"So your fear of disappointing Dracula comes from your fear of disappointing your father all those years ago," said Harley, scribbling away on the piece of paper while Renfield sat in the chair in front of her, sobbing into his hands.
"Yes! Yes! Nothing I did was ever good enough for Father!" he cried. "I tried so hard to please him, and I never could! I was never a good enough son!"
"And your obsessive compulsion to serve Dracula comes from wanting to show your father that you won't fail, that you can do something right and stick to it," said Harley. "Since your father is dead, you see an Un-dead creature as the best of both worlds, a compromise between the living and the dead. A father figure who is alive, so you have a chance to show him what a good son you are, and also dead, like your own father. Your obsession is also fueled by your hatred for women, which stems from your mother leaving you at a young age. You see all women as flighty and non-committal, and deserving of pain. And so now that you know where your issues come from, Mr. Renfield, I think you can start to work on them and improve yourself. You need to learn to forgive yourself for your childhood – nothing about it was your fault. And you don't have to prove yourself to anyone anymore."
"Oh, Harley, you've given me a whole new perspective on life!" cried Renfield, gratefully, taking her hands. "I'm so sorry for everything I said about you! You've helped me see the light!"
"Hey, that's my job," said Harley, shrugging. "Or it was, and I was pretty darn good at it, if I do say so myself."
"You've done what hundreds of Arkham psychiatrists could never do!" sobbed Renfield. "Oh Harley, I'm so grateful! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" he said, falling to his knees in front of her.
"Mr. Renfield, what's going on here? Why are you crying?" demanded a voice. They turned to see Dracula standing in the doorway to the vestry, a torn strip of cloth around his forehead that didn't quite cover the cross burn.
"You can still see it, Dracky," said Harley, indicating his forehead.
He growled in annoyance, adjusting the bandage. "Without a reflection, it's difficult to tell sometimes," he muttered. "Now what on earth is going on here? You're meant to be guarding Harley, Mr. Renfield, not worshipping her."
"But I do worship her, Master," replied Renfield. "She has saved my life!"
"No, I have saved your life, remember?" demanded Dracula. "Your devotion to me has given you purpose…"
"But Harley has helped me see how mistaken that purpose is," replied Renfield. "She's helped convince that it's best to come to terms with my obsessive tendencies in a safe, nonviolent manner."
"Yeah, violence has never solved anything," agreed Harley.
"You'll permit me to disagree, of course," snapped Dracula. "When I was alive, violence helped me win wars, and now that I am Un-dead, violence sometimes becomes the only resort to getting what I want since those around me choose to be difficult," he snapped, seizing Harley's arm and dragging her toward him.
He hissed and released her suddenly to shield his eyes, and Harley turned to see Renfield holding up the cross he had confiscated from her. "You will not hurt her," he growled.
"How dare you defy me?!" roared Dracula, his eyes red and blazing fury behind his fingers.
"For Harley, I would defy you a thousand times!" snapped Renfield. "Now run, Harley! Get out of here!"
Harley didn't need to be told twice. She raced past them, heading for the door of the church. She wrenched it open, and screamed as she suddenly came face-to-face with Batman.
"I'm betting that's not the first time someone's screamed in your face, and it probably won't be the last!" chuckled a familiar voice.
"Puddin'!" shrieked Harley, leaping into his arms. "Oh, you came to rescue me!"
"Mostly we came to teach that blood-sucking creep a lesson about stealing other people's property," said Joker, glaring at Dracula as they all entered the church.
"I tend to prefer my servants to be attractive women," said Dracula, shrugging.
"Well, you and me both, brother!" chuckled Joker. "I'm quite the ladykiller. Killed a lotta ladies in my time."
"Just like a man," sighed Ivy. "Thinking that women are just objects men can steal away from each other, with no free will of their own. If you men hadn't been arguing, Dracula never would have been able to kidnap Harley in the first place."
"Oh, and what were you women doing, Pammie?" snapped Joker.
"…watching you argue," she retorted. "You men shouldn't have been distracting us!"
"Stop arguing, both of you," said Batman. "We have to be united against this guy."
"And you think you can defeat me?" demanded Dracula. "You pitiful band of mortals, against a being who has lived for centuries, striking fear and terror into the hearts of millions?"
"I think I've done that last bit," commented Joker.
"Yes, and it wouldn't be the first time a band of mortals has defeated you, would it?" asked Crane.
"If you are referring to a certain instance in London, I can assure you, those events have been greatly exaggerated," snapped Dracula.
"Still, they won, didn't they?" asked Joker, smiling. "You think after losing so many times, you'd just give up and stay dead."
"Sometimes we wish you'd all do that," muttered Batman. "Except for the dead part. I don't believe in killing."
"Thank God some of us do," said Joker, pulling out his knife. The rest of the Rogues also produced weapons, advancing on Dracula.
He smiled. "Fortunately I have other servants at my disposal," he said, raising a hand.
A flurry of bats flew out from the crypt and began attacking the Rogues. Dracula took advantage of the confusion to race for the church door, but Renfield got there first, blocking his path with the raised cross.
And then suddenly all the bats flew off. Everyone turned to see Batman holding a small spray can. "You have Bat repellant on your utility belt?" asked Selina, incredulously.
"We don't like them hanging around the Batcave sometimes – they make a mess," muttered Batman. "Sadly it doesn't work on vampires."
"We don't wanna repel him – we got him just where we want him," said Joker, smiling at Dracula.
"You think you have me trapped," said Dracula, as everyone spread out, blocking any conceivable windows and exits. "But you do not. This is not the end. I have lived for hundreds of years, and will live hundreds more. I am a patient man, and I have all the time in the world. Even if my existence is ended now, it will go on. I will return…"
He gasped as Renfield suddenly lunged forward, plunging a knife into his heart. This was followed by Crane's scythe quickly beheading the corpse, which disintegrated instantly into a pile of ash.
"That's quite enough of that, thank you," murmured Crane. "I think we've all heard enough megalomaniacal rants to last us a lifetime."
"Oh puddin', you saved me!" cried Harley, leaping into Joker's arms again and hugging him tightly.
"But…but I killed Dracula," stammered Crane, his face falling.
"Yeah, but if I know puddin', he was the one leading the charge," cooed Harley, stroking Joker's hair. "He just couldn't bear to be apart from his Harley girl for one second longer, could you, puddin'?"
"That's right, pooh bear," agreed Joker, smiling at Crane. "Whatever would I do without my sweet little pumpkin pie?"
Harley squeaked happily, kissing him as Crane glared at them.
"I am happy to have been of service to you in some small way, Harley," said Renfield, bowing slightly to her. "Though I will be forever in your debt."
"Hang on, I thought you were working for Dracula," said Ivy, confused. "Why did you just kill him?"
"I gave him some therapy, Red," explained Harley. "I told him no one should live their life serving some heartless, self-absorbed creep who didn't even acknowledge their existence. Nobody wants to be some wacko's victim for the rest of their life."
Ivy stared at her. "You told him that?!" she demanded.
"Hey, I acknowledge her existence!" snapped Joker. "I just sometimes wish she didn't exist."
"Aw, puddin', you're such a kidder!" sighed Harley, kissing him again.
"I don't even know why I bother sometimes," muttered Crane, cleaning the blood off his scythe as he bent down to examine Dracula's ashes.
"What do you suppose the best thing to do with these is?" asked Tetch.
"I'll take them," growled Batman, bending down to scoop them up, and depositing them in a vial in his utility belt. "We don't need another nutjob getting ahold of them."
"In that case, you'd better leave them alone, Bats!" chuckled Joker. Batman didn't respond, but slapped a pair of Batcuffs on his and Harley's wrists.
"Arkham," he snapped. "Now."
"Well, I suppose there are worse places to spend Halloween," sighed Joker. "I mean, being locked up with Harley is gonna be scary enough."