Purpose Chapter 5
Disclaimer- I (very sadly) do not own ANYTHING, except the plot.
A/N: So here's the next chapter of Purpose, sorry it's later than usual; it took me a while to write because I really couldn't decide what to do with it. Also it's longer than usual! So any suggestions would really be most appreciated, thanks! Please review, and thanks to 'shadowstar2000' for you constant and really nice support so here we go!
Harry's p.o.v-
Harry missed Draco, it was predictable yeah sure. It was also his fault, who the hell else would break up with a boyfriend they still loved? He missed the smooth skin, the grey eyes which penetrated his emerald ones with but a glance. What happened to that bond? That connection? When they had kissed for the first time Harry had felt it so clearly. But now? Not so much, it was like it had gone fuzzy, almost like when Dudley couldn't get a good reception on his TV. Static. There was such a big hole in his heart though, one that could only be filled with Draco. Harry had screwed up, and he need to fix it. He decided to talk to Draco during Break.
Draco's p.o.v-
Draco ached all over, he was mentally exhausted. His usual bright silver eyes were dull and had dark shadows under them, his hands shook with every move. The boy was a complete mess; he hadn't slept in two days. Draco had known something of the sort before in his sixth year, when he had tried to fix that vanishing cabinet. This was worse. Guilt, he decided, was worse than fear.
"Draco I want you to stay behind after class for a couple of minutes, I must talk to you" Snape stood behind his cauldron.
He was in a potions class again, and had not looked up all lesson for fear he would catch Harry's eyes. If he had, then maybe Harry would know everything that had gone on! They did have a strange connection after all. But now he just sounded more paranoid than worried.
"Yes sir" His new, toneless voice answered.
When the lesson finished he sat looking down at the table waiting until everyone had gone, then he looked up. Snape stifled a gasp, but his eyes widened.
"It's nothing" Draco promised.
"If it is, then why would you say there is an 'it' to describe? What happened to you, you look like you haven't slept." Severus observed.
"I'm fine" the boy persuaded.
"You're so pale you're practically transparent, your hair is not brushed, and your hands! All lesson Draco it has been painful to watch the tortured shake in them! What burden do you carry this year? What could possibly be worse than-"
"GUILT!" Malfoy exploded, "have you ever felt like you would explode from thing you have done that you regret as soon as you have done them? But then after thinking it through you decide it maybe wasn't that bad! Until you feel fucking guilty because you don't feel guilty! I will explode, I'm crazy with it! Crazy!" Silence echoed after the noise.
Snape's p.o.v-
"No Draco I have not. But tell me what it is, the confession may help."
Draco did not need to know that Snape had lied to his face. He did not need to know that he was responsible for the woman he had loved's death. What greater guilt and burden could one carry? Snape could not tell Draco this because he wanted the boy to believe he could heal. What use was it to tell Draco that the guilt would never leave, if anything it would increase? He could not burden Draco with this. So he would pretend to be ignorant, for the man's own good.
"I can't tell you! It's so embarrassing!" but then Draco seemed to pale at what he had just said. "I can't believe I just said that, thinking that is just what got me into this mess in the first place" He muttered to no one in particular. Then he turned towards Snape. "No. Don't you even dare use legilimency against me! I can block you!" The Malfoy warned.
"You are in no state to empty your mind Draco. You can tell me now, or I can delve into you mind. Your choice." Snape felt he could help him if he knew the problem.
"You cannot just invade my privacy like this! I deserve a little respect." Draco grasped at straws.
"We'll see." And with that he sank into Draco's thoughts.
He will never forget what he saw.
Each thought came as a flash and was blurred slightly around the edges.
Draco and Harry Potter were in a bathroom crying and Harry was accusing him: "You weren't here! And Draco, I needed y-"
Draco felt shock at these words, but then a warm burning feeling in his stomach, he was wanted. "You needed me?" Dare he ask? Harry drew closer and closer until-
"I need you more than anyone." Then they were kissing.
Snape nearly lost concentration right there. Kissing? So this is what Draco was dealing with. He was gay, and had fallen for his supposed enemy. But that didn't explain why he was guilty. The thoughts went on.
He saw how Harry had snuck up on Draco after potions class, what they had done and how it had felt for Draco when Harry had said his name…
Bu then he was in the Slytherin common room and Draco was nervous because they were talking about him, voicing all his insecurities. "So Draco how did it feel to fuck a Gryffindor lion?" Pansy was obviously joking but still…
"Oh yeah sure Pansy I totally had sex with Harry fucking Potter the Golden Gryffindor." He valiantly put on his best smirk. "Right after I gave Hagrid a hug" Draco even managed a snort. The Slytherins Looked satisfied, heaven forbid they had found out. It would be over, the reputation he had worked so long and hard for.
The next thought, Harry was shouting at him accusing him of being ashamed of their relationship, and the absolute gut-wrenching pain he felt when Harry had walked away from him.
But then the real surprise came, the next bit happened so fast, Zabini was all over him and it felt so good to be touched again. So he went along with it and afterwards, that scary need made its appearance. An unexplained want for Blaise that he couldn't cope with. That's when the guilt all came crushing down. He felt in himself that he had cheated on Harry and Draco hated himself because of it. On top of that, he knew that Zabini really had a crush on him, something Draco wasn't equipped to deal with! He had despicably led Blaise on, god knew how he felt know the poor man.
The last thought was Draco praying with every fibre he possessed for somebody to tell him what to do.
Draco's P.O.V-
He lay panting on the floor of the potions classroom trying to regain some sanity after being forced to relive all of those details.
"You BASTARD!" He jumped up. "Don't you think it was hard enough the first time around?!" Draco screamed at Snape. Then he pulled out his wand and pointed it at the potions master. "You- you stay away from me." He tried to look fierce. Snape saw right through it.
"I will not reject you Draco. You are like a son to me; I accept who you are." Snape spoke calmly and slowly.
Draco didn't know what to think, could he trust the man? But then again he didn't have much choice and Severus's eyes looked sincere. So He ended up crying into his shoulder.
"I understand you wish someone to tell you what to do Draco." Snape spoke softly. "I cannot do this but I will give you some advice. The need you felt for Zabini? I think that you were broken that day, so you looked for comfort wherever you could find it. The need is just for attention. Not for Zabini's attention. However, what you have for Harry? I think you are in love with him. And I think you know that, and are scared of it. I know how it feels Draco, and you are lucky enough for Harry to also feel it. You cannot let this opportunity slide! You mustn't. Heaven knows it doesn't come along even once in a lifetime for most of us." And that put an end to Snape's weighty advice. Draco could tell he had meant every word he had said and Draco felt he was right about everything, why hadn't he seen it so obviously before?
It was clear now what he must do. And with that thought, Draco aloud himself a smile for the first time in days. "Thank you Professor, you were honestly a really treasured help. You have swept up all the mess in my head. How can I ever repay you" Draco felt positive so very suddenly.
"Just the one thing Draco."
"Anything sir" He smiled as he walked to the door.
"Never have sex outside of my classroom again"
Draco aloud the joyous feeling of laughter to erupt through his lungs.
Draco Malfoy was back on top.