Count Dracula was a man who had had an admittedly interrupted existence for around six-hundred years. In those six-hundred years, he had had a multitude of servants, subjects, and general sycophants, but he had never been as annoyed by any of them as he was by Mr. Renfield.

The man had no concept of personal space. Which would have been fine, if Renfield had been an attractive woman, which was the type of people Dracula usually chose to serve him. But he wasn't. And his constant grovelling and demands for attention were really starting to grate on Dracula's nerves.

"Master, what is your will?" pestered Renfield, as Dracula paced the floor of the ruined church. "I burn to serve you!"

Dracula sighed. "My will is to be left alone, Mr. Renfield," he muttered. "I am trying to think of how I shall execute my revenge on my murderers."

"You are no doubt formulating a vast array of plans for the destruction of the infidels?" asked Renfield.

"Yes," agreed Dracula.

"Oh, I yearn to hear of them, Master!" sighed Renfield.

"Yes…maybe later," said Dracula, slowly. "For now, Mr. Renfield, why don't you find something useful to do with your time?"

"Command me, Master, and I will obey!" exclaimed Renfield.

"You don't have any free will of your own, Mr. Renfield?" sighed Dracula.

"My only will is to serve you, Master," said Renfield.

"Well, that's…wonderful," said Dracula, slowly.

"Give me a task, Master, an errand of any kind!" cried Renfield.

"All right," said Dracula, desperate to think of some way to get him out of his hair. "Why don't you…try and discover where the clowns are hiding? Once I have decided on the perfect method of destruction for them and their Bat-accomplice, I shall need to know where they are, and you shall need to invite me in."

"Oh yes, Master!" cried Renfield, bowing low. "I live to serve! This task is an honor beyond measure! I have only dreamed of being of such service to you, my Dark Light…"

"Yes, off you go," said Dracula, slamming the church door in his face. He rubbed his temples, resolving to have Harley as soon as possible, and the moment he did, to get rid of that useless, annoying waste of space.

…

Renfield left the church and wandered into central Gotham, where electronic stores and pawn shops displayed televisions in their windows that played the evening news. It was a rare night in Gotham City when the exploits of Batman or his rogues gallery weren't the main headlines being broadcast on most channels, and Renfield figured if he could ascertain where they were at the present time, he could find them and follow them back to their respective hideouts.

As he approached one of the stores, he was surprised to see two familiar figures standing by the window. "Somehow, Selina, I don't think vampires have made the evening news," said Poison Ivy to Catwoman, sarcastically. Renfield hid in the nearby alley, watching them closely, as they continued to stare at the television screen.

"I think it's a good place to start. Say what you want about the media – if they've got an attention grabbing scoop, they're not gonna check their facts first, they're just gonna broadcast it. And 'Blood-sucking vampire roams Gotham,' seems like a pretty attention grabbing headline to me."

"Shouldn't we just be looking in creepy churches or something?" asked Ivy, squinting as she read a sheet of paper from the light cast by the screens. "Says here that a vampire has to rest in unconsecrated ground, so those might be good places to check out."

"Ivy, there are probably about a thousand creepy churches in this city," retorted Selina. "In case you haven't noticed, this whole town is modeled on some emo's Gothic nightmare set against a film noir backdrop. I'm surprised we haven't had vampires sooner, actually."

"Well, it looks like the headlines mostly involve what kind of dog the mayor is thinking of getting," commented Ivy, looking at the TV screen.

"Slow news day, I guess," agreed Selina. "And I hate dogs. But it also means Batman isn't out stopping a crime tonight. Which means he could probably stop what he's doing and come help us out."

"No, Selina," snapped Ivy. "We don't need him. We're strong, empowered women…"

"Leave gender out of it for once, Ivy – it's got nothing to do with this," snapped Selina. "Batman is the World's Greatest Detective. If he can't find Dracula, no one can."

"You're starting to sound like Harley, becoming dangerously dependent on your man," retorted Ivy.

"You take that back," growled Selina, threateningly. "I am not like Harley. If anyone is dangerously dependent on men, it's you, Ivy. Maybe not one specific man, but everything you do in your life is based on getting some kinda revenge on mankind in general."

"I'm fighting the patriarchy!" shouted Ivy. "And resisting male oppression! If you don't support that, you might as well be a man!"

"At least I'm not a lunatic!" shouted Selina. "I'm not the one with the officially nuts certificate from Arkham! That means you're just as crazy as Harley, y'know!"

"If you want a fight, Selina, I'll give you one!" yelled Ivy.

"You know what, Ivy?" demanded Selina. She raised her fist, but instead of punching Ivy, she smashed it through the glass of the shop window. An alarm instantly began blaring as Selina turned to smile at her. "That's exactly what I want."

Ivy launched herself at her with a shriek. It didn't take long for a crowd to gather, watching the scuffle between the two. And it also didn't take long for a caped figure to come sailing in between them and breaking up the fight, dragging Ivy off Selina, who kept flailing her arms and trying to get back to her.

"I'll say one thing for you, tall, brooding, and handsome – you never disappoint," said Selina, smiling at him through a bleeding lip. "I knew a burglar alarm and a little scuffle would get your attention like nothing else. Especially if it was a girl on girl scuffle."

"Typical male – sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong," growled Ivy, cupping her own nose to stem the flow of blood. "Sorry to disappoint you by not tearing each other's clothes off."

"What's this about, Selina?" demanded Batman. "If you wanted my attention, you could have just called me."

"Little Miss Independent Woman here wouldn't let me," said Selina, nodding at Ivy. "But we need your help with this one, Bats. Dracula's back in town, and he's gunning for Harley."

Batman digested this information without the slightest hint of emotion. "Where is she?" he asked.

"Back at my place," said Selina. "She's being guarded by a bunch of your insane pals, but judging by their track record against you, I'd prefer it if you were there to handle things. If anyone can stop this vampire creep before he gets to her, it's you."

Batman nodded slowly. "Ok, let's go," he muttered, handcuffing their wrists together and then shooting the Batclaw to the rooft. "Hang on," he warned as he began reeling it in.

He soared up to the rooftops as Selina and Ivy were dragged behind him, Ivy shrieking all the way. Renfield followed along from the ground, watching their forms heading over the roofs high above him, and following Ivy's screams, until they entered a building. Renfield smiled, and then hurried back to his master.