I lean back and cross my arms, hoping to blend into the background, overlooked for awhile, which shouldn't be difficult in such an overcrowded and dimly lit room. Yet it always is. I've given my report and, as usual, been questioned suspiciously while those who don't question frown darkly at me.
Despite this being the season of brotherly love, all I ever seem to find here is mistrust and contempt. At times I wonder why I bother returning. Then I remember the loss I alone am responsible for, and I know I can't fail again, no matter how little my fellow conspirators trust or value my contribution to the cause.
As the conversation drones on, I find myself watching you, as I often do. You seldom seem to add anything to the frequent arguments or pontificating speeches, but whenever you do speak, everyone listens with a respect they never accord to me.
Mostly you listen attentively, nodding and smiling encouragingly at times. You even nod at me, and sometimes I find myself drawing out my reports as long as possible simply so I can prolong those moments when I am your focus. When your smile, your nod, your attention is mine alone.
This evening, your face appears wearier than usual, the lines around your mouth speak of hidden pain, and when you move, it's with a stiffness that belies your usual grace. The full moon has just passed, and clearly, your dedication has made you leave your bed too soon. My fingers caress the smooth vial of pain reliever that rests in my pocket, waiting until I can find a moment to slip it to you unseen by the prying eyes of others, who'd look at my gift with suspicion and counsel you not to use it.
Suddenly, you turn and look my way. When your eyes meet mine, my heart stops for a long moment before beginning to beat again much faster. Time stands still for me as you stare into my eyes, your lips curved into a gentle smile. A flush of warmth runs through me, and although I know I should look away, scowl, or pretend indifference... I don't.
Finally your eyes slide away and return to the speaker, leaving me bereft. The rest of the meeting passes almost without my notice; all I know is that you don't turn to look at me again. As the gathering breaks up, I allow the surge of bodies to push me up the stairs, away from you. Passing through the darkness of the narrow hallway, I pause for a moment and slip the vial of potion into the pocket of your cloak as I head for the door.
Outside the air is still and cold, the stars sparkle brightly in the sky, but I barely notice their beauty. As I vanish into the night, I take the image of your smile and your glance with me to hold as a shield against the darkness until I see you again.