WARNING : This chapter contains spoilers for manga chapter 113 ; read at your own risk.
Disclaimer : I don't own Claymore.
()()()()
"Go away! I'm not coming out!" a rather immature voice shouted stubbornly inside the room, much to the irritation of the group assembled in front.
No, this is not a repost of the first chapter of this fic. The setting was eerily similar though : once again, one of the characters had been upset at their treatment in recent chapters and, as a result, had isolated themselves to sulk.
"Damn it kid!" Helen shouted. "You're sounding like your anime version." She then turned to Deneve. "Can I break the door this time? Miria's not around so it should be okay."
"DON'T!" Deneve shouted.
"Awww! Why?" Helen whined.
"Because last time you did, we all ended up passing out from blood loss."
"Come on Deneve! That was a different fic and I doubt the kid's brooding naked!"
"And what if he is?"
Helen thought about for a moment before grinning. "Then it'd still be worth it."
The dual-wielder looked torn but she still shook her head regretfully.
"What's going on here?" the honorary Ghost AKA Dietrich asked as she approached.
"Apparently Raki is being difficult." Cynthia supplied.
Dietrich blinked. "Who?"
"You know… Raki."
"I don't see who you're talking about."
"Hellooooo… the male lead of the show… Clare's boy toy…" Helen asked.
"The guy whose ass you ogled in the author's previous fic?" Yuma supplied, blushing at the memory.
"Rings any bells?" Helen finished.
"Nope." Dietrich deadpanned.
A frustrated sound was heard behind the door.
"Anyway, I'm asking again, what's going on?"
"He's locked himself in and won't come out no matter what. We tried everything!"
"We slipped a picture of a naked Galatea under the door, we dangled Clare's underwear, we talked dirty to him, we told him Clare and Priscilla were making out… Heck, he didn't come out even when Rachel chased Rubel with a branding iron." Helen sighed.
A loud squeal of pain was heard, along with the sound and smell of sizzling flesh. Seconds later, a grinning Rachel was seen dragging Rubel by a leash, the spy holding his smoking butt.
"See?" Helen asked. "No reaction."
"That was pretty random." Dietrich deadpanned.
"Well, the author did say he wanted Rachel to brand Rubel's ass some day." Cynthia shrugged. "At least he's keeping his promises."
"Huh, Cynthia?" Yuma asked hesitantly. "A reviewer sent a review involving the Y-word. And you remember what we were threatened with if it ever came up again."
Everyone gulped nervously.
"Nah, don't worry. That rule only applies to you. As long as none of you mentions any yaoi pairings, you'll be fine." They turned around and saw a guy in a janitor outfit mopping a corner of the room. "Though I'm still wondering if Rubel/Rachel counts."
"Well, that's a relief." Deneve sighed. "Thank you, mister?"
"D. Just call me Weird D." he said, chuckling to himself before leaving.
"Why do I feel like I know this guy?" Helen asked, voicing everyone's question.
"Anyway, why is… Raki… upset?" Dietrich asked in an attempt to get things back on topic.
"Well, apparently, he's mad at his recent character development, or lack thereof." Cynthia replied.
"The kid was the first character whose name was given, and was the 'boy meets girl' that starts most manga series. That meant he was a relevant character, even though the cast started expanding and he was the only normal human." Helen explained.
"Well, excuse me for starting off as an ordinary twelve-years old boy. I'm deeply sorry for not being trained to use swords as soon as I could walk. Please forgive me for not having a traumatic past and not growing up on a battlefield." Raki growled sarcastically.
Deneve ignored the interruption. "Even after Clare got separated from him, he was the reason behind most of her actions : because she was looking for him, she ran into Riful, Galatea and Jean, and got information about Priscilla. Because Rubel mentioned Raki had been taken north by slavers, Clare fought in Pieta. Then we left because she found traces of him, and went to Rabona since it was a turning point for them, which led to our timely arrival against Agatha."
"So, even without being there, he was still a motivating element for the plot." Yuma summarized.
"Yeah right." Raki snorted. "I went from support character to convenient plot device."
"Come on! You became able to kill off Yoma during the time skip, and you managed to befriend two of the big bads!" Helen shouted. "It's nothing to sneeze at."
This got another derisive snort from the man. "First, most fans are still sticking to my anime version. Never mind the fact that I was ready to die for Clare, they still see me as the load she was dragging around, and the one who stopped her from killing Priscilla."
"That's a good laugh considering Priscilla wiped the floor with Clare in the manga." Cynthia giggled.
"Well, most of the readers hate Priscilla." Helen objected. "She is the main villain after all."
"Get real!" Raki shot back. "The readers don't hate Priscilla because she's evil or overpowered, they hate her because she killed the single most favorite character in this entire series! Well, GROW UP AND GET OVER IT!"
"The author is soooo getting flamed for this." Helen sighed.
"At least he might finally get more than six reviews for a chapter." Yuma shrugged.
"Where were we? Oh yeah… I can kill Yoma? Big deal, they haven't been a threat to anyone since what? Eighty chapters? I finally get a moment of glory, and immediately after it gets shot down when it's revealed that humans can actually fight Yoma."
"…" Try as they might, none of the warriors could find an answer.
"And as for Priscilla considering me a friend, well, have you even read chapter 110?"
More silence was the only answer.
"Right! She didn't! 'I don't need you anymore' and a hand stuck in my back as a nice farewell gift! Sorry but in my book, someone who shoves their hand through your body is NOT a friend! So not only did I get dumped twice in the span of ten chapters, I pretty much lost my sole purpose in this series."
In another manga, a certain blond-haired loud-mouthed ninja stumbled due to an explosive sneezing fit. Said sneeze prevented him from saving his pink-haired abusive bitch of a love interest from his traitorous bastard psychopath of a 'friend', which finally gave him a reality check.
"Wait! Why are you defending Priscilla if you're mad at her?" Dietrich objected.
"Riful enjoyed torturing Claymores to turn them into Awakened Beings and no one called for her blood! Rigaldo slaughtered several of your friends but they still think he's one of the coolest Awakened! Can anyone say, 'double standard'?" Raki explained. "And at least she had the decency to dump me face to face. When Clare revealed that she cares about me much less than she does about her revenge, she said it to you."
The mighty warriors were stunned as the usually meek human vented his frustrations. Then again, even Yuma had been growing a backbone lately, so he kind of deserved it.
"Come on kid!" Helen shouted. "You make it sound like Yagi's gonna finish you off soon. At least you're still alive, so he must have some plan for you."
"Do I need to remind you? Isley came back after the time skip and he was killed in three chapters. Or Miria? Absent from the story for a while too, and she died two chapters later."
"Haven't you read? She made it after all." Dietrich announced.
"Where is she by the way?" Deneve asked, as she still owed her a punch.
"She's a little… tied up… at the moment." Helen grinned.
()()()()
"Tabitha! I demand that you release me immediately!" the returned leader ordered.
"I cannot, Captain." Tabitha purred as she gently stroked Miria's newly-scarred face. "You might do something stupid again."
"Could you at least give me some clothes?"
"Nope!"
()()()()
"I still think you're taking it too hard." Helen challenged.
"You want proof? Don't you wonder how I coped with the revelation that my travelling companions were man-eaters? I may be a pretty accepting guy, and maybe I got over it quickly, but I doubt it was instant! But no, this was completely swept under the rug… So much for character development!"
"He sure is on a roll today." Yuma commented.
"Well, this chapter is named the Raki rant after all." Deneve shrugged.
"And in a way, he does have a point." Dietrich conceded.
"But Raki, there's still the question of what you'll become now that Priscilla's hand has been removed." Cynthia placated. "Surely this will lead to something."
"Right, Yagi will make me the next Abyssal and Clare will kill me in a tearful Hilda-Miria redo… Not that anyone cares. Most of the readers are too busy rejoicing because Dae's plans probably involve some Teresa-zombie, others are partying about Miria's survival, and the rest are drooling over the new warrior with the most common superpower in anime."
"Big breasts?" Helen asked.
"No! The ability to fly. I swear every anime has at least one character who can do that. It's become as stereotyped as having a character who's obsessed with revenge."
"Actually, it's not true flight." Dietrich corrected in defense of her fellow warrior.
"Yeah, Anastasia's ability is crazy hair regeneration. Must be really stretchy too if she can tie it to rocks dozens of feet apart." Helen mused.
"Well, I suppose she needs it… It would be a pain to maintain that hairdo otherwise." Deneve grumbled, unconsciously running her hand through her short locks. "Still, this has to be the vainest power ever."
"So instead of advancing the plot, Yagi is putting existing characters on a bus and introducing new ones, including a Rapunzel rip-off who acts like a Mary Sue." Raki sulked. "I feel so loved here."
"Don't be so negative kid! It's not like everyone hates you." Helen tried to sound comforting, though she only managed to sound frustrated.
The only answer she got was a derisive snort. "In case you don't know, I'm at the bottom of the popularity polls, only Rubel and Duff rank lower. So excuse me if my self-esteem is a little low at the moment." Raki concluded, and somehow they could picture him pouting with his arms crossed over his chest.
There was a long silence since no one could find an answer.
"AH! TO HELL WITH IT!" Helen shouted.
**KABOOM!**
Before anyone could react, she had drilled though the door. "Clare and Priscilla are dumb enough to pass up a guy who would worship them? Fine! BUT I AM NOT!" she stated as she stomped into the room. "The kid needs an ego boost? He's gonna get one!"
There were sounds of a struggle inside, followed by Raki's strangled voice. "WHAT ARE YOU… *groan*"
"Is she going to do what I think she is?" Dietrich asked with a blush. Her question was answered by a pair of pants flying of the room and Helen giggling.
"It always ends like this. The author cannot write a serious story to save his life." Deneve paused as Helen's clothes followed. "And since the manga is so bleak, he thinks we all deserve a chance to be happy."
"Shouldn't we help?" Cynthia asked.
"I guess." Yuma replied as everyone followed inside.
Interestingly enough, no one bothered to ask who they would help.
()()()()
Extra scene :
"Why does Raki protest so much about having a bunch of hot girls after him? Why can't I get more reviews? Should I do a 'what do you mean I'm alive' outtake now? Decisions, decisions…"
The author's musings are suddenly interrupted by someone tapping his shoulder. Turning around, he sees a very pissed random Teresa fan who immediately proceeds to talk his head off.
[Insert random rant about Teresa's awesomeness and the sheer tragedy of her death – twenty minutes later]
"… how can you not hate that bitch for what she did? How dare you even mention getting over Teresa's death! This is blasphemy! THIS IS MADNESS!"
"Madness?" the author asks with a raised eyebrow. "THIS! IS! A MANGA!" he roars back, kicking the unsuspecting fan into a black pit that appears from nowhere.
The author looks at the sign saying 'pit to Futa-Rachel's room' and cackles at the sounds of horror coming from inside.