There is a blur of movement in front of my eyes. I see rapid, colourful flashes between falling in and out of consciousness. There is a lot of darkness haunted by a swirl of fire, added to by the screaming pain in my shoulder as someone pushes it back into place. My mind could not work out what was happening now and what I was seeing in my head. I focus on the familiar face of Jane's mom leaning over me, pressing something cool to my head, before she swirls into a young boy who looks a lot like Derek. My throat is on fire. The flames return again, licking up against my face and there are shouts echoing in my ears that I'm not sure are real. I must be thinking of the explosion on the roof. But Derek wasn't there for that. Derek is dead.
Derek is dead, I remember, snapping up to a sitting position, sweat pooling on my back. My eyes adjust to the light slowly as I take in my surrounding – I am in the back of an ambulance lying on a stretcher. The back of someone's strawberry blonde head is facing me, a blanket covering their shoulders: Lydia. Why do we both keep ending up in ambulances?
A cold flannel peels off my forehead and lands in a wet heap on my skirt. I brush it away and try to get up. Every muscle is groaning for rest, but I need to know what happened.
"Lydia!" I exclaim, twisting to the side and putting my feet on the floor.
She whips her head round and her mouth falls open in relief. She cries, "Em! You're okay!"
Putting my hand to my newly fixed shoulder, I massage it slightly and wince, "Define okay."
Jane's mom, the paramedic who helped me, appeared around the side of the back door and raised her eyebrows at me.
"Emily, how are you feeling?" She asked me, smiling and friendly. Her concerned brown eyes were a mirror of Jane's and it made me miss my friend like a hole in my gut. I hadn't spoken to Jane at all recently – I should have made an effort to, but I didn't. It wasn't Jane's fault that all this werewolf crap happened. As my best friend, she should have been my priority.
"A bit stiff, but doing okay," I replied, not meeting her eye. Jane's mom had always treated me kindly, I wondered if she knew that her daughter and I weren't speaking anymore.
Stepping inside the ambulance, Jane's mom gave me her hand to get me to my feet. She helped me try to remain steady as I hobbled to sit on the edge, next to Lydia.
"Keep resting that shoulder and you'll be just fine. I'll go grab you a blanket, hun, sit tight," Jane's mom gripped my hand tight before turning around.
Now that I'm outside, I can survey the whole scene. Flashing lights, cars and emergency service workers had flooded the school parking lot like moths drawn to a light. There was a constant underlining radio crackle and whispering of voices.
"Crazy, huh," Lydia mutters out, her eyes unfocused and dazed, just like they had been after the video store attack.
"You can say that again," I breathe out, taking in every detail as fast I could. This was insane. However it lifted a weight off my shoulders that I hadn't realised I had been carrying – we were safe. The Alpha will be long gone.
The Sheriff strolls out of the school, followed at his heels by two familiar boys. When they get close enough for me to eavesdrop, I am suddenly reminded that we pinned this whole thing on Derek. Who was dead. Did they find his body?
"You sure it was Derek Hale?" Stiles's Dad tugs his mouth to the side, as if he wanted to believe it, but wasn't fully convinced.
"Yes I saw him," Stiles nodded and elbowed Scott in the ribs, who joined in lethargically.
"I spoke to the Janitor myself and he didn't see anything…" The Sheriff trailed off at the lost cause. But at Stiles's animated groan of frustration, he spoke again, trying to reassure his son, "Listen we're going to search this whole school and we're going to find him. Stay put."
The two boys shared a glance of distress, and then started towards the ambulance where Lydia and I were sat.
"I'll be right back," I told the muddled girl and went to join Stiles and Scott so we could speak privately. I was alright walking, as long as I kept my upper body quite stiff, as not to move my shoulder too much.
"Well," Stiles clapped his hands together and shrugged at Scott and I once I had reached them, "We survived, dudes, we outlasted the alpha. Being alive is good, right?"
Scott scowled, "It was too close."
"Tell me about it," I rolled my eyes and grazed my fingers over my shoulder, "How did you find Isaac and I, Scott?"
The boy looked abashed and turned away from me slightly, "It's… complicated."
"You turned wolf, didn't you?" I revealed what I had already guessed.
"Yeah… It was like… Oh god, don't freak out, but it's like I wanted to kill you. Lucky that your scream was so loud because it brought me back. I broke open the door and you were both pretty torn up…"
"Yeah, lucky," I scoffed, "So the Alpha was trying to make you kill us, wasn't he?"
Scott snapped his gaze back to me and stuttered, "Y-Yes! I tried not too but-"
"Well the good thing here is that no one is dead," Stiles stepped in between us and held out his open palms.
A cold wind blew around my shoulders as I dropped my eyes to the floor and replied, "Except Derek."
"Derek isn't dead," Scott told me blankly, as a matter of fact. My heart stopped.
"What?!"
"Yeah," Stiles stuck out his bottom lip and agreed, "No one could find his body. He probably just needed to lie there and heal before he took off."
"Nice of him to come and help us," Scott muttered, cracking his knuckles together.
"So what happened to you guys?" Ignoring Scott, I turned to Stiles to get the rest of the missing pieces.
"Well, we got to the car fine. The Alpha just didn't seem interested in us anymore. With you, Isaac and Scott still in the school, it left us be."
"So it wanted me to kill Emily then? Because of what happened at the video store – you said it wouldn't touch you, remember? He wanted me to do his dirty work?" Scott wondered, lifting one hand to his chin in confusion.
I shook my head, growing cold inside, "No…" I said in a hushed voice, "I'm not sure it wanted me. I'm not that much of a threat. It wasn't me that the floor gave way underneath after the explosion on the roof and it wasn't me who he trapped inside that closet; I was just there by chance…" I lifted my head and looked both boys in the eye, "It wanted Isaac. It wanted to turn Isaac and make him join his pack. The more werewolves he has control of, the stronger he is, yes?"
Stiles's face showed me that he hadn't considered this at all and he ran his hands over his head and exhaled loudly, "Oh wow…"
It was then that I spotted the boy in question, sitting on the edge of an ambulance a few cars length down from the one Lydia was in. He was sat, staring at the ground with an ice pack over his hands and a discarded blanket hanging off one shoulder. His eyes were far away, like he didn't want to speak to anyone. Well, he'll speak to me. I owe him so many explanations…
I was wondering where I should start when I made my way over to him. Isaac lifted his head at the sound of me coming but dropped it back a moment later. I figured he's in shock. Or he's embarrassed to have freaked out so much in the supply closet.
"Hey, how are you doing?" I asked lightly, perching down next to him.
Isaac clenches the ice pack in his hands and shrugs. Not the response I was hoping for…
"Isaac-" I start but he interrupts me strongly:
"My Dad's on his way." His voice was unusually cold.
"I'm so-"
"It's 3 in the morning. Do you know how mad he's going to be? Not only did I sneak out the house, but I'm involved in a police investigation for attempted murder!" Isaac growls at the floor and refuses to look at me.
"It's not your-"
"I know it's not my fault. It's not my fault that I ended up having a panic attack either."
He's right. It's not. It's mine.
"I didn't know that you're claustrophobic…" I tried to mumble an excuse, but it was the wrong thing to say. He didn't want or need excuses. He needed to know the truth.
"Well, you do now," Isaac chided, licking his lips nervously. To be fair, he had a point, but now he was just sulking and it grinded on me slightly. I was trying to save our lives by hiding in that closet!
A silence hung in the air between us. I didn't know what to say or what to do. Part of me was on guard trying not to reveal the secrets I had kept from him for so long, and the other wanted to kiss him and tell him that everything was going to be fine. I couldn't pick either of those options.
"Do you need anything? …Do you want me to stay with you?"
"No. I don't."
"…Okay." I swallowed hard, fighting back tears and made a move to stand up. One of Isaac's slightly burned hands shot out and grabbed my wrist before I could go. The usual comforting warmth that I feel from his skin seems sore and uncomfortable. His blue eyes were closed off to me as he spoke.
"Emily... I don't know what happened in there. There are things that I can't explain… but I know you can. I didn't know what you were thinking, but you know more than you're letting on. Ever since I've met you, you've always been hiding something, yet you never let me in on the full story. I can tell when someone doesn't want to be asked about a certain subject – I know that look having felt it on my own face a hundred times," Isaac finished and peeled his fingers off my arm one by one. I felt like I was standing on end with electricity, pumping through my veins like a hollow throb of suspense.
Once my mouth found a way to speak again, I stuttered out in a high pitched voice, so scared of losing him, "Well, w-we can talk- I can tell you-"
"Emily…"
"No! No- I can explain! Please stop, just don't say anything-"
"Em…"
"Isaac, just stop please," My voice cracked and tears started blinding my vision.
"I can't trust you, Emily. We almost died back there." Isaac's words rang out in the cold air and echoed in my mind a few times before it sunk in.
I took in a deep breath and tried to hold his hand where it lay on his knee. He pulled away and stared at me with sympathetic eyes. My heart felt like a stone in my chest.
"Let me explain, please, I promised you in there that I would explain," I begged, wiping a few tears away hastily.
"Just… don't. I'm too tired."
Isaac stood up abruptly, tugged off the blanket and started across the parking lot towards a car that had just pulled up. I could see his dad sat in the front seat, his face gaunt and red. Isaac's shoulders were shaking as he went to meet him.
He was right – ever since he had met me, Isaac had gotten in more trouble with his dad than we could have predicted. I guess werewolves and strict parents don't mix. A voice was chanting in my head: Go after him! Go after him! Explain to his dad it was all your fault! Go Emily! Don't let him get blamed for anything.
But I did nothing.
And I regretted it more than anything else I had done in my life.
…
On Sunday, I called in sick to work and lay like a cocoon in my bed. My parents left me alone after trying several times each to coerce me out of my bed. They offered me food, an ear to listen, comforting words. 'Or do you want me to call Isaac? Did you want me to call Jane? Lydia? Allison? Stiles? Anyone?'
I simply shook my head and continued staring at the paint on my walls, hugging the quilt of my bed around me like a safety blanket. The three mugs of coffee they had brought me went untouched and cold on my bedside table. I wanted to do nothing and see no one. Every inch of me was tired. I've never felt like this before – like I didn't want to exist. Can't I just stop existing for a week or so and then come back refreshed and new, with none of this mess mattering anymore?
I had told Stiles last night to call me if Derek ever turned up. I wanted to speak to him more about the house fire that killed his family. I think I saw it happen when I got rescued at the school. When I got back last night, I had found a good few doodles of mine that related to fire incidents in the folder where I had been keeping track of them all. I figured that that's probably when all this started; I wanted more than anything to end it.
…
Monday morning came around a lot faster than I wanted it to. I considered not going into school more than once, but putting off facing Isaac everything will only be worse. I poured coffee into my flask in complete silence as my Dad surveyed me over the newspaper.
"You sure you're up to going in?" He asked, compassionately, "Your Mom and I will completely understand if you want to stay home today."
My throat was dry and raw, like I had been screaming in my sleep, so instead of speaking, I nodded my head and grabbed my car keys. It was time to be strong and face my fears. For too long, the wool has been pulled over my eyes. The night in the school had well and truly woken me up. There were things in this world that were scarier than I could have imagined.
Once I drove to school, I parked up and massaged the knot in my stomach. Being at school was bound to set me on edge; however I was trying to do all I could to set my anxieties at ease. Nothing will hurt me here. Not again. Not during the day. I forced myself out of the car seat and put one foot in front of the other towards the double doors.
As soon as I was inside, I took a long look down the corridor, filled with students who were chattering away as if it was just a normal Monday. They didn't have the weekend I had. Forcing myself on, I made my way to my locker trying not to think about what Chem is going to be like. However, just as I was twisting the combination in, a felt someone stop next to my locker, watching me.
"Emily," A familiar voice floats towards me. I snap my head and gape at the girl.
"Jane! Uh, hi," I stammer and the locker door swings open, nearly hitting my in the face. Jane is hugging her books to her chest defensively and blinked at the ground a few times before attempting a small smile.
"Um, my Mom told me about… the incident at the school and how you were hurt…" Jane reveals in a quiet voice, "I just wanted to say… you know… and the thing that happened at lacrosse practice… um… Are you alright?"
I am taken aback by her words, shocked that Jane had decided to show me a bit of decency after all the weeks of a cold shoulder. Finding my thoughts, I nod and furrow my brow.
"Yeah, just my shoulder is a bit stiff, that's all," I reply, looking into her eyes and searching for a reason for her to talk to me.
Jane shrugs and cocks her head to one side, "That's not what I meant… How are you with your anxiety attacks at the moment?"
It takes everything in me to stop my mouth from falling open. She remembered how ill I can get in hard situations. No one else had remembered. Oh, Jane, what the hell happened to us?
"It's… fine, yeah. The thing at lacrosse- it won't happen again," I assured her, feeling more and more comfortable around her by the minute.
She gives me a wide beam before continuing slowly, "That's good to hear. I'm… I'm sorry, you know. For giving you a bit of a rough time. I guess," Jane shrugs again and finds her feet interesting. There is a hint of red glowing on her cheeks, "I was just jealous. Of you becoming friends with Lydia. I used to think it was so important to be pretty and popular, but then I noticed how stressed you were looking and- Oh Em, I was just scared that you wouldn't speak to me! When you had that attack at lacrosse, I wanted to come and check you were okay but then Isaac, Scott and Stiles were there and then my Mom tells me how you were injured…"
I hold my hand up and stop her.
"Jane," I whisper out with a croaky throat, "It's fine, honestly. Thank you for saying that. I've wanted to talk to you too. I think we were both as scared as each other! I'm sorry for not clearing things up, a lot of weird stuff has been going on and I don't know how to fix it all… But you're here now!"I suddenly find myself laughing and my eyes welling up with tears. Jane is back. She's here. Things are getting back to normal.
Jane's bottom lip wobbles and before either of us can say anything more, she drops her books to the floor and flings her arms around my neck tightly. I laugh into her shoulder and breathe in her familiar scent. She is warm and comforting, even when her tears start to drop onto my shirt.
I know that this baby step is the first in getting Beacon Hills back to how it is supposed to be. I want my best friend and my boyfriend back before my life will be less cluttered with werewolves and the trouble they bring. I'm done with interfering in things that are bigger than me.
A.N.
I AM SO SORRY OH MY GOD. I have been awfully busy and have had literally no time to spend writing this. I moved into my uni halls just over a week ago and it's been none stop ever since. This chapter has been written in like small parts whenever I could grab a moment. I am so sorry, guys! I will try to get the next chapter out in under a week, but I think the days of there being a chapter a day are behind us :')
I just want to thank everyone who has supported me and this story by reviewing or favouriting – you are the ones who kept spurring me on to get this out. I have felt so guilty about leaving you hanging!
I'll try to be better next time! Now that Emily has Jane again, she is going to try and win Isaac back too so you don't want to miss it ;D Remember Kate is still on her trail, Allison is getting suspicious and who knows when Derek will be back?
Love you all! x