Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Looking for music to listen to for inspiration -_-.
Chapter 23 A Glee Assignment with Santana
Puck had been running Santana interference all month. Ever since they got off Christmas break she appeared to be slowly getting more on edge. She was hiding it well, so he highly doubted anyone else noticed because just how much she was holding back. But she slipped with the little things; her hands, especially when Rachel was talking, nowadays were often curled into fists and he could see the visible strain as her teeth ground together when she forced them to relax. He'd taken to sitting directly next to her just in case because, even if he had to admit that sometimes Rachel deserved it, he didn't want to see his fellow Jew hurt or let his best friend do something that she might regret. He wanted to know exactly what had happened over the break to make him worry about her so, but if Santana wanted him to know what was wrong, she'd tell him. She'd stopped spending time with him, going off to who knew where, and wasn't even bothering to keep up the pretense of them dating anymore. They used to confide in each other, no secrets if asked directly. It hit him; there was so much he didn't know about her, but at the same time. If he was honest with himself, at the same time, all he wanted was his friend back. He spotted Santana slip out of the cafeteria. Lunch or find out where she was going? He sighed; he had really been looking forward to the food today.
xxxxx
TG was hurting, physically. She knew that Rachel grated Santana the wrong way, which is why she had suggested that they start to practice stage combat during lunch so that she could let off steam without hurting anyone. TG kind of regretted that decision now. As unfortunately, stage combat practice with Santana was quickly becoming more combat and less stage. She lifted her shirt up and looked in the mirror; Santana had nailed her good the other day in the stomach with her knee. Nothing, not even a bruise. Not that it would have lessened the pain, but it was better for them both if nothing was visible. For one, she didn't have to tell Laura about it and Santana didn't have to feel guilty about being too rough on her. Her phone alarm vibrated letting her know that it was time to head to the theatre.
TG sighed. She hoped Brittany would come back soon. How much longer she could take this? She rolled her shoulder back and stretched it; the more important question was how much longer could she keep this under the radar.
When she arrived at the auditorium, Santana was already but she wasn't doing her usual warm up, in fact, she was sitting on the stage waiting. She motioned for TG to sit down.
"I have to present a song today. Give me your opinion on this one." And she launched into a song that TG knew very well, but she wondered, exactly who was Santana referring to. Definitely Puck, maybe Brittany, even with these thoughts distracting her, she was mesmerized by just how true the words sounded coming from Santana.
xxxx
Step one you say we need to talk,
She walks you say sit down it's just a talk,
She smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through.
Some sort of window to your right,
As she go left and you stay right.
Between the lines of fear and blame,
You begin to wonder why you came.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
Let him know that you know best,
'cause after all you do know best.
Try to slip past his defense.
Without granting innocence.
Lay down a list of what is wrong,
The things you told him all along.
And prey to God he hears you.
And prey to God he hears you.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
As he begins to raise his voice,
You lower yours and grant him one last chance.
Drive until you lose the road,
Or break with the ones you follow.
He will do one of two things,
He will admit to everything,
Or he'll say he's just not the same,
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.
How to save a life.
How to save a life.
Santana was surprised about how she felt afterward. It was like part of the burden she had been carrying around had, not vanished, but rather gotten more bearable. The problem is that she knew the moment she finished the song that it was good, too good for Glee club. She was surprised that it felt more cathartic than when she was sparring with TG. "It's too good," she stated out loud. TG nodded. "Got something else for me?" TG threw her the I-pod from her locker. Scrolling through it seemed to have all the possible songs she'd ever need for Glee club for the rest of the year, based on what Puck said when he went on about the club. The look she gave TG showed a "What the hell?" expression.
{Schue} TG signed her variation of idiot teacher. {Is not very good at keeping secrets, especially when he wants lights for Glee clubs activities}
"He told you because he wanted lights?" Santana said in disbelief, surely Schue couldn't be that stupid with Sue out to destroy the Glee club.
{Yup} came the response. Apparently he was.
Before anymore conversation could be had, a door closed in the back of the theatre. Santana looked over to the door to see Puck coming in. She threw a quick glance in TG's direction, true to her name, had disappeared.
"Who were you talking to?" Puck asked failing to stop his voice from cracking slightly.
"A ghost," Santana said.
"You don't believe in ghosts."
"Only this one."
"Seriously, I want to know," Puck said.
"It's none of your business." Her voice clearly stated that this topic was off limits.
"What happened to us?"
"What do you mean?"
"We used to tell each other everything."
"No, we didn't."
"There's obviously something wrong here. You've been acting weird since we got back to school, what the deal?"
"Nothing."
"Santana."
"I'll see you at Glee," Santana said dismissively grabbing her backpack to head to her next class. Puck followed, he couldn't afford being late this early in the year.
Both of them were oblivious to the conversation that was just starting behind the back curtains of the stage.
xxxxx
"Jake" Rachel's demanding voice called as the bell rang. TG quickly turned and placed her hand over Rachel's mouth signaling for her to be quiet. The doors to the theatre closed telling her that Santana and Puck had both left. At that moment Rachel removed TG's hand from her mouth.
"What did she do to you?" she inquired. TG shrugged nonchalantly in response, not quite meeting Rachel's eyes.
Although she was signing, Rachel still said the sentences aloud out of habit. {Did she threaten you? Harass you?} For once Rachel was at a loss at how to express herself. She could only say so much in sign and for that TG secretly thanked the powers that be. "If she's done anything to you," Rachel continued "I'll take it to the principal."
{Satan hasn't done anything} That much, was mostly true.
"She must have done something to get you to lie for her."
{I was telling the truth}
"Then explain to me how I got a bruise the size of a golf ball on the middle of my forehead for a week." TG averted her eyes, this was slightly embarrassing. Her posture basically it all.
"Well," inquired Rachel tapping her foot.
{I dropped you}
"Oh I see, Santana-" Rachel paused in mid sentence fully understanding what the other girl had said. "You dropped me?"
TG looked apologetic as she explained, {After you fainted before she laid a finger on you. That much was true. She did not touch you at all, you just collapsed and she left you there. I picked you up to take you to the nurse and, well, I dropped you} She paused before adding looking embarrassed, {Twice. Sorry}
"Let's say I believe you but she must have done some-" Rachel was interrupted by TG throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. This was probably the first real conversation they had in years and they were still having the same problem.
{Remember what I told you in the conversation we had before I left?}
"The one where you insinuated that I was ignorant and self-centered?"
{Yes that one. What did I tell you?}
"That I was ignorant and self-centered."
TG wanted to hit her head against the wall, at eight years old that's what Rachel had gotten out of it. Clearly nothing had changed in the last seven years. {No, what did I tell you?}
Rachel closed her eyes and recited it with perfect diction word for word, "You see but you do not observe, you hear but you do not listen, you talk but say little."
{You should try to do that sometime. Listening instead of thinking you know everything}
"This is not about me, this is about you."
{I will fine. If I were you, I would be worried about myself} This, TG thought as she walked away, was why they never really talked since she had returned from Philippines. Oh Rachel Berry could be so infuriating.
xxxxx
Santana could tell that the diva of Glee was feeling smug thinking she had gotten the infamous Satan backed into a corner. It was so unfortunate; she thought as she gritted her teeth, that she would have to prove that girl right. On the bright side, it was more of a "fuck you" at the girl than it was showing the annoying short idiot was right. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Berry and Finn make goo-goo eyes at each other, her left hand clench as she watched. Was she feeling jealous? She didn't even like Berry and Finn could barely put two and two together. So what was there to feel jealous about? She could see Kurt's surprise when she opened her mouth and something hard and angry came out, it was like he'd forgotten who she really was over the past few weeks. Did he really not see how much she was working to not kill everyone in this room? She thought that maybe he could still get a read on her, apparently she was wrong.
I hate the world today
You're so good to me, I know
But I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I'm a bitch I'm a lover
I'm a child I'm a mother
I'm a sinner I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change and today won't mean a thing
I'm a bitch I'm a lover
I'm a child I'm a mother
I'm a sinner I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
Just when you think
You got me figured out
The seasons all ready changin'
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
I'm a bitch I'm a lover
I'm a child I'm a mother
I'm a sinner I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
I'm a bitch, I'm tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you're hurt
When you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numbed
I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
When she finished, there was a brief period of silence before some applause. Puck looked shocked at the change of song, Berry, she smirked inwardly, had sifted uncomfortably during most of the song but had impressively kept any look of disapproval off her face. This was probably due to a few well placed actions with the words and with the amount of swearing the song itself had entailed. The silence was broken by Schue.
"I'm not sure that was the most appropriate choice of music," said Schue diplomatically. 'Does anyone have suggestions that could help her improve?" Everybody waited for Rachel to say something, in fact several seconds passed because they were waiting for her to launch into her usual torrent of words. Most of it was criticizing the choice of song rather than her delivery. Rachel finally opened her mouth after everyone else had finished talking and delivered her advice in only the way Rachel could have.
"This is obviously your desperate cry for help with your horrendous vocals. If you are ever going to reach your full potential as a reasonable background singer you need to at least make an attempt to work within the same category. I can't have my background singer be singing country while I'm delivering the climatic note in The Phantom of the Opera." With that said she sat back down. Everyone just stared at Rachel stunned. That was probably the shortest critique she'd ever given and to Santana of all people.
Schue cleared his throat breaking the silence yet again. "Just ar emeinder before you leave that regional practice begins Monday," he said, "I expect you to work hard and bring a positive attitude."
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Santana left ready to go home, she stopped by her locker to retrieve her backpack. As she opened it a small piece of paper drifted to the floor, it wasn't the paper itself that caught her eye but the message on it. It was short and simple, scrawled in familiar handwriting. Two words were written and as she examined it closer the message became clear. She's back. And for the first time since school had resumed, Santana felt like she could breathe again.
A/N: How to Save a Life by The Fray, I'm a Bitch I'm a Lover by Alanis Morisette.