appears to be the least decomposed. He also had one of those keytar things. "Whoaaaaaaa, babeeeeee! Time to get the funk out!" He said. After a little bit, he finished playing and ended in a weird pose.
"You're the one from the phone! Give me back my sister!" Juliet said, pointing at him.
"What's the matter, babeee?! Didn't you like our phone S-E-X-X-X?! That's a pity?" He asked.
At that moment, we see Gideon sneaking around behind the scenes, then gave an "ok" signal.
"Um... Hm... Let me think..." She said, putting a lollipop in her mouth. Gideon then rushed off and Juliet readied her chainsaw. "Dude, give us Rosalind, now. And quit making fun of Stephen Hawking! He's a great man, you perv!" She snapped.
"I'm the pervert? You the one runnin' 'round with two different boys with you." He said.
"Yeah, but we're more of men than you are. Kidnapping a kid to put us in a situation." Deadpool said, shaking his head, disapprovingly.
"I already told you, girlie! You have to play the game!" He said, playing his keytar and singing. "Whoaaaaaaa, babeeeeee! Time to get the funk out!" He said, then gave two party signs with each hand and his bio appeared.
Influences:
Parliament Funkadelic,
Rick James,
8-foot piles of cocaine,
C3PO
Josey Funk Zombie
He suddenly jumped into a small flying saucer. "Light up, please!" He said, flying around, shooting strobe light beams at them. The trio managed to pretty easily dodge his attacks and hit him at a distance, managing to ground him, but then he surrounded himself with pixelized bombs, attempting to blow them up.
"Hey, I've got some of my own explosives for you!" Deadpool said, teleporting above Josey, throwing down a C4 bomb at him with 3 seconds left on it, blasting him with it, stunning him and permanently putting his saucer out of commission. Juliet quickly used the opening the mercenary gave her to slice him in half.
Somehow, the upper half of his body flew up to a larger spaceship and flew in. "Second. Stage. Initiating. Funky. Funky." He said.
"I won't let this perv get away!" Juliet said as the trio jumped in as the zombies swarmed on the stage. Gideon tried to get on, but the zombies kept him busy for too long and the spaceship took off.
The three landed on top of the spaceship as Josey's voice came over the intercom. "Groovy. Groovy. This. Is. An. Announcement. To. All. Attendees. The. Game. Has. Reached. The. Climax. Let. The. Neverending. Freakiness. Begin. Let's. Warp. Into. Space. Commencing. Coutndown. Now. Everbody. Together. Babeeeeee! Babeeeeee!" He sang somewhat rhythmically while the ship started to go into hyperspace or something.
Suddenly, the back of the ship was hit with an explosion HARD. Everyone looked to see Gambit on the wing of the Blackbird with his cards. "Did you forget about me, Mon Ami?" He asked.
"Good timing, Gambit!" Deadpool waved. Everyone noticed that, thanks to Gambit, 2 of the 5 shield generators protecting Josey were gone.
"I paid good money for that?!" Josey said, angrily.
"Well, let's get the other ones!" Deadpool said, shooting the one closest to him with the RPG and running to attack the next one, only to be electrocuted. It stopped pretty quickly though and, even while his body was smoking, he still destroyed it.
"Oh, you're gonna pay for that!" Josey said angrily, sending a bunch of mini Pac-Men after them.
"You guys break the last one. I've got these!" Deadpool said, easily shooting the oncoming threats.
Between Juliet and Nick, they broke it pretty easily, at which point Juliet dashed and began cutting through the glass of Josey's control center.
She managed to cut through, but Josey waved his arms as a sign to wait. "Wait. Hold on! If you kill me, you'll never see your sister!" He said, showing a visual on Rosalind on the bottom of the station, so if they cut through him, they cut through the ship and her.
"No!" Juliet said.
"Hey, you promised you'd give her back if we won!" Nick snapped.
"You trusted what I said?! Hum! I'm a motherfreakin' zombie! Haah!" He sang and laughed. "Drop the chainsaw now, Ho!" He told her.
"Wait. THAT'S your big keep yourself alive plan? Logan, bring the Blackbird underneath the ship." Deadpool said.
"Got it." He said.
"Watch me now ruin your plan!" Deadpool chuckled, teleporting into Rosalind's bubble, grabbing her and teleporting onto the front of the Blackbird, flipping Josey off.
"Funk me." The zombie said, instantly losing his smug grin, trying to protect himself with his keytar.
"Looks like you're out of coins! Weird voice guy! DIE!" She said, cutting down at him, cutting through him and the whole ship, putting a lollipop in her mouth and winking as she easily landed next to Deadpool on the Blackbird, along with Nick.
"I guess he... Didn't make the cut!" Deadpool laughed.
"Good job, baby." Nick said.
"Meus Vita, Rege, pro nefario coepto..." He said as he faded back to Rotten World.