Disclaimer : I don't own Claymore

Author note : Wow, has it really been over a year since I posted one of those? I'd apologize, but I just couldn't find much fun potential considering the recent drama, such as Clarice's death or Priscilla's past. Hopefully this chapter will be decent. As usual, spoilers for latest chapter, 147 in this case.

()()()()

"Hang in there Tabitha !" Miria shouted as she held her friend's parts together so Yuma and Cynthia could try and save her life after her failed attempt at sneak-killing Priscilla. It had been great, a wonderful two-page panel of her ready to land a lethal blow, only to be crushed as the next page involved her getting sliced into several pieces.

Though she was still alive for now.

"It's no use… Captain… I won't make it…*cough*" Tabitha wept. "Scoring a critical blow on Priscilla… It would have been…ack… my moment of awesome… and instead…" *cough* *wheeze* "THAT BASTARD STOLE IT FROM ME!" she finished with surprising energy considering she was supposedly near death. That or she was overacting.

"This is… the end… for me. The pain…" she slumped down exaggeratedly.

Yup, definitely overacting.

Cynthia rolled her eyes. "Seriously Tabitha, Yuma managed to save me on her own, with no experience in Yoki synchronization, when I was nearly as bad. Do you really think you're going to die so easily?"

"I do… I know it… Please Captain, hold me… Yes, just like that."

"Tabitha, how can you hump me when you're just a torso at the moment?" Miria deadpanned. To be honest, she wouldn't have been surprised if Tabitha's severed arms suddenly began to move by themselves to grope her. She was even keeping an eye on them too, just in case.

In fact on of them seemed to twitch in her direction.

"So many things I won't be able to do anymore… no more peeping on Captain in the bath… no more walking hand in hand with her… no more stealing her underwear… no more passionate lesbian sex with her…" the wounded warrior sniffled.

"WHAT THE HELL? THAT NEVER HAPPENED!"

"Well, it did in those fics." Yuma shrugged.

"And she STOLE MY UNDERWEAR?!"

"Calm down Miria." Cynthia chastised.

"Calm down? I HAD TO GO COMMANDO BECAUSE OF THAT! IN PIETA! DURING WINTER!"

Tabitha giggled, then as Miria glared at her she let out a dramatic gasp. "My consciousness is fading… Everything's getting dark… Quick Captain… give me CPR…"

Instead all she got from Miria was a solid whack on the head. And another. Then yet another.

"OWWW! CAPTAIN! I'm dying you know!" Tabitha protested.

"Want me to finish you off?"

"I can see the light at the end… They're all waiting for me… Hey, what's with the red carpet?"

"Tabitha, cut the drama and let us work in peace!" Yuma shouted in frustration.

"Okay. But if I don't make it… Captain, can I get one last kiss?" Tabitha breathed and puckered up hopefully.

*WHACK*

()()()()

In the Claymore Afterlife, the residents were currently watching the recent events unfold.

"Argh! I can't believe it!" Teresa shouted in frustration. "Seriously, after Clarice joined, it looked like we were getting back in business."

"And we worked so hard to prepare for the new arrivals." Irene actually pouted, pointing at the red carpet rolled out and the huge 'Welcome to the Claymore Afterlife!' banner.

Further away, Clarice looked down as if it was her fault. Upon her arrival, the brunette had received a standing ovation from all the residents for her amazing death scene, as well as the 'tearjerker/ultimate sacrifice' trophy from Jean, the previous holder of said trophy. It had been understandably overwhelming for the, supposedly, weakest Claymore. Indeed they had thought some heroes would once again die, no more deus ex machina or last minute saves, but instead, zero.

"Tell me about it." Flora's soft voice said. "This is all Cynthia and Yuma's fault, they keep healing the wounded before they die. DAMN IT WHY DIDN'T WE HAVE MEDICS BACK IN PIETA?"

Wow, no one had ever thought she was even able to shout with that loli voice of hers.

"I doubt medics would have done much good in your case, Flora." Isley placated as he watched. "Also, between Rigaldo and the other Awakened there, they wouldn't have been able to work without being targeted."

"Well, maybe Priscilla will implement the good old 'kill the medic' tactic soon." Irene shrugged.

"Are you actually wishing for warriors to die?" Isley asked. And indeed, something is wrong when the question comes from your enemy.

"Hey, excuse us for feeling we got the short end of the stick. I mean, using Yoki to enhance healing was never brought up before the timeskip, then apparently they somehow thought about it and since then… poof, nobody dies anymore. Can you blame us?" Flora explained.

"NOOOO! CHRONOS! HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME?!" Lars, another recent arrival, roared in outrage.

Looking down, they could see that the last male Awakened was now engaged in a threesome with Octavia and Cassandra.

Teresa shrugged. "Well, Octavia did fall in his arms so to speak."

"More like she was thrown into his arms, and shattered one in the process." Irene corrected.

"I guess this explains why they've suddenly and conveniently stopped fighting Priscilla." Isley scowled.

"Looks like they're trying to *ahem* replenish the ranks of Awakened Beings." Teresa stated matter-of-factly.

"Is that even anatomically possible?" Flora wondered.

"What? Awakened babies, or what they're doing at the moment? Because it looks quite uncomfortable to me." Irene pointed.

"Both."

"Apparently, the limits of human flexibility don't apply to Awakened Beings." Teresa analyzed with a raised eyebrow. "Though Helen might be able to do it."

"I feel jealous." Irene muttered.

"So do I." Isley replied. HE had never gotten a threesome damn it. That 'King of Hearts' role in the Claymoreland fic does not count, he told himself with a shudder.

Teresa coughed. "As for the babies part… well, ask Riful."

"She's still not done beating up Dauf. Keeps claiming he cheated on her because she knows that weird Abyssal isn't her child." Ophelia stated as she joined them. "Even though it calls her Mama."

"Ophelia? I thought you were torturing Dae." Flora asked.

"I was. But seriously, it's not fun to torture someone who calmly holds a conversation even as you're ripping out their guts, and actually begs to be stomped on." the crazy Awakened sighed dejectedly. "As it is, only Roxanne has yet to be bored with him. He's still good for the occasional stress relief, but as a permanent torture toy, he's no good."

"Well, at least it means no one is monopolizing him." Teresa shrugged.

It should be noted that beating Dae up had become everyone's favorite entertainment after his long overdue death. It was actually one of the few things warriors and Awakened agreed on, and bonded upon. Nothing like a common enemy to create bonds and promote peace.

"HELL YES!" Isley suddenly shouted in triumph before crossing his arms and smiling in satisfaction. "I love it when a plan comes together."

Looking below, they could see Raki standing behind Priscilla, his sword stabbed through her neck and part of her face. Priscilla actually looked shocked at this development.

"Maybe it would be more appropriate to gloat if you were still alive, Isley." Teresa chided.

"Spoilsport." the Sliver-haired King grumbled.

"I'll admit it looks badass, but it'll probably be useless." Irene frowned. "We've seen Priscilla stabbed, dismembered, pounded into the ground… hell just before she was fighting while missing her entire lower half… there's no way this is a lethal strike and it doesn't look like it even nicked her brain. Honestly, I don't understand why Priscilla even has this 'oh crap' expression."

"And seriously, a stab?" Ophelia commented. "Why didn't he try to take her head off?"

"Well, it would have required to swing the sword. Considering this is a human against an Awakened, and that a swing makes more noise since it moves more air, she might have sensed it coming. Still, such an ugly move." Hysteria explained. No one had noticed her, but after the various 'attitude adjustments' (*cough* beatdowns) she's received from Teresa, the Elegant wasn't such an attention whore anymore, most of the time. "Ah, I too have fond memories of getting a sword shoved through my neck… it was so… stimulating." she giggled.

"Right, Priscilla got stabbed by Clare's pet, hurray for him." Ophelia huffed, though she had to admit, it was pretty badass. "And now he's standing just behind a creature who can rip him apart by merely extending her wings. Was that in your plan, Isley?"

"… Oops."

"Because I doubt that Priscilla will spare him again, and if she does, that the same plan will work twice. We may get a new arrival!" Ophelia finished excitedly. If Raki died, she'd play another game with him. And she could think of a couple of prizes when she won…

"Raki's plot armor seems to be holding at the moment…" Teresa mused. "Unless Clare's recent epiphany changes things if he dies now…"

"Like, finally releasing some mysterious power she's supposed to have because she received your flesh?" Irene interrupted.

"Seriously, why are readers so desperate about this I'll never know. Anyway, killing Raki would only add some drama now that Clare has realized she has things to lose. Yagi may still do it for kicks… But it might push Clare over the edge and make her Awaken. That'd undo all her re-humanization since the manga began." She paused to send a withering glare at Isley, promising untold pain if Clare awakened because of his clever plan to kill Priscilla. "It's a toss-up I guess."

"So maybe we should prepare… just in case." Flora suggested with a blush. "You know, get some sexy lingerie for example. It might make a nice welcome."

Everyone looked oddly at her, though no one opposed the idea.

"Ahem… What about Tabitha? Do you think she'll make it?" Irene asked.

"She is the most expendable of the heroes, but on the other hand, she has two healing specialists, and she could take a risk and release her Yoki." Isley replied, trying to make them forget his minor oversight.

Of course he failed since Irene raised an eyebrow and asked, "So all things considered, her odds are probably better than Raki's."

Isley's head slumped. "…Yeah."

"…"

"…"

"… Somebody get the Victoria's Secret catalogue!" Teresa ordered.

()()()()

Meanwhile, Raki, Clare and Priscilla were still frozen in the same position. All in all, it did look pretty badass, but there were a couple of problems.

First, the Author didn't know what to do from there and refused to let them move. Redoing that scene would be a pain.

And second…

"Oh shit… Sorry Priscilla, I have a cramp." Raki apologized, as if he wasn't trying to kill his former (?) friend.

"… You can move a little if you want." the dreaded Awakened offered. As Hysteria had mentioned, the feeling of a sword shifting inside her was indeed quite stimulating.

"Huh?" Raki blinked.

"In and out… A bit harder please… yes, just like that."

For some reason, Clare found herself gritting her teeth in jealousy. Especially since Priscilla didn't look in pain at all, especially with the way she was moaning. 'A small move up… That's all it'd take…' she thought darkly.

"Come on! At least let me finish her now." the vengeful warrior asked/demanded.

No.

"WHY?"

Because I don't know what happens next and it may ruin future chapters. You'll have to stay like this I guess. Until Yagi resolves the situation next month, at least.

The trio groaned - well, moaned in Priscilla's case. This was going to be a long month.