A/N – Sorry it took so long to update, this one had me stumped for a while and I'm still not quite sure how I feel about it. There is a little bit of a time jump but I think it works. I will be going on vacation in a couple weeks but I will try to post one more chapter before I leave. Please leave reviews. If you like it I'd love to know that, but if you don't I'd love to know what I could do better! Thanks for reading!

Jackson lay awake staring at the ceiling, the deafening silence leading to his insomnia. His brain was running a million thoughts a minute. He wanted so badly to just get some sleep, but he knew any sleep he got would be soon interrupted by his son's cries.

He looked over at his sleeping wife, in awe at how amazing a mother she was. It came so naturally to April that it made him a little jealous. He never felt fatherhood was natural for him. He was so excited to have kids with April and become a father, until he actually became one.

He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. His own father walked out when he was very young, minus a few birthday cards when he was young. He wanted to be a good dad but he wasn't sure he could do it. He thought back to the day his father left.

The memories were pretty fuzzy but it was pretty scaring to see his father walk out and never return. It wasn't loud. There wasn't fighting. His father never laid a hand on him or Catherine. There were whispers. He heard his mother's cries. She was softly begging him not to leave.

Jackson sat on the bottom step and watched his father walk out the door. Catherine didn't notice him as she returned to the kitchen, fighting back her tears. Jackson waited each day on that step, when he should have been in bed, for his dad to come home from work

His dad never did come back and young Jackson didn't understand. He didn't understand how someone could leave their family. He didn't understand how a man could walk out on his wife and son.

Once he grew older his mom told him why his dad actually left. The pressure of being an Avery and a doctor was too much for him so he quit. Jackson never forgave him for it, but as he became more involved in the foundation and became a surgeon himself he grew to understand why his father did what he did.

Having a son of his own and holding him in his own arms made what his father did impossible for him understand. He loved his son more than his own life and would literally do anything for Elijah. Caring about someone that much sacred him a little.

A similar fear had overtaken him when he first fell in love with April. It was a part of the reason he pushed her away. He hated that the actions of his father almost cost him the love of his life.

He was snapped from his thoughts by Eli's tiny cries. He knew April was very tired the day before so he wanted to let her sleep. He slid out of bed and threw a t-shirt over his bare chest. He walked down the hall to Eli's room and softly opened the door.

The 9 month old was standing at the bars of his crib. He stopped fusing briefly as Jackson entered the room but when he realized it wasn't April, he resumed fusing.

"I know, I'm not Mama, but she needs to sleep," Jackson whispered as he picked up his son and rocked him in his arms. Elijah wasn't having it. He wriggled as Jackson tried to sooth him.

"What's wrong buddy?" Jackson asked him. He was beginning to grow frustrated. April never had any trouble soothing their son, but Jackson couldn't quite figure it out. April may have been a natural, but he felt like anything but.

Jackson then noticed he was tugging on his ear.

The ENT in him kicked in immediately, as he felt the little boy's forehead. "You're burning up, buddy," Jackson whispered to the toddler in his arms, "I think you have an ear infection." Jackson carried his little guy, gently bouncing him, into the kitchen. He reached into his briefcase and pulled out his otoscope and a cover.

"I'm sorry if this hurts, Eli, but Daddy needs to take a peek," Jackson said softly as he gently put the otoscope into his son's tiny ear. "Well you have a little infection. Let's get you a little baby Tylenol." Jackson grabbed the dropper of medicine, filled it, and squirted it into the baby's mouth. Jackson rocked Eli in his arms but still fussed a little so Jackson grabbed a bottle and walked back to Elijah's room.

Jackson sat down in the rocking chair and put the nipple in Eli's month. He gently rocked back and forth as Eli sucked the milk from the bottle. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he could be a father. Maybe he could be a good father.

A part of him would probably always worry that he would turn into his father. He worried that being a dad on top of all of the responsibilities of being a doctor and an Avery would be too much. He worried he'd burn out just like his dad.

But sitting there rocking his son, Eli letting out a little yawn, he couldn't imagine how a father could leave his child. Unbeknownst to Jackson, April was now awake and found her way to the doorway.

"I could never leave you, Elijah," Jackson whispered, "Never in a million years. I Promise." As he rocked the little boy, his cries softened before stopping. Eli smiled up at Jackson, causing Jackson to beam back.

"You're not your dad, Jackson," April said softly, revealing her presence to him, "You're not gonna leave."

"How did you know?" Jackson asked confused.

"Your mom told me at my baby shower," April confessed, "I mentioned you were nervous about becoming a dad and she told me that might be why."

"I wish she hadn't told you that," Jackson sighed as he placed their now-sleeping son to his crib, before returning to the rocking chair.

"I wish you had told me," April replied, "I've known you for almost 10 years and I didn't know there was something so important about you I didn't know."

"I know," Jackson countered, "It just not something I real comfortable talking about. And I can't help being nervous about being a dad since I don't really know what I'm doing."

"I think you are better than you think, Jackson," April responded, gesturing to their sleeping son, "That's all you."

"You think?" Jackson asked, now aware that he helped Elijah get back to sleep.

"I have complete faith in you, Jackson. I know you are an amazing father," April reassured him, "And that's all that matters to me." April sat down on Jackson's lap and kissed his lips and then his forehead softly as she took his face in her hands.

"Thanks, Ape," Jackson replied before kissing her passionately, "I love you so much, April."

"I love you, too," April replied before standing up and taking his hand and teasing, "But I'd really love to continue this in our bedroom." She kissed him deeply one more time before standing. Jackson followed as she led him by the hand out of Elijah's room and back to their bed.