Disclaimer : let's see… nope, still don't own it.

()()()()

"Just great." a voice behind Miria groaned in dismay. "Another new arrival."

Still somewhat disoriented, the spiky-haired claymore turned around and stared at the person who had spoken.

"I swear, this place sure is getting crowded."

Miria still didn't answer, too busy staring at the woman in front of her. It wasn't the blond hair or silver eyes that surprised her. It wasn't even the fact that this warrior had looks that put Galatea to shame, only enhanced by the gentle smile on her face.

"My eyes are up here you now."

Miria peeled her eyes from the woman's chest only for them to go back down two seconds later.

"Hey! Quit staring! You're freaking me out."

Try as she might, Miria still couldn't take her eyes away from her chest. This simply couldn't be.

"It's the writing right?" the woman sighed. "It's always the writing."

Indeed what had caught Miria's eye were the words on the front of her uniform : 'Teresa of the Faint Smile – strongest #1 ever – lame death by a sneak attack.'

Hey, what were you thinking?

"That's what I get for being merciful… DAMN IT HOW COULD I KNOW SHE WAS FAKING? KILL ME WHILE I'M STILL HUMAN MY ASS!" Teresa shouted angrily.

Miria sweatdropped at the sight. Sure she had heard of Teresa, but she didn't know how she had died. "You were ranked Number One, your opponent played possum… and you fell for it?" Talk about breaking the myth. In fact the idea was so ridiculous that Miria let out a chuckle.

Teresa glared at her, then her smile became evil. "I wouldn't laugh Miss 'Dumbest death in the Claymore universe'. Anyway, welcome to the Claymore Afterlife."

"What did you call me? And what do you mean Afterlife?"

Teresa shrugged. "Just what it means. If you're here, then it means you died, unless Yagi-sama pulls a last-minute save. Then again, it's not his style so I wouldn't hold my breath. Then again, Cynthia did make it… Anyway, as the strongest character here, it's my job to greet new arrivals and keep people in line."

Miria wanted to protest but a quick look around showed only people she knew had died. Heck she recognized a few of the fallen warriors from Pieta, who bore the words 'Cannon fodder'.

"And before you ask, everyone here bears a note regarding how they died." Teresa casually pointed at Miria's chest. "This is yours."

Miria looked down and saw the words Teresa had called her earlier. Her reaction was instantaneous. "WHAT THE HELL? I DIDN'T DIE DUMBLY!"

"Meow?"

Looking down, they saw a cabbit rubbing itself against Teresa's legs. As Miria glared at the animal, Teresa picked the note tucked in its collar before letting it go.

"That was a plot bunny." Miria scowled. It could only mean one thing: she was on the butt end of a fanfic… again!

Even dead she wouldn't be left alone!

"I know. Now let's see : Phantom Miria, number Six, amazingly skilled at group tactics, devised the plan that ensure some warriors would survive the northern war. Yet," Teresa threw Miria with a piercing gaze, "you cut down one of your comrades so you could charge into the Organization alone."

Miria started to shrink.

"Then a warrior used a special ability on you; an ability that conveniently only works on one warrior at the time."

Miria shrunk more.

"The ability created the illusion of one of your dead friends."

Miria was now barely taller than Teresa's knee.

"And you believed it was true even though you delivered the death blow back then."

Teresa looked down… and down… and down to the two inches tall Miria. "Yep, for one of the most popular characters, that's pretty lame."

Suddenly Miria grew back to her original size, which still smaller than Teresa's. "How could I know they were going to pull the old mind rape trick? This is Claymore, not Naruto or Bleach! Couldn't Yagi be more original?" she shouted at the skies.

"You are missing the point." Teresa countered with a raised eyebrow and pointed to a silver-haired man arguing with a small girl. Both of them had the 'fought to his/her last breath in a heroic yet pointless struggle' label.

Oh, and there were several naked women with sewed eyes and mouths clinging to their legs.

"My fault? Excuse me, who tried to control a mindless creature who only seeks to destroy everything?" the man shouted.

"I wouldn't have if you hadn't found that thing! You know, the one who's been on a rampage recently?"

"At least I realized she was stronger than me and didn't try to boss her around!"

"Right! You couldn't even admit it publically! You pretended you were stronger when in truth she kicked your ass!"

"She also kicked yours!"

"Ass-pulled heel face turn!"

"Jailbait!"

"Horse ass!"

Behind the bickering duo, several Claymores were watching while eating some popcorn with various levels of amusement written their faces. Only two of them had blank expressions on their identical features, their black outfits marked 'Pwned by Priscilla' standing out in the crowd.

As Yoki began surging around the pair, Teresa suddenly flared hers and called. "No fighting in your Awakened forms! Or else…"

Two pairs of fearful eyes turned to her. "Yes Ma'am!" they squeaked.

"God they are older than me yet they behave like children at times." she sighed and returned her attention to the stunned Miria. "Anyway, back to the point. You didn't have a desperate fight for survival like those two. You didn't go in a blaze of glory like Rigaldo."

The Silver Eyed Lion King gave her a friendly wave, his shirt proudly displaying his 'SUPERB!' mention. The 'Pwned' captains from Pieta stopped glaring at him and shook their head mournfully at Miria, though Jean was not with them.

"You didn't die an inspiring death, defiant to the end, refusing your condition and entrusting your will to someone."

In the distance, Ophelia was seen chasing her one-time 'AB of the month' playmate – if said Awaken Being snapping her neck and Ophelia slashing her to pieces can be called playing.

"Nor did you sacrifice your life in a tear-jerking moment to save a comrade with your dying breath."

Jean was currently poking at Duff's giant crumpled form; apparently Riful had been mildly annoyed at his handling of her corpse. Along with her were two Claymores with the 'Pwned' mention, and another with the 'goriest death award', cheerfully doodling on him.

"No, you just sat there, reveled in an illusionary happiness despite having a sword in your gut, and died with a goofy smile." Teresa finished.

Miria mumbled incoherently."I thought…"

"What, that you had plot armor? No one has, ask Renee."

"At least you had a death scene." Said warrior shouted.

"Don't be sour, Irene didn't either." Teresa placated.

"Hers was the 'fated yet tragic mentor's death'. Mine was 'too unimportant to be shown'! Heck not even the author of this fic knows if I'm dead or not because Yagi didn't bother confirming it!"

Teresa sighed tiredly. The duty of peaceholder was annoying at times. 'I wonder if I can dump it on Priscilla when she comes here.'

She sighed again and once again turned to Miria. "Sure, we were expecting some of you to die, but nobody was betting on you being the first. We thought it would be someone less prominent, like Tabitha."

Miria sputtered indignantly. "W… Wait! You're BETTING on who dies next?"

Everyone shuffled uneasily. "Well, you see, we've got to keep ourselves entertained somehow. Even watching Isley and Riful gets boring after a while you know." Flora's soft, polite voice said.

"In fact we're wondering how long it will take for Tabitha to kill herself in despair." Undine poked her fingers together, which looked strange considering her massive bulk.

()()()()

Back in the living world.

"STOP HER!" Galatea shouted as Tabitha was trying to hang herself for the sixth time.

"I'M TRYING!" Clarice replied as she attempted to remove the noose from Tabitha's neck and Miata prevented her from kicking the stool away.

"CAPTAIN! I'LL JOIN YOU!"

()()()()

"And someone might get a lamer death than you… I don't know, like choking on an apple or something…" Jean continued.

()()()()

"ACK… ACK…*cough*…HELP…" the choking warrior was saved by a hard punch to the gut, which expelled the bit of fruit stuck in her windpipe. She took a few deep breaths and grinned gratefully to her long-time friend.

"Told you this would happen some day."

Heedless of the scare she had just received, the hungry Claymore took another apple. "Want some?" she asked.

"ARGHHHHH!"

()()()()

"… or being strangled to death for being too annoying."

'Like that could happen.' Miria's angry grumbling was interrupted by a loud, upset-sounding voice… a voice she hadn't heard in years.

"WHERE IS SHE?"

The crowd parted to let a Claymore through. Miria's face split into a huge happy smile at the sight of her old friend; and this time it was no illusion. She was truly here. Of course she'd be here, where the entire Claymore cast went when they died.

"HILDA!"

Cue to the classic reunion scene as the two women ran at each other, a magnificent field of flowers appearing under their feet and cheesy romantic music playing in the background.

Miria's joy was short-lived when instead of the heartfelt hug she was expecting, she found her right ear grabbed into a vicious pinch. The screeching of a scratched record was deafening.

"OWWW! Hilda! What the hell…" Miria screamed as she was dragged away by her ear to another room.

"You were supposed to avenge us, destroy the Org and set things right, but nooooooo… not to mention you pretty much doomed the good guys in this series… so you, little missy, are going to get a small attitude adjustment. Consider yourself lucky it won't be public." Hilda locked the door behind her, though Miria's voice could still be heard.

"Hilda! Put me down! Hey! These are my pants!" Miria screeched. "Hilda… Why are you holding a paddle? No… don't tell me you're going to…"

"This is for acting like an idiot!" *SLAP!* "This is for injuring your comrade!" *SLAP!* "This is for threatening your friend!" *SLAP!* "Another one for acting like an idiot!" *SLAP!* "This is for going on your own!" *SLAP!* "This is for falling for a stupid trick…"

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

Outside the room, Teresa gave her trademark smile. 'Just wait Clare. I am quite unhappy with your choices in life and your sense of priorities… When you come here, we too will have a nice long talk about it.' she thought, idly thinking of the wooden paddle she had with Clare's name on it.

()()()()

In the living world, Clare sneezed loudly. Sure it was strange considering she had been merged with a bodyless mass of Yoki. But what was even stranger was the sudden urge she had to cover her rear.