A/N: I'm not usually a fan of warnings, but this fic has tended to be more funny and light. So in the interest of fairness, trigger warning for talk of suicide. PM me if you have questions.

Everything was not okay. No. Pretty far from okay here.

"Shit." I scowled at my phone. "Shit, fuck, fuck, hell."

Some of Peter and Charlotte's guests were aghast at my language, but to hell with them. I was well aware of the fact I had just kissed Bella-something I had been trying to convince myself not to do for weeks now-and I was running like hell away from her. And despite all the back and forth-the should I, shouldn't I of it all-running away from Bella was the last thing I wanted to be doing.

And the fact that a decent chunk of my mind was distracted by Bella had me guilty as hell because Alice…

Alice wasn't answering her phone.

I'd had my doubts about coming to this wedding in the first place. It pissed me off to no end when Charlotte told me I couldn't bring Alice as my plus one. I was so pissed. I was ready not to go at all, but Alice talked me out of it.

"I'm crazy, Edward," she'd said with that smile that was supposed to tell me she wasn't hurt even though I knew damn well she was. "You can't expect people to want to be around that."

I tried to tell her there wasn't anything wrong with her, but there was, and we both knew it. Which was why I'd been texting her constantly today. One way or another today was always going to be hard on her. Weddings were hard on her, and the fact she'd been deliberately excluded from this one made it even worse. I tried to stay with her, but she pushed me out the door.

"Dance with Bella," she said. She made me promise.

I danced. And I kissed her. And then Alice called and I knew. I just knew.

Everything was about to go straight to hell.

Alice's voice shook when she spoke. She only said a few words. "This isn't your fault. You have to know that. It isn't your fault. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And then, she hung up.

I kept up a litany of curses as I ran from the hall and vindictively hoped Charlotte's elderly relatives were scandalized. Served her right anyway. Out in the parking lot I cursed even louder, provoked this time.

My car was blocked in.

I looked around frantically, dialing Alice yet again as I did. When I spotted Jasper's car, free of all obstructions, I hung up and called him instead.

I'd called Alice three more times before Jasper appeared. "Can I borrow your keys?"

He eyed me, his expression dubious. "I think not. You're a wreck. Have you been drinking?"

"No." I ran my hand through my hair, cursing again. Alice's phone had started to go straight to voicemail. She'd shut it off.

Or it was shattered in a million pieces under her broken body. One or the other.

"Look," I said to Jasper. "I haven't been drinking. I need to get out of here. Or if you won't give me the keys, I need you to drive me somewhere without asking me any questions." I didn't have time to explain, and I couldn't betray Alice that way. Not after all this time.

Jasper was a great friend, though. He just nodded and dug his keys out of his pocket. "Tell me where to go."

Just as we were about to take off the back door of Jasper's car opened. I twisted in my seat and cursed again. "Bella, what the fuck?"

"Well, same to you, buddy. You kiss me and then run off? I mean, I'm sorry it took my brain a while to unfreeze or I could have done one of those really smooth moves where I grab you and pull you back and… where the heck are we going?"

During her tirade, I'd frantically motioned to Jasper to move. Taking both him and Bella with me where I was going was not what I wanted, but I couldn't wait. I banged the back of my head against the headrest, muttering a few instructions to Jasper and telling him to drive fast. I stared down at my phone, as though if I glared at it hard enough, it would connect me to Alice. I hunched over, curling tight around the knot of panic at the center of my chest.

God, I couldn't do this again. Please.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning my head, I saw Bella was kneeling in the backseat. How surreal this moment was. She was gorgeous. Her hair fell long and wavy, done up all fancy. And me and Jasper in our tuxes. And I'd kissed her and fuck me if I didn't want to kiss her again, but my best friend might already be dead, and…

I groaned, running my hands over my face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. No, wait. Not everything. Not…" I shook my head. It was getting harder to think around my panic. "I'm sorry. I can't think. It's Alice."

That was about all I could manage by way of explanation before we were finally turning onto her street. Jasper had driven like a maniac, and she didn't live too far from the venue. I had thrown myself out of the car as soon as I could. Probably too soon given the way Jasper and Bella both shouted at me in surprise.

It was pathetic that I was relieved not to find cops and aghast bystanders crowded around the place. Then again, there was nothing saying she was here. In fact, if she was determined not to be found she wouldn't be here. She would have known this was the first place I'd come.

Fuck.

I ran. I ran up ten flights of stairs. My hands were shaking as I used my spare key to get in.

The place was pristine.

Alice's apartment was never this clean.

"Alice?" I didn't bother closing the door as I bolted to her bedroom door. Locked. I pounded on it. "Alice, let me in." No answer. "Alice?"

It was only when I heard the creak of old floorboards that I could breathe again. She was there. She was alive. "Alice? Honey, please open the door. Please. Let me in. Let me see you. Let me make sure you're all right."

Her answering laugh was bitter. "I'm not all right. I haven't been all right in a long time. A long, long time." There was a maniacal edge to her voice, and she almost crooned those words. Her tone chilled me to the bone. I knew she was crying.

"I know." I splayed my hand flat against the door. "Honey, I know. Let me in. Let me hold you."

"Go away, Edward."

"Alice-"

"Go. Away!" She screamed the words and gasped. "Just go away. Let me do this in peace. I can't take it, Edward. I can't live like this. Not anymore. I can't…You have to understand. You of all people have to understand."

I grasped the door and shook it. Hard. I reared back and kicked it. It rattled but didn't give, and my leg hurt. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Alice, open this door right now."

She was sobbing, hysterical now. "I'm so selfish. I'm so fucking petty and selfish. All I could think of all day was how I never got to be married. I should have been married by now." She gave a harsh laugh. "Married and divorced. God, I just feel so sorry for myself. And why? What the fuck right to I have? What right when it was my fault. It's my fault."

I banged my fist impotently on the door and then leaned against it, breathing hard. I closed my eyes, but tears spilled down my cheeks anyway. "Alice. You're not really going to do this to me, right? You can't do this to me. You can't make me see it again."

There was a pause and then a desperate growl. "I told you to go away. That's so unfair. Just let me go. I can't do it anymore, Edward. It hurts too much. You're being selfish."

Suddenly furious, I slapped the flat of my palm against the door. "Damn straight I'm being selfish. This is self-preservation talking. I can't do it, Ali. I'm the one who found him. You blame yourself, but I blame myself too and I found him. I found him. Please don't make me see it again. Please. Open the door. Open the door. Please, Ali. Please."

We both stood on opposite sides of the same door, crying. It was the longest minute of my entire life, but then the lock turned and Alice stood there. I made to take a step toward her, but I stopped short, taken aback by the sheen of sweat on her tear-streaked face and the glassy look of her eyes.

"It's too late." Her words, I noted, were slurred. She swayed. She fell, and I barely caught her in time. She looked up, though her eyes wouldn't focus. Her breath smelled strongly of alcohol. Vodka, I thought. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Her body went limp in my arms.

A gasp drew my attention and I became aware Bella and Jasper had found us. "Call 9-1-1," I barked at them as I shook Alice, lowering her to the floor. "Alice. Wake up. Wake up, Alice. You're not doing this to me. You're not fucking doing this to me."

Time warped. Bella called the ambulance, and Jasper tried to help me rouse Alice. He brought cold water to splash on her face, and it made her open her eyes and groan. He also went to the bedroom and found a metric shit ton of pill bottles. all empty.

Shit.

When the paramedics arrived, Bella pulled me gently back. I wasn't thinking at all. I was running on adrenaline and instinct. I wanted to tear something apart. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg whatever god might be out there to make Alice open her eyes again, make her be alright.

Someone was babbling nonsensically and it took me too long to figure out it was me saying 'I can't' over and over and over again.

Bella pulled me into her arms. She held me tightly and ran her hands through my hair as we stood, watching the paramedics. They were talking to her, trying to keep her conscious, explaining they were getting her to the hospital and they were probably going to have to pump her stomach.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay," Bella said against my ear.

I clung to her.

"I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you," she promised.

And when she said that, I could breathe again. Whatever was about to happen, it would be different, better, because Bella was there to hold me up.

A/N: So...that happened.

Many thanks to barburella, songster, and my partner in crime, EverydayBella.

Um… Hi? How are we doing out there?