The 15 campers all stood at a crossroads in the forst with Chris, "All right, campers. Listen up, you will be walking to opposite ends of the forest, pitching tents and camping overnight."

Adam shrugged, "Sounds easy enough, I reckon this will be a piece of cake."

"And that is only the first part of the challenge." Chris announced.

"Gee whiz, what's the second part?" Billy asked innocently.

"It's a surprise." Chris replied nonchalantly, "A very, very nasty one that will come when you least expect it"

Clark blinked, "So, you're basically telling us to stay on our toes?"

"That's the plan, if you want to come out unscathed." Chris replied, "All right, Burning Birds, you head to the western side of the forest and pitch this red tent. Frosty Ferrets, you head to the eastern side of the forest and pitch this blue tent. Any questions?"

Janessa raised her hand, "Man, do we gotta pitch tents? Can't we just stay in an air conditioned coffee shop and chill out, yo?"

"Uh...no...we won't." Chris replied swiftly.

Janessa hung her head, "Dragsville, man..."

"Anyway, here are your tents and compasses. Hope you all have a good night, okay?" And with that, the host dashed off back in the direction of camp and the two teams split up to differents parts of the forest.

The Frosty Ferrets took the path to the right and headed deep into the eastern forest. It wasn't long before Clark noticed a clearing and turned to the rest of the team, "This would be a good place to pitch our tent."

The other 7 agreed unanimously and Mary and Fred got to pitching the tent. Fred shot a glare at Mary and crossed his arms, "THIS IS A MAN'S WORK. WHY DOES A WOMAN HAVE TO HELP ME?"

Mary rolled her eyes at Fred, "Sorry for being born female. Fine, if you think you can pitch the tent on your own than be my guest, just don't come crying to me when it keeps on falling."

Meanwhile, Billy and Ether were sitting down next to each other and talking. Ether smiled at the 50s style boy, "So Billy, could you tell me a little about your home life."

"Well, I got a mom, a pop, a big sis and a big yellow lab. My mom stays home and cooks, my dad goes to work and smokes a pipe, my sis talks about cute boys a lot and I always go to baseball practice. I have a girlfriend back at home named Peggy Sue. She and I always hang out at the malt shop together. Would you like to see a picture of her?" Billy asked.

Ether smiled, "Of course I would!"

Billy reached into his pocket and pulled out a black and white photograph, "This is what she looks like. She and I always have a swell time at the malt shop, dancing to the jukebox."

Ether smiled at Billy and tapped his shoulder, "By the way, Billy. There's something I'd like to tell you about Clark."

Billy raised an eyebrow, "About Clark?"

Ether nodded, "Clark is a furry, Billy. Did you know that all furries are gay?"

Billy shook his head, "Gee whiz, I didn't know that."

Ether nodded, "And gay people are very bad people. I'm just giving you a friendly warning, Billy. Don't trust Clark too much because you never know when he'll sneak in bed with you, pull your pants down and touch your penis."

Billy blinked a few times, "Golly, are you sure about it?"

Ether nodded, "Being furry is the exact same thing as being gay. Gay people are also full of many diseases like AIDS so you're best off avoiding Clark like the plague, got it?"

"I...I got it." Billy stuttered nervously.

Ether patted Billy on the back, "Just concerned about your health. The last thing you need is a furry raping you.

ETHER (CC): Billy is the perfect person to form an alliance with. He follows me like a faithful lamb follows his shepherd. And when the time comes, I'll sacrifice him in the name of the Lord.

BILLY (CC): Jeepers! Could all of those things that Ether said about Clark be true? If so, I should be careful around him.

Meanwhile, Clark was helping Fred pitch the tent, wincing as Fred shouted his newest Sound Off cadence:
I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD
A FOX JUST STOLD A FARTING FOLD

Clark blinked a few times and raised an eyebrow, "A farting fold?"

"JUST GET BACK TO WORK, SOLDIER AND DON'T ARGUE WITH YOUR SUPERIOR!" Fred shot back at the raccoon otherkin.

Clark rolled his eyes, "Fine. But I'm only helping you pitch this tent for the sake of the team. All right?"

CLARK (CC): I wonder what kind of militant planet Fred was born and raised on. Sound Off is practically a second language to him.

FRED (CC): HERE IS MY RIFLE, HERE IS MY GUN. THIS IS FOR FIGHTING AND THIS IS FOR FUN!

Meanwhile, Tanner and Chelsea were leaning against a tree and chatting with each other. Chelsea was showing Tanner a gallery of nude photos on her camera, "YouAreAnAspiringDoctorRightSoIBetYoullGetToSeeAllKindsOfNakedPeopleHeyDontYouThinkSomeMenWithOutieBellyButtonsLookLikeTheyHaveAnExtraWeeweeWhenTheyreNaked?

Tanner blinked a few times, "Why are you so obsessed with naked bodies? Are you interested in becoming a doctor, too?"

Chelsea shook her head, "NaaahIWouldHateToBeADoctorBecauseIHateToBeAroundSickPeopleImGermaphobicISimplySeeNudityAsArtAndWatchingPornGivesMeThisRealWeirdAdrenalineRushBecauseIKnowImTooYoungToWatchIt."

Tanner raised and eyebrow, "So, why do you like spying on celebrities?"

Chelsea shrugged, "TheAdrenalineRushJustLikeISaidYouHaventLivedTilYouBrokeIntoAFamousPersonsHouseAndFilmedThemNakedForMeNudeCelebritiesAreArtworkPlusICanSellThePicsOnEbayForAGoodChunkOfChange."

TANNER (CC): Chelsea is certainly...different than most girls I've met. I mean, she's al albino who spies on celebrities and drinks 35 energy drinks a day. She almost seems...pretty in her own way.

CHELSEA (CC): ImOneOfTheVeryFewFemalesArrestedForGoingToTheSupermarketAndTakingPicturesUpWomensSkirts!

Suddenly, Brittany walked up to Tanner and Chelsea, "Hey, I think I'm going to go collect some firewood."

Tanner looked at Brittany, "Would you like us to watch your baby for you?"

Brittany shook her head, "No, we'll be fine. I need him around in case he needs to be breastfed, you know."

"ICanFlashMyBoobiesAndLetYourBabySuckleOnMe." Chelsea offered.

Brittany rolled her eyes, "Thanks for the offer but I don't think my baby wants energy drink flavored breast milk."

Tanner and Chelsea exchanged confused looks and shrugged as Brittany wandered deep into the forest with her baby. She walked through the woods and it wasn't long until she came across a river. Raising Robby above her head, she threw him into the water and a loud splash was heard.

BRITTANY (CC): Finally, I'm so glad I took the trash out. Now I can go live the high life and party without that annoying little bedwetter.

Meanwhile, the Burning Birds were busy setting up their camp. Luna had unpacked her cauldron and was dropping a bunch of dead rats and fungus into it as she stirred it with her broom and cackled evilly.

Olga and Philip were unpacking the tent while Janessa sat under a tree and tapped on her bongo drums, "Camping. With sheeple. In a forest with no coffee shop in sight. Dragsville."

Philip took a deep breath of his inhaler and Olga gave him a concerned look, "Philip feeling okay? Don't push self too hard. Maybe Theo help instead?"

Philip shook his head, "No, no no. I'm fine. We can pitch the tent together. Theo and Adam can go off in search of firewood. Theo's a knight so he's pretty strong and Adam is familiar with the backwoods so they'll be fine."

Yumi sat next to Janessa, pulled a can of silly string out of her pocket, shook it up and sprayed it all over the beatnik. Janessa just rolled her eyes, "Mainstream clown, not a cool cat, yo..."

Meanwhile, Theo and Adam were walking through the forest. Theo unsheathed his sword and started chopping a tree, "This is how thou must chop wood, useth a good, honed blade."

Adam blinked a few times, pulled a handle out of his pocket and instantly, a large cleaver came out of the handle. Adam swung the cleaver and Theo watched in awe as the tree fell in a single swipe, "Now that's how ya chop a tree."

Theo gasped, "That waseth amazing! How did art thou cut thine tree in one clean swipeth?"

Adam shrugged modestly, "Well, Ah invented this here thing mahself. Found some old garbage in the scrapyard and gave it a little makeover. Makes a darn fine Swiss army knife."

Theo nodded, "Ah, so is thou a blacksmith?"

Adam smiled, "Ah guess in a way you can call me that. Anytime I find old materials, ah can work real magic with them."

Theo smiled, "With a blade that fine, we shalt hath a great supply of firewood."

THEO (CC): I sure hope Sir Adam teaches me thy blacksmith secrets.

ADAM (CC): Theo's a bit low-tech but ah'm sure I can teach him a few tricks.

And so, the inventor and knight got to cutting up the tree to make firewood. Meanwhile, Olga and Philip have successfully pitched the tent and Olga was taking a nap, cuddled close to her monkey, Eep Eep. Philip walked over to Luna who was stirring her cauldron, "What exactly are you cooking?"

"Dead rat and mushroom stew." Luna replied, "It's very healthy and an excellent source of protein. Mweeheeheehee!"

Yumi walked up to the cauldron, took a cartoonishly large spoon from her pocket and took a sip. Instantly, X's appeared on Yumi's eyes and she passed out. Philip looked down at the passed-out clown, "What's with her? The first time she arrived, she talked but now she's acting like a silent film star."

Luna shrugged, "Beats me. Maybe I put a curse on her while she slept. Mweeheeheehee!"

Philip rolled his eyes, "Exactly. You put a curse on her."

PHILIP (CC): Luna should seriously see a psychiatrist.

LUNA (CC): Fair is foul and foul is fair. Hover through fog and filthy air!

YUMI (CC): *vomits*

Pretty soon, the sun began setting and Mary and Clark sat outside of the Frosty Ferrets' tent, gazing up at the stars when Mary spoke up, "You know, sleeping outside like this in the wide open forest. It kinda reminds me of an episode of The Raccoons."

Clark gasped and turned to Mary, "You're a fan of that show, too?"

Mary nodded and broke her guitar and started playing it and singing:

When darkness falls, leaving shadows in the night
Don't be afraid, wipe that fear from your eyes
If desperate love keeps on driving you wrong
Don't be afraid, you're not alone

You can run with us
We've got everything you need
Run with us, we are free

CLARK (CC): Mary is a great singer, a very interesting person and has great taste in cartoons. I think I may be falling for her.

Clark turned to Mary,"By the way, out of all The Raccoons characters which one do you think I'm most like?"

Mary rubbed her chin a bit in thought, "Ralph Raccoon. You remind me very much of Ralph."

Clark blinked, "Ralph? But I don't even know the first thing about doing news articles."

Mary smiled, "Your personality reminds me very much of Ralph Raccoon, you're very calm, smart and mature but you also have a quirky sense of humor."

Clark smiled back, "And what about everyone else?"

"Well, Billy would be Bentley because he's the youngest one here, I guess Ether would be Sophia because she's kind of a sap, Chelsea is like a perverted, insane version of Melissa since they're both into photography, Fred would be Cyril Sneer cause they're both loud, I guess Olga would be Lisa since they're both real tall and strong, Adam would be Schaeffer I guess, Tanner would be Cedric cause they worry too much, Ollie would obviously be Donna. Don't know about everyone else."

Clark blinked again, "Donna?"

"She was that whore who got Lisa hooked on cigarettes, remember?" Mary replied.

"Oh, yeah. I kind of remember that episode. It's been so long." Clark replied, "What about you?"

Mary blinked, "Me? I'd probably be Bert Raccoon. I'm too much of a tomboy to be any of the girls on that show."

Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream was heard and it caught Mary and Clark's attention. Instantly, Brittany came running at top speed in the direction of the camp. Tears were streaming rapidly down her cheeks, "MY BABY IS MISSING MY BABY IS MISSING, SOMEBODY HELP ME, I CAN'T FIND MY LITTLE ROBBY WOBBY!"

Instantly, Tanner, Chelsea, Ether, Billy and Fred came out of the tent and ran up to Brittany. Tanner spoke up, "What happened?"

"I...I...turned by back for only a second and my little Robby was gone!" Brittany bawled, tears falling from her face like rain.

Mary folded her arms and glared at her, "See, what did I tell you? You never should've brought your baby here in the first place."

Tanner nodded, "It may sound cold, but Mary has a good point."

"YOU SHOULD'VE STAYED HOME WITH ALL THE OTHER WOMEN WHILE THE MEN COMPETE!" Fred shouted in agreement.

Clark rolled his eyes, "Of course, because all women are oh-so-helpless they can only cook and sew."

"EXACTLY, RACCOON BOY!" Fred replied in agreement, oblivious to Clark's obvious sarcasm.

Suddenly, a bright light shone down on the Frosty Ferrets and they all looked up and saw Chris in a helicopter with a megaphone, "Campers, this will be the second part of your challenge. I have just started a forest fire and you will have to put it out by jumping from this helicopter, strapped onto bungee cords while carrying buckets of water. The first team to have their fire 100% contained wins. But, if your cord snaps then you are out of the challenge."

"But my baby is missing! I can't go anywhere without him!" Brittany whined as her tears fell freely.

Chris shrugged, "Your loss, lady. Anyway, Shift 1 will consist of Clark, Fred, Brittany and Ether. Get in the copter!"

The furry, sergeant, mother and religious girl all hopped in the copter and it took them above the canopy.

Meanwhile, Chef Hatchet was explaining the exact same thing to the Burning Birds. Philip gasped in shock, "You just set a forest fire and now we have to jump from a helicopter with bungee cords and buckets of water to put it out?!"

Chef nodded, "The first shift will consist of Philip, Adam, Janessa and Luna. Now get your butts in the helicopter."

Meanwhile, as Chris' helicopter ascended, Clark stared down at the forest below and noticed smoke coming from the woods as he held a large pot of water, "Why on Earth would anyone want to disturb mother nature in such a terrible way?"

Chris shrugged, "For the ratings, of course."

The host shoved the furry out of the helicopter and on the way down to douse the fire, Clark's cord snapped and he was sent tumbling into the forest.

CHRIS (CC): Oh yeah, and some of the cords are defective. Heh heh!

CLARK (CC): *makes cute animal whimpering noises*

TANNER (CC): *sigh* I'll go get my first aid kit.

Meanwhile, Luna took a plunge from Chef's helicopter with the bungee cord but as soon as she reached the canopy, the fire ignited her hat, "AAAAAH! MY HATS ON FIRE, MY HATS ON FIRE!"

As soon as she came up, Adam splashed a bucket of water on her to put out the fire and she moaned, "Noooooo, I'm MELTING! I'm MELTING!"

Philip rolled his eyes, "Relax, you're not melting."

Meanwhile, Ether took the next plunge for the ferrets, extinguishing a small patch of blaze with no trouble.

Philip was the next to jump for the birds but once he reached the canopy, the smoke from the fire filled his lungs and he started wheezing uncontrollably. Adam helped pull him up and started giving him CPR, reviving him. Philip opened his eyes and gazed at Adam, blushing.

PHILIP (CC): I may not say it in front of the others but Adam has the most beautiful green eyes. I wonder if he swings that way. Oh well, it's best to focus on the game and not romance.

Brittany was next to take a plunge for the ferrets. She was crying so hard, her crocodile tears had literally extinguished a small patch of fire.

Meanwhile, Janessa took the jump for the birds but her bungee cord snapped and she calmly fell into the canopy, "Dragsville, yo..."

Meanwhile, Fred was about to dive for the ferrets as he loudly shouted a military cadence:
I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD
I'LL PUT OUT THIS FIRE AND MAKE IT COLD

The soldier bungee jumped into the canopy and doused a small fire but hit his head on a tree branch and went unconscious.

Adam was next to dive for the birds. He lept out of the helicopter but his bungee cord snapped. As he fell, he pulled a remote out of his pocket and pressed a button. Instantly, a parachute came out of his jacket and he drifted to the canopy, dousing a small patch of flames.

ADAM (CC): Ah reckon that parachute would come in handy one of these days.

Meanwhile, the Frosty Ferrets helicoper landed and Ether, Fred and Brittany got out. Chris spoke up, "All right. Tanner, Billy, Chelsea and Mary. The four of you are Shift 2. Get on in!"

The helicopter ascended as Mary stared down at the smoking canopy, "Oh well...I guess it's my time to rock!"

The blue-haired rocker girl took a dive and she doused a small patch of fire with her bucket full of water with no trouble. Chelsea looked down at the fire below, clipped on her bungee cord and jumped. Instantly, the albino's cord snapped and she was sent falling to the canopy.

CHELSEA (CC): *she is covered with burns marks* FunnyThingBeingAnAlbinoIAmLikeReallyReallyReallySensitiveToHeatSoIBurnEasilyIThinkImGonnaTakeANiceColdShowerAfterThisChallengeAndRelaxByWatchingSomeCelebrityPorn.

Meanwhile, Chef had gathered Shift 2 in his helicopter with Theo, Olga and Yumi. Theo stared down at the burning forest, "Dragon's flames doesn't scareth thou, neither does thine forest fire!" The knight leapt from the helicopter strapped to his bungee cord and doused a small patch of flames with his bucket of water.

Meanwhile, Tanner gazed deep into the blazing forest and sighed, "This bungee cord better be safe. Oh well, wish me luck!" The doctor took the plunge and doused a small patch of fire with his bucket.

Meanwhile, Olga was next to take a dive for the Burning Birds. She jumped from the helicopter and her bungee cord snapped but she grabbed onto a branch and swing around it, effectively jumping to the ground and landing on her feet.

OLGA (CC): Olga born in jungle, see big metal thingies and men with sharp steel thingies cut down rainforest. Used to danger like this.

Meanwhile, Billy was staring out the helicopter and into the burning canopy, "Gee whiz, I really don't know about this..."

Chris shrugged, "You'll be fine, kid. Imagine yourself climbing out of your treehouse back at home."

And with that, Chris pushed Billy out of the helicopter and Billy's bungee cord snapped, sending him falling into the burning forest.

BILLY (CC): It's okay...I get worse injuries playing baseball.

TANNER (CC): It's sure a good thing I brought my first aid kit to the island.

Meanwhile, Yumi took a plunge for the birds and while she was in the air, she pulled an ENTIRE SWIMMING POOL out of her pocket and poured it all over the remaining flames, extinguishing them. There was a long, awkward silence before the Burning Birds burst into cheering and dancing, "The Burning Birds have the fire 100% contained. THE BURNING BIRDS WIN!" Chef announced as Yumi got back in the helicopter and it descended to the ground.

Olga ran up to Yumi and hugged her so hard that balloons popped out of the clown's pockets, "Yumi win challenge for friends! We celebrate!"

Philip chuckled a bit, "Excellent job, Yumi."

"We all stayeth another day!" Theo cheered.

Janessa shrugged, "Our reward better be coffee."

Meanwhile, Chris unleashed a bunch of water from his helicopter and extinguished the rest of the ferrets' fire before landing and standing in front of the losing team, "Frosty Ferrets, looks like one of you will be blasting off tonight. Go back to your cabin and make your decisions."

Later, Clark and Mary were sitting at the docks when Clark spoke up, "So we're voting Brittany off, right?"

"No duh, she's overstayed her welcome on the island." Mary replied, "Fred may be an annoying jock, but I can handle him way better than I can handle her."

"Shall we get the others to vote Brittany off?" Clark asked.

Mary shrugged, "Nah, it's pretty obvious she's the one going home. Fred at least has some muscle on him so he may be of use if we have to do any physical challenges. All Brittany does is whine and breastfeed her baby in front of everyone."

Meanwhile, Ether was comforting a sobbing Brittany, "I'm sure your baby will be all right, Brittany. Please don't cry, Jesus is helping protect him as we speak, okay?"

BRITTANY (CC): Do you really want to know exactly why I came to Total Drama Island? I didn't come for friends, I didn't come for money, I didn't come to win, I came to make my mark on my world by killing that pathetic little baby on national TV! Casey Anthony? She's a thing of the past. I'm the NEW Casy Anthony. I'm the Casey Anthony of Total Drama! Why didn't I get an abortion, you ask? Simple, it would ruin the fun out of killing the baby with my own two hands! With that piece of trash out of the picture, I can finally get back to partying, underage drinking and hardcore sex. And you know what? Drowning Robby in the river was TOTALLY WORTH IT! All I have to do is fake-cry and the other campers will feel sorry for me for losing my baby. I don't CARE if I get eliminated because I've already accomplished my mission: Operation Baby Go Bye-bye.

Meanwhile, Fred marched into the boys side of the Frosty Ferrets cabin, "WE LOST AND THAT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. I'M GONNA WAKE UP YOU DIRTYBAGS EXTRA EARLY TOMORROW WITH LOUD MILITARY SONGS SO WE CAN WIN OUR CHALLENGE!"

Tanner rolled his eyes, "The average human body requires 8 hours of sleep. If I can't get my sleep, I might as well be too tired for the challenge."

"SHUT UP, NERDY DOCTOR KID! NO ONE WANTS YOUR OPINION!" Fred shouted back angrily.

BILLY (CC): Gee whiz, it sure is cold and noisy in here...

TANNER (CC): I think I know exactly who to vote off, the dumbest soldier on the planet.

MARY (CC): So long, you breastfeeding bitch. You won't be missed.

FRED (CC): I'M VOTING OFF BRITTANY, NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER BE ALLOWED TO COMPETE IN TOTAL DRAMA. THEY SHOULD BE AT HOME BAKING COOKIES WHILE THEIR HUSBANDS ARE OFF FIGHTING WARS!