Chris Maclean stood on the docks, facing the camera, "Last time on Total Drama Fire And Ice, 13 contestants had to face their fears. We found out that Clark enjoys fapping to Rocket Raccoon comics. Sick, what a furfag! Haha. Anyways, Janessa started a fight with both Mary and Luna which ended up in a pair of broken sunglasses. Despite Janessa's bad attitude and the Burning Birds' disadvantage, the Frosty Ferrets lost the challenge after 4 members of their team chickened out. In the end, Fred and his loud mouth blasted off on the Rocket Of Losers. 12 campers remain and things aren't getting any easier. Find out what happens next on Total Drama Fire and Ice!"

*I wanna be famous theme song*

The sun rose once again on Camp Wawanakwa as Chelsea waited outside the men's side of the communal bathrooms with her camera ready. Olga walked up to the albino paparazzi, "Hey, Chelsea. Why you stand outside boys' side?"

Chelsea smiled at Olga, "Well, I'm waiting to see if someone goes in so I can barge in and take a picture of them naked."

Olga chuckled a bit, "You funny, Chelsea. Also, why you no speak fast? You speak fast first time you come. What happen to voice?"

Chelsea shrugged, "The energy drinks in my system ran out of steam, I only talk super fast when I'm on them and I haven't been able to find any on the island so far."

Olga smiled, "By the way, Luna not in Burning Birds cabin. She off eating people?"

Chelsea shrugged, "Beats me, I haven't seen her this morning, either. I'm sure she's still in the game, though."

"Ummmm...pardon me, ladies but uh...what're ya doing outside of the boys' bathroom?" Adam asked, suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Olga gave an embarassed blush while Chelsea just grinned at Adam, "Well, I'm waiting until a guy walks in and uses the rest room. Then I'll snap a few good photos of his ding dong and put it on the internet."

Adam blinked a few times, "Why are ya so obsessed with naked people?"

Chelsea shrugged, "Nudity is natural. Whenever someone is born, they're naked. And sometimes that naked baby grows up to be a famous person. And then when they take their clothes off, they're naked and famous. If I had a time machine, I would go back and make sure every episode of Saturday Night Live had every single person naked in it and I would call it my masterpiece. Nudity is nature, art, money, controversy, so many different things. Really amazing, huh?"

Adam and Olga just blinked at her and Philip dashed into the men's washroom. Chelsea followed behind him, a camera snap and Philip's screaming could be heard. Olga and Adam just looked at each other and burst out laughing.

CHELSEA (CC): Snapping the photo was TOTALLY worth it. There's one for my scrapbook!

PHILIP (CC): What on earth is Chelsea's problem?! Doesn't she know its rude to spy on people? What a weirdo!

OLGA (CC): Philip cute. Olga kind of want to see photo herself.

Meanwhile, Tanner and Clark were outside of the mess hall and Clark was digging in the dumpster while making animalistic grunting and chittering noises. Tanner raised an eyebrow, "Clark, is this really necessary?"

Clark just shrugged, "My animal instincts told me that Chef had left some juicy apples in this dumpster. I was listening to the call of the wild."

Tanner blinked a few times, "Yeah...aren't you aware that dumpsters are crawling with germs?"

Clark shrugged, "My human side tells me it's very insanitary but my raccoon side tells me it's fun. In the end, my beastly side won. Personally, if you ask me, being human is kind of overrated. I'm a procyon, not a primate."

Tanner blinked, "Procyon? Wouldn't expect a scientific word like that to come out of a spiritual guy like you. You're just full of surprises."

Clark just laughed, "Of course I am, the raccoon is a trickster spirit after all, you know. The elders told me so at the reservation."

Tanner rubbed his chin, "Right. And besides, what would Mary say if she saw you digging in thr dumpster?"

Clark smiled, "Mary is a rough tomboy. She's the type of girl who has burping contests with guys and shuns all things girly. I doubt she'd be fazed by any of my raccoony antics."

Tanner nodded, "Hmmm...I can see why she likes you, then."

CLARK (CC): Mary finds the fact that I act like an animal really cute. If I wasn't her boyfriend, I'd be glad to be her pet.

TANNER (CC): Clark just gets weirder and weirder. I wonder if he's hiding something. Oh well, he's certainly a strong player and someone who I'd like to ally with despite his eccentricity.

Meanwhile, Mary, Billy and Ether are all sitting in the shade of a birch tree relaxing as Mary plays her guitar and sings:

Hey boy, when your heart is breaking

Hey boy when she's through taking

Everything that she can take from you

Hey boy, when you're through with losing

Hey boy, when you're down and bruising

Everything seems so cruel to you...

MARY (CC): What can I say? The Raccoons is one of my top 3 favorite TV shows alongside Metalocalypse and Northern Exposure. I guess part of the reason I like Clark so much is cause of his raccoon motif. Sometimes I wonder if Tanner feels like he's more in an episode of Northern Exposure than one of Total Drama. After all, he is an aspiring doctor.

BILLY (CC): Gee whiz, it's much more swell to hear Mary playing her guitar instead of Fred shouting his head off. The camp seems much quiter and more peaceful already.

Ether got up and walked up to Mary who abruptly stopped playing her guitar, "Hey Mary, sorry to interrupt your concert but Billy and I are going to have a private chat over there. You know, alliance talk."

Mary shrugged, "Do whatever you feel like. I have an alliance of my own too, you know."

Ether smiled at Mary, "Thank you for your understanding. I'm sure you can continue putting on your concert for Jesus. He's standing above and watching you, you know."

Mary rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I think I get the picture, Ether."

ETHER (CC): That heavy metal satan is going down one of these days. And when she does, I'll be there to picket at her funeral with the WBC.

And so, Ether and Billy walked out into a clearing and Billy blinked, "Is there something you'd like to talk to me about, Ether?"

Ether smiled and nodded, "Billy, you know that I'm a Christian and that Christians never lie. I lay my hand upon the bible and swear on the good name of the lord Jesus Christ that I'll take you to the final two with me."

Billy gasped in shock, "Golly! Really? Gee whillickers, that's real keen of you, Ether."

Ether smiled, "But...if we lose this challenge, I think it would be best if we vote off Clark."

"Clark?" Billy asked, "But he's the strongest one on our team right now."

Ether smiled, "Right now, Clark may be our strongest player but once the merge happens, he'll be a huge threat along with Mary. Best to vote him off now and spare the tension. Besides, Clark is a disease ridden homosexual. Jesus knows. All furries are gays who dress in animal costumes to make themselves appear cute but they really want to lure unsuspecting people and molest and rape them. Billy, you can't trust Clark. Vote him off for your own safety, you'll be doing the right thing and God will thank you for it."

Billy rubbed his chin, "Gee whiz...I guess if Jesus says so, it's best to follow his word. All right, Ether. I'll take your side."

Ether smiled and shook Billy's hand, "Excellent, you won't regret your decision."

BILLY (CC): Gosh...if Jesus says to stay away from furries then maybe I should.

ETHER (CC): Heh heh heh...Billy truly is my faithful lamb!

Meanwhile, Chelsea had just dashed into the girls' side of the communal restroom and a loud camera click and Janessa's angry screaming were heard, "YOU STUPID PAPARAZZI REPUBLICAN SOCCER MOM SHEEP! How DARE you snap a photo of me on the can. Imma write a slam about how you suck and imma get my revenge on you! Just you wait, daddy-o!"

Chelsea skipped out of the washroom giggling uncontrollably as Janessa chased her with her pants to her ankles and wound up tripping and falling on her face.

CHELSEA (CC): So worth it!

JANESSA (CC): Imma write a slam so mean that albino sheeple will cry! Just you wait, daddy-o!

Meanwhile, Mary walked up to Tanner and Clark was still digging in the dumpster. The rocker smiled at the med student, "Hey Tanner, looks like Clark is getting in touch with his wild side, huh?"

Tanner blinked, "This doesn't gross you out?"

Mary shrugged, "I sometimes look through dumpsters myself. Sometimes people throw away the most valuable things. I one time found a perfectly good pair of speakers someone tossed in the dumpster. It's really sad to think someone would want to toss it away. Now I use those speakers for recording sessions with my band."

Clark popped out of the dumpster, "Hey, Mary. I saved an apple for you. Catch!"

The otherkin threw the apple and the rockstar girl caught it and took a bite out of it. Tanner cringed, "Ugh...seriously?"

Mary shrugged, "Dumpster diving sure beats Chef's cooking anyday."

Tanner crossed his arms, "Neither is very good for your health."

Suddenly, Chris' voice came across the loudspeaker, "Campers, get into the mess hall and have breakfast. I'm sure you'll be finding the next challenge to be quite a blast!"

TANNER (CC): A blast? I already don't like the sound of this. Might as well bring my first aid kit.

LUNA (CC): Mweeheeheehee, just wait until they taste my cooking!

10 campers filed into the mess hall and they noticed Theo already sitting at the table, "Looks like thy early bird catches thine worm. Can my fellow knights joineth me for thine morning feast?"

The knight skewed a tarantula with his lance and bit the legs off it it, "Luna hath been cooking breakfast for us instead of Chef this fine morning!"

Clark just shrugged, "Well, sometimes raccoons eat insects so I'll take what I can get."

Tanner crossed his arms, "This mess hall needs a serious health inspection if you ask me."

Luna stepped out from behind the kitchen counter, "Hello there, my pretties! Chef Hatchet was kind enough to let me cook breakfast so I cooked up the witchiest meal I could make!"

Philip sat down and peered at his soup to see a dead bat floating in it, "Seriously?"

Olga was busy picking cobwebs out of her soup, "This soup seem different." Suddenly, a spider crawled out of the cavegirl's soup and Olga took the bone out of her hair and squashed it.

Mary just peered down and saw some fetus-like thing wiggling in her soup, "What in the world is that?"

Tanner walked up to Mary and examined her soup, "I think it's an embalmed cow fetus."

"I brought it to life with my witchy magic! Mweeheeheehee!" Luna cackled wickedly, earning an eyeroll from Philip and Adam.

Mary pushed her bowl away, "Eww. No way am I eating the Eraserhead baby."

Billy peered down at his soup to see live snakes swimming around in it, hissing, "Gee whiz, I think I'll pass on my soup as well."

Janessa groaned as she pulled a shrunken head out of her soup, "Dragsville...man, where is the damn iced coffee?"

Philip raised an eyebrow, "We've already told you a million times, Janessa. This is summer camp, not Starbucks."

Adam just peered over at the other teams table and watched as Clark washed his hands in the soup like a raccoon does and bit the head off a giant cockroach as he made satisfied growling noises, "Yeah...ah reckon some of us are more in touch with our wild sides than others."

Suddenly, Chris barged in the mess hall wearing goggles, a kevlar vest with a mechanical belt around his waste with what appeared to be a life bar on it and a large blaster gun, "Campers, today we're going to be playing a game called Extreme Radioactive Virtual Reality Laser Tag Deathmatch."

Philip blinked a few times, "That sounds...extreme."

Chelsea giggled a bit, "Do we get to pull our opponent's pants down and snap pictures of their privates?"

Chris shook his head, "No, we won't be doing any of that. This is a laser tag challenge, not a perverted voyeur challenge."

"So, how exactly are we going to do this challenge? Will it be a free for all or a one on one?" Clark asked.

"One on one." Chris explained, "There will be a total of six matches between each team since there are 12 campers total and six on each team. Whichever team wins most matches wins. If there is a tie and 3 Burning Birds and 3 Frosty Ferrets win, the six winners will go on to face round two and duke it out. If that's the case, then whichever team scores at least two matches wins."

Tanner smiled, "Sounds pretty fair. May I ask just how much radiation these laser guns carry?"

Chris shrugged, "Beats me, but one things for sure: they sure do pack one heck of a punch. Everyone, follow me to the newly built arcade on the island. I'll give you your gear there."

Billy blinked, "Gee whiz, what's an arcade?"

"A place where you play video games." Philip replied.

"What's a video game?" Billy asked, "Is it like watching baseball on TV?"

Most everyone groaned and facepalmed at Billy.

BILLY (CC): Gee whiz, I sure hope our next challenge involves dancing to a jukebox at a malt shop or a baseball game if I don't get voted off. Boy oh boy, would that be swell!

JANESSA (CC): Stupid sheeple doesn't know what video games are. Must've got too many baseballs knocked off his head.

CLARK (CC): Laser tag, huh? I one time played a round of laser tag with some fursuiters at an arcade once. I've also roleplayed online on a MUCK website as a space commando fox named Blaster Felix. Good times...good times...sadly, the MUCK site is now defunct.

LUNA (CC): My cooking skills were really put to the test. Maybe I could cook the food if the campers have an eating challenge. As for laser tag, I sure hope the lazers turn my opponent into a frog. Time to get blasting, my pretties! Mweeheeheeheehee!