Chapter 15: "It feels like freedom."
Moonlight wove its silvery strands among the tall trees as Marian retrieved the bundle of clothing from concealment in Rufford's garden wall; a part of her always knew she would return to Sherwood one day. The night was not yet half-spent, but the sisters rose so early the young woman must leave now if she were to do so unobserved.
The shadow of the darkened abbey loomed over her as she slipped from her thin, coarse nightshift and replaced it with a brown leather dress. Piece by piece she fitted herself for the forest while a peaceful calm settled over her bringing warmth and comfort to her heart. At last the final lace tied, her course chosen, she turned toward the forest. As she looked back at Rufford Abbey, Marian thought of the saintly Reverend Mother; she would understand her need to go. A note to her father was left on her pallet to let him know of her departure and a promise to visit often.
Once outside the garden walls, the stunning brunette inhaled deeply and stepped purposefully toward the greenwood, welcoming the sight and smell of it, enjoying even the cold dampness of the dewy grass. The forest bower closed overhead with a hint of sadness. The familiar sights, sounds and smells were ones she always shared. There were none to share them now – Robin would have nothing to do with her. From now on, she would be solitary; but at least here in Sherwood, her heart would be honest; she needn't pretend to own qualities foreign to her.
The sun rose above the horizon, slowly dissolving the night's darkness. Soon the warming rays would reach into the heart of the greenwood, awakening nature's abundant life. It was a glorious morning, and the sounds of spring were humming a recurring harmony.
A startled Marian sat upright, stirring the leafy pallet beneath her. Just for an instant she forgot the nocturnal exit from Rufford Abbey that brought her home – to Sherwood. She breathed deeply, taking in the fresh forest air – a potent elixir, renewing her life and her spirit.
It feels like freedom. For so long that was her dearest wish: freedom to be her own person; freedom to say and do what she thought wise; freedom to dress sensibly! Placing her hand on her hips, she stretched the stiffness from her body and released a cathartic sigh. She loosened her boots and slipped them off, giggling as the cool soil tickled her feet. In her heart, Marian knew she was meant to be in Sherwood; she loved it as Robin did.
Six months ago, the very first day she came to Sherwood, they argued fiercely. Marian was questioning everything about a mission that was deliberated prior to her arrival. She thought the plan foolhardy and a heated discussion began.
"Please do not argue with me about this, Marian. The plan was approved by the others before you came to the forest.
"Are they lemmings? Would they also follow you over a cliff?" Marian's sarcasm only fueled Robin's frustration; he was already struggling to keep his anger in check.
"One leader, Marian. There can only be one leader."
"But surely we can discuss…"
"Yes, we can discuss when the plan is being formed, but the final decision will be mine. You will not be able to argue with me like this in front of the others. There will be problems if you ignore me, lives are in the balance."
"Do not tell me what to do!" Marian would give no ground.
"Trust me – dissention always results in chaos; I have seen it. Once the scheme is set, orders are necessary. Everyone knows their job; everyone else depends on them to do it. That is how a military unit works."
"A military unit?" How ridiculous, she thought; it was evident in her voice and she glared at Robin.
"YES!" The aggravated man shouted excitedly. Taking a breath, Robin continued more calmly, "When we are working a scheme, there can be only one man – one person - in charge. And here, in the forest, that person is me."
"Robin, please do not talk to me like I am a child."
"Then do not act like one!"
Marian crossed her arms and stared at him defiantly.
"I am serious Marian – one leader!" Robin's eyes pleaded with her to understand.
Marian snorted, turning on her heel and walking away in a huff. Robin called after her, "Now whose being petulant?"
Once she calmed down and put her mind to it, Marian saw the wisdom in his point of view. Her conditioned response to anyone telling her what to do was fight back. She was defensive because of the way women were treated by the Sheriff, by Gisborne; even her father silenced her when she spoke out.
The Night Watchman worked alone; she did whatever she wanted. She was the boss. Now she would be working as a member of a team, an established team who was successful. Robin was a military leader, a decorated soldier, trusted to guard the King's life. Marian would have to suppress her need to control, and concede to her warrior's expertise. If she wanted to share his life in the forest, she must prove to Robin, and the others she was capable of doing so; and she would have to hold her tongue - in front of the others at least.
Pushing the memory aside, she gathered her few possessions and prepared to leave the temporary camp. With a fallen branch she raked the area where she spent the night, Marian was not yet deep enough into the greenwood to leave any trace of her presence.