AN: I am so sorry this took so long. Little longer than usual though. Will that make up for it?

Edward and I barely came out of his room, or my room, for a week. If we weren't at work, or eating, we were behind locked doors where his idiot brother couldn't bother us. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen Jasper. There was a part of my brain telling me that we were too close, that we ignoring our many issues, but for the moment I just didn't care.

I was just getting home after work when the bubble burst. Edward and I had conflicting schedules so there was only about an half an hour we would get to spend together before he had to go to work.

He was sitting on the end of his bed, shoulders slumped, head in his hands, and fingers pulling softly at the ends of his hair. "Edward?" I rushed into the room and pulled his hands away so I could see his face. My stomach dropped and my heart hammered in my chest. I knew things had been going too well. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"She still won't talk to me." All at once I was able to breathe again, which was terrible. Edward was still in pain, but I knew it didn't have anything to do with me. He must have tried to call Alice again. I was just surprised it had taken so long.

I threw my arms around his shoulders and hid my face in his neck. Edward held on to my waist with a grip just shy of too tight. "I wasn't going to call. I was trying to be patient and give her space like you guys keep telling me, but I hadn't heard anything in a while, and I just wanted to make sure she was okay."

"And she wouldn't talk to you." I rubbed his back, feeling the tight muscles under his shirt.

"I did the right thing, didn't I?" Edward's voice was soft with uncertainty.

"Yeah, yeah you did." I wanted to make Edward feel better. I hated that he was still punishing himself for this, but there were no quick answers or easy solutions for this. I didn't know what to tell him that would make him feel any better. I didn't even know if there was any making him feel better. "You did the right thing. Alice needed help and hopefully she'll get that now. You did everything you should have done."

"Then why doesn't it feel like it?"

"Because it feels like she blames you?"

"For what? For not letting her die. For not making her get help sooner? For not trying to die with her?"

I knew he was hurting and just lashing out, but his last sentence hit me like a punch in the gut. I was ashamed of the way my voice quivered as I asked, "You don't really think that, do you?"

"Think what?" Then his face cleared as what I had asked and what he'd said took hold. "No. No. I didn't mean that. Fuck."

He pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly upset. I cleared my throat, struggling to rein my emotions back in. "I'm sorry. It'll be okay."

He gave me a small smile but I could tell he didn't believe me. I supposed that was fair enough, but left me with nothing else to say. So, I tried to hold on a little tighter, thinking maybe if he felt me there it would be enough to keep him here.

I felt a soft kiss against the crown of my head. "I gotta get to work."

I gave him one last squeeze and let him go. "Have fun."

He snorted. "Yeah. Serving drinks all night to hopeless romantics and broken hearts. That'll be fun."

"I'll try to stay up."

"Don't stay up. I'll be home late." He hesitated for just a second before bending to kiss my lips. "Thanks."

"Anytime." I smiled at him as he walked out the door.

Work was good for him. It kept him busy, but I missed him when he wasn't here and I worried about him all the time. This was the downside to being with someone. The constant, gnawing fear that they wouldn't be there the next moment, and that it would somehow would be your fault.

I shook myself, forcing shards of memories back into the closet they came from. I couldn't sit around and worry either. Edward was just fine. I was just being paranoid.

The problem with skeletons in closets is that they like to come out. You can't keep them hidden for long, and my skeleton had chosen that moment to torment me again. I could all too clearly remember the boy who sat in my classroom and was extremely brilliant. The last time I saw him he was walking out my classroom door, laughing and shoving his friends. By the next morning I'd learned that he had taken his own life.

Then there was Alice. I barely knew her, I'd met her a handful of times, but it was enough to see the deep sadness and pain that lurked in her eyes. She'd lost her fiance; the man that she'd fully intended to spend the rest of her life with.

My chest felt tight with a dull ache and I found it hard to breath. I crawled up the bed and buried my face in Edward's pillow, but surrounding myself with the smell of him just seemed to make things worse.

Edward had lost a friend that day. In many ways he'd lost Alice, and maybe a little bit of himself as well. Since then, he'd spent most of his energy trying to keep Alice sane. In the process he'd let himself go. It was to easy to recall the sense of loss in his eyes tonight. The sag of his shoulders, and the sad smile on his lips when he left was an ever present image in my mind's eye.

So much loss. So much pain. It all seemed to happen so quickly. One moment, one twisted broken, terrible moment and the whole world could shift. I thought of my young student, who had given no warning, and Alice, who was a textbook case. I thought of Edward so unhappy that sometimes I didn't think he knew up from down.

In one moment, one second, everything could change. I didn't want to lose Edward. A tear opened up in my heart, an echo of what that kind of loss would feel like it.

I didn't know where all this was coming from. Edward was at work; he would be home late, but he would be home. I didn't know where this insane fear was coming from, but it was rushing out and I couldn't control it.

I had no good reason to be feeling this way. Edward knew what this kind of pain felt like. He wouldn't want to inflict it on anyone else, especially not someone he loved.

"Bella?" I hadn't even realized that I had been gasping for breath and wheezing until the voice startled me out of my thoughts and brought me somewhat back to reality. "Hey, are you okay?"

Jasper sat on the edge of the bed wide-eyed as I returned to normal breathing. With a sudden vehemence I didn't know I possessed, I sat up and slapped his shoulder. "Where the hell have you been?"

He grimaced and leaned away as if I were a rattlesnake about bite. "What do you mean where have I been?"

"Edward needs you," I nearly shouted. "He's in a really bad place, and he needs his friends and you've been I don't where. What the hell?"

"It's okay. Edward and I have talked a couple times."

"A couple of times? You think that's acceptable? You need to be here."

"Edward has you and Emmett. He's…"

"Don't say he's fine." My voice had become deep and throaty as I reached to slap him again. "You don't get to say that he's fine."

"Bella." He grabbed my shoulders, keeping me still and forcing me to look at him. "I've been with Alice."

All the fight left me in a rush. "You've seen Alice?"

He nodded, grey eyes turned sad. "Yeah. I've been going to see her for a couple hours after I get off work."

"How is she?"

"About as well you'd expect, maybe a little worse. They've still got her on a suicide watch and she's angry."

"At Edward?"

"At everybody." Jasper sighed, and I realized he looked exhausted. There were dark smudges under his eyes, and he looked drawn and pale. "She needs a friend, Bella. Someone who can be objective with her. Cynthia is too young and you know Edward can't do that."

"He tried to call her today."

"Yeah, she told me. She's not ready yet."

"You want the truth?" I asked shyly, uncertain whether I should admit this or not. Jasper nodded though. "I think this separation is good for them."

"I think you're right." Jasper went on to tell me about the first time he visited her, how he shocked her more than anything. It was enough to get her guard down. Now the trips had become a daily thing, and he was the only person that she would talk willingly too. I was glad to know that she had someone, and Jasper was a good guy with a perceptive and kind heart. She couldn't ask for a better friend.

"I'm sorry I hit you."

"Don't mention it. Are you okay though? You look stressed."

"You can't take care of everyone, Jasper." I meant it as a joke to deflect the question, but I should have known that he would see through it.

"I can sure as hell try."

Since Jasper was stubborn as hell and would never let it go, I admitted my fears to him. The more I told him, the more it rushed to get out of me. I admitted I was afraid Edward would get something into his head and do something drastic like Alice. I began talking so fast that I tripped over my words, and I wasn't sure he understood half of it.

He pulled me into a hug. It wasn't like when Edward would embrace me; almost too tight like he was was afraid I would just evaporate from his arms. Jasper was gentle and reassuring, and I felt my nerves began settle. "I meant what I said before. Edward has Emmett and, more importantly, he has you. You ground him. I can honestly say I've never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you. And this thing you guys are in probably scares him as much as it scares you. You two should try to talk about before it gets too far and you've both built up a head of steam."

"Thank you Dr. Jasper." I snorted, but smiled my true thankfulness.

"Well, if I'm the doctor I have one more prescription then. Emmett and I are ordering a pizza and vegging out in front of the TV. Come on, you need a break."

Surprisingly enough a night with Emmett and Jasper sounded just like what I needed.

AN: So am I forgiven?

Lots of thanks to Barburella and Stogster and to Kris for putting up with me.