AN: Well hello there my lovely readers. Yes, I know it's been a long time since I updated but hey that's life. This chapter wasn't supposed to be special but it turned out being longer than normal. So bonus for you guys! You should be happy I actually sat down and got this done because I haven't gone to bed yet and have to be at work in about 5 hours. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! (also this isn't really important but it made me smile if you guys are reading this on the day i published it then yes! today i am officially one month cut free :) I've been trying for a long time and this is my best so far! sorry for the dumb little personal message but for any of you out there who are recovering or trying to recover from whatever it may be i believe in you and yes it is hard but it's so worth it! i love you all and want you all to stay strong!)

Although we were all having a fun time together we couldn't stay on this island forever. We all have lives and responsibilities that we need to get back to. And as much as I want to stay here with everyone I know we need to go home. We all went back to our separate cabins to collect our things and pack our suitcases. As I was packing my things I decided to look under the bed. There I found my little carry-on bag that has my ipod, headphones, journal and glasses case.

Things went so well this weekend that I didn't have to turn to any of these things. It always went in stages depending on how bad my day was. If it wasn't okay but also wasn't awful I would just listen to music for hours and detach myself from my emotions. If that didn't work I would turn to my journal to write down my thoughts or how I wanted to punish myself. If after those two things didn't work I'd just pick a blade. Lately though, even if one little thing set me off I'd go straight for the blade. It truly is an addiction and a dangerous one at that. The cuts have only been getting deeper and deeper. It scares me because I used to just have little scratches and now I have gaping wounds that don't heal for up to three weeks simply because the edges don't touch. For some of them I probably should have gotten myself stitches.

I stood there thinking about how long it had been since I had cut last. It's true that things are going well, but even so I feel that I need a release. I opened the case and felt around until my fingers ran over something other than metal or plastic. Grabbing ahold of the red string I pulled the never used blade from the case. Turning it over un my hands I smiled seeing how beautifully it reflects the light off of its sharp edge. I was still admiring it when a knock sounded loudly on my door.

"Maaaaaaakaaaaaa! We need to go soon! Are you almost done packing?" I heard the voice of Honey outside my door and terrified I knocked the case on to the floor. Against the hardwood the plastic case and all of the metal pieces made a lot of noise. The doorknob started to twist and in a panic I yelled out,

"I'm just changing! Don't come in! I'll be ready in a minute!" The doorknob stopped twisting and I hurried to pick all the pieces up. I unzipped my suitcase to put everything but my IPod and headphones away so that no one would see it. Then I pulled out a different outfit to change into so that Honey wouldn't be suspicious of the lie I had just told him. Placing my other outfit back in the suitcase I zipped it up, picked it and my carry-on bag up, and made my way out to meet everyone. I said my good byes to all of the DWMA students and promised that this time I would call, visit, and write them all often. I hugged all of them and when I got to Tsubaki she was crying and quietly mumbled something about taking care of her cousin. I told her that I would do my best and with that they left.

When i turned back towards my group of school friends I saw that Mori was loading all of the suitcases into the cargo hold of the small jet. Everyone else must have already boarded the plane, so I walked over with my luggage and handed it to him.

"Here you go," I made a show of moving the suitcase with great effort, "I hope there's enough room in there for this massive suitcase. Remind me never to let the twins pack for me again." I rolled my eyes and smiled up at Mori, who briefly grinned at my joke then turned his back to me to put the suitcase in the airplane. Slightly hurt by the cold shoulder I had just received I followed the others up the stairs and into the airplane. Without looking I picked the same spot I had sat in on the way here. Everyone but Mori was already in the plane so I glanced quickly to both of my sides to my left was Haruhi who was (ever since he confronted me about my cutting) watching my movements carefully as if I was going to pull out a razor and cut myself right here. I understand that he's worried but what I can't understand is why? Why would anyone care about someone as worthless as me? All I ever do is get in the way and cause grief for everyone around me. Can't he see that he won't get anything out of worrying for my safety?

To my right is Tamaki who is currently looking at me with what can only be described as puppy dog eyes, and saying something about "daddy's little princess" I cringe inwardly when I realize he's talking about me. I pull my headphones out and connect them to my IPod. Usually when I do this the device powers on, but I guess I didn't charge it enough and I did listen to it all the way down here so I pretended to scroll through my music and select a song. I get that it's a really anti-social move on my part but it was hard saying goodbye to all of my old friends and I really didn't want to worry about stumbling through awkward small talk with my classmates.

Soon Mori boarded the plane and shut the door. He went and knocked twice on the captain's door signaling that we were ready for takeoff. He sat down in the only seat left, the one directly opposite from mine. Our eyes met briefly as he sat down until he abruptly broke the contact. Is he avoiding me? I don't see what I could have done to make him upset with me. Maybe spending this much time with me has revealed to him how much of an awful person I really am.

The plane shook a little when the pilot began speeding up for the takeoff but as soon as we were smoothly in the air Kyoya asked me a question.

"Hey Maka this was a fun weekend wasn't it?" I pretended that my music was too loud for me to be able to hear him and I just continued staring out of the window. He then began to speak again, but this time it was directed to everyone except for me. Even though they weren't speaking to me everyone was speaking in English to practice on diminishing their accents.

"Okay, Maka can't hear us and I wanted all of your opinions on our recent discoveries." He looked around at everyone waiting for someone to speak up. Everyone shifted uncomfortably in their seats until Haruhi spoke up,

"Well I guess we all understand now why Maka doesn't like to speak about her past. Also, why she lies about her nightmares and lies about how she's really feeling." He stopped there and looked down at his lap, waiting for someone else to fill the gap that was left by the end of his statement.

"Well, I think we should talk to Maka about it." Tamaki spoke up and surprised everyone, "It's a part of her past and even though we know about it we should wait until she feels comfortable enough to tell us. She probably didn't realize that anyone, even her old friends, knew about it. If we suddenly brought it up she wouldn't know who she could trust."

Everyone thought about what he had said and then Kyoya spoke again,

"So then we all agree not to say anything until Maka tells us about it?" he looked around the circle, catching everyone's gaze and waiting until they nodded.

"Good then it's settled. Haruhi can you come help me bring some drinks out for everyone? I don't want to trouble the staff this early into our flight." Everyone accepted his reasoning and started little conversations with each other, but I saw Haruhi send Kyoya a questioning glance and Kyoya mouthed the words 'it's important' to him in reply.

I was glad I got to listen to their conversation because now I know that they know something about my past that I haven't told them. They said it was even a shock to my old friends. It can't be… did Haruhi betray my trust and tell everyone about my cutting? He seems like such a trust worthy person though. I can't imagine he'd give up other peoples secrets for no reason. Either way, I want to know what he and kyoya are talking about, but there's no way I can just casually walk over and listen in on what they're saying.

KYOYA POV: Once I was sure we had gotten out of the hearing range of the rest of our friends I turned back towards Haruhi. He was questioning me with his eyes as I'm sure he has no idea what's going on.

"So Haruhi, in your little opinion you said Maka lies about what she's really feeling. Does that mean you know what I know?" I saw his face change from confusion to utter shock and he blurted out,

"Wait so you know about what she does? Did she tell you? I thought I was the only one who knew!" I had to put my hand on his shoulder to get him to stop asking questions, how could I keep up if he had kept on going?

"If you're referring to her tendencies towards self-harm then yes I am aware. As for your second question, no she didn't tell me. The day we arrived at school together it was because I found her unconscious in the hallway bleeding from the back of her head. When she was lying on the hallway floor her skirt was crooked and it revealed the scars. I didn't tell her what I saw because I knew it was her secret and she didn't want any of us to know about it, so I kept quiet. So as far as she knows you ARE the only person who knows. I just wanted to confirm that you knew. She's going to need someone to talk to about it. Someone she trusts. You're going to have to be that person. Don't ever judge her for it, or blame it on her because that'll only make her feel worse." I stopped for a minute to catch my breath and to look into his eyes to make sure that he understands where I'm coming from.

"You're going to have to be the person who's there for her when she's breaking down and needs you the most. The person who convinces her not to do it because she's worth so much more than she could ever imagine. And if she ever does it even after you tried to convince her not to you have to know that it's not your fault, but you'll still have to comfort her and realize that relapse is a part of recovery. Not only do you have to realize that, but you'll have to make sure that she realizes it too."

I was done what I had to say, but Haruhi was just standing there most likely wondering why I know what to do. He's probably in too much shock to think about it too much though. I placed both of my hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes,

"I realize it's a lot for me to ask this from you, but you have the opportunity to help Maka out of the state she's currently in and to help her get better. I believe in you Haruhi." With that I patted him once on the back and wheeled the drink cart back to where everyone was.

HARUHI POV: Kyoya's right. I have to do this for Maka. I'm the only one who can help her, and I'm going to do my best! If I need help I'm sure I can talk to Kyoya because like always he has the solution to any problem. It always makes me wonder if there's any situation that he doesn't know how to deal with…