Sorry it took so long for me to update! School and life got in the way, I'm sure you know how it goes. Feel free to comment or critique and let me know what you think!
It was an unspoken agreement between the two that they wouldn't talk about the almost kiss. But really it was pretty much shoved to the wayside because the next day Gustavo Rocque held auditions for his next big star. Of course James wanted to go and of course Kendall had to defend him from that ass that made Logan upset causing the offer of a record deal. Kendall knew from the get go that he wasn't going to leave his friends especially not when he just discovered his feelings for Logan. He managed to get the record deal extended to all four of them and they were on a plane for Hollywood the next day.
Things moved fast after that and Kendall didn't have much time to think about his feelings for his genius friend. Actually it wasn't until Logan decided to ask Camille to the dance that Kendall realized that maybe he should get his act together. They were in Hollywood now not some small town in Minnesota. Way more people here were gay or accepting of them at least. Kendall still had a hard time admitting he was gay, considering Logan was the only one he liked right now. He preferred to call himself Logan-sexual.
He decided that he would try to drop subtle hints to Logan who would hopefully grasp it on his own rather than come outright and say it. He started the day after the dance.
Kendall walked into 2J to find Logan sitting on the couch with a textbook open on his lap. He knew that Carlos and James were down by the pool chasing the Jennifers and his mom and Katie were out at one of her commercial auditions so they were alone for now.
"Hey Logan, can I talk to you for a second?" Kendall asked, strolling over to join his friend on the orange couch. So maybe he sat a little closer than necessary but Logan didn't move away, that had to mean something, didn't it?
Logan looked up from his book to smile at Kendall. "Sure, I'm all ears," Logan stated, closing the book and setting it on the coffee table. Suddenly Kendall was nervous, he didn't know where to start and his palms were sweating like crazy. He wiped them on his jeans and cleared his throat to make up for his silence.
"So I've been thinking we haven't hung out just you and me for a very long time. At least not for fun," he looked up and saw Logan nodding his head. "The last time was probably when we played that one on one hockey game before we left Sherwood." Logan froze at that, his eyes widening. Kendall watched as Logan processed what Kendall said.
Logan gave a couple awkward coughs and Kendall noticed, with a sense of pride, the slight blush that crept onto the smaller boy's cheeks. "Yeah, that was probably the last time," Logan replied in a soft voice. Kendall loved seeing his friend flustered like this, Logan was adorable.
"I know it's been a crazy couple of months with this whole Big Time Rush thing but now that it's slowing down I think we should hang out again. What do you say?" Kendall questioned, watching Logan squirm. When all Logan did was nod Kendall continued. "Do you want to go to the beach tomorrow? I've been dying to check it out since we got here but I haven't had time."
"That sounds like fun, I've been wanting to go too," Logan said, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Most likely, Kendall thought, so he didn't have to look at him.
Kendall decided to make his move then; he threw his arms around the other boy and pulled him close for a hug, feeling Logan stiffen before he hugged back. "Thanks Logie! Tomorrows going to be great," Kendall said into Logan's shoulder. Kendall held on longer than was necessary and when he pulled back he felt empty. Logan's blush was back and he gave a weak nod before standing up.
"I have to meet Camille soon, we're going to lunch. So, uh, I'll see you later," he explained before darting for the exit.
Kendall felt his heart drop at the mention of Camille. Kendall liked her, he did. She was nice, funny, helpful, and a great actress, what wasn't to like? But she had taken a liking to Logan the second she saw him. After she forced enough affection on his smart friend she finally got him to like her back. She had Logan and that killed Kendall. Watching them at the dance the night before was awful, he wanted nothing more than to be the one holding Logan, the one dancing with him, the one kissing him. He came to grips with his feelings about Logan pretty quickly and he wasn't prepared for him to be snatched up only a couple months after he realized them. Kendall needed time but he didn't have it. He had to see if he could get Logan to give him a chance and there was no way Logan would once he had been dating Camille for a while. He hated himself for trying to steal Logan away from the method actress but really he had known Logan first so technically Camille was moving in on his territory.
Kendall knew bringing up the almost kiss had been a risky move. It could have gone badly with Logan storming out on him or yelling at him to not talk about it. But Logan hadn't done much of anything except stiffen up at the mention of it. Initially Logan had taken it pretty well but now it seemed as if the memory frightened him. It did the complete opposite for Kendall. That was the day he learned he might have a chance. That was the day he realized the true extent of his feelings for Logan. Kendall just hoped that someday soon would be that day for Logan.
The sound of the front door opening snapped him out of his reverie. He looked up to see James and Carlos walking into the apartment apparently wrapped up in some argument. "She was totally checking me out, how could she resist," James told Carlos before shutting the door behind them.
Carlos rolled his eyes at his friend, placing a hand on James' shoulder. "Hate to tell you this bro, but she was looking at me," he replied.
James shook Carlos' hand off him and was about to reply when he noticed Kendall watching from the couch. "Hey Kendall, why was Logan running down the hall like a bat out of hell?" He asked, coming to join him on the couch with Carlos following behind him.
Kendall shrugged, he hated lying to his friends but he wasn't about to tell them the truth. "He's going to meet Camille; maybe he's just really excited," he lied, the girl's name leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
"Oh, Camille," Carlos said with a sly smile. "Who would have thought Logan would be the first one to get a girlfriend out here. My money was on James."
"She's not his girlfriend," Kendall spat before he could think about it. And he was awful at trying to hide his feelings. Really, they all should have known by now. He was more than glad that they didn't though. "I mean, not yet anyway."
"Yeah, I guess yesterday was their first date so technically they aren't. Soon though, I bet," Carlos answered with a smile. The younger boy was genuinely happy for Logan and Camille and Kendall wished he could be too. But he wasn't. He couldn't be.
Kendall looked at James who had been silent through the conversation so far. James was giving him a knowing look. Suddenly the room felt too small, too crowded. Kendall mumbled something about taking a nap and quickly walked to his room, shutting the door behind him.
He took a deep breath as he sat on the edge of the bed. He was freaking out, genuinely and truly. Because James knew. James knew how he felt about Logan. Kendall should never have told him anything that day in school. The day of the almost kiss. Before he could have a full blown panic attack his door flew open and James sauntered in, joining him on the bed.
"So, Logan's on a date with Camille right now?" James asked, crossing his arms and watching Kendall intently. Kendall tried not to wince, really, really tried, but he couldn't help it. When it came to Logan he lost control of his body. James watched him for a few moments before placing a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "It was never Jenny Tinkler, was it?"
Kendall hung his head, burying his face in his hands. "No," he whispered. He was sure James would laugh at him or tell him he should just forget Logan because it was never going to happen. Kendall silently braced himself for James' reaction. But really he should have known that James would never do anything like that.
"Yeah, I kind of knew that. But Kendall, man, it's Logan. I'm not saying it couldn't happen because seriously he already loves you. You just have to know that there's the possibility that he won't be in love with you," James explained. And yeah, Kendall knew that already, he knew all of that. He just wanted the chance to know if he and Logan could be more.
"I know! You don't think I know that? It's all I've been thinking about for the past few months. And now I have Camille to deal with. I just thought I would have more time," Kendall told him, running a hand through his hair. James gave him a sympathetic look and Kendall maybe regretted telling him anything.
"Well, it looks like you're going to need my help since it's been months and you've gotten nowhere," James said with a smile. And instantly Kendall's regret was gone.
"You'd do that, really? Thanks, man!" Kendall stated excitedly, holding his fist out for James to bump. "Just so you know I haven't exactly gotten nowhere," he informed James. By the surprised look James gave him Kendall knew he should continue. "The day I told you about my dream Logan and I got to practice early and we played some one-on-one to warm-up. He scored a goal and I tackled him and we just kind of stared at each other for awhile. I thought I should make a move or something, the timing seemed right so I leaned down to kiss him and he didn't move away. The locker room door opened though and Logan pushed me off him before I could do it, but he didn't try to stop me or anything."
James looked surprised but Kendall could see the smile starting to form. "Progress! With my help you two will be dating in no time," James told him, slapping him on the back. Kendall blushed and looked down at the floor. "So let's brainstorm ideas," James suggested, scooting back on the bed so his back was against the wall.
"Well, I kind of asked Logan to go to the beach tomorrow. Just the two of us," Kendall told him sheepishly. He tried not to get lost in his imagination as different images of him and Logan on the beach flooded his mind.
James chuckled and shook his head. "And he said yes? He totally likes you he's just in denial right now. We need to get you to change that. So stop thinking about Logan in his swim trunks and let's get planning." And why hadn't Kendall told James earlier. It was amazing to have someone to talk to about this, someone to bounce ideas off of. James had a perfect dating record and would be able to give him advice. This was perfect.
"He probably thinks it's just as friends. Why wouldn't he think that? We're friends after all. Although I did drop the almost kiss into the conversation so he would know," Kendall rambled until James threw a hand over his mouth to silence him.
"Whatever he thinks now we'll make sure he knows it's a date after tomorrow, okay?" James asked him. Kendall nodded and smiled at James when he pulled his hand away. James returned the smile and settled back against the wall. "Hey, wait! You said in your dream that you got a blowjob. That means Logan did it! Was he good?" James questioned with a huge grin.
Kendall smacked James' chest and gave him a playful glare before chuckling. "He was amazing," he answered before bursting into laughter at James' appalled look. "Hey, you asked!"
The next morning Kendall woke up earlier than usual. He wanted to make sure he had as much time as possible with Logan and if that meant losing a few hours of sleep then so be it. He got dressed in the outfit James had carefully picked out the day before. Apparently the swim trunks brought out the green in his eyes or some shit like that. Kendall really hadn't been listening.
When Kendall finished he walked down the hall to Logan's room and knocked on the door. When he didn't get an answer he opened the door to find Logan still sleeping. Kendall always thought Logan looked adorable when he slept. He was so peaceful, quiet, maybe even serene. Kendall strolled over to the bed and sat down on the edge watching his friend sleep. And maybe this was a little creepy but nobody was here to see him. He watched as Logan shifted in his sleep, rolling onto his back. Kendall wondered what took him so long to realize his feelings for the smaller boy; he was probably the most beautiful person Kendall ever saw.
After a few minutes Kendall decided it was time to wake Logan up. He reached down and shook his friend's shoulder. "Logie, wake up," he said softly.
Logan shifted again and his eyes fluttered open. "Go 'way," he mumbled, turning to face away from Kendall. Kendall laughed and shook his shoulder harder. "K'ndall, 'm sleeping!"
"But aren't you super excited about going to the beach with your bestest friend in the whole world?" Kendall joked, climbing over Logan to lie down next to him.
Logan looked at him for a minute before cracking a smile. "Is Carlos going? I thought I was going with you," he joked, laughing at Kendall's pout.
"Logie, that hurts, that hurts right here," Kendall told him pointing to the right side of his chest which caused Logan to laugh even harder. "What is so funny?"
"Your heart is on the left side, stupid," Logan told him, grabbing his wrist and moving his hand to the correct side of his body. Kendall just raised an eyebrow and smiled at his friend. But when Logan didn't remove his hand his heart fluttered and his smile dropped. They locked eyes and he couldn't tell what Logan was thinking. Kendall suddenly became very aware that they were both lying in Logan's bed with only about a foot of space separating them. Logan must have realized that too because he blushed and looked away, letting go of Kendall's arm. Kendall missed the contact but didn't say anything.
"Um, so I should probably get ready to go then," Logan mumbled, throwing the blankets off of himself. He stood up and walked over to his dresser, quickly grabbing some clothes and leaving the room.
Kendall let his head fall back on the pillow. What was that? His arm still tingled where Logan had touched it and he was mentally kicking himself for not trying to kiss Logan again. If he had tried he was pretty sure in that moment Logan would have let him. He grabbed the pillow from behind him and covered his face with it, letting out a muffled groan. Hopefully, if the day went well he would get another chance. Ever since that dream he hadn't wanted anything more than Logan. And Kendall was determined to get him.
Kendall lay there for a little while longer before getting up with a sigh. Logan should be ready and he really wanted to get to the beach. He stepped out into the kitchen and joined Carlos at the table as he waited for Logan to come out of the bathroom.
"Morning Carlos," he greeted. He watched as the other boy poured milk into his cereal helmet and took a huge bite. He wrinkled his nose at the disgusting display. "That's so gross, man. You wear that thing every day."
Carlos just stuck his tongue out at him and took another bite. "Are you going to the pool?" Carlos asked with his mouth full, pointing at Kendall's swim trunks.
Kendall shook his head. "No, Logan and I are going to the beach," he answered, looking towards the bathroom to see if the other boy had come out yet. He hadn't.
"Really? I've been wanting to go, can I come with?" Carlos asked, a huge smile on his face. Kendall hadn't thought about anyone else. Of course Carlos would want to go; he'd been talking about the beach and the girls ever since they decided to come out here. And what was Kendall going to say, no you can't come because I'm trying to make Logan fall in love with me? No, that wouldn't work. Luckily James saved him from his dilemma.
"Hey, Carlos I was hoping we could play a little hockey today. It's been awhile and I don't want to get too out of shape. What do you say?" James asked, strolling into the kitchen and sitting next to Carlos. He threw an arm around the Latino as he waited for the answer, shooting a wink at Kendall who gave him a grateful look.
"Yeah, hockey sounds great! I haven't played since we left Minnesota. Let's go," Carlos agreed, quickly finishing off his cereal and placing the helmet back on his head. James and Kendall, now thoroughly disgusted, watched as he ran back to his room to change.
"He is something else," Kendall mused, before turning his attention back to James. "Thanks for that. I should have known he would want to come."
James clapped him on the back. "No problem. Can't have him intruding on your date," he said with a grin, picking up the abandoned box of cereal on the table and grabbing a handful.
Kendall was about to inform him that it technically wasn't a date no matter how much he wanted it to be when he heard the bathroom door open. Kendall turned towards the kitchen and saw Logan step out. He grabbed an apple before joining them at the table, sitting down next to Kendall.
"Ready to go?" He asked, taking a bite of the fruit. Kendall nodded and they both stood up, grabbing their bags on the way out. They called good-bye to James and then they were out the door.
"Thanks for coming with me Logan," Kendall said, throwing an arm around the smaller boy's shoulders. Tip number one from James was to make as much physical contact as possible. It seemed to work as Logan blushed and Kendall tried his best to hide his grin.
"No problem. I've been wanting to go too. Besides it has been way too long since just the two of us hung out," Logan replied, and Kendall could have sworn he felt Logan move a bit closer to him. He left his arm around Logan's shoulders the entire walk to the Big Time Rush Mobile where he finally had to release the boy so he could drive.
Logan had always been a cautious driver. He never forgot to use his turn signal, he never drove above the speed limit, and he always checked his blind spots. It was because of this that Logan was the one to drive them everywhere. If they were going somewhere and Logan was with them he drove. No arguments. But for some reason today was different. Logan was currently driving at eighty miles per hour in a seventy zone. And Kendall thought, or hoped, it might be because of him.
He had Logan flustered; at least that's how it seemed. Logan kept shooting him these glances when he thought Kendall wasn't looking. But Kendall saw, he saw all of them. And there were plenty of them.
"You're speeding," Kendall told him, pointing to the speedometer on the dashboard.
"What? Oh," Logan exclaimed when he saw his current speed. He eased off the gas and settled into an easy seventy miles per hour. Kendall decided to not tease Logan about his driving as he didn't want to get on the boy's bad side.
"So I was thinking we could go swimming when we get there but I also really want to go surfing, what do you think?" Kendall asked. He really didn't care because either way he got to see Logan shirtless and that's all that really mattered.
"Kendall, I've never been surfing, you know that," Logan told him, risking another glance at the blond boy. Sure Logan was cute all the time but Kendall liked him best when he was flustered. The small blush on his cheeks, the way he tripped over his words, how he tried to avoid eye contact. Adorable.
"I'll teach you. It isn't that hard," Kendall said after stifling his laughter. He watched as Logan's expression turned to one of amusement. He snorted at Kendall's response and replied without taking his eyes off the road.
"You've only been surfing twice. Two years ago. I don't think you're qualified to teach it." Kendall scoffed as if that was the most offensive thing he had ever heard. But when Logan turned to give him an incredulous look he rolled his eyes and sighed.
"Fine, we won't go surfing this time. I guess we could work on our tans instead. You kind of look like a ghost," Kendall told him. Although he wasn't going to say how much he loved Logan's pale complexion. He also wasn't going to show how disappointed he was that they weren't going to go surfing but he should have known Logan wasn't going to let him teach him.
"Whatever, Kendall. I look good," Logan said, mocking James. The two burst into laughter as they arrived at the beach.
Because Kendall got them going so early there was hardly any one there yet. They grabbed their bags and searched for a spot to put their blanket. They settled on a spot a distance away from the other beach-goers but close to the water. Kendall pulled his shirt off and began to run off to the ocean when he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He turned to find Logan holding up a bottle of sunscreen.
"You're kidding, right?" Kendall groaned and Logan narrowed his eyes. "Ugh, just like my mother!"
Logan opened the bottle and squeezed some onto his hand. "You'll thank me when you don't get skin cancer," Logan said, pointing at the blanket. Kendall sighed and sat down and took the bottle when Logan handed it to him. He rubbed the sunscreen on his arms and legs and he smiled when he realized he could totally take advantage of this situation.
"Hey, Logie, Can you get my back?" He asked, handing the bottle back to Logan. The smaller boy blushed and hesitated but squeezed some more of the liquid into his hand. He cautiously began rubbing the sunscreen into Kendall's back, his hands running over Kendall's shoulder blades all the way down his back. Kendall worked really hard to suppress a moan as Logan's hands slid across his lower back. Much too soon Logan announced he was done but when he offered to do Logan he just told him that he put some on before he left.
Kendall stood up and held out his hand to help Logan up. Logan took it but immediately let it go once he was standing. Kendall frowned when Logan looked out toward the water. Logan looked back at him and smiled before running. "Race ya," he called over his shoulder. Kendall laughed and took off after him. He caught up to Logan right before they got to the water; he picked the smaller boy up and lifted him over his shoulder. He laughed at Logan's protests as he ran further into the water, dropping his friend when the water was deep enough. Logan surfaced, spitting water everywhere.
"That was rude," Logan told him but he was smiling. Kendall smiled back before diving into the water. He popped up behind Logan and jumped on his back, causing them both to topple over. They spent the next couple of hours splashing around and swimming. They were some of the best hours of Kendall's life.
When they grew tired they dragged themselves back to the blanket and sprawled out on their backs. Kendall looked over to see Logan had his eyes closed and a huge smile on his face. "Hey, Logan?" Kendall asked, waiting until the other boy opened his eyes and rolled over to face him before he continued. "I'm really glad you came with me. This has been really fun," he said, mirroring Logan by rolling onto his side to face the other boy as well.
"It has been really fun. Probably the best day I've had since we got here," Logan admitted.
And Kendall couldn't help himself, Logan's hand was right there basically asking for Kendall to grab it. So he did. Logan looked down at their joined hands for a minute before bringing his gaze back up to meet Kendall's. The smarter boy gave him a small smile and Kendall's heart practically stopped. Logan laced their fingers together and ran his thumb over the back of Kendall's hand as he closed his eyes again. He never wanted this moment to end. If this was all he and Logan ever had, this moment right here, he would be completely content with that. It was perfect. He closed his eyes as well and let the soft sounds of Logan's breathing and the feeling of the other boy's fingers in his lull him into a light sleep.
When Kendall opened his eyes he found the sun considerably lower in the sky and Logan still asleep next to him on the blanket. He smiled when he saw their hands still connected between them. Kendall knew that they would have to leave soon but he really didn't want to wake Logan or lose the contact between them. He let a few more minutes pass as he watched the other boy sleep before he sighed and figured it was time to wake him. He gently shook Logan's shoulder and the smaller boy's eyes fluttered open. Kendall smiled down at him and Logan returned it before looking down and seeing their hands still joined. Logan quickly pulled his hand away and jumped up.
"W-we should probably l-leave, it's getting late," he stuttered, beginning to pack up. Kendall tried to hide how hurt he was by Logan's actions but it was difficult to do. They finished putting their stuff away, grabbed their bags, and walked back to the car.
They were silent the entire ride back to the Palm Woods. Logan didn't look at Kendall once. He figured he should say something to make the ride less uncomfortable but he couldn't think of anything. He just stared out the window until Logan pulled into the parking lot. They got out and walked back to 2J only to find the apartment empty. Logan walked over to the couch and set his bag down. Kendall decided that he needed to say something; he couldn't leave it like this.
"Logan, we need to talk," he said walking over to the couch. Logan looked up at him wide-eyed and Kendall could see the fear there. It was almost enough to make him stop. But if he didn't say anything now he never would.
"No we don't," Logan told him, trying to get around him to make a break for his room. Kendall stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He tried to ignore the way his heart dropped when Logan quickly took a step back.
"Yes, we do," he told him firmly. When Logan didn't try to run away again he took a deep breath and continued. "Logan, I like you. Like, really like you. It started a couple months ago and it took me a while to figure everything out but I can't stop thinking about you." Logan was just staring at him and Kendall was scared out of his mind. He took a step closer and when Logan didn't back up he readied himself for what he was going to do next. "I don't know how you feel but I want to try something, okay? Just stop me if you don't want me to." He placed his hand on Logan's cheek and took another step forward. He leaned forward, never breaking eye contact with the other boy. He stopped when he was inches away, waiting for Logan to push him away. When nothing happened he closed the distance and pressed his lips against Logan's.
Logan didn't move, which Kendall expected, he knew he wasn't going to kiss back. But it was still everything Kendall thought it would be. It made his heart soar and his stomach drop. He pulled back a couple of inches and waited for Logan's reaction. The smaller boy was staring at his lips, after a moment he locked eyes with Kendall again. Kendall was about to apologize when Logan stepped forward and crashed his lips into Kendall's.
It took Kendall by surprise at first but then he was kissing back with just as much fervor. He wrapped his arms around Logan's waist and pulled him closer, until they were flush against each other. Logan draped his arms around Kendall's neck and twisted his fingers in his hair. Kendall ran his tongue across Logan's lips and he quickly opened his mouth. Their tongues met and wrestled for dominance, earning soft moans from both boys. Kendall wasn't about to be dominated no matter how much he liked it in his dream. He shoved Logan's tongue back in his mouth and hungrily mapped out the smart boy's wet heat. He earned another moan when he ran his tongue over the roof of Logan's mouth causing him to smile into the kiss. Kendall placed his hands under Logan's shirt and began running them up and down his sides. Logan shivered under his touch and tugged lightly at Kendall's hair.
Both boys were so caught up in each other that they didn't hear the door open or the gasps of the others when they saw what was happening. "What is going on?" Carlos yelled. Logan's eyes widened in shock and he pushed off of Kendall as fast as he could.
Unfortunately Logan didn't see the coffee table behind him.