Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

Andy listened patiently as Nicole talked excitedly about the plans that she and her husband had made for the holiday season. When the boys were out of school for Christmas vacation, they planned on taking them to Disneyland. Michael and Thomas had never been, and finally were at an age that they would enjoy it. Nicole wanted him to join them. He chuckled quietly as she wheedled and prodded. The boys would love it, and so would she. She had been a number of times over the years, but the visit that stuck out for her the most was the time that he and her mother had taken her when she was only seven. It was before things had gotten bad and her parents marriage had fallen apart. It was such a special memory and she wanted that for her boys.

"Alright, okay," Andy put his hands up and chuckled again. "You got me. I'll go," he held up a hand. "Work permitting, of course." He always reminded her, when they made plans, that he could be called in at a moments notice. He couldn't predict the crimes that people would commit, he could only try to solve them.

"Of course." Nicole beamed. She would take it. Now that she was much older, she understood how important his work was. She wished that he could have more time for the things that he enjoyed, but he wasn't ready for retirement yet. Nicole wondered if he ever would be. She leaned her head in her hand and her dark hair fell over one shoulder. Her brown eyes sparkled at him. "It's going to be great. I can't wait to tell Jake."

Andy leaned back in his seat and lifted his coffee. The two had met for breakfast at a cafe not far from where Nicole worked. He had worked most of the night, but now they had a break in the case, and he was looking forward to going home and falling into bed, while the DDAs did their part of the work. He turned the cup in his hands and studied the dark liquid. He thought about what the park would mean to the kids and his head tilted. "Hey, Nic," an idea was starting to form. Andy didn't know how feasible it was, but it seemed like a good idea. Of course, with him, that wasn't always the case. "You wouldn't mind if I asked Sharon to tag along with Anna and Rusty, do you?" He shrugged, and glanced up at her. "Well, I don't know that Rusty would want to, but Anna should like it too right? I mean, she's not too young."

Nicole's brows lifted in surprise. He hadn't mentioned Sharon in weeks, longer than that actually. He definitely hadn't wanted to talk about her after that day that they ran into her with her family outside of Papa Murphys. She considered her father for a moment, and wondered not for the first time, what exactly was going on with those two. Just when she thought that she knew, he threw a curve ball at her. Nicole's brows drew together, and her dark gaze was unwavering. "Actually, I think I might, Dad." She leaned forward and continued to watch him closely. "I mean, I don't think I understand what is going on there. You tell me that you're only friends and that she's married, but she's separated. Then you let it slip that she's getting divorced, and the next thing I know I'm being introduced to her husband and you won't talk about her at all. So yes, I think I do mind." She arched a brow at him. "At least until you tell me what is going on with the two of you." Her voice pitched lower and her gaze became troubled. "You're not having an affair with her are you?"

"What?" His eyes widened in surprise. "No!" Andy sat upright in his seat. He shook his head, almost frantically. "Nicole, it's not like that. We aren't, we haven't… No." Andy decided to leave it at that. "Look, it's complicated, okay? I don't really know what we are right now, but we're not having an affair."

"You're going to have to do a lot better than that." Nicole shook her head at him. "Look, dad, I like Sharon. I really do, but I have to think about what is best for my family. If there's some kind of drama going on with the two of you, then I really don't think—"

"She's divorced." Andy sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Or just about divorced. It's going to be final by the New Year. Nicole, I don't know that it's my story to tell. She was separated, and the papers were filed. She was waiting for Jack to sign them, and it looked like he was going to. We weren't together. We were friends. But I guess…" Andy looked away. He sighed again. "I guess it was kind of understood that something was going to happen when it was over. We're already in a kind of complicated situation working together. Sharon wouldn't complicate it more by starting something with me while she was still legally married."

"What about Anna?" Nicole asked gently. "You said that they'd been separated for twenty years, but unless that child is aging backwards, I don't exactly see how she's old enough to have been a product of pre-separation fun." She reached out and touched his hand. "Dad, is it possible that things just aren't finished with them?" She didn't want to see him get hurt, although it looked like maybe it was too late for that.

"No, it's done." Andy smiled gently at her. He turned his hand over under hers. "Nic, Anna isn't Sharon's daughter. She's Jack's, but Sharon isn't her mother. Not her real one. Sharon adopted Anna when Jack came back a few months ago." He looked down and shifted uncomfortably. "Anna's mother died, and Jack showed up with a kid that no one knew that he'd had. Turns out he and this woman had been living together out in Vegas, but he walked out on her and the baby. Something he's really good at. He asked Sharon to adopt her, since he's actually a crappier dad than I was. In return, he'd sign Rusty's adoption papers, and Anna would get back something that she had lost." Andy glanced up at her. "I guess you could say I screwed up."

Nicole's brows drew together in a confused expression. "You?" She shook her head. "Dad, how did you screw anything up. You're not responsible for—"

"I didn't talk her out of it." Andy gave her a sheepish look and looked away. "When Sharon told me what she was thinking of doing, I was so busy thinking about what I was losing that I didn't even try to help her out. So yeah, I screwed up. I mean, she didn't actually have to get back together with Jack to make it all work. Now he's gone, and Sharon has Anna. He left, again."

"Wow." Nicole leaned back in her seat and shook her head. "You weren't kidding about it being complicated. So, let's see if I understand. The husband takes off, she files for divorce, he shows up with a kid, they get back together, she adopts the kid, and now they're divorced, he's in the wind, and she's still got the kid. Holy crap!" She blinked at him. "So, where are you in all this. I mean, the two of you aren't just going to go back to whatever it was you were doing before, are you?"

"I don't see how we can." Andy's shoulders slumped again. He turned the coffee mug in front of him and finally lifted it to take a sip of the lukewarm liquid. "I mean, I think we could be friends again. I'd like that, but I don't see how we can go back. It's not like we can just pick up where it left off. I was an ass. That's something I'm good at."

"It sounds to me like you both made mistakes." Nicole reached out and covered his hand again. "Maybe that's the problem. You're both thinking too much about what happened and not what could be happening. You're worried about going back and you've got to think about going forward. Did it ever occur to you, old man, that maybe you should just ask the woman out and get it over with." Nicole grinned crookedly at him. Her dark eyes sparkled. "You keep screwing around with your chances, and you're going to lose it completely. Think of it like a second opportunity to get it right."

Andy chuckled quietly. He shook his head at her. He couldn't fault her enthusiasm, but he didn't necessarily agree. "I think it might already be too late, Nic. Or maybe it wasn't supposed to happen at all. I don't know."

"Don't think like that," she said softly. "Dad, what has not trying gotten you? So doesn't it stand to reason that maybe… doing something a little different might be the better option?" He still didn't look convinced, but Nicole knew not to push too far. It wasn't for her to really decide for him anyway. It just seemed so sad. "Invite her," she said. "We'd love to have her, and the kids too, of course." Nicole was beginning to think that maybe what those two needed was a babysitter.

"I will." Andy leaned back in his seat with a sigh. "I don't know if she'll be available, but I'll find out. I think it will be great. Especially for Anna. She's had a rough few months. She could use a little magic in her life."

"You are such a big teddy bear," Nicole decided. "Does anyone know that you are, without a doubt, the biggest softy on the planet?"

Andy rolled his eyes at her. "Oh yeah, that's me. Nicole, I think you might be a little bit confused. Maybe I should take you on a ride along one of these days…"

"You can try." She smirked at him. "Kick down as many doors as you like old man, but I've got you figured out. Big softy."

Andy groaned loudly. He hung his head and shook it. "Do me a favor and don't tell anyone that."

Nicole laughed. She wouldn't make any promises at all, but his work reputation she would leave alone. Where Sharon was concerned, well maybe that should be another situation entirely. She grinned deviously. "I'll think about it."

He put his head in his hand. His daughter was entirely too much like him. Andy glanced at her and had to grin. He'd have to think of some way of distracting her.

MCMCMCMCMCMC

Andy didn't approach Sharon with the idea immediately. He gave it a couple of days. He didn't want to interrupt her vacation too much, he knew that she needed the time with Anna, just as much as she needed to have some time alone. He wanted to give her that, and if he was honest with himself, he thought that maybe they just needed to proceed a little more carefully this time. Although he would confess to having thought about what Nicole said, that if he waited too long, he would lose his chance.

It was a difficult situation to be in. He didn't want to push her, if she wasn't ready, and at the same time, he wondered if he was ready for that too. Andy had told her that they would try to have dinner again, later in the week. The case had turned out to be too involved to make that possible at first, but now that it was over, he decided to reach out to her.

He planned to take her to Marcels, although it seemed that life was still conspiring against them, when at the last minute she didn't have a sitter for Anna. Rusty planned to do it, but was called in to the bookstore where he worked. The idea crossed his mind that they could stay in, but Andy thought better of it. He told her to bring Anna along, after all, she would enjoy the spaghetti.

It was obviously the right thing to do. Sharon had smiled brightly at him at the invitation for the child and out they had gone. They sat at a table in the back and Andy filled the time by explaining the details of the case, in so much as he could with Anna present. It was mostly a recounting of the team's antics while Sharon was away.

"I cannot leave any of you alone for even a minute." Sharon had her face hidden in her hand. She couldn't believe that he had let Julio bust another interview table. Although she supposed it really was a toss-up. Either Julio would toss it flying, or Andy would kick it over. Either way, the poor table was doomed. "That's another fine stack of paperwork you've created for me."

"Me?" Andy was a picture of complete innocence. "I wasn't even in the room. That one is all on Provenza. He was in charge. I was just sitting in the interview room eating the popcorn." He watched her eyes sparkle in the dim lighting of the restaurant. How many nights had they sat here while he wondered whether or not he should ask to drive her home. Tonight he would be driving her home, but they weren't alone. His gaze wondered to Anna, who was seated on a small booster seat in the booth beside Sharon. The little girl's eyes were drooping tiredly. When she leaned her head against Sharon's shoulder, his smile softened. "Right now I think I should take you home."

"Hm." She glanced down at the child. They had long since finished their meals and paid the check. Now they were only talking, just as they had on a number of similar evenings. "Yes, I think you're right. This one needs her bed." Sharon brushed a hand over the child's hair. "Come on, sweetheart, let's go home."

Andy slid out of the booth and laid his napkin on the table while Sharon stood and eased the sleepy Anna into her arms. "I'll take her." He took the slight form from her and settled Anna against his shoulder. His arm settled beneath her bottom and he took her jacket from Sharon to lay over her. Her head lay against his shoulder and she tucked her arms beneath her, already letting her eyes close again. "She's out," he told Sharon, while she slipped into her own jacket.

"I'm not surprised," she said. Sharon brushed Anna's hair back before tucking both of her hands into the pockets of her jacket. "She had her first dance class today. It was a big day for her."

Andy's dark eyes sparkled. "Grooming another ballerina?" He held Anna easily as they made their way through the restaurant.

"I don't know about that," she laughed quietly. "We're trying a lot of new things. It's good for them, to have something that they like. Emily fell in love with ballet, Ricky had baseball, and with Rusty it's the chess. I want that for Anna too, but she's at an age where it's really hard to determine where her interests are going to go. Rusty already knew what he liked when he came to me. With Ricky and Emily, we did this too. We tried dance, gymnastics and different sports. As she gets older, she'll be able to tell me which one she really likes, and if she truly hates any of it, we'll stop. Ricky despised lacrosse, for example. Emily loved gymnastics, but she loved ballet more and she was too frightened of getting injured and losing both than having both… so we went with ballet. It seems to have worked out."

"I would say." Andy laughed at her. "Your daughter is dancing professionally and from what I've heard, she's very good at it." At her surprised look, he shrugged. "Nicole. She did some research after we told her about Emily. I'll have her send you the links to the videos she found online. I hear they're great." Ballet wasn't his thing, but he supported it because of his grandsons.

"Ah." Sharon pushed the door open for him when they reached it and held it while he carried Anna out into the cool night air. The days were mild, but the evenings were beginning to chill as it got closer to the Christmas holidays. Mid-December in southern California was a bit of an enigma, even to the residents. Sharon reached up and tucked Anna's jacket more securely around her.

"How does she feel about cartoons?" Andy slanted a look at her. At her confused look, he grinned. "You know, kids like those things right? I mean, it's been a while, but I seem to remember—"

Sharon rolled her eyes at him. "Reminding me how old we are isn't a very good move." She curled a hand around his arm as they walked, a move that was familiar and customary for one of their evenings out. "She likes them, I'm just not sure why you're asking. Anna is a particular fan of the princess variety." Sharon made a face at him and grinned. "Well, princesses, ponies, puppies, and all things cuddly and cute. The Darthness is draining from me even as we speak."

Andy snorted a the wry tone she used. "We can't have that," he replied in kind. "Remind me to lock you in a room with Provenza at the first possible moment."

Her eyes widened. "Are you trying to help me or punish me?"

"Good point." He nodded. "I'll think of something else." He smiled down at her. "Here's the thing, Nicole and Jake are taking the boys to Disneyland as soon as school is out for the winter break. They kind of want me to tag along." He shrugged, as if it wasn't the big deal that it really was. "We talked about it, and Nicole would really like it if you could join us. You know, with Anna, and Rusty too," he added, "If he's interested. I wasn't sure if it would be his thing, but Nic would love to have him too." Before she could respond, Andy went on quickly. "I just thought that, she's at that age right? And after everything she's been through these last few months, maybe she could use a little bit of that kind of magic. I mean, Nic wasn't that much older than Anna is now when we took her for the first time, and she really enjoyed it. I figured she might like it better if there were some other kids around, you know, closer to her own age and all that. It's kind of last minute, I guess, the boys will be out of school in another week or so, but I thought—"

"Andy." Sharon had to call his name more than once to get him to stop. He really could ramble on when he was worked up about something. "Andy." She lay a hand on his arm and moved into his path. She looked up at him; there was a soft smile at her lips and her eyes were dancing in the street lights. "I think it's a wonderful idea." She wondered at making it a family outing this soon, but he was right. Anna would find more enjoyment if there were children present that were closer to her own age. For that reason, she pushed aside whatever uncertainties she had about jumping back into a routine of providing a buffer for each other where their families were concerned… as that was exactly what he was doing, she only wondered if he realized it. "She's going to love it. You're right about Rusty, I'm not sure what he'll think of the idea, but I'll ask him. Maybe…" Sharon glanced away and considered for a moment. "Maybe he'll agree to take her, if we get pulled away." She hoped that wouldn't be the case, but they couldn't make any promises in their line of work. Although Sharon wondered if she could maneuver things in that event, so that Andy would still have the time with his family. It wouldn't hurt to have one of them absent, even for a day, or hadn't this week proved that? Sharon would see what sort of contingencies she could put in place.

"Good." Andy let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "I'll let Nicole know that you're on board." He grinned. Already he was wondering how he could make sure that it happened, at least for Anna and Sharon. He thought maybe he'd get with Provenza on it. His partner might just blow a gasket, but it would be worth it. He'd come around, for no other reason than because there was a kid involved. His partner might pretend otherwise, but he was a soft touch with the kids, and Anna wasn't any different.

"Okay." Sharon nodded and moved out of his way. They began walking again and she leaned into his side. When they reached her car, Sharon unlocked the back passenger door for him and moved around the car to climb into the backseat from the other side. Together they got the sleeping Anna into her carseat. When Andy had picked her up, they'd taken her car for the convenience of already having Anna's seat installed. Andy had insisted on driving, however, and Sharon hadn't minded. After settling her daughter into her seat, she passed the keys back to his waiting hand and chuckled quietly. She rolled her eyes at him when he opened the passenger door for her and folded herself easily into the front seat. "So bossy," she teased. "I was away too long."

"I won't argue with that," he rumbled quietly, and met her gaze. When her smile softened and her cheeks flushed, Andy pushed her door closed and rounded the car. He folded his long body behind the steering wheel and started the car. He caught her watching him, and returned the smile. Nicole's voice rang through his mind again. Andy thought about that while he maneuvered the car away from the restaurant and its downtown location. Traffic wasn't bad for that time of week, and he was able to let his mind wander.

Sharon leaned her head back against the seat and let her eyes close. It hadn't been so long go that she was exactly here, although with someone else behind the wheel. She sighed quietly as she recalled that it hadn't been a bad night either, she had enjoyed having her kids together, even if one of them had been missing. Despite all of that, there had been a sadness that she couldn't escape. She had been missing the man that was beside her.

What a difference a few weeks could create.

It was another very good night, and when she examined just how she was feeling, she supposed that now it was a bit wistful. A few months ago, there would have been a sense of anticipation on the air as he drove her home. They'd have parted, innocently enough, only to look forward to the next occasion. She only wondered now what that would be. What was left for them that she could hope for? Sharon's eyes opened and she turned her gaze onto the city as it passed. It blurred a bit, with the stinging of her eyes and she took a small, shallow breath while she controlled the direction that her emotions had taken.

"Penny," Andy stated, when she grew silent and he felt the air in the car shift toward something just a bit pensive.

A smile tugged her at her lips. Sharon let her head roll against the seat rest and gazed at him. "I was just thinking how much I'd missed this," she said quietly, voice thick with all the things that she wouldn't let herself say.

Andy glanced at her, and not for the first time he was struck by just how expressive her eyes could be. He felt his chest clench in response and reached for her hand. "Me too," he said quietly. There was much more that he would like to say, but like Sharon, he was holding it back. He held on to her hand, however, as he maneuvered them through the LA traffic and away from downtown. She let him, and when she turned her hand in his and their fingers twined together, he began to think that maybe Nicole had a point. It was entirely possible he was putting too much thought into it, and not nearly enough activity. The only thing that stilled his wandering thoughts was the idea that he would spook her, or push her too far too quickly.

They lapsed into a more comfortable silence as the drive continued. When they reached the building that Sharon had moved into, Andy pulled her car into the garage, beside where his waited. Rather than part from her immediately, he offered to take Anna upstairs and easily pulled the sleeping girl from her carseat. They talked quietly as they rode the elevator up, Sharon hadn't expected Rusty to be home yet, and his car had not been parked downstairs. When they reached the condo, Sharon pushed the door open for him and shrugged out of her jacket. She hung it up, and then dropped her keys in the tray on the table beside it as she moved past him to lead the way inside.

"This way," she led the way down the hall, and when they reached the end, she pointed Andy into Anna's room. "I'll be right there." She stepped into hers to leave her purse on the dresser but joined him quickly. He was just laying Anna amidst the lavender and lilac blankets of her bed when she joined him. Together they removed her shoes and socks and Sharon managed to ease her into something far more comfortable than the dress she had worn to dinner, all without waking the child.

Afterward, she tucked her in and bent to to press a kiss to the top of her head before drawing away. She made sure the night light was on and dimmed the lights before stepping into the hall with Andy. She found him looking at her, with a look she couldn't quite decipher. "What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "I was just thinking that maybe you really needed this week. You're almost a natural now."

She rolled her eyes at him and started down the hall again. "We're not there yet. But it's better," she said. Sharon shrugged. "I disengaged my brain and the rest took over. We're going to be okay, she and I. The funny part is," She explained, "It really is more like it was with Rusty than I thought. With him I had to keep reminding myself that he wasn't mine, and with Anna I kept telling myself that she is mine, now, and I should act like it. In both situations as soon as I stopped thinking so much about it and just let it go, it fell into place the way it was meant to. That's what I'm doing here."

"Well its working, whatever you're doing." Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and let his gaze wonder to the floor. "I'm glad."

"Are you?" She hadn't meant to ask it, and shook her head before he could answer. Sharon walked away from him, and into the kitchen. She reached for the kettle and began filling it. She didn't really want to know the answer to that, not if it was juxtapose to how she would like things to be. When she set the kettle on the stove, he was there. His hands grasped hers before she could turn on the burner. She was drawn back into the circle of his arms and against the solid wall of his chest. Her eyes closed as his warmth filled her.

It was the sense of hurt and regret in her gaze as she turned away that pushed him to act. He felt the tremor that moved through her settle deep inside him. Andy held her, small hands clasped in his, and body tucked against him. It had always surprised him just how easily and well she fit against him. It was something that he had missed, something he didn't want to be without again.

"What happened in your marriage doesn't have anything to do with me," he rumbled against her ear. "I wasn't part of it."

Her tongue darted out to sweep across her dry lips, followed by her teeth scraping across her bottom lip. "Even if that means I come with more baggage than I had before? I was a packaged deal before, Andy, and that's only become more involved." Her breath hitched when she felt the heat of his caress the side of her neck when his head bent low. This was not the conversation that she envisioned, but then, nothing about their relationship had gone exactly to plan. Maybe that was the problem, the planning.

"She's not baggage." His lips brushed the curve of her jaw, where it met her ear. "She's your daughter. So you've got another kid, big deal. It happens." He continued to hold her, found he couldn't convince himself to let go of her. "There've been some bumps and cracks in the pavement, even a couple of detours maybe. I just want to be there when that road ends. So yeah, I'm glad its working out."

Sharon turned in his embrace finally, and let her hands rest against his chest. She looked up at him, her eyes were bright. She was at least gratified to realize that his heart was beating just as furiously as her own was. "I'd really like for you to be there too," she said quietly. "I just don't know how we get back on track."

His hands came up to hold her waist loosely. "Maybe it's time we stop thinking about it and just let it happen." Andy shrugged. "If it's going to happen. Disengage the mind, let the rest fall into place. That seems to be working okay for you so far."

"Hm." She hummed softly. "Yes, it is." Sharon lifted her face toward him, and his hands came up to slid gently into her hair. It was hardly a kiss at all, the soft brushing of their lips, but it held a wealth of promise.

Andy tipped her head back and gazed into her eyes. His lips brushed the tip of her nose before he let his hands drop. "I should go."

"Okay," she agreed, but didn't move. Instead, her eyes followed him as he stepped back. She tracked his movement around the bar and only when he'd made it half way across the living room did she manage to spur herself into movement. Sharon stepped out of the kitchen and followed him more slowly. She pressed her lips together and moaned quietly at the tumult of thoughts and emotions that were suddenly upon her. "Andy."

His hand had only just barely brushed the door knob. The keening in her tone pulled at him. He realized he was trying to be noble again. He was so intent on not pushing her too quickly, that he forgot Sharon would only let him get as far as she was prepared to allow. Andy turned and caught her gaze. The longing in it had him striding toward her. "Oh the hell with it."

When he reached her, his hands moved into her hair again. He tipped her hair back and turned them both until the wall was at her back and she was pressed against it. He lowered his head and caught her mouth again, this time kissing her with all the fervor that their months apart had ignited.

At last they parted, breaths ragged, and lips swollen. "Stay," She murmured.

"I'm not goin' anywhere." When her lips curved he kissed them again and pulled her away from the wall.

Her arms moved around his neck and when he lifted her, she laughed against his mouth. He would be paying for that later, but at the moment neither of them cared. When he promised to stay with her, she knew that she could believe him. She had no reason to second guess his motives or his intentions. His touch burned right through her, while something deeper sparked and began to blossom again. Perhaps not forgotten, just pushed aside for a while. It was a bit like spring after a dark winter. Bright and full of promise.

It was the last coherent thought she let herself enjoy before she disengaged her mind. She let the rest take over, let herself be swept away on a wave of need and desire. In these arms, at least, she knew that she was safe.