Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

"Have you lost your damned mind!"

It was barked at her, shouted really, from the entrance to the break room. It probably hadn't been intended to be quite so loud, but the room was small and noise carried well within it. Sharon jumped. Tea sloshed over the rim of her cup and onto her hand. She hissed quietly and reached for a napkin in the nearby dispenser. As she mopped up the hot liquid, she cast a glance behind her.

Lieutenant Provenza's face was red. He was fuming. She honestly expected steam to begin shooting out of his ears any moment now. His brown eyes were nearly black with the emotion. As he took a step toward her, his finger shaking ominously, Sharon almost wanted to flee the other direction. In all their years he had never been quite this worked up at her. She blinked owlishly at him. It was enough to be concerning.

"I think," she said carefully, "that you're going to need to help me out, Lieutenant. I'm not sure which instance you're referring to." Her voice pitched low, in deference to the small room, but she also hoped that her tone would alert him to the fact that she only almost wanted to flee. "Is this a more broad analysis of my sanity, or have I done something specific that has you questioning my mental state?"

His arm was flung out. He gestured, open-palmed, at the door. Meanwhile, his mouth opened but little sound came out beyond the occasional squeak. He just couldn't seem to get the words out. The veins in his neck were beginning to protrude. "You," was all he managed to force out between clenched teeth.

Sharon's brows lifted. It was almost comical, except she was fairly sure that it really wasn't. "Yes?" She asked at length, drawing the syllable out.

His eyes narrowed. "You have done a lot of things over the years," he managed to grit out. "But this time…" Provenza's fists clenched tightly. He was certain he'd never been more furious at a single other person in… well, a long time. The last ex-wife most likely. "I expect him to be out of his mind, that's a given. You're supposed to have some common sense, if nothing else! God knows he's lost all of his. I mean really!" Provenza pointed at her again. He shook his finger at her. "You got married?" It was just so preposterous that he could hardly even get the words out.

The laughter was instant. The giggles couldn't be stopped. Sharon pressed her fingers to her lips. "Oh god no." She chortled happily and shook her head. "Is that what this is all about?" She lifted her teacup and leaned back against the counter to smile at him. "Let me guess, Anna?" It was hard to hold the laughter back, Sharon wanted to break out into a round of giggles every time she thought back to the ridiculous and completely insane moment that was the actual proposal. It had only been a few days, not even a week yet. They weren't telling anyone, at least not until they'd told their kids. Anna was last on that list, due to the comprehension level there. Sharon shook her head. She smiled fondly at him. "Do you believe everything that children tell you?"

He was quietly skeptical. The fact that she was laughing at him still had him scowling darkly. The lieutenant put his hands on his hips. "You didn't get married?" His head tilted at her. "Anna told me that she was getting a new daddy."

"Of course not." Sharon rolled her eyes at him. She pushed away from the counter and walked toward the door. "We'd never dream of doing something that insane…" At the door, Sharon looked back at him. "At least without you. Anna completely misunderstood." She smiled sweetly at him. "We're getting married on Thursday. You're invited of course." Her eyes glittered playfully. "I'm just not interested in the whole engagement thing, really, that's for kids. Could you imagine us trying to plan a wedding, at our age? Utterly ridiculous if you ask me." Sharon tilted her head at him. "I am hoping you can tag along when he makes his ring choice, I mean, you've seen what he wears. I don't really wear a lot of jewelry and…" She trailed off. He was red again. His mouth was open, but this time he couldn't even make the odd squeaking sounds. "Lieutenant, are you alright? You're starting to worry me."

His hands moved into his hair. "You really have lost your mind!" Provenza turned, almost blindly, and slumped into the first chair that he reached. He leaned forward against the table, head in his hands and groaned loudly. "She's off her nut."

Sharon pushed away from the door and walked back over to sit across from him. She crossed her legs and held her teacup in both hands. There was an indulgent smile on her face. Yes, she was rather sure he was correct. They were both off their nut. It was getting out of control, really. "Lieutenant," she spoke quietly, warmly.

He glanced up at her. "You were supposed to break up, be miserable. Walk around acting like a complete bitch about it while he was surly, hot-tempered, and out of control. Then you'd get over it, we'd toss a young blond at him, and things would eventually stop being uncomfortably awkward and go back to normal. You're not supposed to marry him!" Provenza's hands dropped. "What are you even thinking?"

"Hm." She sipped her tea while her eyes sparkled at him from over the rim. "I'm not even sure that we are." Sharon lowered the cup to the table and kept it cradled between her hands. She leaned forward a bit, straightening a little under his gaze. "I think I could answer that question, but you don't really want me to."

"Oh, I think you do." He shook his head at her. "I need to know that one of you has your head screwed on, if not straight, then at least on!" Provenza couldn't believe it. It was the craziest thing his partner had ever done, and he'd witnessed some pretty crazy things over the years - been apart of most of them!

Sharon chuckled quietly. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. She turned the teacup in her and and studied it. "I'm not sure that I can really explain it in a way that makes it sound less insane, or that I really should." Her lips curved. "Suffice it to say, some decisions just don't require a whole lot in the way of thought."

"That is painfully obvious." He glared at her. "Some things, you just shouldn't jump into," Provenza warned her. "Believe me, I've been there. A few times."

She giggled again. "Yes, I guess you have." Sharon hummed and looked away from him. "I don't have any words for you. None that are going to put your mind at ease. I understand that he's your partner, and that this effects all of you in some way, but it's also my personal life." Sharon shrugged. "I'm not going to explain it. That isn't what we do," she reminded him.

His eyes narrowed. "I loathe you," the Lieutenant told her, although it lacked true heat or actual meaning.

He didn't really, and for that reason, Sharon smiled brightly. "I know." She stood up with her tea. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

"I don't think it's much of a secret," he drawled sarcastically. Provenza sniffed. He rolled his eyes at her. "Why so soon," he asked, before she could reach the door again.

"The kids." Sharon leaned against it. That much she would share with him. "Emily is going to be touring this spring. The Company is taking their spring production on the road. Ricky is going to Europe next month, and will be gone until April. Rusty is thinking of joining him during spring break in March." She shrugged. "Nicole and Jake will be traveling for most of February, so the timing was really very iffy. Neither of us is interested in anything elaborate. We're just seeing a friend of mine over at the courthouse and the only appointment he had available was for Thursday afternoon. If we get it done this week, the kids can join us over the weekend."

"Wow," he said dryly. "That's romantic." The Lieutenant shook his head at her. "I bet you even penciled it in on your calendar too. That really bodes well for the future."

"You know something," she drawled. "If it were the act that was important, I might agree with you. It's not. Not even remotely. You should know that. How it happens isn't important, only that it does. I've done the elaborate three day affair with all the trimmings. That worked out so well in the end. This time, we're doing things our way. It works for us. If you can't trust anything else, Lieutenant, at least trust that." Sharon pushed her way out of the room and left him staring after her. She was tempted to laugh again. At least everyone was in agreement. They were nuts.

When Sharon entered the Murder Room, she found Anna sitting on Andy's desk, watching while he worked. Her gaze quickly swept the room. The others didn't seem to be overly out of sorts over the little cat that her daughter had let out of the bag. They did look at her, and their expressions were a mixture of surprise and amusement.

"Hi honey." Her smile brightened when she caught Anna's attention. She curled an arm around the child and bent to kiss the top of her head.

"I think I made Lieutenant Provenza mad at me." Anna pouted at her.

"Oh, no sweetie." Sharon laughed. "Lieutenant Provenza is mad at the world." That drew a few chuckles. Beside her, Andy snorted quietly.

"Rusty just dropped her off," Andy said. "I'm taking her down to daycare and this is for you." He held up a file. "Phone records for Dallas Jensen. Tao is pulling the financials now." He stood up and decided to leave his jacket draped across the back of his chair. He lifted Anna into his arms and pulled her bag over his shoulder.

"Thank you." She took the file in her free hand and turned her attention to Anna again. "You I will be seeing soon. Be good." When the child leaned toward her, Sharon laughed and pressed a kiss to her cheek. When Andy smirked at her, and it looked like he might ask for one too, her eyes narrowed.

Andy grinned. "I'll be back in a few minutes. Unless I get sucked into story time again. They love me down there."

"Yeah, sure they do." Julio snickered. "It's that juvenile mentality, huh Lieutenant?"

Sharon snickered. "Okay, everyone back to work. These cases don't solve themselves. Hurry back, Lieutenant," she told Flynn. "Mike is going to need help with those financials." He did so hate that.

His eyes narrowed. Andy shook his head as he turned away. "Yeah, I can't tell you how much that thrills me."

"Hm." Sharon turned toward her office. "Bye baby," she called to Anna.

"Bye momma." Anna turned and waved at her from over Andy's shoulder as she was carried away.

They waited until the Captain was in her office and Flynn was gone, only then did Tao and Julio dissolve into laughter. "Did you see the look on his face?" Julio was pointing at Provenza's still empty desk.

"I thought his head was going to pop." Tao snickered.

Amy rolled her eyes at them. She kept her eyes on the report that she was typing up. "Boys," she muttered under her breath. She thought it was romantic.

Andy carried Anna down the hall toward the third floor daycare. Ideally, Rusty would have taken her home when he picked her up at preschool, but his class schedule was preventing that this semester. The location of the daycare was convenient. Rusty could still ferry her to and from preschool, but the downside was that the little girl spent most of her day stuck in the daycare center. Sharon called it good socialization, since she was around other children her age and older. Andy thought that was just her way of trying to make herself feel better about it, since she didn't care for it anymore than he did.

That had him shaking his head. Provenza could be entirely correct. They could both be out of their damned minds. Actually, he was fairly sure that they were. Barely a week from proposal to wedding date, and the damned question was spur of the moment. She didn't even have a damned ring, but they were moving forward with it.

They had a thing about decisions, he supposed. Once they made one, it was full steam ahead. He glanced at Anna again. She was chattering about princesses and puppies, and he didn't exactly follow it, but he was nodding at regular intervals and that kept her happy.

She wasn't even his. She just happened to belong to the woman that he was in love with. It was kind of idiotic really, but kids had a way of getting to people, and this one didn't have anyone else.

Yeah, maybe he'd lost his mind. He was about to step into a role that wasn't his and he was kind of looking forward to it. A second chance, some would call it that. He thought of it more as being there for Sharon. She could do the single parent thing, that wasn't new for her. She could rock the hell out of it, Andy just didn't think she should have to. They were together, they were going to be together, so why the hell not?

Andy hefted Anna is his arms and reached out to use his ID badge to key open the door that led into the daycare center. He doubted seriously that they could find a more secure facility. Andy pulled the door open and carried Anna inside. Kerry, the daycare supervisor that was on shift in the afternoon greeted them with a smile. He made a mental note to tell Sharon that he had dated her… years ago, briefly. Actually, come to think of it, dated was a very strong word.

"Hey Kerry," He placed Anna on her feet and let the bag slip off his shoulder. "I'm dropping off." As he reached for the clipboard on the desk near the entrance to sign Anna in, the kid was already running off to greet her friends. "Hey kid," he called after her. "What about me?"

"Bye Andy!" She tossed a wave his way and kept going.

Andy shook his head and laughed. He finished signing Anna in and tossed the clipboard back onto the desk. He left her bag with Kerry. "Someone will pick her up later, probably Rusty."

"We'll take care of her," Kerry said. "If we need one of you, we'll call up." Anna Raydor had come a long way since first being signed in to the daycare months ago. Now her tantrums and crying fits were few and far between.

"Alright." Andy watched the little girl for a moment. He shook his head again and started out the door. "See ya kid." Anna never even noticed him, she was completely absorbed in playing with the other children.

Andy made his way back to the elevator and rode it to the ninth floor. He leaned against the back wall as it made it's journey upward. His arms were folded over his chest. Two o'clock Thursday, his mind was back to that. It was the time the appointment was set for with Sharon's friend Judge Groves. They could have gone over to City Hall to do it with the JP, but that would have required standing in line for hours, and there was no guarantee they'd actually see a judge before possibly being called away.

He drummed his fingers against the rail that bordered the wall of the elevator and tipped his head back. Sharon's idea was better, he thought. They'd be in and out of the good judge's office and it would be done. That was the important part. As they'd discussed, it wasn't the act itself that mattered, it was what came afterward.

He'd be lying if he didn't admit that scared the hell out of him. Neither of them had what he'd call a brilliant track record. Add that to how they were speeding toward this decision, well it could be a recipe for disaster. Or it could just be a matter of knowing where they were going and skipping the long, drawn out road trip to arrive at the destination. They weren't kids anymore. Age had its advantages, or was that another lie they were telling themselves?

Andy decided he didn't care. The doors of the elevator opened onto the ninth floor and he stepped through them. He wanted this. He wanted her.

The smile that was spread across his face froze when he met Jack leaving the Murder Room. Andy's brows drew together in a scowl. He stepped aside and let the other man pass, while he wondered what the hell he was looking for now?

"Flynn." Jack glared at him as he passed.

A brow arched. Andy's dark eyes followed him as he passed. "Jack." He turned and watched him stride down the hall. He stopped in front of the elevator and stabbed at the buttons. Andy shoved his hands into his pockets and waited, watching as he got into the elevator. A moment later he turned and made his way back into the murder room.

The mood was far more subdued than it had been before. His gaze swept the room quickly. Buzz was looking disturbed. Amy kept sending worried looks in the direction of Sharon's office, and Julio was silently fuming. Mike looked like he was weighing the pros and cons of getting involved or not, and Provenza… Andy studied his partner. The older Lieutenant was seated at his desk, quietly drumming his fingers on the surface. There was a troubled expression on his face. It was not the same incredulous look he wore earlier.

Andy stopped beside his partner's desk and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Do I want to know?" He arched a brow at him and jerked his head back toward the door.

"I think we're way past asking that question." Provenza leaned back in his seat. He nodded at the Captain's office, and though it pained him to do it… "You get a pass today," he said. "Get in there."

His frown deepened. Andy glanced at her office. The blinds were closed. "Do I get a hint before I go into the dragon's cave?"

"Let's just say," Provenza drawled. "Your timing, might not be so bad after all."

Andy's lips pursed. That wasn't what he'd call a hint. He drew a breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, alright." He walked over and knocked on the door as he pushed it open. He slipped inside and pushed it closed behind him. Sharon was seated at her desk. Her head was in her hands and her shoulders were slumped. They had a rule about bringing their relationship into the workplace. Not a big surprise, the woman had rules about everything, right down to whether or not his feet were allowed on the coffee table. He stopped in front of her desk, although he would have liked to have moved around it. There was something in the way she was sitting that had dread filling him. His stomach clenched. "Sharon?"

Her hands dropped slowly. She had known it was him from the way he knocked. Always the same cadence to the sound, which always came at the same instant that the door opened. Sharon lifted her head and looked up at him. Her glasses were gone, laying on her desk. Her teeth scraped at her bottom lip. She lifted the document that was laying on the desk in front of her and held it out. "I underestimated him," she said, voice catching.

The paper shook in her hand. Andy walked around the desk. The look in her eyes pulled at him. It was defeat and fear, and pain… a look he'd not seen in months, not since they'd been facing the very real threat of losing Rusty to the Witness Protection program. He took the document from her, but slipped his other hand beneath her hair and lay it against the back of her neck. That she leaned into his hand was telling. Even when he tried to push the boundaries of her rules, Sharon wouldn't let him. She always pushed back. Her eyes were bright, and when she pressed her lips together, he knew it was to stop the trembling. "What did he do?" he asked.

She exhaled shakily. "He's coming after Anna." She blinked at him, as though still not quite believing it. "Jack was here to serve me with those," she indicated the papers in his hand. "He's suing me for custody of her. He can't just take her, the adoption was legal and binding, and I have custodial possession, but he's taking me to court to get her." Sharon's gaze moved slowly to his face. "He's claiming that she's in an unfit living environment. He's citing Rusty's past… he's…" Sharon stood up and pushed around him. She paced the interior of the office and shook her head. Her hands moved into her hair and she tucked it behind her ears. "He's upset with me. Jack doesn't want Anna. He's coming at me through my kids, and if threatening to take Anna wasn't enough, he's using Rusty to do it."

Andy stared at her for a moment. He didn't quite believe that Jack would have the audacity to try it. While she paced, he read through the document in his hand. It was as Sharon had said. He was serving her with his intention to seek full custody of the minor child Anna Raydor. "That son of a bitch." Andy tossed the papers onto her desk. "Sharon he can't win."

"Can't he?" She stopped pacing and whirled to stare at him. "Think about it, Andy. She's not mine. Yes, I adopted her, and that does give me some legal right, but at the end of the day Anna isn't really mine. She's his." Her arms folded against her chest. "Her primary babysitter is a young man who spent more than a year living on the street as a hustler, who initially lied to police about his involvement with the Phillip Stroh case, and then later withheld the information that he was receiving threatening letters in an attempt to prevent him from testifying. It doesn't exactly look very convincing on paper." She reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is going to crush him."

"Yeah." Andy sat on the edge of her desk, facing her. "He's crazy about that kid. Sharon, none of that matters. Rusty was underage, he was just a kid himself. Jack can use what he wants, but in the end you're right. The bastard doesn't want her. He has no interest in being a father. He's doing this to hurt you, and to try and prove that he can. You're divorced, the only bargaining chip he's got left is Anna." When she started to pace again, Andy reached out and snagged her arm. "Come here." He pulled her over to him. He settled her between his legs and let his arms loosely circle her waist. Considering the conversation, he thought he could get away with it this once. "Look, I'd like nothing more than to go hunt the son of a bitch down right now shoot him where it hurts. I'd do it too, but then I'd be in jail and we'd miss our appointment on Thursday."

"You could shoot him on Friday instead." She let herself be held, but only for a moment. She needed it. Sharon was just so unbelievably angry that she needed that calming influence. How odd that thought was? Andy the calming influence. It should really be the other way around, it should be his temper that she was working on cooling off. Her hands found his shoulders and in the bunching of the muscles beneath her hands, she knew that he wasn't as unaffected as he was pretending to be. Sharon studied him closer. He was furious. She saw it in the lighter gold flecks of his brown eyes. He wasn't kidding about wanting to shoot her ex-husband. "I can't not tell Rusty about this," she said quietly.

"Nope." His hands framed her waist, and against the silk of her blouse, his thumbs stroked gently against her sides. "It's not the first time Jack's tried to use Rusty's past to get at you. He did it with Ricky. You know, Sharon, as much as we hate the idea, it's not going to be the last time someone tries to use that against him. It's out there, as much as we tried to prevent it, and to protect him from it, it's out there. People are going to use it. They only win when Rusty lets them. There's nothing you can do about that. You want to, hell, we all do, but that's a battle the kid is going to have to fight for himself."

"I know." Sharon sighed. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth again and worried it. "I hate this. I really hate that he is doing this now. I honestly thought he'd never try it. I never dreamed that Jack would try to take her."

"No one did." Andy shrugged. "I doubt he even thought about it until recently. Like you said, he's doing it to get at you. If he wanted her, he never would have left. He did, for months, and that's the card that you play. Jack has a history of walking out on his kids. He's never paid a dime of child support. There's not a judge on this continent that is going to let that man have that little girl."

"You wouldn't think so." Her head tilted. Sharon stared beyond him while she thought it through. "Rusty's juvenile record is sealed. The hustling was part of that, so was the investigation into the letters. Jack can't use that in a legal case. I can have it tossed out. In the end, all he's left with is the fact that Anna isn't mine."

Andy sighed. It left his chest in a rush that sounded ominously like a growl. "I wish you'd stop saying that." He stood up, straightening until he was standing over her. "Okay, fine, you didn't give birth to her. Sharon, lately, when she asks for her mother, it's you that she's wanting. Yeah, she does still ask for her biological mother, but you are all she's got now. She's yours. In all the ways that matter. In all the same ways that Rusty is yours."

"I know that." She lay her hands on his arms. "Andy…" She smiled up at him. Here was the temper that she had expected earlier. "Of course she's mine, I didn't mean it that way. I was speaking in the more literal sense. I love that little girl." She could say it now, with none of the hesitation that she felt in the beginning. "I'm not going to let Jack have her. He doesn't get to do this. He can't walk back in now and decide that he wants to play daddy. He had his chance." Sharon took a step back, she put a more respectable distance between them. "At best, with his history, all he can hope for is visitation. He's gone too far this time."

"There you are." Andy took a step toward her. He let his hand brush hers as he moved back in front of her desk. "What do you want to do about it?" He shoved his hands into his pockets. They were still itching to be planted in Jack Raydor's face. Or wrapped around his neck. Either would suffice, he thought.

"I've already called down to daycare. I've informed them that she is not to be picked up by anyone but you, Rusty or myself, unless otherwise notified. I specifically took Jack off the list, not that I think he'd try that, but I was wrong before. I'll call my lawyer, and we'll go from there." Sharon moved behind her desk again. Her eyes dropped to the papers she was served with. "I'll talk to Rusty tonight."

"Alright." He sighed. "Are you sure we can't just shoot him?"

"Hm." Her lips curved. "Unfortunately, California law does frown on physically injuring another human being. Even when that person is mostly not human and happens to be your ex-husband. I think we'll have to pass this time."

"Damn." His shoulders slumped. "One of these days though…" He was going to lose the hold he had on his temper and his fist was going to get what it was wanting. He'd get to hear Jack's nose crunching beneath his knuckles.

"I'll pretend that I didn't hear that," Sharon smiled indulgently at him.

"You do that." Andy's lips pursed. His brows drew together as he studied her. "So, then… do you want to hold off with the other? You know, Thursday at two o'clock could be postponed."

Her brows lifted. "I… do you?" Sharon blinked. She hadn't realized that he might choose to… delay certain plans in light of Jack's latest blow at her.

"Hell no." Andy shrugged. "I'm there. I might even be on time for once, but if you'd rather wait… we can." He met her gaze and held it. "There's no reason to do everything at once. I'm not going anywhere."

"Well," she said slowly. "I do appreciate that, but the appointment is made. I'd hate to inconvenience my friend the Judge, who was already kind enough to juggle his day for us. There's also the fact that I really dislike the idea of letting Jack further disrupt any part of my life. Especially this part." Sharon's lips curved into a smile. "Nice try, Lieutenant."

"Hey," He held his hands up. "Lady, you're stuck with me. Just my way of making sure you get taken care of too." Andy's head inclined. "You going to be okay?"

"Hm." She shrugged. "I don't really have any choice do I?" Sharon lowered herself behind the desk again. "Jack makes a mess and I clean it up. This time, he has to clean it up himself. I'm no longer legally required to help him." She drew a breath and let it out slowly. "I'll be okay. For now. This isn't really the place to… well, maybe we can talk about it more later?"

"You got it." He backed up toward the door. "I'll head back out before they send in a search party, but I'll be around. You know… in case you need me."

She snorted. "Find a new pickup line."

Andy chuckled as he reached for the door. "Why? That one worked out well enough."

Sharon rolled her eyes as he left her alone. She leaned back in her seat with a hum and let her gaze move to the papers again. Sharon lifted the document and read through it a second time, now that she wasn't reeling from it. As she read, she circled specific passages and made notes for her lawyer.

Jack was seriously going to rue the day.