Better or Worse

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only visit it.

"Momma!"

For the last three hours the child had been crying for nothing else. It all started out well enough. After he picked her up, Jack had taken Anna and they had gotten something to eat. He only had the little one bedroom apartment, but he figured they'd manage for a couple of days. Anna was happy enough to play after dinner. When it was time for bed, she started asking for Sharon.

Jack wasn't surprised, he figured that would happen sooner or later. He pacified the kid, told her they'd see her soon. Which was true enough, he didn't expect that Sharon would sit on this and they'd be in court, probably within the week. After he put her down to bed, Jack thought he was home free. It couldn't be all that hard, right?

That was until Anna woke up crying. He thought she'd be over all that by now. That apparently wasn't the case. She wasn't settling down as easy as he recalled, but then, it usually took Sharon to get her to do that. It wasn't something that Jack wanted to admit. He tried all the tricks. He walked with her, told stories, showed her pictures. He even told her about her real mother. Nothing worked. Anna cried harder.

"I want my momma!"

The crying had gotten louder and more intense as the night wore on. Now she was choking on it, gagging on her tears as she sobbed. She kicked and she slapped, lost in a full blown tantrum. As her voice reached a particularly high shriek that made him cringe, Jack ran a hand through his hair. "Goddamnit Anna! She's not your momma, and she's not here! Cut it out!"

Big blue eyes, red-rimmed and tear filled got wide. She stared at him. For the space of just a few heartbeats she was completely silent, mouth slightly ajar. Slowly her face began to crumble. She leaned over, face in her hands and began crying anew. The sobs racked her little body, and breaths came in great hiccuping gasps. "Momma…" She mewed pitifully.

"Hell." Jack picked up one of the throw pillows from his shabby little couch and tossed it across the small living room. "Okay, alright." He reached over and picked her up. He felt wretched at that. "Shh…" He bounced her and rubbed her back. "I know. Dad's a jerk. It's okay, baby, I didn't mean it."

Anna sniffled and sobbed again. "Momma angels too?"

That drew Jack's pacing up short. He stopped, a hand on her hair and looked down at the child. "No." He frowned. "No, she's not with the angels too. She's just not here."

"Can we see her?" She continued to cry. "I want my momma."

Jack sighed. "Yeah," he shook his head. "Yeah, we can go see her." This was not how he planned for this to go. He didn't expect to have to admit defeat after only a few hours. He shook his head and sighed again, a little bitterly. "Let's go see if we can find her." He carried her around the apartment and gathered her things. Anna was going back to her mother.

MCMCMCMCMCMC

It was late by the time they got home. Almost midnight. They'd gone as far as they could in a single night, but Sharon hadn't been ready to leave yet. Andy understood that. If it hadn't been for Rusty yawning as he read through one of his text books he didn't think he ever would have gotten her out of there. She didn't want to send Rusty home alone, and that was the card that Andy played, quite shamelessly, to get her to leave. Okay, he got his partner to play it and now he owed Provenza one, but Sharon left and that was what mattered.

Now she was standing inside the door to Anna's room, leaning against the frame. Her heels were gone, and her arms were wrapped tightly around her body. There was no hesitation when he slipped his arms around her and drew her back against his chest. His chin dipped and rested against her shoulder. Andy's hands slid across her stomach, and when hers covered them, he turned his face into her neck. "I know you don't want to, but you should sleep." He didn't much want to either, but staying up all night and running themselves ragged wouldn't do anyone any good, least of all Anna.

"I will." Sharon pulled his arms more tightly around her and leaned into his embrace. "This isn't how I imagined we'd be spending this night." Her eyes closed and she let out a shaky breath. "How selfish is that?"

Her voice hitched. He felt it in the answering tightening of his heart. "It's not. I didn't exactly picture this either. It's pretty normal, I think." His lips brushed the curve of her jaw where it met her ear. "I was going to talk you into the tub after putting the kids to bed, thank anyone who would listen that you were crazy enough to go through with getting married today."

Moisture stung her eyes. Sharon leaned her head against his and drew a ragged breath. "And now?" She asked quietly, voice low, and unusually small.

"I just want to put you to bed. I've been doing the thanking since I put that ring on your finger." He pressed a kiss into her hair. "Come on," Andy tugged her away from the door. "Let's shut it down for the night. Try to anyway," he amended, doubting she'd really sleep.

"Hm." She turned into him as they moved away, but Sharon looked back. The room with it's lavender walls and colorful prints was cheerful, and just a bit hopeful. She didn't want to move away from that, but she let herself be tugged across the hall. She walked into her own room with its beige walls and earth tones and sighed quietly. When Andy kissed the back of her head she managed a small smile. Sharon walked to the dresser and tugged one of his t-shirts out of a drawer. He still needed to move in properly. He only had a precious few items there, and among them the t-shirt was her favorite.

Andy took both their guns from the dresser and placed them in the lockbox. He put it in the top of the closet while she changed. It was habit now. He almost hesitated as he drew his hand back. Anna wasn't there for it to be an issue. His eyes closed and his jaw clenched. He shook his head and drew away from the closet. Andy toed off his shoes and shucked off his clothes. He slipped into a pair of flannel pajama pants and a plain white t-shirt, then dropped onto the bed beside his wife.

She watched his mouth curve, the smile small, but there. Sharon's head tilted at the slightly incredulous look on his face. "What?" She reached out and touched his arm, fingers light.

He grunted quietly. "It's been a long time since I thought the word wife in relation to anyone. It's going to take some getting used to." Andy looked at her and shrugged. "Weird thought to be having right now."

"No." Sharon crawled over and into his lap. "Not really." Her arms moved around his neck and she settled against his chest, body curled against him. "It's still very new. It's going to take some getting used to. I wasn't exactly expecting to be using it again either. If I didn't mention it earlier… I love you."

"I think you might have." His hands stroked her back. "Never hurts to hear it again." He reached up and swept her hair back. "You know, despite how the day turned out. I don't have any regrets about how it started."

"Neither do I." Her lips were gentle, light against his. Sharon went easily when he drew her down. She settled against his chest, head pillowed against his shoulder. "When we get her back, I promise I'll make this up to you."

A scowl drew his brows together. Andy looked down at her. "Sharon, there's nothing to make up. I love you." He tipped her chin up so that he was looking in her eyes. "You know, I love that kid too. She's pretty great. We're going to get her back," he said, stressing it. "This, you and me, right here… it's enough. I know what I've got."

Sharon gave him a watery smile. She raised up and gripped his chin. She kissed him, and let it linger only a moment. "So do I," she whispered. She hummed quietly and tucked her face into his neck as she burrowed closer. "I get to come home every night with my best friend. That's something I wouldn't trade."

His hand slid into her hair to grip the back of her head. "Neither would I." He dropped a kiss against her brow and rested his head against hers.

The knocking took them by surprise. They weren't accustomed to getting visitors in the middle of the night. Sharon had sent Rusty to bed, so unless the kid had spoken to Ricky at some point earlier in the night, they weren't expecting anyone. "I'll get it. I'm betting your boys have been conspiring against you again." Andy slid out from beneath her and dropped a kiss on her mouth before rolling off the bed.

"They didn't cut you into it?" Sharon raised up on her elbows. "I'm going to need to talk to them. They're still so young. They have so much to learn. It's not a real conspiracy unless all my guys are conspiring against me."

"I'm going to remember that," Andy snorted. "The first time you're pissed because we did it." He pointed at her. "Go to sleep."

Sharon snorted. She rolled from the bed and reached for her robe. Honestly, he was forgetting just how well she took orders. She thought a reminder might be in order once life settled down for them again. "If that's Ricky, I may need to calm him down," she said.

Andy shook his head. "Stubborn." He made his way down the hall. Rusty poked his head out his door. "Go back to bed, kid. We've got it."

"Who is it?" Rusty rubbed a hand over his hair and made it stand on end.

"Your brother most likely." Sharon walked past him. "Go back to bed, honey. It's fine."

Andy flipped the lock and tugged at the door. He drew a breath at the sight beyond it. He took a step back. "Jack." The man had looked better. He was rumpled, tired, but it wasn't really him that Andy paid attention to. Anna's face was tear-stained and blotchy. Her ponytail was askew, and he could see that she had rubbed her eyes to the point of being bruised. His jaw clamped shut. It looked like she'd been through hell in a matter of only a few hours.

The sound of the name drew Sharon to his side. She could care less that her robe had fallen open and that she wore only a t-shirt beneath it. She held out her arms at the same moment that Anna threw herself forward. "Momma!"

"Hi baby." She turned away from both men and carried her child deeper into the apartment, lest her father try to take her away again. Sharon gripped the back of her head and held her tightly. She pressed her face into Anna's hair and inhaled deeply. The little girl was crying and trembling in her arms. "Shh," she crooned gently. "It's okay, I'm right here."

"You went away and I couldn't find you." Anna buried her face in her neck and locked her little arms around her neck.

"You found me now," Sharon assured her. There was part of her that wanted to sob in relief. But she turned slightly, and glared hotly at the man who'd caused such grief in a child so small. Never before had she felt such a need to express violence to another human being. She had come close, the night she listened to Sharon Beck proposition her son to sell himself for her bail money. But Rusty could defend himself. He could look at his mother and say no. The child in her arms was small, defenseless, and she had already lost so much.

Jack bowed his head. He let the bag slide off his arm and dropped it just inside the door. "She kept crying for you," he said. "I wasn't going to let her cry all night."

Sharon couldn't speak. She couldn't even look at him for a second longer. She turned away from him. Her gaze met Andy's. In his eyes she saw the same darkness that she felt, the same anger. Sharon pressed her lips against her daughter's hair and moved away with her. "Let's go find Sofia," she murmured.

The little voice had cut right through him. Andy watched his wife carry her daughter down the hall, near to tears herself. He breathed out slowly as they disappeared, and counted silently. When he heard a door close, he turned. His dark eyes flashed, nearly black. He caught the front of Jack's shirt and pressed him against the wall, nearest the door. His arm pressed across his neck and he leaned in, towering over the other man. His voice rumbled, low and threatening, while his lip curled in a snarl. "You're going to listen, and you're going to heed every word you son of a bitch. I don't know what game you think you're playing, but its over. You're going to walk away." When he felt the push back, Andy pressed harder. His knuckles itched to be buried in the man's face, but he held back. "You're going to stay the hell away from both of them, and maybe, someday, when Sharon decides you're worth remembering, she'll give you a call. Until then you don't call her. You don't look at her. You don't come near her. Ricky and Emily, that's up to them. Anna's too young to know better, I'm making it for her." Andy let him go and stepped back. He held the door.

Jack reached up and rubbed his neck. He stumbled as he was let go. "You can't do that," he said weakly, miserably. "Sharon doesn't like people making her decisions for her."

"You really are a moron. She made the decision herself when she walked away and left you with me." Andy grabbed his arm and shoved him out the door. "Remember what I said. Or just maybe I'll decide to mess up that pretty face. My wife doesn't like it when I fight, but it'd be worth a night or two on the couch." Andy flung the door closed. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as punching him would have been, but he'd take it. He took a moment to run a hand through his hair. Then he exhaled quietly. When Andy turned, he spied Rusty standing at the end of the hall, watching him. "Uh…"

"I'd have hit him," Rusty shrugged. "So she's back?"

"She's back." Andy walked toward him. He lay a hand on his shoulder. "Go on back to bed. She's had a rough night, but she'll be okay."

Rusty winced. "She had one of her dreams. Probably one of her fits. God that sucks. Sharon's the only one who can settle her down after one of them."

"Yeah, it really does." Andy shrugged. "At least he had the good sense to bring her home."

"If that's what you'd call it." Rusty moved into his room. "Let me know if I can do anything."

"Sleep," Andy instructed. "That's what you can do. It'll be fine kid." He stood in the hall and waited for Rusty's door to close. When it had, he continued on. The light in Anna's room was still off. That didn't surprise him. Andy pushed into the room that belonged to the two of them now. He let the door close behind him, but stood near it for a moment.

Sharon was laying across the bed with Anna curled against her chest. She was stroking her hair with one hand, in the other there was a washcloth. Slowly, carefully, she was wiping away all of the evidence of Anna's tears. They were both speaking quietly, nonsense mostly, about the doll and Anna's room, and anything else that the child brought up that she felt was relevant to the moment.

Her robe was gone, dropped carelessly to the floor beside the bed. Andy walked over and scooped it up. He tossed it onto the padded bench at the foot of the bed. Then he lowered himself onto the mattress alongside them. Andy stretched out behind Anna and propped his head in his hand. "Hey." He tapped her shoulder. When she looked up at him, eyes still a bit haunted, he really wished that he had punched the son of a bitch in the face. It wouldn't fix it, though, so he tried to push that away. "Mind if I hang out too?"

Anna shook her head and scooted closer to Sharon to make more room. "Where did you go?"

To her, she wasn't the one who had been missing. It was all of the people in her life that had suddenly been gone. It was how Anna equated to loss. She'd lost her mother and then she had gone to live somewhere else. Andy's nose wrinkled. "I had to work. I gotta catch the bad guys."

She continued to watch him, eyes wide. "Dirtbags."

He almost wanted to cry himself, and noticed that Sharon had glanced away. He watched her sweep away a single tear. Andy nodded. "Yeah, you got it kid." He pushed a damp lock of hair away from her forehead. "Where did you go?"

Anna sniffled. "I was at my daddy's." She shook her head. "I didn't like it." She rolled toward Sharon and snuggled close. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her doll. "He was mean, he yelled at me." She rubbed her face in the front of Sharon's t-shirt. "Can I stay here?"

"Yes." Sharon thought she might want to shoot him. She pressed her lips against the top of Anna's head and curled her arms around her. "Oh baby, you're not going anywhere, okay? This is where you live. With me and Rusty, and Andy."

Anna tipped her head back. Her eyes peeked out again. "Andy too?"

"That's right." Andy answered. "Your mom took pity on an old guy. We got married today." His hand smoothed over her hair. "Did she show you the pretty ring?" When Anna shook her head, as he knew she would, he reached for Sharon's hand and drew it into her line of sight. "What do you think?"

"Ooh." Anna reached out to touch it. "It's pretty." She yawned widely and turned her face back into Sharon's chest. Her eyes drooped. "Is he my new daddy now?"

"Hm." Sharon tugged the hair band free of the child's baby soft dark hair and combed her fingers through it. "That's a little more complicated, Anna. Your daddy is still your daddy," as much as she hated the thought currently.

"Mmhm," Anna blinked sleepily. "But my momma is still my momma and you're my momma too," she reasoned. She sighed as she snuggled in and closed her eyes. "He can be my now daddy," she decided.

From across Anna's form, Sharon arched a brow at him. Andy shrugged. "Sounds good to me." He reached across and tucked a lock of dark hair behind his wife's ear. He could handle that, if it made them both happy.

"Hm." Sharon hummed. She turned her face into his hand. Anna was slowly relaxing against her. When he leaned toward her, she lifted her face to his. Once again she was laying in her bed with a man that was her husband and a child nestled between them. This time, when she was kissed, her lips curved. She settled down with the child in her arms. Fleeing was the furthest thing from her mind. This time it didn't feel hollow or forced. There wasn't an emptiness inside her. Instead she thought it felt pretty damned perfect.

It was a child she hadn't wanted, and a man she never imagined herself wanting. All the plans she had made, and yet life happened instead. The only fault she could find in it were the tears she had wiped away from the face that was nestled close to her heart. That, at least, was something that she thought she could fix. It was the only thing that she wanted to fix. The rest… she would take it.