Geoff and Bridgette sat together on the central couch of the aftermath show as Geoff greeted the viewers with a grin, "Welcome to Total Drama Aftermath! You may remember Bridgette and I doing this back in Total Drama Action but now we're at it again for Total Drama Fire And Ice."

Bridgette nodded, "16 new campers have joined the Total Drama cast and they're nothing like we've ever seen before."

"A wicked witch, a raccoon kid, a cavegirl. Heck, even a teen mother!" Geoff listed off, "They're certainly a different bunch of campers compared to our season."

Bridgette nodded, "I'm sure this will be quite the season to remember. Anyway, onto our first guest of the night. He was the very first camper kicked off the island because of his bad smoking habit and obnoxious attitude. Everyone, welcome Ollie!"

The red-haired punk-looking teen walked out from behind a curtain and appeared to have a bong hanging out of his mouth and a satisfied smirk on his lips. Geoff just gaped in shock, "Dude, is that a bong?"

Ollie shrugged and spit out a cloud of meth, "So? Tobacco isn't the only thing I smoke, you know. I've smoked crack, weed, meth, you name it, I've smoked it!"

Bridgette rubbed her chin, "Uh...huh? Don't you know that smoking can cause cancer later in life?"

Ollie rolled his eyes, "Smoking causing cancer is a MYTH created by whiny non-smokers who can't handle the vapors! Everything I smoke comes from mother nature, babe."

Geoff crossed his arms, "Is there anything else you do with your time besides smoking?"

Ollie shrugged, "I sometimes go to hardware stores and huff paint. One time a worker at a store caught me and told me not to so I hacked a big, paint filled loogie and spat on his shirt. I was banned from the store for life."

Bridgette cringed, "I can see why. Isn't there anything you'd like to do with your life? What do you parents think of you?"

Ollie smirked, "A couple of Christian killjoys who sent me to Sunday school. I was spanked by a nun for using the holy water as an ashtray but it was totally worth it. I also spit some tobacco on that nun's glasses. You shoulda seen the look on her face! And what do I want to do with my life? Simple, open a cigarette factory and start a new law that bans Nicorette gum and those totally lame e-cigarettes."

Ollie just laughed and blew into his bong. Bridgette frowned, "I can see why you were the first one kicked off."

Geoff raised an eyebrow, "Don't you know there's more important things in life than getting high and smoking?"

Ollie scoffed, "There's nothing quite like the feeling of a cigarette pressed between your lips. If I could break any world record, I'd go for most cigarettes smoked in a lifetime."

Bridgette cringed, "I don't even know if there's a record for that and I surely don't want to find out."

Geoff smiled, "Anyway, we've got some fanmail from a flounder. Ollie, Trisha would like to ask you a question!"

A large screen TV came down and a pink haired punk girl appeared on it, "Hey Ollie, have you ever tried smoking multiple drugs at once to get the ultimate high? I did that once and it was crazy!"

Ollie smirked, "See this water pipe? One time I smoked tobacco, weed, meth, crack and cocaine all at the same time in it and boy oh boy was it fun. You should try adding some paint to huff afterwards, it will take you to some amazing places!"

Bridgette rolled her eyes, "Yeah, like the emergency room."

The fanmail ended and Geoff crossed his arms, "So Ollie, what's it like over at the playa?"

Ollie shrugged, "There's Wi-Fi internet access so I ordered a few packs of smokes. By the time they arrive, the competition will probably be over, though. In the meantime, I'm huffing the cleaning products and trying to get high off the pool chlorine over there."

Geoff raised an eyebrow, "Yeeeeeah...anyway, we got another fanmail for you. It's from a 70 year old man named Joseph. Let's see what he wants to ask you."

Geoff clicked a button and an old man with a hole in his throat appeared on TV and he spoke in a weak, damaged voice, "Is it really worth it, Ollie? I've been smoking all my life and I've wound up with a hole in my throat. I've been diagnosed with lung cancer and the doctor says-"

"Don't want to hear it, old fart." Ollie interrupted Joseph as he flashed him a middle finger, "Lung cancer from smoking is a myth and you're too old to be wearing Halloween costumes so go back to your room and watch some Jeopardy and put your dentures in a glass."

Joseph shook his head, "You'll regret those words, Ollie. Lung cancer happens when you least expect it..."

Ollie rolled his eyes, "Screw off, old timer. You're just jealous that I'm young and not a senile old fart like you."

The fanmail ended and Geoff and Bridgette just gaped at Ollie in shock. Geoff folded his arms, "Not cool, dude."

Ollie rolled his eyes, "Whatever, he's just a stupid old guy with ham sandwich breath. Like I even care."

Geoff cleared his throat a bit, "Oh, well. Onto our next guest. She disturbed her teammates with her contant breastfeeding, brought her baby to Total Drama Island and chucked him in the river to become the next Casey Anthony. Everyone, welcome Brittany!"

There was a dead silence and Bridgette tapped Geoff on the shoulder, "Uh...she was arrested and taken to prison. She's banned from Total Drama for life."

Geoff scratched his head and chuckled a bit, "Well, in that case let's say hello to our next guest. She talked at first but then became a silent slapstick gag. Plus, she put out a forest fire using an entire swimming pool. Everyone, welcome Yumi!"

The Japanese clown girl stepped out from behind the curtain and the audience exploded into a loud applause. Yumi then walked over to an armchair and sat in it while Ollie walked over and sat in the peanut gallery. Bridgette smiled at the clown, "So Yumi, what was it like on Total Drama Island?"

Yumi shrugged, "It was fun while it lasted, but it was also pretty brutal. I didn't get really close to anyone except for Billy but Olga seemed nice. Luna was a little strange but I liked her better than Janessa. All Janessa did was complain about mainstream stuff and the absence of coffee shops before she sabotaged me out of the game."

Geoff nodded, "Janessa is a jerk. With that attitude, I doubt she'd last much longer."

Bridgette smiled at Yumi, "You know, one thing really bugs me. Why did you speak in the first episode yet put on a pantomime act in the second and third ones?"

Yumi shrugged, "I did it for the sake of comedy. Silent slapstick is one of my favorite forms of comedy and I'm a big Charlie Chaplin fan. I figured my pantomime routine would lighten the mood on the island cause things got kinda dark and heavy. Especially after the whole Brittany incident with the other team and all."

Bridgette nodded, "Brittany never should've had a baby in the first place, let alone bring it on the island."

Geoff nodded, "The less said about her the better. Anyway, how did it feel getting voted off so soon, Yumi?"

Yumi shook her head, "Disappointing but at the same time, I felt relieved that I get to relax at the playa while Janessa is still going through hell in the game."

Geoff raised an eyebrow, "By the way, what's it like sharing the playa with Ollie?"

Yumi shrugged, "He must've ran out of cigarettes when I got there because I saw him huffing some paint thinner at the closet."

Bridgette blinked, "You didn't stop him?"

Yumi shrugged, "He cursed me out when I tried stopping him so I just let him huff away til he passed out and then I called the medics. The first thing he did when they revived him was try to get high off the pool chlorine."

"What an idiot." Geoff groaned as Ollie flipped him the bird from the peanut gallery.

Bridgette smiled, "Anyway, we have some fanmail for you, Yumi. This one is from a guy named Chad."

A screen came down and on it appeared a blonde haired kid with blue eyes, "Hi, Yumi. I was wondering: How did you fit an entire swimming pool in your jacket like that? Cause that was SO cool the way you put out the fire like that!"

Yumi smiled at Chad, "Along with being a clown, I'm also a part-time magician. I can hide many things inside my jacket, even a humpback whale! It's all sleight of hand, a magician never reveals her secrets!"

Geoff opened up an envelope and pulled out a message, "Looks like you've got more fanmail. This one reads: Dear Yumi, my little brother is really terrified of clowns ever since he saw Stephen King's It. How do I get him to stop being afraid? -Alyson"

Yumi smiled, "Well, Alyson, the best way would to be to tell your brother that clowns are just ordinary humans wearing makeup and colorful costumes. We're not out to kill and eat little children. Well...the clowns that aren't John Wayne Gacy, that is. He's a whole different story!"

Bridgette shivered a little, "No kidding!"

Geoff just raised an eyebrow, "Yeah...I don't think mentioning a serial killer would help the kids feel safe from clowns. Anyway, we have one more segment before we close and it is called Lost Confessionals. These are confessionals that were never aired on the show for whatever reason. So sit back, grab some popcorn and enjoy!"

A tv screen pops down and some clips are shown on it:

BRITTANY (CC): *she is flopping her breasts around while singing* My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

CLARK (CC): *He is nuzzling a Rocket Raccoon plushie* Oh Rocket...you are SOOOOO hot I could just yiff you! Oh, murr...*licks his plushie*

ROCKET RACCOON (CC): There is no way in hell I'm letting that Goodyear Blimp yiff me. He'd have to get past my blaster first...*long awkward silence* That didn't come out right. Damn, why must this confession cam be so damn awkward? Whose bright idea was it to put a confessional in a frickin' outhouse?

JANESSA (CC): *she is dancing and singing along to One Direction*

FRED (CC): I AM REALLY REALLY PISSED OFF WE DON'T GET CABLE HERE. I'M MISSING RERUNS OF CARE BEARS AND I NEED TO SEE THEM RIGHT NOW! FUNSHINE BEAR IS MY FAVORITE AND IT IS THE PERFECT PROGRAM TO WATCH WHILE EATING GUNPOWDER FLAVOR BEEF JERKY!

LUNA (CC): Witches are known for warts...*long awkward pause*...yes, even anal warts and hemorrhoids. I should really work on a magic elixir to cure MY hemorrhoids.

"Clark wants to yiff Rocket Raccoon and Luna has a hemorrhoid problem? Ewwww! Well, that's all the time we have for today!" Geoff said, "When three more campers get voted off, we'll see you for another series of heart-to-heart chats only on Total Drama Aftermath!"

Bridgette scratched her head, "That's weird? How did Rocket Raccoon wind up in the confessional?"

Geoff shrugged, "Crossovers, Bridge. Chris Maclean probably paid Rocket to say it."

Bridgette just shrugged, "I guess that answers my question."

GROOT (CC): I AM GROOT!