Hogwarts School of

Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Just another year to torture and be tortured.

Dumbledore is insane. He refuses to give me the DADA position, I think he's expecting me to beg (Yeah, everyone want to see Sevie on his knees, pleading mercy. Well, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Ha! Severus has his pride, dear headmaster!... shudder Well, yeah, I confess I nearly did, happy?) Insead, he gave it to some poof Lockhart. I mean, LOOK AT THE GUY! The idiotic bloke is like a blow doll, only more talkative! (Well, if you squeeze the blow doll harsh enough...)

Blokeheart keeps hitting on me (and it's starting to Hurt) with his so-white teeth and so-charming smile. Ha! You think that's enough to seduce Professor Severus Snape, well, THINK AGAIN! (Well, later I realise I wasn't the only one he smiled at... unlawful bitch - not that I care... I'm not jealous!)

And, yes, Albus Dumbledore is still a mad-man.

Ha! Unbelievable! I find Potter and the burning-pain-in-the-eye coming late, in a flying car; I have the evidence, I have witnesses - But NO! Dumbledore & McGonnaget REFUSE to believe the overly-OBVIOUS fact that the two students were in no less than a romantic afair! Or -how it's said?- cuddling. Merlin' Underpants! How thick can a professor be to its students' pervness??

Needless to say Hotty Potter and Red Weasley are free on their own and so to enjoy the pleasures of life, etc... They didn't say the same thing when they found me with Lucius-- ehem Damn favoricism!

New students that bother me. First on the list: Creevey, Collins. Just hear the kid talk - and he has this hair - he's like a little ugly RAT! But the worst thing is his hobby: taking pictures! And, oh yes, he dared... First day on school and he tried to shoot me (ouch!); I had to tell him civilly 'DO NOT!'. I mean, I know what he's gonna do - Like I'd be that naïve... Everyone want a piece of dear Sevie, but, kids! You know that having me in pictures won't ever be like the unique and real! hehe...

But, really. Someone -a someone called Collin Creevey, actually- is really desesperate... Just yesterday I got out of the thub and THERE HE WAS! With his camera, ready to shoot. The kid got were no one have ever gonne before: the world of Severus Snape's real nature! It must have shocked him 'cause he looked out of this world - probably in dream-land thinking of things I'd rather not image myself... glup... DAMNED COLLINS! Were Hogwarts School Rules to dissappear, I would love to just teach him where to shove his camera...

I want a signed photo. Why don't I have a signed photo? Of course it would look bad on a teacher to ask a student to make one with 'With Love to Sevie' or 'Kisses to Sevie'... Blast Hogwarts Code of Conduct... Blast it that I can't use Love Potions!!!!

Oh! Almost forgot to mension it, silly me. The little rat-kid happens to be facinated by Potter. Yeah, I know what you are thinking: like everybody else! well, everybody but me What's new? apart from the fact I DON'T fancy Potter? WRONG! Well, he made an art of stalking and a bussiness of taking bloody pictures (albeit Harry Oh,SoHotItHurts Potter's pictures-- not that I think he's hot...) and selling them to the best buyer. (Damned capitalist bastard!) Really, that boy scares me.

What worries me the most is that if things keeps like this Potter's ego is going to blow up (hehe) so high in the sky-- I mean, the boy is already workshipped by too many, the least necessary thing to do is making him bloody inaccessible! He will now start ignoring m- ejem the teachers and his companions, and acting so oblivous to the world... DAMNED COLLINS!!

Don't get me wrong, I don't like Potter (that's beyong understandment). What I mean is that I do not want-- er, yes... that precisely... I don't want him for myself (NO I DON'T!); I'm a very generous Potion professor, so I decided to stick for Mr. Malfoy side. To my view, he is the only one with an ass nice enough to deserve Potter's. Besides I don't feel that lonely, to wait for a 12-year-old boy! NO, I DON'T!

Sevie is goody bloody cupid, yeah...

And Potter (no, not my whole world revolve around Potter... but pretty much THE WHOLE WORLD REVOLVE AROUND POTTER!) is the worst student in all damned Hogwarts (excepting, maybe, dear Longbottom who is always loking at me strangely...)! I mean, can't he make an effort? Is like he didn't care about my subject (which, of course, wouldn't be this one if it wasn't for our dear, loved-by-all Headmaster!)...sniff... Really, the boy's a disgrase to all Potion Makers around the world! I'm only making him pass the subject, ONLY... ok, because he's hot. Too hot for his own good...

Luckily enough, I'll be able to kill the bastard, sex-god by poisoning. (And you-re wondering how do I know he's a bastard?... figure it out yourselves!)

NO MORE WEASLEYs!!! PLEASE!!! My eyes hurt. SHE IS BURNING MY EYES!!

Socks-Man say that 'The' chamber is open... I think he might have missunderstood me when I asked for a promotion...

Everyone is wondering what the Chamber Of Sex-screws' monster is... Hehe, it isn't that difficult to find out, you fools! Everyone knows about Slytherin, what he was so famous about, what was his trademark: his HUGE Snake! Hehe... Really, someones can be thick here...

That's what make Slytherin a Slytherin: 'having big dreams', 'achive enormous ambitions'. You know what I mean by now, right? (Well, for all you who are too idiotic to understand...) We have each our own bloody Basilisk! Aha! Yep, the others three founders were jealous and wanted Slazadar Slytherin really bad - yeah, even Godric G. And we, Slytherins, happen to share his same abilities - albeit some more than others... (I know what you're thinking: how this rule apply to women? well, let me tell you that it doesn't help their boobs... Oh, you were wondering how do I know about my mate's size? Well, well, wouldn't you like to know...)

Just today in the staff table were discussing who the heir of Slytherin was and I was bravely fighting the urge to scream: 'JUST LOOK FOR THE ONE WHO HAS THE BIGGEST--'. Well, you know... Coming to think about it I could be Slytherin Heir... hehe.

Dwelling, you say? Bring it on! Here's my chance to show that Lockhart doll what a real man (not a 75% rubber, 20% hot air... 5% hotness) is made of!

FUC-- BITC--! HE SAID NOTHING ABOUT THE WHOLE CLASS BEING THERE!! I THOUGHT IT WAS A NAUGHTY INVITATION TO WILD SEX IN THE GREAT HALL TABLES!! (Really: 2 guys in a private room, holding wands against each other, with back ups and everything -- IT SOUNDS LIKE A DAMNED ORGY TO ME! Don't you see it? You have no sense whatsoever of poetry and metaphorism...) Though he might like the public... ught! Sick! Even I wouldn't do that -- 12-years-olds for Merlin panties' Sake! I always knew there was something wrong with him... that necessity of having everybody watching him... ught! Next thing I'll know is him trying to convince me to hold the cam... mmh...

But still: I'M VERY PISSED! I REFUSE TO LOOK AT THE MAN IN THE EYE AGAIN!

The-real-poof wanted to really dwell? Fine to me! And I blasted the thing out of him (yes, I planned on pointing there, thank you very much). You have to see him fly! THAT was poetic.

You would think that was enough to make him cry sorry or retreat as far away from me as possible? But nooooo... He dared! After the huge blow (hehe) he - he - HE STILL SMILED AT ME!! HE WAS HITTING AT ME RIGHT THEN AND THERE!... Like especting me to... forgive him! And in front of the whole mass of student! Ha! Like that was enough to earn my love, you idiot... OK... Maybe - I'll consider...

Again, considerate as I am, I stick for Malfoy. Uh, yeah, that's was one hell of an entertainment! Tickling Charm (sexy!), Tarantallegra (don't we all want to see Potter dance?)... Expelliarmus? No match ¬¬ ... Honestly, and here I thought the first to thow the first -illegal- punch would be Mr Malfoy! Disappointing. Does this means Potter is interested too? Aw! How sweet

But he's mine.

No, he isn't.

He is.

Isn't!!

... OK. The point is that I couldn't help it. To add to the puns I HAD to tell Malfoy to do it.

Really, a big black snake; what does that reminds you off? wink wink

Gasp Can he hear that hot when speaking another language?? Screw French! Parceltongue has to be the sexiest accent on earth!

Potter? The Heair of Slytherin?? '' Oh my... I'm not too sure I'll stick for Malfoy any longer...

OH GOD! NO NO NO NO - NO IN A MILLIOIN YEARS! One thing is that he invites me for a drink in his chambers (so lousy seducer...), but quite different is Me, getting his pants down the moment his back is turned, and discover THAT! PLEASE, no Spongebob slips! I can deem heart covered boxers, but not SPONGEBOB!

And he was the one screaming?! Oh, spare me the humiliation...

IT WASN'T FUNNY! YOU WOULDN'T BE LAUGHING IF YOU WERE THE ONE WITH A VALENTINE PINK PIXIE COWERING INSIDE YOUR PANTS!!

(Well, but I'll give the ugly creature inside my pants that Elenoise Midget's nose is something even I'll consider cowing inside someone's pants -- yet, not Dumbledore's, mind you --, and... it does nice massagges... I wonder if pixies are sell in the wizarding market as pets...)

Potter has a secret diary? Uh, how girly is that!

Granger is no mo-re! Ganger is no mo-re! conga style! Her big bushy ha-ir! Will meddle no mo-re!

EVERYBODY!

What do you mean they are taking Hagrid away? He? The Heir of Slytherin??

... naah...

Well, only fair for a man who stalks a 12-year-old. Whoever is that desesperate as to ask little children to come visit his hut is sick enough... pathetic.

Blind a poor snake... what sick bastard does that! Dumbledore's bird nonetheless. Oh yeah, his bird would blind whatever eyesight, and whoever has the misfortune to cross its path... uh, that didn't come out right.

I fear to say, Dumbledore was right... Oh dear God, he was... That socks are heavenly. Oh, the lower regions of my body couldn't be more comfortable...