NOTE: I have just changed Clark's label to "The Otherkin Furry Fan" because it made more sense than "The Spiritual Furry Fandom Geek". Also, I need to think of a better label name to describe Ether. PM me for a good label name suggestion.
Chris stood on the docks and stared at the viewers, "Last time on Total Drama Fire And Ice, we got to meet 16 new competitors and just like Philip said, things looked more like a Halloween party than a reality show. Teams were assigned by being bitten by a ferret or pecked by a hawk and the teens had to hold their bladder while watching a National Geographic documentary on Niagara Falls. Chelsea won immunity for the ferrets and the birds lost. In the end, Ollie was smoked out and the first one blasting off on the Rocket Of Losers. What will happen next? Can the contestants take the heat? Find out, only on Total Drama Fire And Ice!"
*I wanna be famous theme song plays*
Mary and Clark were walking through the woods together when they noticed a picnic table and sat down at it together. The blue-haired rocker spoke up, "So, what do you think of the island so far?"
Clark rubbed his chin in thought, "The first challenge was pretty intense but I don't think things will be easier from here on out. We should be prepared for whatever Chris throws at us. By the way, did Ollie give you back your lighter before he was kicked off?"
Mary shook her head, "No, the idiot kept it. I feel so stupid for letting him borrow it, I should've known he'd be the first one kicked off with that disgusting habit of his."
Clark raised an eyebrow, "Isn't that a little hypocritical, considering that you own that lighter and all?"
Mary folded her arms, "Well, I don't smoke tobacco but when I have a real rough day, I smoke some marijuana to calm me down."
Clark nodded in understanding, "What Ollie did with tobacco was very disrespectful. I think tobacco should be reserved for Native American rituals, not chain smoking."
Mary nodded, "By the way, could you tell me more about this whole furry thing you're into?"
"Well, it's complicated. No two furries can agree on what the true meanings is. Basically, I think it's someone who is a fan of cartoon animals who expresses their love through art, writing and costumes. I'm a bit of a hybrid, I'm a typical furry fan but I'm also an otherkin. Otherkin feel like they have souls of animals. I may have the body and mind of a human, but I feel like I was born with the soul of a raccoon so I'm not 100% human." Clark explained.
Mary looked blown away, "Wow, so you actually believe you have the soul of an animal? That's pretty wicked-sweet. I never really thought about that stuff too deeply but I guess it would be cool to be something other than human for a day."
MARY (CC): The more I hang out with Clark, the cooler and cooler he gets. I think I may have a little crush on him. He looks like a big, warm, cuddly teddy bear and he's so mysterious at the same time...
CLARK (CC): Mary is a very strong and interesting girl. I wonder what her music sounds like...maybe we should form an alliance.
Meanwhile, at the Burning Birds girls' cabin. Olga was sitting on her bed with Eep Eep in her lap, picking insects out of her pet monkey's hair and eating them as if they were snacks.
Janessa cringed a little, "Seriously, Olga? You are one whacked out puppy, yo. What kind of square eats bugs off monkeys?"
Olga raised an eyebrow, "Me square? Olga not block, Olga human. Eep Eep Monkey. Chris Host. Clark Raccoon. No one square here, except this box." The cavegirl pointed to a conveniently located cardboard box which Luna's cat Midnight was sleeping in.
Janessa rolled her eyes as Luna hopped off the top bunk, walked up to the beatnik and licked her face. Janessa cringed and glared at Luna, "What the heck, yo?"
Luna folded her arms, "You have the distinct flavor of Mocha to you. A little crushed oleander and frog warts would make you taste passable."
"Cannibal square, yo. Uncool. Imma go outside and practice my slam, ya dig? I'll be back in an hour." Janessa replied as she got up and left.
Yumi got up, pulled a unicycle out of her pocket and started riding it around the steam-filled cabin. She then pulled a banana out of her pocket and ate it, tossing the banana peel on the floor and slipping on it. The clown girl burst into idiotic laughter as she fell flat on her butt.
Luna folded her arms, "Clowns taste too much like cake. I'll pass on her."
LUNA (CC): Why on Earth aren't teens delicious like babies or elementary schoolers? About the only teen here that looks tasty to me is Billy. He looks like a delicious morsel. I wonder if he tastes like American Cheese or fast food...you are what you eat!
OLGA (CC): Why Luna eat people? Dinosaur taste better, especially dinosaur egg. Me find dino egg, smash with rock, tasty nutrients inside.
YUMI (CC): *honks her horn*
Meanwhile, on the boys' side of the Burning Birds cabin, Philip, Adam and Theo were all playing with a deck of poker cards.
Theo grins as he looks at his hand, "I hath thine queen, king, jack, an ace and 10 of diamonds. Where art thou princes and princesses. Are they hiding in thine deck somewhere?"
"The term for the hand you're holding is a royal flush." Philip explained, raising an eyebrow, "And there are no princes and princesses in poker, just jacks, queens and kings."
Theo shook his head, "Then thy king and queen musn't hath made children yet or there shalt be a Prince and Princess of Diamonds."
Philip facepalmed, "Yeah...that's it...the just haven't had children yet."
"A vow a chastity, perhaps?" Theo asked, examining his cards.
Adam shrugged, "Beats me. Weird thing bout poker is there's no Joker of spades, hearts, diamonds or clubs. There's just the joker, almost as if he's too special for his own suit."
Theo looked up to the heavens, "Then thy Joker is thine God of thine Poker Kingdom..."
THEO (CC): If thine Joker wants thy chastity, so be it.
PHILIP (CC): Joker? God of the Poker Kingdom? Is this guy seriously for real?
Meanwhile, a loud baby's crying echoed through the air as Brittany tried her best to quiet her baby and rock it to sleep but Robby still kept on crying loudly. Chelsea and Ether put their pillows over their ears to drown out the noise.
ETHER (CC): That stupid slut is lucky her baby didn't freeze to death in here. She'd better have it baptized unless she wants her baby to grow up to be a homosexual and burn in hell with all that faggot scum. Jesus does not tolerate gays.
Brittany took off her bra and instantly, her baby started sucking on her breast, "He was just thirsty."
Chelsea rolled her eyes, "YouKnowYourBabyKeptUsAwakeAllNightLongWithHisCryingMaryWasSmartToGoSleepInTheWoods."
Brittany glared at Chelsea, "Mary? That butch punk has the nerve to practice her guitar in here while a baby is in the room. She has no consideration for others AT ALL!"
Chelsea rolled her albino red eyes again, "MaybeMaryIsRightAndYouShouldntHaveBroughtYourBabyHereInTheFirstPlace."
Ether nodded, "You could've always dropped him off at a church, the nuns could take good care of him."
Brittany rolled her eyes, "Robby needs MY breast milk, I doubt those nuns could lactate even if they wanted!"
BRITTANY (CC): How dare my teammates accuse me of being a bad mother! I love my baby boy with all my heart and I feed and take care of him. Maybe THEY should try getting pregnant and dropping out of high school to see what it feels like!
ROBBY (CC): *gurgles and sucks his thumb*
Meanwhile, Fred had just recently shoved Tanner out of the boys side of the Frosty Ferrets' cabin, "STOP STICKING UP FOR HIM, YOU'RE NOT HIS MOMMY SO START ACTING LIKE A REAL MAN!"
The soldier slammed the door shut and locked it behind him. Fred turned and glared at Billy, "ALL RIGHT, YOU RETRO PIECE OF TOILET PAPER, YOU WILL DO 90 PULL-UPS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, UNDERSTOOD?"
"Yes, Fred..." Billy whimpered softly.
"CALL ME SIR, DON'T CALL ME FRED, YOU TOILET-LICKING FLOWER SNAIL. I WILL MAKE A MACHO MAN OUT OF YOU WHEN YOU ARE DONE!" Fred shouted angrily, practically spitting in poor Billy's face.
BILLY (CC): Jeepers, Fred isn't fooling around with this whole military training thing.
TANNER (CC): Fred is a bully who uses his military training as a poor excuse to pick on others. He seriously needs to stop.
FRED (CC): MEN ARE BORN TO BE MASCULINE. MEN ARE BORN TO BE STRONG. MEN ARE BORN TO HUNT AND FISH AND SING LOUD MILITARY SONGS. THAT IS WHAT A REAL MAN IS!
Meanwhile, Mary and Clark jogged up to see Tanner pulling on the door to the cabin. "What happened?" Mary asked.
"Fred forced me out of the door and he's locked me out while he's forcing Billy to do military exercises against his will." Tanner explained.
"Just leave this to me." Clark spoke, removing his right paw glove and retracting a claw from his right index finger. The large teen walked up to the door and stuck his claw into the lock, picking it successfully, "There, problem solved."
Tanner and Mary stared in awe as Clark retracted his claw and put his glove back on.
CLARK (CC): Raccoons are so clever. I feel so blessed to have such a crafty spirit animal.
MARY (CC): Did Clark just pick a lock with his FINGERNAIL? That is just way too cool!
TANNER (CC): How in the heck did he do that? Maybe I need to go to bed earlier. Then again, Fred and Brittany's baby kept me up all night. Seriously, Fred even sings military cadences in his SLEEP. Man, my roommates are weird.
Clark opened the door, went inside and pulled Fred out of the cabin physically, "So, what makes you think it's okay to bully others?"
"I WASN'T BULLYING HIM, WEIRD RACCOON BOY, I WAS MAKING HIM INTO A MAN. BY THE WAY, WHAT'S WITH THAT DOLL OF YOURS? ONLY GIRLS SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS!" Fred shouted.
Suddenly, Chris' voice came across the loudspeaker, "All campers report to the mess hall for breakfast. When you're all done eating, I'll brief you on your challenge. From here on out, things will be heating up!"
Tanner raised an eyebrow, "Heating up? I'd better not ask."
The 15 campers filed into the mess hall and Olga looked around the table at her teammates, "Okay. We may lose last time but we strong without Ollie. Olga think we can win this time. We do teamwork, all right?" The cavegirl asked.
Janessa groaned, "If you say so..."
Luna was cackling evilly as she dropped a bunch of dead insects and a decapitated frog into Chef Hatchet's soup, "Double double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble!"
Philip raised an eyebrow, "Seriously, did you just put a headless frog into your soup?"
"The frog was once a boy! A friendly little boy who loved playing sports! Mweeheeheeheehee!" Luna cackled insanely.
Yumi pulled out a balloon, blew it up, twisted it into the shape of a swan and let it float in her soup.
CHEF HATCHET (CC): Campers just never respect my cooking, do they?
LUNA (CC): Chef should really take some cooking advice from a witch.
Theo and Adam casually sipped their soup as Janessa broke out her bongo dums and started playing them, "Sheeple. Are people too. Just walking stereotypes."
Philip rolled his eyes at Janessa, "Hypocrite."
Meanwhile, at the other table, Tanner was refusing to drink his soup, "This stuff seriously qualifies as food?"
Fred glared at him, "IT IS MILITARY FOOD, YOU NERDY PHARMACY PANSY, JUST SHUT UP AND EAT IT!"
Meanwhile, Chelsea and gotten up from the table and walked over to Billy who was quietly sipping his soup and tapped him on the shoulder, "HeyBillyWannaSeeSomeRealNeatoStuffOnMyCamera?"
Billy shrugged, "Okay."
Chelsea clicked on a file labelled porn and up came dozens of pictures of naked celebrities. Billy's jaw dropped and his eyes went wide, "Jeepers! They're all naked!"
"NakedAndFamous!" Chelsea giggled with delight, hopping up and down excitedly.
"Golly gee whiz gee whillikers, I hear a lot of kids my age talking about this porn this. So, is this what porn is?" Billy asked innocently.
Tanner got up from the table and walked up to Chelsea and Billy, "Seriously, Chelsea? You brought porn with you on the island?"
Chelsea giggled nervously, "YeahIDidAndHeSawAllTheNakednessOfMyPornFolderTooTeeHee!"
"Golly...when I was a kid, the only naked people I saw was myself in the bathroom taking a bath." Billy gasped, "I didn't know people got naked in bedrooms."
TANNER (CC): Why is Chelsea showing Billy nude celebrity pics in the first place?
BILLY (CC): Gee whiz, it now makes so much more sense to me...
CHELSEA (CC): PhotographingAndSpyingOnNakedPeopleIsATrulyUnderappreaciatedFormOfArt.
Suddenly, a loud farting noise was heard and the stench of baby diarrhea filled the air. All eyes turned to Brittany who was undoing her baby's diaper. Instantly, Brittany let out a loud squeal of terror and chucked the dirty diaper in Mary's general direction. Instantly, Brittany turned to Tanner, "You! Got any diapers! You're a doctor, right? MY BABY NEEDS CHANGING!"
SLAP! The dirty diaper had hit Mary directly in the face. Slowly, the rockstar pulled the diaper from her face. Her face was covered with baby urine and diarrhea and she had the most furious look. Instantly, Mary lunged at Brittany, tacking her to the ground and pulling her hair, "YOU STUPID SLUT! YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE YOUR FREAKING BABY AT HOME, COULD YOU?!"
Brittany screamed as she struggled to fight back, thrashing about as Mary pulled her hair, "HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ME IN FRONT OF MY BABY!"
"You THREW a DIRTY F**KING DIAPER IN MY FACE! I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO VOTE A BITCH LIKE YOU OFF IF WE LOSE THIS CHALLENGE!" Mary screamed as she throttled the teen mother, "YOU'RE NOT ONLY A TERRIBLE MOTHER BUT YOU'RE ALSO A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE AS WELL!"
Instantly, Clark pulled Mary off Brittany, and started rubbing her arm, making a soothing murring noise, calming her a little, "Let's go to the showers and get you cleaned up. All right, Mary?"
Mary nodded angrily as she glared at Brittany, "Your days are numbered, you obnoxious whore..."
Everyone stared in complete shock as Clark led Mary out of the mess hall. The furry turned to the other campers, "If Chris shows up, tell him that Mary and I are getting cleaned up in the communal washroom and we'll be joining the challenge shortly."
Tanner nodded, "All right, will do."
BRITTANY (CC): Mary. Is. So. DEAD!
MARY (CC): That clinches it. I am calling Child Protective Services on Brittany.
Clark and Mary were walking towards the communal washroom, talking. Mary was ranting angrily, "I can't believe Brittany just did that. If she can't change her baby's diaper she is NOT cut out for parenthood."
Clark nodded, "If you ask me, she should've put her baby in the adoption system if she couldn't care for it."
Mary nodded and grumbled a bit, "Stupid bitch threw a dirty diaper on my face on purpose. She's probably one of those bitchy popular girls who just so happened to get knocked up and dropped out."
Clark nodded, "Fred is also pretty annoying as well. He shouts military cadences in his sleep and has no indoor voice. Plus, he's a complete bully."
Mary nodded, "Once those two are gone, our cabin will be much more peaceful in the morning. Too bad we can't vote both of them off at once. Oh well, at this point, I'm more focused on Brittany than Fred."
Clark nodded, "I agree, if we lose, I'm voting her off for the sake of her baby."
Mary stepped into the women's side of the restroom while Clark waited outside for her. About 10 minutes passed and Mary came out, her blue hair dripping wet, "All right. I'm ready. Let's hurry back to the mess hall before Chris disqualifies us or something."
Meanwhile, Chris just entered the mess hall and looked around, "Hey, does anyone know where that heavy metal chick and the raccoon kid went?"
"There was an incident and they went to clean up in the communal washroom." Ether replied.
Luna rolled her eyes, "The only way I would want to have children is so I could eat them."
Chris raised an eyebrow, "Riiiiight. Anyway, if they aren't back here in 5 minutes, both of them will be eliminated."
Suddenly, Clark and Mary burst through the door, gasping for breath. "Sorry we're late." Clark spoke up.
Chris looked around the mess hall at the 15 campers, "So, everyone's here? Good. Then follow me, we're all going camping in the woods and the marshmallows aren't the only thing that will be toasty!"
The 15 campers all filed out of the mess hall and followed Chris into the woods where the second challenge awaited them.
To be continued...
NOTE: All right, I'm going on a week's vacation pretty soon so I probably won't be posting on this story for a few weeks. All right? Tell me what you think so far.