Disclaimer : don't own, don't own, don't own…

()()()()

"Why me? *Thump* Why me? *Thump* Why me? *Thump*"

Each utterance was punctuated by the speaker banging her head on the wall.

"Miria?" Helen asked cautiously, which prompted everyone's favorite Number Six to stop denting the wall, "are you okay?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be? I was thought to be dead, that is until Yagi revealed that I survived. Whoopie, I'm back in the canon plot… can't you see I'm dripping with enthusiasm?" Miria groaned without turning to face Helen.

"Uh uh…"

"Come on Miria! Isn't it great?" Cynthia asked cheerfully.

"No it's not!"

"Why?" Yuma asked. "You are one of the most popular characters; heck the fans were raving mad about your death. Surely it wouldn't raise such a reaction if anyone else among us died."

"And did you see the scene of your comeback?" Helen added. "All the warriors loyal to the Org hiding your survival from them, you calmly walking up to them in the middle of that handler's stupid little propaganda speech, the "oh shit" look on his face, and the warriors turning to you like they were awaiting YOUR commands… scratch Clare vs Rigaldo or Priscilla kicking Alicia and Beth's asses, that had to be THE single most awesome moment in the entire series. Not to mention the badass scar you got."

"So what is wrong with all that?" Cynthia asked again.

"What is wrong," Miria spun around, glaring at the subordinates, "is that I thought I was finally free from those fics! AND LOOK WHERE I AM!"

Everyone stared at her. Not at the x-shaped scar on her face, but the massive black eye she sported.

"What the heck happened to you?" Yuma blurted.

"I happened." Deneve said as she came up, a satisfied smile on her face. "I see you managed to escape Tabitha."

()()()()

Somewhere else…

"MMMPPHHHHHRRRR! MMM… MPPHH! " the bound and gagged warrior protested helplessly. (Translation : "Captain! Untie me!")

()()()()

'Sweet revenge.' Miria thought.

"Finally done with the kid?" Helen asked Deneve. "Hey, where's Shorty?"

"She wasn't done." Deneve snorted with a sour look, muttering something about being outdone by stamina freaks.

"Well, at least Raki won't be brooding after that." Cynthia supplied, blushing slightly.

"Do I want to know?" Miria sighed.

"Probably not." Yuma replied with a blush of her own.

"Right. Back on topic, do remember that I was chopped to pieces, and a handler, you know, the guys who can look at our bodies without puking, had to look away because it was too gruesome. Deliberately avoiding vital spots or not, the ground around me was pretty much painted red with blood."

"So?"

"Since Yagi had no problem killing off characters before, a miraculous survival feels a bit like an asspull. So they are wondering if he intended me to survive from the start, or if he eventually surrendered to fan pressure. Sorry Cynthia, you made it too, but your situation was more on the fence than mine."

"So what? They think that Yagi will start bringing characters back from the dead?" Helen scoffed.

"Actually," Miria started only to be interrupted by a loud popping noise.

*POOF*

"Oowwww!" Someone cried inside the cloud of smoke that had just appeared next to the group. The cloud dissipated to reveal a Claymore sitting unceremoniously on her butt. No one noticed Miria's eyes widening a bit.

"You!"

The unknown warrior stood up and dusted herself. She looked around and her eyes fell on Miria. "Oh, Miria. So there you are, we were wondering where you went."

"Who's that?" Helen whispered to Deneve.

"There's something on her shirt. 'Teresa of the Faint Smile – strongest #1 ever – lame death by a sneak attack'." Yuma read.

"Seriously?" Cynthia giggled, while Miria repressed a snicker since Teresa was still wearing her shirt from the Claymore afterlife.

"YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME!" Teresa shouted before glaring at Miria. "Where is YOUR shirt anyway?"

"Well, I wasn't dead so I guess it isn't true anymore. Sorry" Miria shrugged helplessly while mentally sighing in relief. At least she didn't have to carry that ridiculous label anymore.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Deneve asked.

"Well, it seems I might be brought back in the manga pretty soon, if chapter 113 is anything to go by."

"More like the author is jumping the gun again. How can you so sure?" Miria asked.

"Well, look at what Dae said: three Rank One warriors can be reanimated, and they choose based on strength and the state of their bodies. Depends what he meant by 'no imperfections' but most people think I qualify." Teresa stated.

In the distance, the sound of cheering fanboys could be heard.

"I mean, I was hailed as the strongest warrior ever, and if Dae managed to put back together a Claymore whose body had been torn to shreds, a mere beheading should be easy to fix. And not to sound conceited or anything, but it would make sense to bring back the single strongest instead of a no-name, especially considering the drama this will allow down the line with Clare and Priscilla."

"But you were beheaded." Helen objected. "Isn't that supposed to be, I don't know, fatal?"

"Then you can extend that logic to the other two. No matter how they died, whatever happened to them had to be fatal too. Unless you consider beheading more serious than all the other deaths we've seen so far, including being cut to tiny pieces, being eaten or having half your body missing." Teresa frowned. "Though I still wonder how they managed to preserve our bodies. It's not like they have fridges in this manga."

"Details." Miria snorted. "Trust me, they'll be so happy to see you back they'll be more than willing to let it slip. Except for the more annoying readers that is. I just hope Yagi won't make a habit of it. Can you imagine what will happen if characters start suddenly being revived?"

"Very true. For instance, who knows if Riful is really dead? For all we know, she managed to survive and the corpse Dauf was holding may have been a fake she created. We didn't see her die after all, just suffer seemingly lethal damage." Deneve pondered.

"That would be pretty farfetched." Helen frowned.

"It wouldn't be worse than the revived Number Ones." Yuma shrugged. "And honestly, we've seen warriors coming back from near-Awakening when it's supposed to be impossible, or warriors switching loyalties just like that. A few plot twists like that can give the story a second wind."

"Right, but if one of these involve gathering seven magical artifacts to summon a wish-granting dragon, I quit." Helen shot back.

"Without going this far," Teresa said pensively, "there were also Irene and Renee's deaths which were heavily implied, but never confirmed…"

"No way! Can you imagine how it would be? Heck, can you imagine what the crazy author of this fic could do if it happened?" Miria shouted. "Don't give him ideas!"

*POOF* *POOF* *POOF*

Three sounds identical to the one of Teresa's arrival were heard.

"Too late!" Yuma whimpered.

"Thank you Miria." Deneve glared at her leader as she braced herself for the worst.

To their confusion, no new characters greeted them.

"Looks like we're safe." Miria breathed in relief.

"Yeah, whoever came back probably went to torture someone else." Helen grinned.

"Speaking of which, could anyone tell me where Clare is?" Teresa asked innocently. "I need to… talk… to her." she smiled while fingering a certain wooden item hidden behind her back.

Miria shuddered in remembrance.

Teresa's smile grew.

Oblivious to this, the others were wondering who had been brought back, and where they were.

()()()()

"Let me go!" Clare yelled as she waved her arms frantically in an attempt to free herself from the person holding her in a head lock with their legs. The fact that Priscilla was rolling on the floor laughing and pointing at her wasn't helping at all.

"Not until you give it back." her captor said, though it was somewhat muffled by the slip of paper she was holding between her teeth. On it was written : "IOU : an arm."

"Please Irene! I haven't killed her yet! I still need it!" Clare whined.

"It didn't prevent you from getting your ass kicked. Besides, I'm going to need it to have hot lesbian sex with Teresa."

()()()()

"Where am I?" the tanned, busty Claymore wondered as she looked at her surroundings. "And what is this smell?"

"Oh, hi Renee!" a voice that sounded like a more cheerful Dietrich greeted her.

"EEEEEPPPPPPPPP!" Renee screeched at the sight of the short Number Eight without her hair ties or her clothes, a smile replacing her usual serious expression. Renee's eyes widened even more when she recognized the naked man next to her. Raki gave her a friendly wave of the hand, that damn grin on his handsome face giving her slight butterflies in the stomach.

Desperate to stop the nosebleed she could feel forming, she asked the first thing that came to mind. "So… Raki, right? Did you meet this Clare person again like you wanted?"

Instantly, Raki's face fell and you could swear a dark cloud of gloom was forming above his head.

Dietrich scowled at Renee. "Damn it! It took us hours to cheer him up and you had to ruin it!" she stomped to Renee and glared at the stronger warrior. "Well, you fix it!"

"WHAT?"

"Look, I'm tired, he's still good to go," Dietrich allowed a little admiration to slip into her voice, "and at least this time you won't die a virgin!"

()()()()

Claymore Afterlife

"Damn it!" Riful stomped the floor childishly as she raged. "I am the third unconfirmed death! So why am I still here? Why did the author send her back instead?"

"Because he's been waiting for an excuse to get her involved." Isley placated.

()()()()

"Gotta hide… can't let her find me…" Rubel looked around wildly as he tried to find a way to escape Rachel. Heck he could even hear the 'Jaws' theme playing in the background.

Suddenly he was grabbed from behind, a pair of arms pulling him back into what felt like brick wall in a dark corner. Before he could scream, a hand was placed on his mouth to keep him quiet. He first thought Rachel had caught him until he saw her stalking the hallway.

"Come on Ruby-poo." Rachel called in a sing-song voice. "I need some luuuvin'…"

Instinctively, Rubel tried to bolt away but the arms tightened their hold to keep him still. Agonizing seconds went by until the bulky Claymore skipped away.

"You can run but you cannot hide, Ruby-poo." her giggle echoed.

Rubel slumped as soon as she left. He could not believe it… Finally a fic where she didn't get him.

"Thank you God." he breathed.

Wait, why was the 'Jaws' music still playing?

"I ain't God but I know how you can thank me." a somewhat familiar gruff voice replied. Rubel's eyes widened as his savior revealed herself as the only Claymore who could out-muscle Rachel.

Rubel began sweating. "Huh… Undine? Weren't you dead?"

Undine grinned down at him. "I got better. Now come here… hot stuff." she breathed sultrily.

Ah, the joys of giving overly muscular Claymores a skinny guy fetish…