Okay, if "Birdemic" was hard to do because it didn't supply me with a lot of jokes, this one was hard to do because I had TOO MANY jokes and I wasn't sure what could get in and what couldn't. In the end though, I managed to compromise on leaving some stuff out and, for the most part, I'm happy with how this one turned out.
If anyone read the first chapter, you might remember the "Transformers" films being mentioned. Well, the foucos of this story is on the second "Transformers" movie, "Revenge Of The Fallen". I will partly touch the other installments in the franchise in the epilogue which will come next.
Huge thanks to Godzillaatlarge1457 for the recommendation and for giving me some pointers for this movie and its sequels once we will get to it. I will also recommend everyone reading this to go check out this guy's stories, they are really good! You will thank me for this later!
But anyway, I think this has gone long enough. Here is what Kai and Kristoff were going through on that Friday! Enjoy and leave a review if you have anything to say! I OWN NOTHING... With the exeption of Kai to a degree...
After dropping Elsa at her home, Kai started driving in the direction of Kristoff's home. Throughout the drive, he couldn't help but ask himself how he agreed to this idea to begin with. To start off, he never grew up with "Transformers". He heard about it sure, and every once in a while he would hear someone talking about it in his group of friends, but he never actually watched the classic show.
When the movies came around, he just ignored them for 2 reasons. The first being, he wasn't a fan, so half of the appeal was already gone; and the second reason was Michael Bay's name being attached to it.
Ever since he saw "Armageddon", Kai had, what he would call, the fine habit of not watching anything this guy directed. "Pearl Harbor" was also enough to cure the man from seeing anything related to this director. But, a promise is a promise, and who knows? Maybe watching them with Kristoff, who admitted of being a fan of the franchise, will make the experience less… painful.
After a few minutes of driving, Kai has made it to the apartment building Kristoff lived in. He heard every now and again how much admiration the people living in the building, including his blonde friend, had for the building manager. Kristoff once said his name was Effie, but everyone called him Pebbie because of his love for pebbles.
Once Kai was at the door, he took a deep breath. Here we go. He thought to himself before knocking on the door, and being greeted by Kristoff.
"Hey, Man! How's it going?" He asked, shaking Kai's hand.
"Nothing out of the ordinary." Kai shrugged. "How about yourself?"
"Same here." Kristoff replied. "Got home a few minutes ago and started setting up the place."
"Well, I" He lifted the DVD's "Got the poison, so let's get this thing done and over with."
Kristoff looked at him. "I guess you are really not looking forward to this, huh?"
"What was your first clue?" Kai asked. "The fact I asked you if you're crazy last week, when you thought that idea up?"
Kristoff laughed at Kai's sarcasm. "Okay, okay." He put his arms up in surrender. "But, I got you something to make this more sufferable to you."
"Oh?" Kai asked, surprised. "And what will that be?"
Kristoff mentioned for Kai to wait a second, before he hurried off into his small kitchen. Kai did take notice that the apartment wasn't all that big. It had an average living room, a serviceable kitchen and a small bed; which explained why he spent weekends at Anna and Elsa's home, apart from his energetic girlfriend.
When the blonde man came back, he held a box of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Fruit Snacks". "This should lift your spirt, right?" He asked his friend with the curly hair, who indeed seemed surprised by the box.
"I personally never tried these." Kai admitted as he examined the box. "But I give them credit for putting the "Nickelodeon Turtles" on this, instead of the movie ones." He managed a smile.
After a bit more conversing between the 2, Kai put the first movie's disc inside the DVD player that Kristoff had, and both sat down on the small couch located in the living room. Kristoff already organized snacks and drinks before Kai arrived, so all that was left to do was hit the play button and watch the movie.
One movie later…
To Kai's surprise, he enjoyed the movie. It wasn't high art or anything, but it was mindless fun; which was a big complement, considering how pessimistic he was about the movie.
"That was awesome!" Kristoff exclaimed, felling a nostalgia rush inside of him from seeing his childhood heroes in a new light.
"It wasn't terrible." Kai agreed to an extent. "I have to give it to you, Kristoff. This might turn out better than I thought."
"Told you!" Kristoff teased. "Can you put the next one in? I'm going to fill the drinks." Kai nodded and approached the player to change the disc as Kristoff took their drinking glasses and headed towards the kitchen. Once the switch was done, Kai sent Elsa a text, telling her how surprised he was with the movie.
Eventually, Kristoff came back to the living room and sat back on the couch. "Ready for round 2?" He asked Kai.
"Let's see if the surprise strike continues." Kai replied, actually interested in seeing the other sequels now.
Kristoff hit "Play" for the second movie, and the disappointment began…
The movie started with a 2 minute exposition flashback that revealed info about "The Fallen", the villain which the movie was named after. Kristoff was well focused on the events presented to him; while Kai wondered why was the movie beginning in 17,000 B.C. but decided to keep the thought to himself. There was no reason to worry… yet.
After the title showed up, the movie cut to the present day. It was explained that the good Transformers, called "Autobots", were now a part of the US military, and were part of a program to stop "Decepticons", the bad Transformers.
It turned out a few Decepticons were located in Shanghai, and the military was sent there, along with the Autobots, to capture them.
"All right!" Kristoff said. "We are only 5 minutes in and there is already an action scene!"
While Kai was happy that the movie started with an action scene, he couldn't help but wonder about something as it continued to play out. "Why is the army fighting the Decepticons? I mean, they got the Autobots with them so, why not let the giant robots handle the giant robots?" He asked.
"You know, you do have a point." Kristoff snapped from his excitement.
After a bit of chase around the city, the military decided to send in the Transformers. After the first Decepticon was down, Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, entered the scene. Kristoff was excited while the huge robot made his entrance. Kai couldn't help but admit the scene was pretty cool; even though he thought the fight could have ended faster if Optimus arrived from the beginning.
A minute after Optimus entered the scene; the other Decepticon was destroyed by the Autobots' leader. "1 minute! 1 freaking minute!" Kai said. "Why didn't they send in Optimus in the first place? It could have ended so much faster and Shanghai would have been less destroyed!"
Kristoff turned his head to face Kai. "Come on, dude! Admit that this opening scene was cool!"
"It was for the most part, but it had no reason for happening aside from the military being idiots." Kai replied. "They could have sent Optimus from the start, 2 minutes, bad guys destroyed, back to HQ for cake!" He said. This started to go down…
After that scene, the movie cut away to the main human from the first movie, named Sam; who is leaving for college.
As the scene went on, Kai commented on the scene where Sam's girlfriend, Mikaela, is working at the garage. "Say, Kristoff. I forgot to ask you; you work at a garage, was there ever any chick that looks like this working there?"
Kristoff shook his head. "There is barley any other workers there except from me so… no." He said.
"So I'm adding it to the "stuff that don't make sense" list."
Kristoff's eyes went wide. "You already have a list?"
Kai nodded. "It's not that big yet, but it's progressing."
Shortly after, a small piece of "The Allspark", a cube that was assumed destroyed by the end of the first film, falls out of Sam's shirt and causes some of the kitchen equipment to turn into small transformers. After a short moment of watching the little robots, Kai had to pause the movie.
"Okay, hold on, movie." He said. "First, only one shard of this cube can transform machinery in your house into transformers wanna-be's, than why have the cube at all? Second of all, does this one have a LASER CANNON FOR A DICK?!" He asked as his face twitched in misunderstanding.
Kristoff also, couldn't believe it. "Oh my… you are right. What were they thinking?"
Kai shook his head as he pressed they play button on the remote again.
As the kitchen suppliers turned into transformers and started attacking Sam, the teen jumped out of his window and called for his autobot friend, Bumblebee, for help.
"What? He seriously didn't hear all the gunshots going around? He had to wait for Sam to call him to confirm there was danger going around?" Kai asked.
After that short scene, both Kai and Kristoff were starting to get annoyed with Sam's parents, who they found to be extremely not funny. Kai stated again that no matter what, seeing Megan Fox taking her clothes off, as she did at one moment, won't save the movie and Kristoff argued as to why Sam can't take Bumblebee with him.
"He can be disguised as a car and bingo! No one will know!" He argued.
"Problem is, that will be smart, and will guarantee that the transformers will actually have a big role to play in this movie." Kai told him.
Not even half an hour in, and both already had problems with the sequel.
As the movie continued playing, both Kai and Kristoff were not impressed. There was a lot of focus on the human characters, which were painfully unfunny and boring to them, instead of the transformers themselves, which were actually entertaining when on-screen.
"Why do we need all of this time with the humans?" Kai asked. "In the first movie, I can understand, because the robots were just arriving. But here, where they are already established and everything, why isn't the focus on them?"
Kristoff replied with silence.
"I take your lack of response as you can't actually defend the movie on that front?"
Kristoff nodded. "Yeah. In the show, it was all about the robots. Why do we need so much of the humans in the movies? They are boring." He ranted.
"And they are also unfunny to boot." Kai added.
One of the scenes the 2 friends hated the most, was when it was revealed that one of the Allstars shards was kept by the military under lock down.
"What could possibly go wrong?!" Both Kai and Kristoff said at the same time, clearly not liking the idea of anything related to that cube not being destroyed.
Un-surprisingly, the shard is stolen by a group of Decepticons and is used to revive Megatron, the Decepticon leader. Both friends watching the movie didn't comment, as they know that keeping that shard around was a bad idea.
Once revived, Megatron reunites with the leader of all Decepticons, a robot called "The Fallen".
"So, hold on a moment. Is Megatron this guy's bitch now?" Kristoff asked, annoyed by the revelation. "Who is this Fallen? I've never heard about him in the show, in any generation! Now he is the "true" leader of the Decepticons?"
"I'll take it as it's also a problem for the fans, and not just for a casual viewer like me, who think this was an ass pull?" Kai asked, receiving a nod from his blonde friend.
Back in the movie, The Fallen ordered Megatron to capture Sam, as he observed one of the Allstars shards, and kill Optimus as he is the last remaining Prime; and apparently, only a Prime can kill The Fallen.
"You don't say. I thought only Ratchet could do it." Kai said, as it was obvious that Optimus will get to kill him because he is the main Transformer.
Back with Sam, he realizes that the cube shard is affecting him and asks his girlfriend to not touch it. When a little Decepticon tried to steal the shard, she managed to stop it and put it in a box.
"I'll give them credit," Kristoff said. "Megan Fox does do something in this."
"I'll be impressed if she will take down Megatron" Kai countered, not entirely impressed by her beating a small harmless robot.
While that was going on, Sam started to go crazy because of the shard, much to one of his roommate's puzzlement. Mikaela got unto a plane with the tiny Decepticon, which both Kai and Kristoff joked on how there is no way she is getting on a plane with that box; especially when it moves in front of security. The Autobots were also on route towards Sam in order to protect him from the Decepticons.
Back in Sam's dorm, a girl he met at a party comes over and starts to flirt with him; right down to laying on top of him on his bed. A shot of Mikaela arriving at the campus was shown a few seconds before it.
"Oh! If she is walking into the room and sees Sam making out with that chick and some teen love triangle is about to start, I'm quitting this thing!" Kai announced. That was what he imagined those movies would be. It just happened to be a miracle the first one was okay.
Kristoff was about to comment, but a robotic tail coming out from under that girl's skirt towards Sam's head caught both him and Kai's attention. They didn't say anything, just gaped at what they have witnessed. That wasn't only stupid, but it didn't even made sense in the film's cannon.
To top it all off, Mikaela walked in on the 2 making out, while the Decepticon hide its tail. When the now "Ex" stormed off, the Decepticon grabbed Sam with a robotic whip that came out of its mouth. Luckily for him, Mikaela returned to the room and saved him.
Kristoff paused the movie this time. "NO!" He screamed before he got off from his seat and started pacing around the room. "No! No! No! No! No!" He continued to say to himself as he moved throughout his apartment. Kai looking at him with looks of shock and even a bit of horror. He thought this was stupid as well but… that was some overreaction.
"I take it this was something idiotic Michael Bay made up?" Kai asked when Kristoff calmed down.
"It was…" He replied through a few breaths. "Sorry for creeping you out." He quickly added.
"Don't worry, I've seen worse, dude." Kai managed a smile before both resumed watching.
From that point forward, both Kai and Kristoff were starting to dislike the movie… a lot. Scenes like Mikaela fighting with Sam even after she saw the girl was a transformer, Kai realizing this is a lot like the female Terminator from said franchise and Sam surviving situations like falling a two-story fall, falling an incredibly high fall, in a car no less, with every window shard missing him and his friends and being smacked around by Megatron, didn't really lift the men's spirit.
"Yeah… no. He is dead. Fatality." Kai said, impersonating the "Mortal Kombat" narrator and causing Kristoff to laugh.
Thankfully though, Optimus and some Autobots came in to save Sam and an action scene ensued. "Oh, Finally!" Kristoff was excited, finally some action was about to happen.
After Optimus led Megatron into a forest, the 2 leaders started to fight each other. Kristoff was smiling throughout the fight, as this is what he wanted to see in the movie. While Kai didn't have any emotional connection to the franchise, he did enjoy the fight. It was well shot and animated in his honest opinion.
He did pick on a few things however, like when Megatron kept calling Optimus weak and a waste of scrap metal when the later actually seemed to have the upper hand in the fight. "And he being so weak is why he is kicking your ass!" Kai shouted at the screen, as if the character could hear him.
The fight went on, and both friends actually found themselves enjoying it as Optimus proved to be a very skilled fighter; handling every Decepticon by himself without help.
"What a badass!" Kristoff yelled with his fist in front of his face, enjoying his childhood hero fighting evil.
However, Kristoff's happy face turned into a shocked one when Megatron stabbed Optimus in the chest, resulting in Optimus dying.
Well, that's… dark…" Kai said, surprised as he didn't see that one coming and judging by his friend's face neither did Kristoff.
"They actually did it in this movie as well." Kristoff whispered, gathering Kai's attention.
"Here as well?" He asked. "As in, Optimus also died in the show?"
The blonde shook his head. "He died in the animated movie based on it. It was actually a really sad scene; there is even a story about a kid who was so traumatized by it that he locked himself in his bathroom and didn't come out for like, 2 weeks or something." He told.
"Damn." That was all Kai could have managed. "Well, if what you say is true, then it's a pretty balls-y choice to the movie's credit." He added after a few seconds.
The rest of the viewing after that moment was pretty silent, with occasional comments on how 2 infamous transformers, called Skids and Mudflap, are incredibly racist.
"You know, I heard from people how racist these 2 became in this movie… but wow." Kristoff told Kai.
"I'm not even sure what they are supposed to be a racist of exactly, but I still feel offended." He said in response.
After around an hour or so, Sam and the group came across an old transformer, called Jetfire; who Kristoff seemed to recognize but didn't say anything about him for fear his likeness for the show will be ruined again.
After a bit of conversation between Jetfire and the group; the old transformer teleported them all to Egypt, for what reason, they didn't know. And neither Kai nor Kristoff for that matter.
Eventually, one of the characters approached Jetfire with a line that Kai swore was the best bit of dialog in the movie for the irony alone. "Beginning, middle, end, facts, details, condense, plot; tell it!"
Kai couldn't help but laugh at that line, causing Kristoff to look at him with one eyebrow raised. "What's so funny?" He asked.
"It's funny how a character in the movie knows the basics of telling a story, when the director clearly doesn't." He said through some laughter escaping his mouth every few seconds. Kristoff had to admit, it was kind of funny when he thought about it.
After Jetfire told Sam and his friends about the backstory for the Fallen and how the Primes stopped him, Sam thinks that this Matrix thing Jetfire mentioned in his story could bring Optimus back to life.
"Well, here went the drama of killing Optimus off." Kristoff said before Kai could say the exact same thing. Despite being a fan of "Transformers", he started to dislike the movie by now.
Eventually, after what felt like forever, the climax has finally arrived. Kai and Kristoff thought they could forget from all the stupidity that they have just experienced with some decent action, only not quite.
During all the explosions and running and fighting, one transformer called Devastator, who could suck almost everything, was revealed to have 2 large testicles wrecking balls for no reason, other than having a stupid joke. Both Kai and Kristoff reached for the pause button and screamed. "Why does it have balls?" They couldn't believe it by this point.
"I swear, Michael Bay made some porn at one point in his life and he thought movies work exactly the same." Kai summed up his opinion. "First, the female Decepticon. Then, there was that little robot humping Megan Fox's leg, and now this!" He then turned to Kristoff. "Was the cartoon like this as well? Because I know for sure my parents wouldn't have allowed me to see this as a kid!"
"I think I made it clear that this is nothing like the old cartoon." Kristoff countered.
"Point taken." Kai said grumpily as he calmed down, both took a deep breath and continued the movie.
Shortly after that pause, and after a lot of slow motion shots, Sam was killed by Megatron. Kai and Kristoff had nothing to say on the matter. They did have something to say however, once Sam made it to what seemed to be a robot heaven where he meets all the Primes, who resurrect him and restore the Matrix as they claim that Sam has earned it.
"I have no comment." Kai said.
"Same. I have nothing to say, this is just that stupid." Kristoff added.
Sam comes back to life, he revives Optimus with the Matrix and a dying Jetfire, who came out of nowhere, gives Optimus his parts so he could kill the Fallen. "Okay, say whatever you want, Optimus is still awesome!" Kristoff said as he saw the Optimus's transformation with Jetfire's parts.
"I'll agree on that; too bad I needed to sit through a lot of "Lame" and "Unpleasant" before I got to the "Cool"."
After a short fight, Optimus kills the Fallen and Megatron retreats. Everything is fine and the movie ended.
Both friends groaned as the end credits finally rolled. "That… was… painful!" Kai summed up.
"I can't believe they screwed the show up this badly!" Kristoff added.
"This is why I was skeptical about this marathon idea, Kristoff."
"I can see."
After 5 minutes or so of resting, with the audio from the credits muted, Kristoff got up from his seat. "Well, we better get to the 3rd one now if we want to be in time for the 4th movie's next showing."
Kai turned his head faster than a gun bullet when he heard Kristoff's words. "We are STILL seeing all 4?! Wasn't this enough?" He asked, while also swearing he was about to cry.
"You agreed to all 4 movies, kai." The blonde guy smirked at him.
"You said that if I want out at any point, I'm allowed to ask you to stop!" Kai objected, quite aggressively.
"Hey, who knows? maybe we will be surprised by the next 2 again, you may never know, unless we won't watch them." Kristoff said before heading for the kitchen to re-fill the drinks.
Kai signed as he face palmed himself, moving his hand throughout his curly hair, before he took out his phone to text Elsa again. "Just finished watching the second movie. Now this was bad! Tell Anna that her boyfriend is in danger now! He is forcing me to watch the other 2 even though we both hated this one! Pray for me."
As Kai switched the discs, he heard his phone letting out the SMS sound and quickly checked it. "I'm so sorry you have to suffer. Hopefully you will be surprised by the rest, like you were with the first one J". He smiled for a bit at Elsa's support, before Kristoff came back with more drinks and snacks.
"Is the next one in?" He asked Kai.
"Just play it before I change my mind." He answered.
2 movies were down, 2 left. As the 3rd one began playing, Kai could only pray that the other 2 will be somewhat enjoyable.
Even though I never grew up with "Transformers" I still enjoyed writing this one. Except from re-watching the movie for the writing process. That wasn't fun. In reality, I only watched the first 2 live action movies as an ex-friend dragged me to the first one(Which like Kai, I thought was a mindless fun) and I didn't like the second one(Duh!) so I never bothered with the rest.
It was interesting having Kai and Kristoff do their own thing with no Anna and Elsa.
Hope you enjoyed! Leave a review if you have something to say!