Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Other fu--- year
I keep being turned down in the DADA position and, finally, I decided to do something about it.
So, I cried.
Not the wiser thing to do. Oh, but do not think that I just broke down then and there at the first rejection; I went for the next, and the one after that, and the other after that. And, yes, I did something before collapsing... I begged. A very brave thing to do, I know. It was only when he told me to let go of his leg (it was very rude of him to kick me so much!) that I knew there was nothing else to do and I accepted that like a grown-up man that I am.
And let me tell you who he replaced me with: RE-chocolate-MUSS LUPITO! That's right! The Damned Werewolf that I found in the Shrieking Shack with BLACKy in 'all fours', ruining my childhood. (Urght... But that cannot hurt me any more, now that dear Sirius is in Azkabar. And, being 'sirius', he's 'siriusly' in 'sirius' troubles... hehe-- I'm so funny and original!) Anyway, Remy started stalking me like he used to do when I was so young, innocent and wild--- wait, no 'wild'; that just make me remember of--- Ught...
Why the nickname you ask?... don't ask - just don't - belive me.
Dumbledore is greatly mad. (Really, you should know about it by now!) But, more important, he is a sadist git. Why I always get to deal with Gryffindors -vs- Slitherins confrontations?? Why it's always Double Potions with Gryffies&Slythies?? He may believe that I enjoy it... OK! I ENJOY IT! HAPPY? But I'm NOT that MASOCHIST!... ... .. .
I had to brew another Potion for the wolfy so that it doesn't let him be lead by his 'animal instints' (Afraid he'll kill me? Don't. Be afraid he'll be on heat! That's what you and I must worry about...). And then I had to do the delivery. Damned, blasted, crazed Dumbledore. Not quite the best moment for doing so. The WereToBePoof was standing there, naked, in his fluffly fur magnificence like Satan brought him to the world. I mean, HE FLASHED POOR LITTLE ME! I'M BLIND! I'll NEVER have have a laid again!! (Puppies keep flashing in my head...)
Potter keeps moaning in pain because of the Dementors. Couldn't he be a little less loud! Ow, shit. I... I'm not gay-(!)- but I keep having problems with my... ejem wand... Dementors are the devil's work (and, no, I'm NOT the devil-- here). When I first hear it on the train I just would ignore it. But, yes, I catch a glimpance of what it said... It scared me to no end...
Let's just say that it involved Dumbledore, Minerva- leather, handcuffs and a whip... enough to scare my balls for life.
Longbottom is still looking at me like... He just does!
I didn't see it again- I didn't SEE IT AGAIN!! Oh, merciful Merlin's, please tell me that I didn't have another dream about that stupid Lopy-the-Loop with Blaky in this whole nature being(he's quite an animal-- who said something about Animagus?) in the same room as the Potter kid, Weasley and Grang-- wait a minute! That cannot be right! I can believe Weasley but... Oh, good! It wasn't a dream! I'm still a sane person!
. . . Did I just say that that scene with the naked Black, Lupin and the Gryffindor Threesome... was--- Real?
(Did I mention there was a rat? - - - I'll never watch the DisneyWorld Channel, I swear)