I don't own Phantom of the Opera

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

He must never find out.

That was the dominate thought on Elizabeth's mind as she sat in her sister's drawing room, sipping tea pleasantly.

He could never find out. He almost killed her for just asking about his face and now she knew why. He was, in a word, hideous. But at the same time, what scared so much was that despite how horrified she was, she still wanted to see him.

Elizabeth didn't know if that was because she needed to reaffirm what she had witnessed, or if it was purely because she wanted to see him, but Elizabeth was afraid. Exactly what she was afraid of, she couldn't say.

"Elizabeth, you seem so quiet. Are you alright?" Elizabeth nodded "I'm quite alright Verity, just, a bit far off, if you know what I mean?"

"Yes" Verity smiled "I understand exactly what you mean. But why, may I ask, are you so far off in my drawing room? I know my company isn't nearly as engaging as whatever wonderful thoughts you may hold in your mind, but I shouldn't think I was quite so boring that you should drop off merely five minutes in my presence?"

Elizabeth smiled over her cup "Cheeky, you know that isn't the case?"

"Then what is it?"

Eager to chance the conversation, Elizabeth put down her cup "Have you found a piece for the ball yet, we are only a few days away, I dare say you are running out of time."

"Pish Posh, never you mind, I am quite able to memorize a music score in the time we have. But I suppose since I have been unable to find anything worth my talent, I will have to make do with something of dear old Mozart."

"Well then, might I suggest something?"

Verity sat up "Oh! Do tell sister, my attention is purely on you."

"Well, I've recently come across a score; called, "Beauty"

"Beauty?" Verity said "Is that it, no title, no extra notes, no grand name of genius longer than the score itself, just that?"

"Yes."

Verity grinned "Oh now I'm intrigued, do you have the score?"

Elizabeth hid her smile, Erik would be proud of her, there was no way Verity could resist playing something so different.

And the song truly was a masterpiece; it described her soul, as if he had opened her heart and watched it beat while he wrote. It hurt to think he could see her so well, and yet she had known nothing about him, not truly.

HxxxHxxxHxxxXXXxxxHxxxHxxxH

The night of the ball arrived.

The reason the Malory's only held four annual balls throughout the year was because just the one was always an expensive work of art.

People waited all year for an invitation and anyone who didn't get one hid their faces for a month in the humiliation. The Ashwins always got an invitation.

Even though they weren't an influential family or a rich one either, they were one of the few families with any actual musical talent, as opposed to most of the rest of the ton. Their Musial genius made their family the jewels of the ton, the silver flute in the room of bronze instruments.

She filed out of the carriage, barely. The wire cage beneath her Elizabeth the 1st dress, the voluminous skirts made it difficult for her to tell which way was right or left. But somehow she managed to reach the ground without falling over and making a fool of herself.

Her mother looked at her with a disapproving gaze before cooing over Verity, who looked beautiful in a Grecian style dress and a mask of laurel leaves, her gold train fell like gossamer by her feet. Abigail had chosen a medieval dress that hung rather simply but with her fair features and pretty eyes it suited her.

They entered the ballroom. As always it was spectacular, the Malory's had hired expert decorators rather than have to servants do it and the décor resembled a 18th century French palace, curtains of silvery blue material hung at the windows and an orchestra filled the room with delicate music. The lighting hung low from a crystal chandelier, reflecting little rainbows if one were to stand at an angle; it was like walking into a dream.

The only thing more dazzling than the room was the people. No expenses had been speared for the ball, every outfit shone; people with masks mingled, flirted and became people they weren't. For a moment. Elizabeth felt the spirit of the place. Perhaps…perhaps she too could be someone else for a change?

"Elizabeth!" Hermione called from across the room and many people looked up in their direction. She sighed, so much for that idea.

"Hermione" she smiled happily and embraced her sister, with much difficulty with the skirt. Some people nearby sniggered. Elizabeth ignored them.

Aquaria barely wore a mask at all, she looked stunning in a dress a shock of silver, a mermaid to match her name her hair was all done up in seashells. She sauntered over and Elizabeth took a step back.

No please, don't make a scene here. Not at the biggest ball ever!

"Elizabeth dear what a…interesting costume you have, an exact likeness, you even got the bodice right."

Elizabeth blinked, was she hearing things, that comment wasn't as spiteful as she was used to. Was she dreaming?

"Thank-you Aquaria" Elizabeth smiled, putting down her fan "Your gown is spectacular also, I find it suits your eyes"

"Yes, it does, doesn't it? Will you sister be playing soon?" she said with an angelic smile that almost fooled even Elizabeth. But she had been reduced to tears in a public situation by Aquaria too many times to fall for it now. Only her method had changed, Aquaria usually went straight for the kill, what was she playing at?

Or maybe she truly was on her best behavior tonight, after all it was the Malory's ball.

"I'll be playing a little later on actually" Verity said smiling.

As they talked, Anthony broke away from his friends and came to stand by his wife, placing an arm around her waist, he offered Elizabeth a jolly smile, like a cheeky schoolboy. One day long ago that smile would have made her heart skip a beat, now all she thought about was hauntingly dark brown eyes and a grotesque disfigurement.

"Elizabeth, your costume is certainly something, let me guess a circus?"

Unlike Aquaria's catty remarks, Elizabeth knew Anthony meant no harm, only humor and she joined in the joke "Yes, if you hurry you can still catch the clowns"

"I'd love that" he grinned "But my wife might not approve of me peeking under a young lady's skirt, even if there are clowns."

"Of course not" Hermione said smiling "Unless there were white horses too, then I may be willing to make an exception"

Struggling not to giggle Elizabeth said "It just so happened that I recently met a lady upon a white horse" and she hummed the nursery rhyme out of habit "She lent me her dress."

"Elizabeth, quit that silly humming noise" Sophia snapped, her attention had been monetarily distracted by a friend she hadn't seen in years, but now it was back to Elizabeth. "Verity, why don't you go tell Mrs Malory that you've arrived, I'm sure she'd like to make to arrangements for you to play."

"It cannot be?" Verity suddenly gasped, looking away from present company. Elizabeth smiled 'goodness, I wonder who has broken away from the crowed to join our little group now' she thought humorously.

"Mrs. De Changny! What a pleasant surprise!" Sophia exclaimed.

Elizabeth felt her heart drop. Christine, here, tonight! The night her master would be here, this could not be happening.

Christine looked especially lovely today, in robes of crimson and a Vixen mask, her hair swept up in elaborate curls. She smiled happily at the sight of them "Mrs. Ashwin, what a delightful surprise. Her eyes rested on each of the sisters in turn, resting a little longer on Elizabeth who looked away "I'm glad to see you are all well"

"What brings you to this part of England?" Elizabeth asked meekly "I believed the last time we met; you told us you would be retiring to your residence in America?"

Christine nodded "Than was my intention but Raoul allowed me more time in England, accompanied of course, and as our gracious hosts are distant relatives of his, he bid me attend their party on my last night. And I'm so very glad I did. I'll be leaving nearer to the end of the evening for an early night; I have a boat to catch tomorrow"

"You'll be able to hear my daughter play" Sophia exclaimed "She's quite the talent."

Elizabeth shuffled uncomfortably, her sister verity wouldn't be the only attraction tonight.

"Yes" Sofia continued "She'll be quite the sight. That reminds me, Verity, go tell our esteemed hosts of your arrival"

"I'll go mother" Elizabeth offered immediately, this would be a good opportunity to find out tall the necessary information for Erik's' plan.

Sophia waved her hand, "Oh well if you're sure dear"

As Elizabeth left, she took a glance back and realized sadly that her family and lapsed into a perfect conversation quickly without her.

Elizabeth left the company of the Malory's, she an elderly couple, after informing them of her sisters arrival and chose instead to situate herself to a quiet corner rather than return to her family.

The correct term for one who stayed on the fringe of society and was often never asked to dance except by a family member or one who pitied her, was a wallflower. Sometimes Elizabeth felt a little more like a wall-vine, because at least the wallflowers were receiving pitying glances, but Elizabeth didn't care.

She watched the couples dancing with little envy, Elizabeth enjoyed dancing. She wasn't spectacular at it, but the wonderful thing was neither were any of her sisters. Unfortunately, she didn't get asked to dance often enough to make any solid comparisons.

"What's our pretty queen doing here all by herself?" Anthony said, coming to stand beside her. No one batted an eyelid, everyone knew they were friends.

"She's watching over her kingdom" Elizabeth answered blandly, not taking her eyes of the couples. Aquaria was dancing and smirking over her partners shoulder.

"I think even the Queen's allowed to have some fun" Anthony said, holding out his hand. Elizabeth started at it. Was he…really!

She beamed "I'd love to" she wasn't going to say no to a dance, no matter how much it hurt her pride to know it was out of pity.

She worked hard not to step on his toes, it wasn't that she was clumsy, it was just she hadn't danced in so long, she was afraid of making a mistake.

"Relax" he said smiling kindly "You're doing fine and your mother isn't looking over here"

Elizabeth laughed "I'm always in the corner of her eye; she needs to make sure I don't embarrass her"

"You could never embarrass her" he said fiercely loyal "You're too amazing"

"You'd be one of the few people who think so" Elizabeth said "I don't see anyone else lining up to dance with me."

"They don't know you" he said "I could introduce you to some of my friends if you like, some of them are spiffing old chaps and…"

"Please Anthony, just don't" Elizabeth sighed. There was a reason Anthony had been the first person Elizabeth loved, he was the kindest person anyone would ever meet; gentle and jolly, he was the exact opposite of Erik. She lent her forehead into his chest.

"I…I'm so glad you married my sister, and that you're happy" she said "You are one of the best people I know in this world, and I'm so grateful I got to know you," I loved you so much, the words were on the tip of her tongue. But repressing them was easy, because she didn't love him anymore.

"Please always be happy" she said and pulled away, leaving Anthony rather confused for her sudden outburst, not knowing that by pulling away, Elizabeth was finally saying goodbye to her first love.

But as she was leaving the dance floor, someone suddenly grabbed her hand tightly. She turned to see a man with a joker mask completely covering his face dressed in a long cloak that reminded Elizabeth of the German ghoul, the Vampyre.

But instead of leading her to the dance floor, he led her to the balcony. Elizabeth should have fought him, it was improper for an unmarried woman to be alone with a man, but for some reason her body was completely complacent. Once outside, he released her hand and she snatched it back.

"Sir, I sincerely hope you have a good reason for dragging me out here, because if not I will scream."

"Elizabeth" the man spoke and her heart stopped.

"Erik?"

The man nodded and pulled his cloak back with a flourish, under his cloak he seemed to be dressed in a French outfit of some kind.

Elizabeth couldn't look at him; she knew that if he saw her eyes, he'd know. He'd know she'd seen him. But his voice…oh his voice…how it made her heart drop.

But if she was so afraid of his face, how could she claim to love him when so much fear coursed though her being, Elizabeth was so confused.

"You…" he seemed more interested in her clothing "What?"

"It's Elizabeth 1st" she said dumbly staring at her bejeweled slippers.

"It's repulsive" he said "But it will have to do. Have you done all I have instructed"

"Yes" she said meekly "I made sure Verity's playing your score, all is ready as you wished."

Suddenly she felt him take her chin and raise her face to his, his mask covered his eyes and mouth as-well as his face, but she could hear his voice whisper "Good girl. Are you ready?"

She wanted to cry. After this, it was goodbye. She would have to leave him, never see him again. How could she bear it when it felt like her heart would rip. Not break, but rip plainly into two and then again and again. Each painful rip would tear her apart everyday till there was nothing left.

And yet still she was so afraid, the memory of his face still haunted her nightmares. Oh cruel cupid that he should torment her with such a deceived arrow of love. This was not love, this was a shadow. How could she claim to love him when a part of him so disgusted her and yet, how could she claim not to love him when her heart felt so completely his?

She looked away "Yes Master"

If he was curious as to why she called him master rather than the name he had given her permission to use, he did not show it. Instead he pulled back and ushered her forward.

Elizabeth felt his gloved hands leave her neck, she felt like Jane Eyre leaving her Rochester, but only the fault was not his, but hers.

She walked into the ballroom, her head held high.

With each step her courage faltered and she suddenly realized what she was about to do. She was about to stand in front of the entire ton, who knew her all her life as a failure and be something. Was she insane!

This was madness; she should go back right now, Erik was wrong. She wasn't a something, she had a place in this world and it was behind everyone else.

Decision made, she turned to return to Erik, completely mollified.

Then someone shoved her against a wall.

As she left Elizabeth realized that, to her misfortune a little too late, she should never, never trust Aquaria or ever let her guard down when she was in the room as a ripping sound sounded throughout the room that could be heard even with the loud music.

Everything paused, amongst the people present there was a deathly silence and Elizabeth looked down to inspect the damage.

Her skirts had been caught on a pointed nail, and had ripped everything away until only a little of the mustard colored fabric was left and only to barely cover her unmentionables. Some people had the decency to look away, others were incapable, pure shock had frozen their moths dropped open, although the majority tittered unkindly, Aquaria looked absolutely delighted.

Elizabeth had, never in all her life time, felt so humiliated.

Aquaria didn't even need to say anything to make this worse, there was no way could get any worse.

And she was planning on announcing to everyone she would be performing for them?

Look at yourself she thought furiously, fighting back tears, how could she ever have thought herself good enough to attempt such a stunt, to swiftly glide onto the floor with the elegance of her sisters, a coy mature smile. Like a butterfly shedding her cocoon, to shed the stereotype bookish untalented sister reputation for a confident, amazing beautiful woman and announce to the room she was something.

She was stupid, no matter what she did she was simple dull stupid Elizabeth, who couldn't do anything right and messed everything up.

"ELIZABETH ASHWIN!" her mother's voice called out from the crowed, Elizabeth's hands tried to cover what she could while her face dropped to the ground, readying itself for her onslaught.

"W-w-w-w" Sophia seemed to be having trouble getting her words out, and her face had turned a rather shocking shade of purple "What is the meaning of this!"

Ashamed she said nothing as her mother went off on a rant about indecency while Elizabeth wished desperately a hole would open up and swallow her.

"Now, now Sophia" Mrs. Malory said calmly, cutting off her mother "It wasn't the girls fault, these things happen" she took Elizabeth's shoulder "Now come dear, let's get you out of everyone's attention" Elizabeth looked up in absolute shock as the elderly woman began to subtly lead her off the dance floor so no one else would see.

"That won't be necessary" Sophia exclaimed "Elizabeth, you are to march strait to that carriage and return home, I am ashamed" and she walked away with a flourish.

As if things were bad enough, being treated like a complete child in front of everyone she knew could now be added to the list.

But the elderly woman did not let go of her arm "Come dear, I'll take you" and then to the room she announced "There is nothing to see here, move along if you please" and the crowed disperses, probably off to share their newest piece of gossip with everyone who hadn't yet seen.

But to Elizabeth's surprise, instead of the carriage, Mrs. Mallory led her into a bedroom. "Mam?" she asked confused. But Mrs. Malloy only winked.

Once inside she stopped to get a better look at Elizabeth's skirts "Oh you poor dear, it's not that bad" she said gently and Elizabeth finally burst into tears "Oh Madam, it-it-it's horrible!"

Mrs. Mallory blinked in surprised, then smiled and led Elizabeth to sit on the bed "Luckily we were in the company of mainly woman and the men who did see…well, if they didn't look away with the decency their mothers should have taught them, then they aren't worth your time"

"Everyone I know saw, I'll never be able to show my face in this city again!" she sobbed, "I guess this is what I get, for ever thinking I could be more than the useless me."

"Whatever do you mean my dear" Mrs. Mallory said "You're not useless. Why, you're Ashwin, I refuse to believe you're useless, yours is the most talented family in London"

"All except me! Everyone thinks so! I'm the failure, I've never been able to measure up to my sisters, to keep up with them and I never will, I'll always be second best, at everything. I'm not as talented as they are, I'm not as graceful, I'm too tall and I'll never be as beautiful as them. My hair's the wrong color and my eyes are too dark."

She hugged herself "But you know, recently I thought that there was something I could do, something that made me not-so-useless and tonight, I thought I could show to the world that they're wrong. They think I'm perfect the way I am, but their idea of perfect is for me to stay completely unassuming and boring. I'll never be more than second best!"

Mrs. Mallory watched Elizabeth cry for a while, and when the girl had calmed a little, she placed her hand on her shoulder. "Dear, we've not been acquainted before, but I can say that you're quite beautiful"

"I…am?"

"Yes dearie, why look at this hair" she picked up a tendril of ebony hair that had come undone in her crying "Look at this, like a winter sky. It's almost blue it's so dark, and your eyes are just the right color for you. Now take it from me girl, one who has fifty years of experience of the fashion trends. They come and go, what's the lasted fashion today will be worthless tomorrow, now I'm not saying you're sisters aren't beautiful" she said quickly at Elizabeth's annoyed look at her slight of her sisters beauty, "But you have your own look, make it stand out."

She stood and walked over to the closet, taking out a silvery blue dress "Now I'm no fairy godmother Cinderella" she said smiling "and you've already been to the ball, hat what say you give it another go, in something that matches you hair, that yellow is ghastly"

"My mother likes yellow" Elizabeth said glumly, looking at her hands

"Forgive me, but if your mother believes that color will ever match you complexion, then she has horrible taste."

She left the dress on the bed and left the room.

Elizabeth did not move, she eyes the dress from where she sat. it was so beautiful, like something from Paris, it glittered like starlight.

It was too beautiful for her, Mrs. Mallory was wrong, nothing would change.

Elizabeth heard the door open again "Please Madam, this dress is too beautiful for me" she said without turning back "It's hopeless, I can't do it, I'm just…not good enough"

"If I believed you not to be good enough, I would have killed you long ago" a very male voice spoke quietly from behind her.

New chapter MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!